Who defines who you are? What defines who you are? What do you have to have before you can define the person you desire to be? What do you have to do? Where do you have to go? What do you have to obtain? We all do it!! We all compare, judge, are hardest on ourselves. Why is it that we talk more cruelly to ourselves than someone we can’t stand to be around? Why is it that 80% of people hate what they do for a living? Why is it that we get lost in defining our right life? The life we are meant to shine!! We are the only ones who have control of anything in our life–it’s your decision what you do with it–good or bad.
“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—LIFE ITSELF.” -Walter Anderson
Step out and do something today that will put your course in a direction you want to go—instead of the shoulda, coulda, woulda, if…when…don’t play a victim in your own life. There is always a choice.
I just had a conversation the other day with my brother who has been stuck in a bit of a victim role his whole life. He is at a critical decision to the rest of his life. He is on the tipping point of losing his family & he doesn’t appreciate anything he has. I looked him in the eye & said, “I have one question for you!” He was a little hesitant, but said “what?” All I said was, “You are at a point of two roads, which one are you going to take? The one that fights for your family or the one that will lead you to a life without your family? What do you think that will look like?” He merely said, “a lonely existence.” I said, “then fight!!”
We all get to different points in our life where we need to figure out something that will define our needs, our strengths, our directions, our thoughts, our actions, who we are or are willing to become…
What is one little thing you could do to define the life you want to live? What could you do today to be a little more loving to the beautiful person you are? Is there a decision you need to make to propel your world in a better direction? Is there something you need to do on a personal level to lead you to a happier you? Do you need a different job? A different perspective? A different attitude? Different friends? You know what you need.
On a personal level: I definitely could be gentler on my self. I have struggled with weight & body image for years. I have had family tell me “you use to look like that; you use to be a hottie…” I know this is an area that I am constantly working on, so when I saw the following ad—it spoke to me. It made me well up in tears. We all truly want to love every part of who we are & SHINE! I am still a work in progress. Thank God we all are.
I hope this ad touches you in some way. That you will not define yourself by labels–of any kind.
Be gentle with yourself. Do something today that will make your life a little brighter, lighter and better. What defines you is how you live the life you are given. Be grateful, Be gentle, Be a light and your best life will follow.
You have all heard the thoughts, “When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” -Charles Austin Beard; “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” -Proverb; “To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don’t worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest.”
I heard a thought the other day that continues to elicit this sentiment–that beautiful things are created in darkness. A baby grows and develops for months in darkness; a seed grows for days, weeks, months in complete darkness. Many ideas are created when things may seem dim. The best of who you are shows up when you are in a transition of some kind.
Here are some empowering stories that began as tragedy & turned into a light of hope.
Nothing but positive: by: Unknown
Read this, and let it really sink in… Then, choose how you start your day tomorrow…
Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!” He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant.
The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?” Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.
I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested. “Yes, it is,” Jerry said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.”
I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gun point by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.
I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?” I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. “The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied. “Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live.”
“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked. Jerry continued, “…the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man.’
I knew I needed to take action.” “ What did you do?” I asked. “Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.’”
Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
TRUEHOPE & Empowerplus: A story of hope stems from a bipolar disorder & the suicide of Anthony’s wife. His wife’s father had done the same thing 16 years previously. A year later two of Anthony’s children were diagnosed with Bipolar I (the most severe form of the illness). Anthony, in desperation prayed for an answer and direction to save his children from such a tragic fate. One direction after another led him to a biological scientist & doctors who helped him create a product that has helped not only his children, but hundreds of others who have suffered from this terrible disease. Out of darkness, sprang light.
Keep On: When Colonel Harland Sanders retired at the age of 65, he had little to show for himself, except an old Caddie roadster, a $105 monthly pension check, and a recipe for chicken. Knowing he couldn’t live on his pension, he took his chicken recipe in hand, got behind the wheel of his van, and set out to make his fortune. His first plan was to sell his chicken recipe to restaurant owners, who would in turn give him a residual for every piece of chicken they sold–5 cents per chicken. The first restaurateur he called on turned him down. So did the second. So did the third.
