The power to MOVE!

I was recently listening to Jonathan Fields podcast, “Goodlife Project” and was taken back by some information he and his guest were sharing. I would consider myself a pretty active person, I walk miles a day outside, sometimes add in some additional trampoline, walk/step, or dance exercises. BUT, when I heard them talking about how sitting for hours at a time can be worse than smoking packs of cigarettes, an alarm went off in my head!! What!! AND that even though I am active, THAT activity cannot replace the stagnant time of sitting. OMG!! WHAT!!

That was pretty shocking news to me. I do have daily hours of down time where I sit and work on writing, projects, searches, etc. I never would have thought that sitting could have such a negative impact on the mind and body. Who would have thought that even getting up when your Apple Watch says “stand” really does mean something important. It should be like a bell that goes off to a higher awareness and personal challenge to MOVE…even just a little.

I decided I needed to do some research into MOVEMENT and what is essential and imperative to best health.

JONATHAN FIELDS guest, Dr. Jennifer Heisz, author of Move your Body, Heal your Mind

They were talking about movement every 30 minutes to wake up the brain. It makes sense. Think about your brain like our computers. After a certain period of time they go into sleep mode. Our brains after sitting for awhile go into energy conserve mode, so waking everything up every 30 minutes for a movement break makes so much sense for overall wellness.

WOW!! In dealing with depression and anxiety: stress induced depression seems unresponsive to antidepressants, often because the root cause of it is not serotonin, or a lack of serotonin, which the drugs treat, but rather inflammation. And inflammation, when it gets into the brain, it alters these pathways that make it difficult to feel good. And so Exercise because it’s anti-inflammatory, the MYO kinds released from the muscle. Those actually create this anti-inflammatory effect. It is a pharmacy for people who have this drug resistant depression. It is the medicine they need and it, it has clinically significant benefits for depression reduction on par with antidepressant drugs. Just fascinating.

How do we manage our health? How do we manage our mental health? Prescription drugs may be one part of it, but lifestyle and Exercise. Given that it has the same benefits at reducing our depression as a pharmaceutical, it just blows my mind that this is not part of the regular conversation.

Even a little bit of movement: Do a little bit of movement. In fact, what I recommend people do is just break up your sedentary time as a starting point. So we’re all sitting all day. Every thirty minutes just stand up. Do a two minute movement break. This is enough to restore blood flow to the brain.  Infusing the prefrontal cortex with oxygenated blood flow helps you focus, be more creative when we’re able to think outside the box are less likely to ruminate on negative thinking, which is a symptom of depression. And so it can start etching away at those symptoms that are preventing us from being active.

Our reaction to stress is also a big influencer: So I think sometimes it can be one thing, but sometimes it can also be the way we react to stress. So there’s some really interesting research that shows that it’s not necessarily the level of stress that you have in your Life, but how you react to it. There’s this research that shows when people are more Moody. So like if they get really high on those good days and really, really low, angry, intense on those bad days. And it’s this undulation this, you know, this pendulum that swings between good and bad days. That can really start to damage the body. That increases inflammation.  And then can cause Anxiety and depression.

Be gentle and compassionate with yourself and how you are actually FEELING: Check in with yourself and see how you are feeling. Do you need to adjust your workout to not be so intense on a day when you are feeling off or worn down from various stressors. Look at the emotional highs, lows, stresses, challenges, workloads you are dealing with and be gentle.

Try a mental health mode of exercise. So if I, if I have scheduled a thirty minute jog and I’m not feeling well, I’ll go for the thirty minute walk. I’ll put the time in, but I’ll take off the intensity. And I think that that’s just such a such a, a good approach to movement for mental health. 

Benefit of movement and sleep: Talk about NATURAL SLEEP AID…MOVEMENT. So ATP is the cell’s energy currency that we break down to get energy. And when we break down ATP, it produces this byproduct called adenosine and adenosine throughout the day as we do work, mental work, physical work, it starts to build up. And then once it reaches a certain threshold, it triggers sleep. So it’s a natural sleeping aid. The brain has receptors for adenosine that triggers sleep. And when we move more during the day, we break down more ATP. We build up more adenosine and so we sleep more soundly, we fall asleep faster and we trigger sleep because we’ve created more of this natural sleep aid. 

___________________________________________

A podcast that was interviewing Dr. Jennifer Heisz was mentioning some key ideas to get your body MOVING…you may have to trick your body and your brain into exercising. According to Dr. Heisz she suggests: take a sip of a sugary drink or throw in a piece of sugar gum, then turn on some of your favorite pump up music to release the dopamine.

She also talked about why exercise is able to help with anxiety. When we exercise, there’s a resiliency factor that’s released in the brain called neuro Y and this resiliency factor helps to calm.

