Month: January 2023

LOVE wins

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Lessons from the Netflix series, Harry and Meg

**There are spoilers in this post from the series, so just be aware. 😉 ** Watch it first and then compare your feelings with the lessons I took away. Many of these quotes are not in the series. I wanted to bring in different elements of who they are.

I just finished the Netflix series and wanted to make sure I wrote down some key thoughts and feelings after watching their story. It was an over-the-top shock that this could happen to anyone, but especially them. It was a great peak into a different world and reality of two lovely people trying to survive so many variables, that frankly, would be tough for anyone to face. More power, hope, love and light sent to you, Harry and Meghan. You just keep trying to shine a little brighter for the world and guide people to those higher places. Thank you. Thank you for fighting for good, for LOVE and showing us how LOVE truly does WIN. xoxo

I know there are various views, people who struggle with them or their story, but to me, there were some great lessons about the greater things that truly matter in life.

Here are some of my key takeaways:

LOVE wins. I loved that message. Because I too, am a great believer in the idea that LOVE will conquer and win over FEAR. period. Their story is a love story full of heartbreak, loss, betrayal, friendships, family, race, female power, connection, and the will to overcome some hard circumstances and still keep standing with the beauty and grace of royals. They are real life examples of people leaning on one another, trying to do good in the world and it shows through in their love and care for one another and all the people and places they touch. LOVE does WIN in the end.

No matter what I HAVE YOUR BACK: Their whole relationship has been full of distractions, so it is key that they are able to see each other through the chaos. About their wedding: The whole thing was surreal. It was at that moment, I could also see H. … H and I are really, really good at finding each other in the chaos. When we find each other, we reconnect to, ‘Oh it’s you. It’s you.’ It’s not that the rest of it doesn’t matter, but … the rest of it feels temporary.” — Meghan. “I know that at the end of the day, she chooses me. I choose her. Whatever we have to tackle will be us together as a team.” -Harry

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF because there will always be haters. Do YOU. “You draw your own box. Introduce yourself as who you are…you create the identity you want for yourself.” -Meg. “I’m still the same person that I am, and I’ve never defined myself by my relationship.”– Meghan Markle. It was interesting to watch Meg talk about her time when she was first at the palace and how her wardrobe consisted of mostly muted colors that would blend in and she would fade into the background. She did not want to stand out, but after all the chaos, royal drama, media frenzies of hate, Meghan began to find her place and became more aware of her voice, what needed to be said and the colorful outfits followed suit.

I think they went through so much together and had to fight so hard for one another, their life, their personal necessities, that they just continued to be true to who they were and the life they wanted. They were not going to let others dictate and tell them who they were going to be. They have their own strengths, ideals, and ways to help the world and one another. They were true to themselves and what they ultimately knew they needed to do to flourish as a family.

FAMILY SHOULD HAVE YOUR BACK OR they aren’t a good family. (Her Dad, the Royal family, her sister..) It was heartbreaking to see how both sides of their family began to betray them for their own personal gains. It really illustrated how easily people are swayed for various reasons and how important loyal friends and family became even more important.

FRIENDS CAN BE FAMILY: It was so refreshing to see an incredible group of friends who rallied behind and lifted Meg up in her times of need. She seemed to have a great support system of friendship. What a beautiful gift to have.

You may have to seek and FIND YOUR OWN JOY: If you think about the paths of the Royals—it is all laid out for them. Their schedules, their schooling, their meals, their hobbies, their social engagements…everything. I think what was a really turning point for Harry was joining the military and finding something that wasn’t the normal. He began to see things from a different perspective, which then led him to other places and experiences, that helped him forge his own path and to seek his own joy. Both of them found different paths of joy that fueled and ignited them with purpose. Then together, they were able to see their similar joys and create an even more concrete path to where they wanted to go and do the work they wanted to do as a couple.

HOPE can be passed down: “I hope we can remember my mother’s legacy by recommitting to those we serve, whoever and wherever that may be.” -Harry. “My mother died when I was very young. I didn’t want to be in the position I was in, but I eventually pulled my head out of the sand, started listening to people and decided to use my role for good. I am now fired up and energized and love charity stuff, meeting people and making them laugh.” — Prince Harry

I think this is a very real feeling for Harry. He sees a lot of himself in his mother’s life, her work, which constantly fuels him to pass along her legacy and make her proud.