In fact, the first 1008 sales calls Colonel Sanders made ended in rejection. Still, he continued to call on owners as he traveled across the USA, sleeping in his car to save money. Prospect number 1009 gave him his first “yes.”
After two years of making daily sales he had signed up a total of five restaurants. Still the Colonel pressed on, knowing that he had a great chicken recipe and that someday the idea would catch on. Of course, you know how the story ends. The idea DID catch on. By 1963 the Colonel had 600 restaurants across the country selling his secret recipe of Kentucky Fried Chicken (with 11 herbs and spices). In 1964 he was bought out by future Kentucky governor John Brown. Even though the sale made him a multi-millionaire, he continued to represent and promote KFC until his death in 1990.
Colonel Sanders’ story teaches an important lesson: its never too late to decide to never give up. In desperation, keep on.
Earlier in his life the Colonel was involved in other business ventures–but they weren’t successful. He had a gas station in the 30’s, a restaurant in the 40’s, and he gave up on both of them. At the age of 65, however, Harland Sanders decided his chicken idea was the right idea, and he refused to give up, even in spite of repeated rejection. He knew that if he kept on knocking on doors, eventually someone would say “yes.”
Well, I hope these stories shine brightly within your heart & make a small difference in your day. In any transition you are experiencing you can look for the moments of darkness & seek the light from a distant star to give you hope.
…Describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty—describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember. If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty and no poor, indifferent place. And even if you found yourself in some prison, whose walls let in none of the world’s sounds–wouldn’t you still have your childhood, that jewel beyond all price, that treasure house of memories? Turn your attentions to it. Try to raise up the sunken feelings of this enormous past; your personality will grow stronger, your solitude will expand and become a place where you can live in the twilight, where the noise of other people passes by, far in the distance. And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it. A work of art is good if it has arisen out of necessity. That is the only way one can judge it. -Rainer Maria Rilke
“To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.” —Allen Ginsberg, WD
“If a nation loses its storytellers, it loses its childhood.” —Peter Handke
“I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me.” —Ray Bradbury, WD
“A book is simply the container of an idea—like a bottle; what is inside the book is what matters.” —Angela Carter
If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it. -Anais Nin
Don’t bend; don’t water it down; dont try to make it logical; dont edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly. -Franz Kafka
The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest happiness in using it. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Yesterday while I was out walking I was listening to a podcast with Brene Brown & she made the comment, “No one rides for free. Everyone has a heartbreaking story to tell.”
My mind began to swirl and envision a ride; a carousel that slowly turns. It made me think of waiting in line this summer with my daughter and her cousin for a carousel ride. We waited patiently & every time the carousel made its round my daughter kept eyeing a different animal she wanted to ride. They kept going back and forth, “I want the seal, no I want the wolf, the pony, maybe we should go with….” The carousel was a whirl of color, vibrance & smiling faces. It was then their turn, I watched them break free from the line & run to their desired ride. I watched as they went up and down, smiling all the while. Round and Round.
Thinking about them deciding which pony to ride I see a correlation to life. When we are children we look at a carousel and see color, details, sparkle…we decide which pony to ride by the “prettiest”, the one that has the colors we like. In life we often think as soon as we acquire the “pretty things”, the certain house, the expensive car, the fabulous appearance, the perfect children that our life direction will be on course & happiness will be the end result. BUT, really, it is about the ride and enjoying whatever life gives you no matter what direction it goes in.
Watching the girls ride the carousel also makes me wonder what stories lie ahead for them…wonder, imagination, heartbreak, love, betrayal…in one moment we are riding the carousel of life and its all in a forward direction and hopefully we are enjoying the ride. But then there may be a day where we need to take a different direction that life has to offer and the course may be difficult, but it helps us find the different paths to define who we become.
Few Carousel Metaphors to share:Sometimes people associate life as a “broken merry-go-round”—obviously the daily grind can feel like an endless circle of movement that never seems to have an end. But hopefully when you are able to slow down you will see things a little more clearly.
“A carousel of memories” Is such a sweet sentiment. To think of life with an inexhaustible whirl of memories, to see things as a beautiful ride to this sweet life.