Fear center called the amygdala. It’s the brain region. That’s like hypervigilant, constantly scanning the environment for threats, but also can be triggered by our thinking, and worries. And so this neuropeptide, Y can be released. By light to moderate activities. So which means you could be going for a brisk walk and that would be enough to increase neuropeptide. Y one thing that’s really interesting is that neuropeptide Y seems to protect the brain from trauma. So when we look at people who have gone to war, for example, some of them will return. With post traumatic stress disorder, but some won’t and the ones who are protected are the ones who have higher levels of neuropeptide. Y. and so we can build more of that resiliency factor with exercise, which I think is amazing. And then we don’t need to exercise vigorously for that. We can just exercise that light to moderate.

The problem is how we view stress. A lot of the time when we see it as negative or having an overly negative impact on our health, research shows that’s when it’s most damaging to our health is when we have that negative connotation or negative perception on it. So it’s not stress that’s good or bad. It’s our, our thinking that makes it that way.

Exercise helps train the stressors: So when stress is high and it’s negative, that amygdala, the fear center is on and it’s active. And so we’re not. We’re no longer responding to the situation at hand, we’re responding to our own vulnerability. Then we’re not our best self, we’re angry, we’re defensive, we’re negative. We are viewing everything through this lens of vulnerability and that’s when it that’s when it really becomes destructive. And so we can get ahead of that. We can start. To heal that and to manage our reaction, to stress using exercise because exercise is, it is technically a stressor. It does activate the stress system. But like I said, in this safe space that we control how long we go. We control how high it goes. It’s really is a way to Essentially like tone the stress system, like you’re flexing your stress muscle, and then that stress muscle grows stronger so that you can tolerate heavier stress loads without being so reactive. And then you are quicker to recover less feelings of vulnerability and the ugliness of stress that. It all it brings out in us, we can stay calm.

Every 30 minutes, stand up for two minute movement break. This is enough to increase, focus, creativity, to help restore blood flow to that prefrontal cortex that we need to be productive at work. 

So five minutes of this can be like jumping jacks, high knees, but it doesn’t have to be vigorous. It could also be just stretching. And this helps to helps us to stay focused.

10 minute self-paced walk has been shown to boost creativity. Three 30 minute brisk walks like in a week. That’s not that much time we’ve shown in my lab reduces anxiety. That’s also the typical prescription tested for reducing depression and in some people that works better than antidepressant drugs.

https://mindfulmamamentor.com/move-your-body-heal-your-mind-jennifer-heisz-360/

__________________________________

I bought her book and began reading it. I am almost half through it, but I thought I would add my little note highlights…

Group-based exercises increase your pain tolerance.

–WOW!!!! All forms of exercise have the potential to make us feel good. A solo hike in nature. A fun-filled bike ride with friends. A deep dive into a refreshing pool. Or lifting heavy weights up overhead after a smooth snatch. That’s because exercising causes the release of a feel-good neurochemical called dopamine. Exercise increases dopamine 130 percent above baseline, which is comparable to the dopamine released by other naturally rewarding things like food (130 percent) and sex (160 percent). Importantly though—and the real reason that its highly unlikely for me or any other athlete to be truly addicted to exercise—the dopamine released by exercise is significantly less than the dopamine released by alcohol, nicotine, and other drugs of abuse. Alcohol increases dopamine by 200 percent, Nicotine by 225 percent, Cocaine by 350 percent and Amphetamine by 1100 percent. Although that may sound like a lot of pleasure, too much dopamine is bad for the brain and can result in serious and potentially fatal brain damage.

–Her section on “The Brain on Drugs” I immediately took a screen shot and sent to my daughter’s previous college boyfriend. We care about him and he is at that prime age of lets just party and live it up while we are young & I told him that he needed to read this part of the book to help protect his brilliant, engineering mind.

“Technically, drugs and alcohol “cook” the brain’s reward system by inundating it with too much dopamine. The brain reacts by imposing tight restrictions: Less dopamine is produced, and fewer dopamine receptors are made. This is done to alleviate some of the pressure, but it has some unintended side effects.

For one, the small amount of dopamine left in the addict’s brain when sober now has even less of a chance of binding to its receptor. If dopamine can’t bind to its receptor, it can’t induce pleasure. This is the ultimate killjoy.

At first, naturally rewarding things like food and sex seem very dull. Soon, the drug itself loses potency, and the addict must consume more and more of the drug to get the same high {aka drug tolerance] That is why seemingly harmless experimentation can quickly spiral out of control….Things get more difficult the longer the addict abuses, as the brain continues to strip away more and more of its dopamine receptors. Now only supernatural pleasures can give the brain the pleasure it needs to feel good. This is when the three of the four C’s of addiction arise: cravings, compulsion to use, and loss of control in the amount and frequency of use.

The brain then changes the way it makes decisions, giving rise to the fourth and final C of addiction: Use despite negative Consequences. The dopamine-starved brain demands instant gratification, almost to the point that it would rather die than wait. It convinces the addict that the immediate benefits of a quick fix outweigh any long-term costs of drug use. This is not true. In reality, the addict risks losing it all. Health…relationships…finances…freedom. Even life itself.