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE—someone will be there. I LOVED the incredible story of Tyler Perry. I did not know a lot about him, but his unconditional desire to help a stranger in need was beautiful. It illustrates how we are all connected and in times of need, someone WILL be there. Respect. There were also other various times when strangers reached out to give a thank you or show they care in some way for the humans on the other side of the camera. We are all just people, in the end. People who need to be heard, cared about, respected and ultimately loved. (Tyler Perry. Flight pilot who thanked her for her service. The reporter in Australia who cared)

RACE RESPECT: “I encourage and empower each of you to really stand in your truth, to stand for what is right — to continue to respect each other.”-Meghan. I felt so sorry that the Royal family missed a great opportunity to truly embrace the race issue. It was heartbreaking to see Meghan and Harry touch lives in so many countries, to bring hope of equality & then have the Royal family seem to challenge her every step, to erase her power over respect. It was genuinely sad and disheartening. I fully agreed with Harry as he was talking about what an asset Meghan is and how it was such a missed opportunity.

The importance of feeling SAFE and SECURE: From their very beginning Harry seemed to have this intrinsic value of keeping those he loves very safe. Understandably, with seeing what happened to his mother & then seeing what was happening to Meg. From the very beginning he wanted to keep her safe. From their first trip together, “He was like, ‘I promise I’ll keep you safe.’ And I believed him.” — Meghan

NEVER BELIEVE THE LIES: “Every day you are inundated with an overexposure of advertising and mainstream media, social media and endless comparisons, distorting the truth and trying to manipulate the power of positive thinking. But you don’t let them sway you.” — Prince Harry It was so crazy to see how the media was manipulated and used. It truly was mind-blowing to see the serious actions that were taken to just create a media circus of lies and how various pools of people were used. It was so sad to see how easy it was to feed Meghan to the wolves and continue to try and break her power. It definitely showed me a perspective of the media lies that was unheard of.

HAVE FAITH OVER FEAR: everything seemed to be crumbling down around them but they had faith in strangers to keep them safe. They had faith in each other to weather the storm. They had faith in the love for their family and the greater hope of the life they were seeking to live. They had faith in sharing their voice and expressing their story. They had faith that they would prevail the fear that was trying to engulf their every move.

PURPOSE driven life is important: “If we look at the world we are living in, I know it can feel challenging sometimes, but our role is to shine the light.” -Prince Harry. “With fame comes opportunity, but it also includes responsibility—to advocate and share, to focus less on glass slippers and more on pushing through glass ceilings. And, if I’m lucky enough, to inspire.” – Meghan Markle

The two of them seem to have a fire of purpose. They are sharing their voice, they are creating a different life for their children, they are doing work that gives them purpose, they are definitely driven to make a difference in all they do.

Don’t just SURVIVE, you THRIVE: It’s not enough to just survive something, right? That’s not the point of life. You’ve got to thrive, you’ve got to feel happy.” -Meghan. That is quite a statement after seeing the series. You see her get so beat down into a place of unhealthy mental depression. You see her go through things with family that no one should go through. You see her trying to fit and find her place with a Royal family that seemingly never had the intention to include or embrace her for who she is. You saw bullying at an over-the-top unhealthy amount. You saw a girl in love with a boy who was doing her best to just stay above water, while also handling everything with grace and dignity. She was so unhappy, yet she survived brutal attacks, judgements, haters, threats, etc. Meghan showed the world her true strength. She has pushed through the survival and is doing her best to thrive and create an even better life of purpose. You go.

NOTHING CHANGES UNLESS SOMEONE HAS A VOICE: “If there was a wrong, if there is a lack of justice, and there is an inequality, then someone needs to say something. And why not me?” – Meghan Markle. Meghan had a letter taken and exploited by the media and she was determined to prove how wrong things can go. She fought for years and ended up winning and using her voice to make a point. “Women who had the strength to really stand up for something that they knew needed to be done is the best example of no matter how small you might feel, how low you may feel on the ladder or the totem pole, no matter what color you are, no matter what gender you are, you have a voice and you certainly have the right to speak up for what is right.” -Meghan

You may have to CREATE YOUR OWN SOLUTIONS: “You don’t sit back and wait for solutions; you take action and create them.” -Harry Harry had to make some very tough decisions for the sake of the wellness of his family, so he had to find a new path; create their own new solutions. It wasn’t easy.