“You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around and why his parents will always wave back.” -William D Tammeus To me this is because the child is enjoying the ride no matter what!! He delights in the movement, the up and down, the playful music playing & the game of seeking to find pleasure in those who love him. His parents delight in all things that make their children filled with joy!! The love goes round and round.
My point to my blog today, everyone’s ride will be theirs & only theirs. No one rides free of pain, guilt, fear or any other emotion that has a lesson held within. It’s how you find meaning in the ride. Some children on a carousel will definitely hold on tight waiting for the ride to be over, while other children will wave every round, smiling all the while. Life is like that—you can either enjoy it or wish it away, not finding anything worthwhile in the ride.
Life is like a merry-go-round. You can either whine or find wonder. Enjoy the ride. -Heather
I have been sick with a sinus infection for the past week, so I have had plenty of time to watch a few movies.
Today, I am going to post about a sweet movie called “Finding Joy.” It has some quirky, but lovable characters that for some reason or another I can relate with.
The storyline: A self-absorbed writer, stuck in more ways than one, rediscovers himself, his offbeat family, and what it means to be happy when he meets Joy, a spirited young woman who asks him to write her obituary. -IMBD Even though it did not have high review ratings–I am of the opinion you watch a movie and make your own judgement. There is always something to take away!!
I enjoyed the ride of up, down, dysfunction, lost characters, who in the end all help heal one another in more ways than one.
Lessons I learned:
If you are drawn to anything…move toward it: Like this movie, life has funny ways of bringing about serendipity. I was drawn to the title of this movie & I enjoyed the outcome. In the movie Kyle sees Joy & is drawn to her for some reason. He comes up with some crazy way to meet her, but in the end…serendipity!! Follow your heart. You can almost always find something good in so many things life has to offer. Just look between the stories & you will find the lessons, the sweets, the moments that you will always keep tucked away in your heart.
Always have a plan B in life: Poor Kyle had a published book, was working on a up and coming deadline, but didnt have a plan to cover anything, so he ended up losing his apt, car…and moving back home.
Everyone has dysfunction in the family–its how you handle it that matters: We all have crazy in-laws, odd brothers, dramatic sisters, kids that make us borderline nuts, but we live the stories with them, we hold their hands, we talk them off the ledge, we love them no matter what—that is one great thing about family. In the movie Kyle’s brother has a embarrassing problem that he is keeping from his wife. Kyle & his daughter find out & have to walk him through the reality of what is really going on & how to handle the situation. Unconditional love is the key in any situation.
Romantic Rendezvous are always a good time: This movie had some very funny “Romantic Rendezvous” (dates) between Kyle & Joy. I loved the silly surprises Joy would come up with that in the end helped Kyle open up, see things differently & enjoy his time with Joy.
Great Life Perspective: In the movie Joy asks Kyle “What would you do if you knew you were going to die?? Wouldnt it just shock you out of your comfort zone and just make you feel so alive?” Kyle replies, “I’m just trying to get through the living part right now.” This to me is so key for all of us. We go through the hum drum of normalcy, the daily grind, the regular schedules that run our lives. I think so many of us are “trying to get through living.” Ask yourself—what would you do differently if you knew there was a good chance you could die next week. [You never know. Someone will] Would you do some of the things you have saved up for “some day isle?” Would you begin to take more time with your family? Would you be a little kinder with yourself? With others?
What truly INSPIRES you? In the movie Kyle is truly moved by Joy & wants more of her zest for life. She literally sends him into a frenzy of writing, he is so inspired by her that he cant stop. Is there anything in your life that moves you to take action? Do you have an idea that is waiting for you to help it bloom? Is there a forgotten talent that is yearning for you to break it free? What seems to light you up? What can you do at this moment to find a tiny piece of inspiration and follow it.