—–BUT, there is hope. in her book (pg 71–talks about getting the addicts brain to bounce back. It just takes some time and effort to rebuild the system)——-

Regular exercise tones the stress response, making us less reactive to psychological stressors, and this promotes optimism, even amidst the most seemingly uncontrollable situations.

30 minutes of light-to-moderate-intensity exercise three times a week is enough to soothe your anxious mind.

Get out of your head and into your body: When your head is a mess with anxiety, you have but one choice: You need to get out of your head and into your body. You can do that by paying attention to your breath. I see your skepticism, but I have a little neuroscience to back this up. In one study, researchers recruited twenty-six people who had no experience with meditation or yoga. Over 2 weeks, the participants learned how to pay attention to their breath by becoming aware of the body’s position and focusing on the sensation of breathing such as the rise and fall of the belly or the rush of air under the nose.

Why attention to breath is so effective at resetting an anxious mind? Because paying attention to the breath capitalizes on the fact that the mind can only focus on one thing at a time. Therefore, the more time the mind spends attending to the body (and its breath), the less it has time to worry.

—She talks about a huge study done on exercise and depression on page 61 & found big findings on how EVEN JUST ONE HOUR A WEEK OF EXERCISE MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE!!

Why the drugs don’t work: Antidepressant drugs only treat a specific biological dysfunction, namely low serotonin. Outdated medical practices assume that low serotonin causes all mood disturbances. This is not true, but as of right now, no further testing is done to prove otherwise.

Unexpected cause of mental illness: surprisingly, its likely inflammation

—Just breathe to CALM.

Exercise rescues happiness in depressed patients. She talks about Exercise vs Antidepressants & how in some cases exercise is the winner and can work better in some situations.

SO many great things to learn about!! I LOVE learning, so this book has been full of good info to help create a healthier life—mind and body. When I finish the book, I will post more highlights. GOOD INFO IS ALWAYS GOOD.

Make today a little healthier for you. YOU are your greatest investment in your life. Take the time to learn, to grow, to make better choices, to MOVE.

Peace, Love and Light to you today. xoxo. -H

Building Emotional Growth

Wow! I just got slapped in the face with an article that screamed at me about my recent conversations with my beloved daughter. We have had soo many conversations that end up going so south because she gets irritated with me, doesn’t want to talk about certain topics, flat out tells me to shut up or stop!…it goes on. It has been so hard and with that, an emotional roller coaster.

The article Women who haven’t grown up emotionally usually display these 8 behaviors (without realizing it) -geediting.com on google listed these 8 behaviors that were pretty telling with what behaviors my daughter has been sharing—1. Overly Reactive. 2. Difficulty in accepting responsibility. 3. Avoiding difficult conversations. 4. Dependence on external validation. 5. Struggle with empathy. 6. Difficulty in setting boundaries. 7. Impulsive decision making. 8. Perfectionism

Wow. This was VERY eye opening for me. I have this BEAUTIFUL, college-age daughter that leads, guides, works a great job, has soo many great skills, gifts and talents, but I believe her emotional resilience is in need of a some growth before it takes a further toll on her health. I worry for her and her emotional wellness and well-being.

My key takeaways from the article: (my summaries mixed)

Practice mindfulness to help pause, reflect, and respond rather than react. [SEE practices below]

Take responsibility

Tackle discomfort head on is how we grow and get better. Embrace the tricky or uncomfortable conversations will help all of your relationships become stronger.

Don’t let the craving for external validation rule you. Your feeling good should not hinge on the thoughts or opinions of others.This is another place where mindfulness can help switch from seeking approval on the outside to finding it within. YOUR worth is up to YOU. [ideas below]

Practice empathy to create deeper connections.

Honor your own needs and necessities by having your own personal boundaries.

Perfectionism often stems from fear of rejection or judgment. Its a defense mechanism that can hinder personal growth. Strive for progress not perfection. [See tips on doing this below]

MY ADDITIONAL RESEARCH:

My additional research into this topic to help anyone out there in need of some emotional growth—be gentle. Begin. Here are some additional directions to help…

Emotional maturity means having the self-control to manage your emotions and work to understand them. -betterup

“It is a choice. No matter how frustrating or boring or constraining or painful or
oppressive our experience, we can always choose how we respond.”
-EDITH EGER

HOW TO IMPROVE EMOTIONAL MATURITY

  1. Develop a GROWTH MINDSET: Focus on continuous self-improvement and growth rather than nitpicking failures and shortcomings.
  2. Set HEALTHY BOUNDARIES: A great sign of standing up for yourself
  3. UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTIONS: When you understand what makes you angry, sad, or excited, you can use that to your advantage instead of retaliating at the first hint of negativity. Ask yourself what makes you mad or uncomfortable and why.
  4. OWN your mistakes: own up and take responsibility for mistakes or errors–dont blame. Next time you make a mistake, apologize for your error without making excuses for yourself. View each mistake as a learning opportunity to expand your skills and learn more about yourself.
  5. Find a ROLE MODEL: Watch as they handle challenging situations and how they respect their emotions. It could give you insight into better habits to form and inspire you to keep working to develop your maturity.
  6. now that you understand what emotional maturity means, you can learn to stop bottling up your feelings and fearing vulnerability. Emotional maturity helps you communicate better with others, have healthier relation. -Betterup article

Mindfulness is about observing how you’re feeling in the moment without judging yourself. -childmind

Identifying the PATTERN is AWARENESS; CHOOSING no to repeat the cycle is GROWTH. -Billy Chapata

HEALTHY HABITS & SELF-CARE can help.