Overall, it was a very informative series with a whole, new perspective on the Royal family. I fell in compassion and love with Harry and Meghan, their love story and the strength they carry in all they do. They are a great couple who is striving to do great things. That is the best we can ask from anyone. I sincerely wish them the best future together with their beloved family. I hope beautiful things for their life. I appreciate their incredible influence for good. You go.

LOVE WINS.

Peace. Love and Light. xoxo -H

Under the INFLUENCE

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“Because everything we say and do is the length and shadow of our own souls, our influence is determined by the quality of our being.” -Dale Turner

My heart sinks every time I talk to my brother because his life is under the influence of alcohol. Alcohol has become his out, his “honest communication,” his excuse, his best & only friend, his world away from his reality. He is almost fifty years old and literally has become an alcoholic within the last ten years. How does that even happen? He didn’t even drink before that! What!?! Conversations with him have turned family against him, his children don’t talk to him anymore and he is creating more and more of a burnt bridge to anywhere he remotely is. Slowly but surely no one will be able to reach him. It is a sad reality.

I thought about the phrase, “Under the Influence,” and it began to hit me that life is a constant influence. What influences are you allowing to rule? What influences are you living? Are you an influence for good? Are you under the influence of light or darkness? Are you under the influence of good or bad relationships? Are you under the influence of addictions, whether they are food, shopping, drugs, lying, drinking, media time, gaming, etc. It is even easier to get sucked in to various avenues of influence because the world seems to attract the weaknesses that exist within us.

Would you say that you are aware of your influence? How are you around other people? What kind of energy do you carry? Do you lift and build or pull others down? Do you judge or shame? Do you gossip or hate? What do you say to others? Are you an influence of positive or negative? Think about it.

Again, what influences are you under? What influence are you? What influences you? good or bad. Look at your life.

My brother who has a drinking problem has been in a very serious life eddy and it has been hard for anyone in our family to pull him out. He drinks and drinks, sends text that say F*** you to my dear mother and other family. He has no respect for others and it is so hard to see him spiral under such an influence. He often uses the excuse, “it makes me be honest with my feelings.” He will call me so drunk and never remember our conversation. It is so hard. But, the saddest part is how it has ruined his relationships with his children. He could be such a positive influence within their life, but he chooses alcohol every time. It is a vicious cycle of such a mind-numbing, life-stealing, heart-breaking, addictive influence.

What is influencing your life??

How are you spending your time?

Be selective of who you spend time with, what you do with your time, where you spend your money, what influences you allow in…what you are filling your life with. Every single decision you make…it is a choice. It will have a direct influence on you, whether it is good or bad. Think of it like this. Do you think you will feel better by getting lost on social media for hours or taking one of you kids out for a one-on-one dinner conversation. What about tv time—would it be better spent getting lost in a reality show of hot bodies all vying for shallow intent or a documentary where you will learn something and expand your mind? Honestly, influences are all around you, so you have to be aware and make daily decisions on how, what, where and when your influences will sway you for your life.

“In every day, there are 1440 minutes. That means we have 1, 440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact.” -Les Brown

“We have a responsibility to influence the people in our lives to be the best possible people they can be: Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” -Henry Cloud

I have talked to my daughter numerous times about this topic. She is in her second year in college and the campus she is on has been a challenge on various levels. My daughter is a very outgoing, bubbly, positive light of a person, but the time she has been there has been very lonely. She has found people don’t have the social skills to reciprocate her positive energy. She is constantly filling up other people with kindness, compliments, connections, bringing people together, planning gatherings, etc. Only to have everything feel very one-sided. It has been very tough.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” -Napoleon Hill

We had a conversation about influence and how she needs to just keep trying to be that positive influence, to continue shining a light and doing those things that will help fuel good…to plant good seeds within those people around her. She continues to strive to just be an influence for good. Sometimes you just have to plant the seed and have patience that it will grow into beautiful things across the campus. She is a leader, so it is in her nature to influence for good. It is a great gift that she has been given. Sometimes it might be hard to open the gift, but with the right intentions—good things come.