Break out of your ordinary: In the movie Joy helps Kyle try and break out of his comfort zone by having him wear a clown costume to deliver goods to needy people. Is there something you can do to step out of your ordinary…routine, wardrobe, seriousness, to do lists, schedules, etc. Halloween is a great time to do this!! October is a great time to take a little test drive & be someone else for an evening, a date night. I was just out with my daughter the other day on a Mommy/Missy afternoon. We hit a local thrift shop looking for some Halloween costume ideas. All the employees were dressed in kitty outfits & having fun with it. When we went to the register the young man checking us out wasn’t dressed up. I said, “Why aren’t you dressed up.” He smiled, “because they want me to.” I grinned, “What a great opportunity to be so many different characters. You could be a different person each day.” He replied, “I just got my fill of dressing up at the local Comic Con.” I laughed, “Well, then you have costumes you enjoy to wear. That’s perfect.” He smiled and politely agreed. Look for possible occasions to break out of your ordinary. Go out and try a new hair color, drive home a different way from work, look for a shop you have always wanted to go in and do it…there are so many small ways to break out of your ordinary. AND this Halloween don’t be lame—even though you are all grown up, have some fun, find that crazy persona of someone you would have fun being for an evening. Have fun with it!! Life is too short.
When you tell someone your sorry make it great!! I wont give you the details, but in the movie he does a pretty great job!!
Make your mark on the world: In the movie Joy wants to make her mark on the world so she makes Kyle break into a construction site with her & puts a little piece of herself in the concrete. I think in every single person there is a part of us that wants to make some mark—even a small, tiny mark on the world in some way. You see it all the time in public bathrooms—“Jane was here.” ha ha. Maybe you want to write that novel you have been dreaming up, maybe you want to be the best mother, maybe you want to produce a movie, maybe you want to create something…an organization, a charity, a business, an idea. You have dreams within you that are waiting patiently. Begin today to make some small step toward your different ideas. I believe if you are doing ANYTHING that you feel may touch even one soul in a good way—that is moving you toward making even one small difference in the world.
The gift of a Living Funeral: In the movie Kyle decides he is going to create a living funeral for Joy, so she will want to live. I thought this was a cute idea to tell those who are living how much you love and appreciate them in your life. It doesn’t have to be on any grand scale, just take the time & make it a grand occasion! Make sure you whole heartedly put your genuine feelings into a card you read them, a letter you write them, an evening designed as a gift from you to those people you love.
It was a great movie I would recommend. I didn’t give you all the details because I didn’t want to spoil the movie (I hope I didn’t), but its a cute, quirky ride of fun-loving characters that you fall in love with.
One last line that I loved…He tells Joy “You are the most terrifying happiness I have known and I don’t want it to end.”
There are so many little lessons in the life of a butterfly…the color, the dance, the journey, the life…
It is indescribable to understand how a piece of colorful tissue paper that has a brain the size of a pea can flutter its way to 11,000 feet in the sky, can see more colors than we can, must have sunlight to fly, & can migrate thousands of miles in its lifetime and always returns to the same tree. There is a beauty, a dream like quality, a pure awareness that is brought by the site of a butterfly. I don’t know if it is pure ah that something so fragile, yet so strong has the ability to stop a child, or a adult in its presence. It almost calls to you and dances around you till you become aware.
There is something special, something so deep that you never want it to leave…it calls and you stay, till it flutters away….
There is within each one of us a fragility, a beauty, a little piece of divine, a light, a connection. When we listen within and live our calling, we are free, free to soar to our personal best, able to share the light we are meant to share. We are then able to share in one another’s journey, to see one another as we are, to walk and know where we need to be, to grow, to change, to feel and only be left with love.
This reminds me of a few things BUTTERFLY related that have inspired me at different times in my life:
THE BUTTERFLY CIRCUS I just watched this movie again, an amazing movie that everyone should see. Gather your families, take twenty minutes and be touched, inspired, lit up to finally FLY. To understand how to be true to who you are within. Beautiful. Here is the movie…
A great article by Oprah’s Life Coach Martha Beck…
Like a fragile butterfly we only grow through change, we need the struggles and challenges to bring about our strengths. We need to understand pain to truly see the light. We have all heard the metaphors of a butterfly, but there is another, more detailed, more precise then the rest and I would like to share this with you…it is found in Oprah’s magazine.