MINDFULNESS tips and suggestions: Go on a walking meditation, begin a gratitude journal, practice mindful eating, do a body scan before bed, listen to a guided meditation, do a loving-kindness meditation, set daily intentions for yourself, get out in nature, identify feelings,

Exercises From Self.com

3 minute Breathing Space Here’s how to practice the “three-minute breathing space” technique, as described by Dr. Vieten:

  1. Set a timer for three minutes.
  2. Sit in a comfortable position if you can (though standing works too), ideally in a relatively calm environment (the bathroom counts), and close your eyes if you want. Notice what’s happening in your mind and body right now. Are you worrying about a problem or mistake? Do you feel warm or cold? Is there a distracting sound in your environment? Simply notice whatever you’re experiencing at the moment.
  3. Bring your full attention to your breath, focusing on the sensation of the air flowing in and out of your body.
  4. Expand your zone of awareness further out from your breathing so that it includes your whole body. You might notice your posture, your facial expression, or areas of muscle tension. Again, simply pay attention to whatever’s going on with your body.

Four-seven-eight mindful breathing The four-seven-eight mindfulness technique is a type of deep breathing exercise. It’s particularly handy for anxiety, as feeling anxious can deregulate our breathing patterns, says Dr. Urgola.8 “This technique can also be helpful if you’re having trouble sleeping,” she adds, since stress can prevent you from nodding off. To practice four-seven-eight mindfulness breathing:

  1. Close your eyes if it feels comfortable. If not, gaze softly gaze at a spot in your environment.
  2. Inhale for a count of four.
  3. Hold for a count of seven.
  4. Exhale for a count of eight.
  5. Make sure you’re breathing deeply, from the pit of your belly (compared to shallow breathing from your chest) so your lungs fill up fully.
  6. Stay with this pattern as best you can.
  7. End the exercise whenever you feel ready to stop.

People watching exercise You can turn your commute or leisurely walk into a mini mindfulness session by noticing strangers around you. When you notice people, it creates an opportunity to detach from your own mental chatter, allowing you to practice awareness without actually meditating.

  1. Take a moment to notice the people around you.
  2. As you observe them, try not to form judgments or stories about them. If your mind starts to judge or assume, try to let those thoughts go and bring your focus back to a neutral awareness.
  3. If you feel comfortable, you can also try engaging one or more strangers. Maybe say hello, make eye contact, or offer a smile.
  4. If not, that’s fine too. Simply observe whoever is currently around you.

From positive psychology.com they recommend an actual list of week by week mindfulness exercises https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-exercises-techniques-activities/

Mindful Eating habits: Mindful eating involves paying closer attention to your food and how it makes you feel. In addition to helping you learn to distinguish between physical and emotional hunger, it may also help reduce disordered eating behaviors and support weight loss. Mindful eating is about using mindfulness to reach a state of full attention to your experiences, cravings, and physical cues when eating.

Fundamentally, mindful eating involves:

  • eating slowly and without distraction
  • listening to physical hunger cues and eating only until you’re full
  • distinguishing between true hunger and non-hunger triggers for eating
  • engaging your senses by noticing colors, smells, sounds, textures, and flavors
  • learning to cope with guilt and anxiety about food
  • eating to maintain overall health and well-being
  • noticing the effects food has on your feelings and body
  • appreciating your food. –taken from health line.com

Mindful Walking exercise: https://www.apa.org/ed/precollege/topss/lessons/activities/activity-mindful-walking.pdf

EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATIONS: Emotions can hit quickly. Become aware of what you are feeling. Name your feelings. [sadness, anger, resentment,—negatives may be hiding underlying fears. Be gentle with yourself and find self-compassion within your emotional reactions. It is okay to not feel okay. Just helping identify what you are feeling is key to understand what emotions and where they are coming from.

7 strategies that can help to manage emotions in a healthy and helpful way. [from better up.com]

Identify triggers: You shouldn’t try to avoid negative emotions — or be afraid of them. But you also don’t have to keep putting yourself in a situation that brings on unpleasant emotions. Start to look for patterns or factors that are present when you start to feel strong emotions. This requires some curiosity and honesty. Did something make you feel small? Strong emotions often spring up out of our deep-seated insecurities, especially the ones we hide. What is happening around you and what past experiences does it bring up for you? 

–Tune into physical symptoms Pay attention to how you are feeling, including whether you are feeling hungry or tired. These factors can exacerbate your emotions and cause you to interpret your emotions more strongly. If you can address the underlying issue (e.g. hunger, exhaustion), you can change your emotional response.