How can you be a positive influence for others? According to the Keller Institute, There is an ever-increasing epidemic of unhappiness in the world. There are 580,000,000 people Googling “How to be happy?” People complain, find fault, reject, criticize, and ridicule. Often for no reason other than they have found this the best way to get attention. Or perhaps they believe this is their only option for action. But there is another way to get attention or to find additional options. You can get others to respond to you with excitement and eagerness. How? By using positive influence. Positive influence is the impact you have on another person (AND yourself) by pointing out strengths and virtues. It is how you are, what you do, and the power you have on others to value what is best within themselves. Positive influence helps a person be better today than they were yesterday.

“If you can’t be your authentic self, you are connecting with the wrong people, they are wasting your time and holding you back. Meaningful connections require you to be your authentic self.” -Dr Henry Cloud

Strive for authentic connections. Ask people great questions, be genuinely interested in their life/stories, seek to understand their personal journey. Find those stepping stones through care and conversation that will bring authentic connection. I am always talking to my daughter telling her that questions are the building blocks to friendships, deeper relationships, etc. She is always afraid to ask deeper questions and I continue to push her to that authentic part of her that is vulnerable to share and let others in. We are all a work in progress, but with those connections comes greater influence, respect, care and deeper authenticity as a person.

Be positive. Be aware of the energy you carry. Do people truly want to listen or be around people who complain, vent, brag, negatively gossip about others, put down people in conversations, etc. Do your best to keep your conversations in a positive direction, listen, build, be aware of the energy and influence that you are sharing. You can FEEL what you are giving off or sharing with others. Is it good or bad?

Be kind instead of needing to be right. We are human. Everyone wants to be right, but being right is always putting yourself first and not listening or being aware of another person’s needs, voice or feelings. Kindness comes in as a equal.

Lead by example. I always tell my daughter, “Be the kind of friend you would want.” Begin with you. Put good out into the world, lead with love and others will notice and follow your example.

Be exquisitely present. How you listen, they way you resist the urge to talk over someone, avoid distractions (phone, texts, other people, etc), your eye contact, the genuine care you place in your conversations will make people feel seen and heard. Your influence with them will be reflected. It is the golden rule…treat others how you would like to be treated. It goes the same for being present with someone…listen with intent, truly listen to what is being said, don’t think about your response, just BE there with the other person.

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.” -Edwin Elliot

Do you. When you are freely sharing your gifts, your enthusiasm, your light….then it also allows other people to see your vulnerability and feel like they can be more themself. When people can be who they authentically are, that is when things begin to change, which leads to groups of people using their gifts and talents, which brings greater influence and bigger changes.

Share your purpose. Thousands of people today don’t believe in meaning and purpose as something to discover or pursue in life.  And others believe in a life purpose but won’t take the risk to identify or honor it.  Those with positive influence feel otherwise.  They have found that there is a purpose to their life, and that purpose usually involves some aspect of turning their “mess into a message,” or using what they’ve learned (often the hard way) as a means of being of service to others.  People with a sense of purpose are driven, focused, committed, and lit up from the inside – unable to be deterred or distracted from what they believe is the reason they’re on this planet at this time. -Forbes. Love that! mess into message.

Always be a beginner. I love this idea…to always be learning and growing…always a beginner of something. I have lived most of my life this way. I LOVE learning and have challenged myself to take various community education classes to grow. Whether it has been teaching a yoga class, taking a photography trip with strangers, meditation, writing, art, Irish dancing, Sailing, etc. There are so many things to learn in this life…that is an incredible influence, in itself. You can always be learning and loving the process of becoming better by just beginning.

Share your visions and ideas. The world only changes by the ideas and visions we can create. Nothing changes without the influence of artists, creators, visionaries, those willing to expand their thinking and share it with others.

“YOU have the power to make a favorable. impact and a positive difference in the world just by being YOU.”

Those are a few ideas to get you influencing others. But the real work begins with you and what influences you are under and how they effect your world. Look at where you are, what you want from life and be selective in the process of what you allow into your life. The people, the circumstances, the environments, the choices, the mindset, your self-talk, the way you communicate, the way you dress, the way you live…there is an influence in all things—be aware and choose the best directions for your life. It is your life. Make it the best possible adventure you can live. It begins with YOU.

xoxo Peace, Love and Light to you. -H