GROWING WINGS By Martha Beck
What goes on in the cocoon of change isn’t always pretty, but the results can be beautiful. Martha Beck talks you through the four phases of human metamorphosis. Get ready to fly! I used to think I knew how some caterpillars become butterflies. I assumed they weave cocoons, then sit inside growing six long legs, four wings, and so on. I figured if I were to cut open a cocoon, I’d find a butterfly-ish caterpillar, or a caterpillar-ish butterfly, depending on how far things had progressed. I was wrong. In fact, the first thing caterpillars do in their cocoons is shed their skin, leaving a soft, rubbery chrysalis. If you were to look inside the cocoon early on, you’d find nothing but a puddle of glop. But in that glop are certain cells, called imago cells, that contain the DNA-coded instructions for turning bug soup into a delicate, winged creature—the angel of the dead caterpillar.
If you’ve ever been through a major life transition, this may sound familiar. Humans do it, too—not physically but psychologically. All of us will experience metamorphosis several times during our lives, exchanging one identity for another. You’ve probably already changed from baby to child to adolescent to adult—these are obvious, well-recognized stages in the life cycle. But even after you’re all grown up, your identity isn’t fixed. You may change marital status, become a parent, switch careers, get sick, win the lottery. Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis. I don’t know if this is emotionally stressful for caterpillars, but for humans it can be hell on wheels. The best way to minimize trauma is to understand the process.
The Phases of Human Metamorphosis
Psychological metamorphosis has four phases. You’ll go through these phases, more or less in order, after any major change catalyst (falling in love or breaking up, getting or losing a job, having children or emptying the nest, etc.). The strategies for dealing with change depend on the phase you’re experiencing.
Phase One: Dissolving
Here’s the Deal The first phase of change is the scariest, especially because we aren’t taught to expect it. It’s the time when we lose our identity and are left temporarily formless: person soup. Most people fight like crazy to keep their identities from dissolving. “This is just a blip,” we tell ourselves when circumstances rock our world. “I’m the same person, and my life will go back to being the way it was.” Sometimes this is true. But in other cases, when real metamorphosis has begun, we run into a welter of “dissolving” experiences. We may feel that everything is falling apart, that we’re losing everyone and everything. Dissolving feels like death, because it is—it’s the demise of the person you’ve been.
What to Do
When we’re dissolving we may get hysterical, fight our feelings, try to recapture our former lives, or jump immediately toward some new status quo (“rebound romance” is a classic example). All these measures actually slow down Phase One and make it more painful. The following strategies work better: In Phase One, live one day (or ten minutes) at a time. Instead of dwelling on hopes and fears about an unknowable future, focus your attention on whatever is happening right now. “Cocoon” by caring for yourself in physical, immediate ways. Wrap yourself in a blanket, make yourself a cup of hot tea, attend an exercise class, whatever feels comforting. Talk to others who have gone through a metamorphosis. If you don’t have a wise relative or friend, a therapist can be a source of reassurance. Let yourself grieve. Even if you are leaving an unpleasant situation (a bad marriage, a job you didn’t like), you’ll probably go through the normal human response to any loss: the emotional roller coaster called the grieving process. You’ll cycle through denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance many times. Just experiencing these feelings will help them pass more quickly. If you think this sounds frustratingly passive, you’re right. Dissolving isn’t something you do; it’s something that happens to you. The closest you’ll come to controlling it is relaxing and trusting the process.
Phase Two: Imagining
Here’s the Deal For those of us who have just a few tiny control issues, Phase Two is as welcome as rain after drought. This is when the part of you that knows your destiny, the imago in your psyche, will begin giving you instructions about how to reorganize the remnants of your old identity into something altogether different. The word imago is the root of the word image. You’ll know you’re beginning Phase Two when your mind’s eye starts seeing images of the life you are about to create. These can’t be forced—like dissolving, they happen to you—and they are never what you expected. You’re becoming a new person, and you’ll develop traits and interests your old self didn’t have. You may feel compelled to change your hairstyle or wardrobe, or redecorate your living space. The old order simply seems wrong, and you’ll begin reordering your outer situation to reflect your inner rebirth.
What to Do
Here are some ways you may want to respond when you begin spontaneously imagining the future: Cut out magazine pictures you find appealing or interesting. Glue them onto a piece of butcher paper. The resulting collage will be an illustration of the life you’re trying to create. Let yourself daydream. Your job is to try out imaginary scenarios until you have a clear picture of your goals and desires. You’ll save a lot of time, effort, and grief by giving yourself time to do this in your head before you attempt it in the real world. Phase Two is all about images: making them up, making them clear, making them possible. Moving through this stage, you’ll start to feel an impulse to go from dreaming (imagining possibilities) to scheming (planning to bring your vision to fruition). Write down both dreams and schemes, then gather information about how you might create them.