Consider the story you are telling yourself 

Engage in positive self-talk: When our emotions feel overwhelming, our self-talk can become negative: “I messed up again” or “everyone else is so awful.” If you treat yourself with empathy, you can replace some of this negative talk with positive comments. Try encouraging yourself by saying “I always try so hard” or “People are doing the best they can.” This shift can help mitigate the emotions we’re feeling. You can still be frustrated with a situation that isn’t working but no longer have to assign blame or generalize it beyond the situation.

Make a choice about how to respond: In most situations, we have a choice about how to respond. If you tend to respond to feelings of anger by lashing out at people, you likely notice the negative impact it is having on your relationships. You might also notice that it doesn’t feel good. Or, it feels good at the moment, but the consequences are painful. 

Next time you feel anger or fear, recognize that you get to choose how you want to respond. That recognition is powerful. Rather than lashing out, can you try a different response? Is it possible for you to tell someone that you’re feeling angry rather than speaking harshly to them? Get curious about what will happen if you switch up your responses. How did you feel? How did the other person respond?

–Look for positive emotions: Human beings naturally attribute more weight to negative emotions than positive ones. This is known as negativity bias. Negative emotions, like disgust, anger, and sadness tend to carry a lot of weight. Positive feelings, like contentment, interest, and gratitude are quieter. Making a habit of noticing these positive experiences can boost resilience and well-being.

IT IS OKAY TO NOT FEEL OKAY.

PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION. A few exercises to help with perfectionism: Become aware of your thoughts…journal your thoughts to be able to see and identify what is triggering and creating the behavior. Once you identify, then you can begin to change. Look at your thoughts and question the evidence of if the thoughts are real or have any validity. Let go and allow for mistakes, mis-steps, and help your brain understand that everything will be okay & that it is an opportunity for greater growth mindsets. Help yourself with better self-talk. No one can do it for you, but you. Alter and improve the daily talk that you live with. Your self-talk effects your self-esteem and will lead to a healthier relationship with yourself, others and your overall wellness in life. Become aware and be gentle with your perfectionistic tendencies. When you can acknowledge that you have these deep seeded feelings within & can become aware that this is a deeper problem, you can begin to take action to help yourself. Begin to be gentle in your attitude and actions with what you create, how you work, share ideas, set goals…with an attitude of “this is good enough” and does not have to be perfect. Let go of impossible goals & set reasonable ones for yourself.

Becoming aware of patterns & create a knowing that progress is fluid and ever-changing . Be flexible with yourself and your directions . Begin to LET GO of the pressure and the fear that creates the false need of striving for perfection .

HELPING GET OVER THE NEED FOR EXTERNAL VALIDATION: mindfulness meditation [see above] . Affirmations or personal mantras [also helps reduce negative self-talk] . Surround yourself with people who lift and support rather than deplete you emotionally . Take the time to slow down and give yourself the validation you are seeking . Create YOUR own support system…how

A few ideas from Tiny Buddha suggests: making a special “YOU” section in your daily gratitude journal. Write down the things you’ve done well, the choices you’ve made that you’re proud of, the progress you’ve made, and even the things that required no action at all—for example, the time you gave yourself to simply be. When you regularly praise yourself, self-validation becomes a habit you can depend on when you need it the most.

Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Oftentimes, when we’re feeling down on ourselves, we feel a (sometimes subconscious) desire to punish ourselves. When we reject or deprive ourselves in this way, we exacerbate our feelings, because we then feel bad about two things: the original incident and the pain we’re causing ourselves.

If you’re feeling down, or down on yourself, ask yourself: “What does my body need? What does my mind need? What does my spirit need?” Or otherwise expressed: What will make you feel better, more stable, healthier, and more balanced? You may find that you need to take a walk to feel more energized, take a nap to feel better rested, practice deep breathing to clear your head, or drink some water to hydrate yourself. This is validating yourself in action. Whenever you address your needs, you reinforce to yourself that they are important, regardless of whatever you did or didn’t do previously.

HAVE A TOOL KIT OF GOOD THINGS TO GO TO WHEN OVERWHELM OR EMOTIONS HIT: have a certain number of songs in a ‘stress less’ or ‘calm’ playlist, go for a walk to get out in nature, practice using your senses to calm (To Touch: silly putty, stuffed animal, stress ball, smooth stone, See: coloring book, Happy photos of friends or family or inspiring happy places, Smell: Scented candle, favorite lip gloss or perfume, Hear: Guided meditation, short podcast, favorite song playlist Taste: favorite snack, something sweet and salty, mints or gum, favorite drink) Do certain activities to ground you. Write a loving note to yourself or put in a compliment journal of nice things people have said to you, so when you are feeling down or anxious—you have some kind words to lift you.

Another idea that I shared with my daughter—I gave her a picture of her when she was six years old. I told her to look at the little girl & I asked her, “Would you tell that sweet, beautiful girl all the horrible things you tell yourself? You wouldn’t tell her that ‘she is going nowhere,’ ‘ that she is not happy,’ ‘that she is not where she needs to be in life and should be doing better.'” It was heartbreaking to hear my daughter talk so critiquely of herself. I told her to take the picture of her as a young girl and when she starts to say mean thing to herself or listening to the harsh critic in her head..to look at that picture and tell her, “everything is going to be alright. I love you.”

“When we’re anxious, we get into the cycle of repeating the same thoughts, the same behaviors, over and over again,” says Jennifer Teplin, LCSW, a licensed therapist and the founder of Manhattan Wellness in New York City. “Distraction is grounding and can break us out of those repetitive thoughts.” 

Having stuff you can smell, taste, see, touch, or hear is more likely to calm you down and help you focus your thoughts on something tangible at the same time. -jedfoundation.org

I hope these ideas help you or someone you love reach a little higher, be a bit gentler and find the deeper love that we all seek in one way or another. We are all just trying to do our best. We all have different journeys, experiences, struggles…it will get better. Just keep LOVE in your heart.

EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

Give yourself the LOVE and GENTLE CARE YOU NEED. xoxox. -H

LOLA LOVE…we LOVE YOU

How lucky we are to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. -Winnie the Pooh

I just got off the phone with my Dad explaining the sad, but loving situation of having to put our dog, our beautiful LOLA LOVE to sleep and send her to heaven. My Dad has never been a dog person and personally admitted to me that he could never understand how people could become so attached to their animals. He thought it was kind of ridiculous. He got off the phone with me and we were both in tears. He had expressed his deep love and care and a genuine understanding of what people feel and go through during such a loss. He thanked me for a lesson he needed to feel and understand. It was a very sweet conversation with my parents. Thank you Mom and Dad for being so genuine in your care, compassion and heartfelt sincerity. It is in moments of this deep sorrow we need to show up for one another and just be compassion. Thank you. xoxo

Lola Lessons

LOLA had so many lessons to share. This little dog came to us malnourished, would literally hide away, poop and eat her poop because she had been so abused. We don’t know her entire story but the bits and pieces we do know—abused by a husband on a farm [he threatened to kill Lola, so the wife was trying to find her a home before Lola was seriously injured]; she lived with multiple dogs [why she LOVED food and ate everything as fast as she could in one sitting & was very territorial for awhile with food]; a child that had mental problems and would just pop bubble wrap [why Lola hated certain noises and would run away]; a woman that had her own problems emotionally & was in no place to take care of anyone. When we got Lola she had recently had a surgery [that we just assumed was a benign tumor], so the first thing we did was get her a cone so she could not lick the wound. Lola was not use to eating food, so after the first couple of weeks of eating she became really sick & literally found a place in our backyard to hide out and die. We couldn’t find her one afternoon & after hours of searching we found her hidden behind the air conditioner system under a bush. She was not well. We did all we could to make her feel loved and cared for.

Then there was our other dog, Teag. The very reason why we felt we needed another dog, so he would not be as anxious when we would leave the house. He and Lola met, were fine, but ignored each other for awhile. Lola even got territorial if he got near her. She had an attitude and so did he. He would get jealous of any and all attention Lola got. It was a tough situation for awhile. They finally started getting use to each other. Teag even started to wag his tail (which he had never done) and Lola began to learn how to play growl and play with toys because of Teag. They were learning to love, play, care and it was sweet. They still just tolerated one another but with a fond friendship woven in. I remember the first time they actually sat together on one of our ottomans and their bums were touching. All of us cheered with happiness, “look their bums are touching.” Eventually they could sit on the same pillow with no growling and we knew they were finally friends. When they would be on walks together—they were a terrible tag team!! If there was a female dog anywhere near by Lola was on it to protect her little man. Lola always had Teag’s back. They were loyal friends. Was there still jealousy and attitude on occasion—always from Teag, but Lola just turned into nothing but Love. She would occasionally throw her weight around to get her way, but there was no question she loved him.

We have had our little Lola for a little over three and a half years. AND after 3.5 years she FELT so much LOVE, but we ended up FEELING and receiving even more LOVE from our LOLA. She became a sincere gift to our family. That may not seem like a very long time, but with this sweet dog—not long enough. She just came to genuinely LOVE our family and we fell deeply in love with her. Her sweet, loving spirit is definitely missed in our home and it has been hard to see her dog dishes, her little, turquoise fleece she would wear everywhere, her toys she loved, the spots she would lay down in our house, her blankets….She would have weekend slumber parties with our daughter when she was home for the weekends from college. She had special places she pulled the leash to go on walks and every time we ventured to a certain green space we called “dog island” her and Teag would jump around and rush to the door. She was full of joy! Another funny story were the squirrels on our deck. Lola would sit at the back, glass door and not move her head but her giant eyes would slowly watch the squirrel get closer and closer. Her body did not flinch and then to see her big eyes follow the squirrels every move & then watch her head slowly begin to move with such intention…priceless. [You had to be there to see it. ] She would have the most intentional stares as you talked to her. She had these big, beautiful puppy dog eyes that seemed to hang on your every glance and conversation you would have with her. AND, don’t even mention, if you said, “treat” or “chicken” she would jump for JOY and almost dance to show and share her excitement. She was a different dog than the Lola who was broken and sad when she first arrived. Despite everything—she always had a loving, no worries soul. She always did her best & had the best attitude. She had a prissy walk, was totally a girly girl and she even had the tiny feet and the walk to prove it. She is and will only be THE ONE AND ONLY LOLA LOVIE…HELLOLA…LOWLY…GOLDEN GIRL…GIRLIE…DOG DAUGHTER. Our LOLA had a zest for life, she would hear a flock of birds flying over head and stop and watch them fly by. She would come across a newt in the yard and gently smell and watch it. She had her paths she liked to walk and lit up at any opportunity to go in the car or on a walk. She loved more than anything to be with her people.