Phase Three: Re-forming
Here’s the Deal As your dreams become schemes, you’ll begin itching to make them come true. This signals Phase Three, the implementation stage of the change process. Phase Three is when you stop fantasizing about selling your art and start submitting work to galleries, or go beyond ogling a friend’s brother to having her set you up on a date. You’ll feel motivated to do real, physical things to build a new life. And then…(drum roll, please)…you’ll fail. Repeatedly. I’ve gone through Phase Three many times and watched hundreds of clients do the same. I’ve never seen a significant scheme succeed on the first try. Re-forming your life, like anything new, complex, and important, inevitably brings up problems you didn’t expect. That’s why, in contrast to the starry eyes that are so useful in Phase Two, Phase Three demands the ingenuity of Thomas Edison and the tenacity of a pit bull.
What to Do
Expect things to go wrong. Many of my clients have an early failure and consider this a sign that “it just wasn’t meant to be.” This is a useful philosophy if you want to spend your life as person soup. To become all that you can be, you must keep working toward your dreams even when your initial efforts are unsuccessful. Be willing to start over. Every time your plans fail, you’ll briefly return to Phase One, feeling lost and confused. This is an opportunity to release some of the illusions that created hitches in your plan. Revisit Phase Two, adjusting your dreams and schemes to include the truths you’ve learned from your experimentation. Persist. Keep debugging and reimplementing your new-and-improved plans until they work. If you’ve followed all the steps above, they eventually will.
Phase Four: Flying
Here’s the Deal Phase Three is like crawling out of your cocoon and waiting for your crumpled, soggy wings to dry and expand. Phase Four is the payoff, the time when your new identity is fully formed and able to fly.
What to Do
The following strategies—which can help you optimize this delightful situation—are about fine-tuning, not drastic transformation. Enjoy! You’ve just negotiated a scary and dramatic transformation, and you deserve to savor your new identity. Spend time every day focusing on gratitude for your success. Make small improvements. Find little ways to make your new life a bit less stressful, pleasurable. Know that another change is just around the bend. There’s no way to predict how long you’ll stay in Phase Four; maybe days, maybe decades. Don’t attribute your happiness to your new identity; security lies in knowing how to deal with metamorphosis, whenever it occurs.
Well, I hope you are able to take something away from this post that will help you to fly to your better self.
The movie Moulin Rouge is a mix of vibrance, colorful characters, amazing scenes full of dazzle, great music, creativity, wonder, jealousy, rage, lies, all tied together with a beautiful love story that truly is a bitter sweet. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I have always found the beautiful, emotional ride touching.
Here are a few of my lessons from the incredible Moulin Rouge…
The overall take away THE GREATEST THING YOU’LL EVER LEARN IS JUST TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN. Beautifully said. Warning: If you can’t take and appreciate this lovely statement, then you may not enjoy the movie.
You are worth more than you have any idea: Begin now to see the true treasures and gifts within yourself. (Whether you are a penniless writer or a courtesan) How you see yourself does matter in the end.
LOVE is better than diamonds. There is a beautiful transformation of Satine from when she sings “Diamonds are a girls best friend” & believes money to be the saving grace for her life—-to the later Satine that is truly in love with the penniless writer. You see the outcome of love. His gift was always his song & the love he had for her in his heart—not diamonds.
My gift is my song. And this one’s for you. And you can tell everybody that this is your song. It may be quite simple but now that its done. I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words. How wonderful life is now you’re in the world.
There will always be people to fuel a fire of rumors. Don’t be one of them. Rumors have a life of their own & once you take one and pass it along…it becomes a part of you. The outcome, whatever it may be, sadly is part of you. You will not be able to hide, the deceit, the energy it carries– springs from you. You are part of the tragedy or ill will it bestows upon someone else.