In the end…’having a dog will bless you with many of your happiest days of your life, and one of the worst.’

My husband called her his, “dog daughter” and selflessly has been serving and caring for her health necessities for months. We found out about six months ago that she had cancer and that it had spread to her lungs and she would probably only have a few “good months.” It was a sad blow, but it was harder watching the hole that they took the biopsy tissue get bigger and bigger, not healing, and her body slowly rotting. She would literally smell and lick every spot she would lie down. She did not want to leave a mess or be a burden for anyone. Sadly, we had to pull out the cone for night time sleeps or when we were not around and she was alone because the smell and pain were just too much and she would lick the wound any chance she had. [She had a cone when we first got her and when we would finally have her, sadly—full circle]. My sweet husband bathed and wrapped her wounds morning and night to try to ease her smell and pain. It was a beautiful labor of love. Lola started getting a cough and we knew things were just going to get worse and her health would spiral quickly. We did not want this beautiful, loving, loyal, sweetest little thing to suffer.

In the last couple of weeks, she became even more close—she wanted to always be touching, cuddling, loving on someone. She did not want to be alone. The last few days we all slept on our big, feather couch just to make her comfortable and all be together.

I wrote this in my notes a few days earlier, “As her body slowly rots and the stench becomes unbearable. We wonder how she can stand to feel this way, Yet, every moment she can—-she follows, curls up next to us, wags her tail at any attention, affection or glance. She does not want to be alone in the end.” 

Our little LOLA til the very end just kept wagging her tail, smelling and licking up any possible fluids from her body, and just happy to be near anyone. Her spirit was only LOVE. She ran as fast as she could with Teag, she explored, smelled everything she could possibly smell, ate all the treats and just left a huge hole of LOVE in our hearts.. She will always be with us. LOVE YOU, LOLA.

Moments I cannot forget & need to remember

A few sweet moments I don’t want to forget: How brave my beautiful daughter was during Lola’s passing. She was in-tune to Lola’s needs. I couldn’t go through with everything & at one moment I had to leave—it was just too much for my heart. My daughter was strong and helped my sweet husband—they held her tight and were there. They both said it was the hardest experience they have ever had. My husband said, “How could our Lola dying be harder than losing both of my Dad’s?” I said, “because they are so unconditional. Humans struggle in that. Animals are there and effortlessly just love.”

‘BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE.’ -CJ FRICK My husband got home to our house and broke down in tears, “I miss her so much. I miss taking care of her and feeling like she needed me.” I immediately broke down, “I need you.” We just balled together. It was a huge, very emotional day for all of us. This was so tender to see the sweet relationship that had developed between my husband and Lola. When we first were looking at her and talking about buying her, my husband was not excited and definitely did not want to pay for her. He was going along with the consensus. He did NOT want another dog. Obviously, Lola was not just some dog. Lola and him created such a love affair. She would daily wander down and bump open his office door to just sit on his floor near his desk to be near him. It was so sweet to see them together. Such LOVE was shared.

‘DOGS ARE OUR LINK TO PARADISE’. -Milan Kundera On the way to the vet the sky had bright, blue patches with clouds. We passed some lovely, green fields by my daughters apartment and I just had this thought, “Why can’t this be easier. Why can’t we just let Lola out of the car, watch her run effortlessly into this gorgeous field, headed for the blue sky & poof, heaven takes her in a glimpse. We just smile watching her run and blowing her our love and kisses for her next life.” It was a beautiful image. One that I keep thinking about & trying to imagine that is how it is.

Another thing I don’t want to forget. I had to leave the room because when they sedated Lola she began to whimper and it became too hard for me. BUT, on the way home, I was sobbing and I heard the same whimper sound coming from within me. Like a flood of emotion that washed over me, I felt, “that is the same sound as Lola’s whimper. She was making that sound because of how much she was going to miss us.” A huge wash of peace hit me as I shared that sweet sentiment with my husband. He broke down and so appreciated that thought. He needed to hear that because the whole experience was so hard.

We will genuinely miss our beautiful LOLA LOVIE but we know she is running in a lush, green field with a bright blue sky beyond the horizon with butterflies dancing around, birds flying over head and her little body not feeling any pain…just LOVE. A LOVE SO DEEP THAT OUR SWEET WHIMPERS CAN BE FELT from ONE ANOTHER—it is like a sweet circle of LOVE that goes from our loving LOLA to us on earth and back to her. We have a beautiful connection from heaven to earth.

LOVE YOU, LOLA

We MISS you soo much. You have left a BEAUTIFUL, HAPPY, LOVING hole in our hearts that will never be filled until we hug you again…one day. XOXOXO

Don’t cry because its over, SMILE because it happened. -dr seuss

I am SOO genuinely HAPPY we had this beautiful soul in our life. I SMILE now because we got the short time to LOVE and be LOVED by her. xoxo LOVE YOU LOLA

Peace, Love and Light to you. -H

PLEASE go hug those furry LOVES you have in your life and be so grateful to hug them now & forever.

In need of a little perspective?

Life is funny like that.

I woke up to a “Dense FOG” warning this morning from my amazon Alexa weather alert. I got up anyway and went on my daily walk, but today took me back to a few memories of various places. I walked the golf course near my home and it took me back to the timing of almost three years ago when we first moved to the Oregon Coast. I noticed the chill in the air, the crispness, the quiet, the trees that almost seemed to peak out from the dense, cloud-like fog & if you looked up you would see blue sky, almost as if it were waiting for its turn to show up with the sunlight. Before moving to Oregon I had only really experienced dense fog on a few occasions & every time I would RUN to a nearby park to take pictures because I had never seen trees covered in a surrounding fog. Now, I see trees in fog quite a bit. It is funny how the normal things become the ordinary and you begin to miss the magic of the out-of-the-ordinary moments.

I realized this today—perspective makes us take notice. I did not take my camera out of my pocket once this morning because I take it for granted that there will be more foggy days. It was a sad reality because TODAY is all you are promised. You never know what lies ahead for tomorrow. What if I suddenly had to move and missed my opportunities to take foggy photos of trees in the mist? What if I suddenly was unable to walk and enjoy the beautiful golf course of fog? What if…can play out in a variety of scenarios. We only have today. We only have precious moments. There are no guarantees—that is real perspective!

When you have the same environment day in and day out—-it is easy to take things for granted. It is easy to say, “Maybe I will walk that path tomorrow”…”maybe I will take that photo tomorrow”…”Maybe I will walk the beach”…”Maybe I will have that conversation with my brother”…”Maybe I will take the time to go see my daughter”…

I have a wonderful neighbor who moved to the Oregon Coast from California to be closer to her daughter. Her daughter lives a couple hours away, but my neighbor rarely goes to visit her. The daughter is moving this weekend and invited us to come help her move. We happily said yes, despite her mom not going to take the time to go. What does that say to her daughter about priorities…her as a priority…PERSPECTIVE?

I guess it just makes my heart sad to see a missed opportunity. It could also be that I heard a story about a family who lives near my sister in Utah. The family was getting ready to go to a family baptism for one of their six children. Unbeknownst to the Dad he backed the car up & ran over their 2 year old child and she died. I cannot even begin to feel or understand the grief or process of ever trying to get over that tragedy. My heart cannot even fathom the reality of such a loss.

It does make me stop and gain a greater perspective on my own relationship with my beloved daughter. It makes me want to have any chance of a deep conversation or connection with her. It makes me want to drive three hours to just to see her beautiful smile and know she is feeling good. It makes me want to hug her with my heart and soul because I CAN. PERSPECTIVE.

There is another saying that is posted on my fridge, “If you look the right way you can see that the whole world is a garden.” I LOVE that. It is about life’s perspectives. It is all in how you look and perceive things.

This past week we took my daughter on a spring break trip down the Southern Coast of Oregon to the Redwoods. The weather was a downpour and then sunshine and then wind…it was a whirlwind of weather. We trudged through mud and over puddles through the big trees, we watched and admired the sideways rain that pounded the tin roof on the cafe we were having breakfast at, we hid out in a beach cave from the high winds…it was an adventure. One of my daughter’s favorite—camping in a yurt!! PERSPECTIVE. haha. The funny thing I found fun on our excursion was tipping my camera phone sideways to get a different picture—a different perspective. I had sideways beaches, gardens, my family…my daughter laughed at me and said, “vogue shots” We both laughed every time I would tip my camera.

EVERY PERSPECTIVE IS DIFFERENT.

When you begin to see anew, look differently at a situation, go in closer for a detail, capture every beautiful smile, listen to the deeper conversations, stand still and admire the little things in your every day—you begin to truly NOTICE the things that matter most.

Life is in session! EMBRACE it. CHASE the PERSPECTIVES that make you stop and take notice of the moments that make your life worth living. The moments that make the memories worthwhile. The photos that capture the silly, the mundane, the laughter, the experiences, the adventures, the rain, the sunshine, the details that ARE your life.

—Peace. Love and Light to you. xoxo.—H