Jealousy truly is a bitter substance. Whether you are jealous of your neighbors yard, your husbands secretary, the car your sister has, become increasingly afraid you will lose…something, anything…you are playing with fire. Jealousy is a rage that burns within, so do whatever you can to snuff it out before it consumes you.
Follow your heart. You only have moments within your life that you can truly follow your heart & listen to what it yearns for. Luckily Satine followed her feelings & was finally free.
True friends care and believe in what is best for you. Harold Zitler cared for Satine, but in the end he just wanted her to finish the show (at any cost). But Christian’s friend Toulouse always believed in the love between Christian and Satine & he told him to go back to her because he knew their love was true.
Even the most bitter sweet endings inspire the heart to know true love.“Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and then on not-so very special day, I sat down at my type-writer and I wrote down our story. A story about a time, a story about a place, a story about the people. But most importantly, a story about love. A love that will live forever. The end.”
There are always beautiful things to take away from any movie, so I hope you when you watch Moulin Rouge you will find some of your own lessons from this love story. enjoy.
I just wanted to share an inspiring ad with you today. If you have seen it—watch it again! If you haven’t seen it–enjoy!!
Cheers to a better day…TODAY!!
I think we can all strive to live this motto…BEST YOURSELF!! Make a difference in the world, make your mark, become better every day and be your BEST!!
BEST YOURSELF:
Here are a few ideas to help you move toward finding your BEST…
Step out of your comfort and try something new. Go online & try something new from a youtube video. Make a movie, learn to do design, make a beaded necklace, learn to play the guitar, speak a foreign language, etc. There is sooo much to learn & the internet is an amazing resource.
Wear something bold…my daughter put on a shirt this morning that was black and white zebra stripes with a sequin shrug, followed by hot pink pants. She looked at me, put out her hands like claws and said, “I am fierce.” I smiled & was so proud of her!! She was stepping out & not caring what anyone else thought & that was a huge step for her because usually she cares too much about what others think. You go girl!!
Get Creative. Try the daily creativity activity. Do something–anything that is creative each day. Write, draw, journal, take a picture, search for creative ideas, etc.
Get out of yourself. Do something nice for someone else, Serve, Write a kind note, Give encouragement, volunteer, etc.
Do something for you. You cannot be your best self while giving EVERYTHING to everyone else. Do something that will energize you or light you up…exercise, do yoga, meditate, get a massage, buy yourself a new music album, get a facial, take a nap, go on a walk, buy yourself a bouquet of flowers, etc.
Be kind…to others AND especially yourself. Don’t allow negative mind chatter and negative self-talk continue. Begin to take control of the things you are saying and thinking to yourself. You would be amazed at the cruel things you believe about yourself & it is because you continue to allow your mind to run wild with cruelty & not kindness. Begin to envision your mind like a television station with one show that has kind, loving people telling you nice things & another with mean, grumpy people sharing rude remarks. Who do you want to watch?? hopefully, the nice station, so when the rude station is trying to catch your attention make it a conscious decision to switch the channels & fill your mind with kind words rather than negative ones.
Surround yourself with great people. Put yourself in the arms of people who lift and build you. Who love and care about you unconditionally.
Remember this…You are the one and only YOU. You are AMAZING. You have gifts only YOU can offer the world. Be true to you.
Who defines who you are? What defines who you are? What do you have to have before you can define the person you desire to be? What do you have to do? Where do you have to go? What do you have to obtain? We all do it!! We all compare, judge, are hardest on ourselves. Why is it that we talk more cruelly to ourselves than someone we can’t stand to be around? Why is it that 80% of people hate what they do for a living? Why is it that we get lost in defining our right life? The life we are meant to shine!! We are the only ones who have control of anything in our life–it’s your decision what you do with it–good or bad.
I just had a conversation the other day with my brother who has been stuck in a bit of a victim role his whole life. He is at a critical decision to the rest of his life. He is on the tipping point of losing his family & he doesn’t appreciate anything he has. I looked him in the eye & said, “I have one question for you!” He was a little hesitant, but said “what?” All I said was, “You are at a point of two roads, which one are you going to take? The one that fights for your family or the one that will lead you to a life without your family? What do you think that will look like?” He merely said, “a lonely existence.” I said, “then fight!!”
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