“But people are oceans. she shrugged. You cannot know them by their surface.” -Beau Taplin//Surfaces
I think this is an incredible thought to think about and ponder. It genuinely gave me chills because of the truth held within this statement.
I often struggle at the surface conversations that seem to be the norm. Why can’t we truly connect and go deeper with people? Why is it such a struggle to talk, be vulnerable, to seek connection on another level, to learn from someone…
I often talk to my teenage daughter about not being afraid to “go deeper” in conversations with friends or people she meets. She tells me she doesn’t want this guy to assume she is getting too deep because she likes him or something.
Is it out of fear of getting to know someone on a more intimate level & feeling like you owe them something? Or is it a fear of having to go deeper yourself?
I am of the genuine opinion that every person we come in contact with has something we can take or learn from.
I recently watched a tv series that was short-lived, but it had life coaches, young adults with dreams & entrepreneurial spirit, so I was intrigued. At first glance, I thought it would be a shallow show with lots of egos, but as I watched each episode I began to see the people break open, become more vulnerable and begin to learn about themselves & one another. They developed deeper connections on many levels.
Here are some great lessons I took away from the show “Dream Quest”
One of the coaches was describing to one of the adults how “To become soft again”—it made me think of “moldable” to be able to create a better version of oneself. To be flexible and agile enough in a way that you could take things in, learn, create, change, move differently…take things for your life & make it better.
“Boundaries are not limiting, they are liberating.” The coaches were illustrating a point to one of the adults on the show. They were trying to show him how it is easier for people to pull or drag you down than it is for you to lift them up. That is why it is so important to surround yourself with good people. (They did a great visual–they put Tim (big guy on the show) up on a table & told him to pull up Kortney (Lifecoach who is a small woman). Tim could not do it. They talked about how it was easier for Kortney to pull him down than for him to lift her up. It was a great visual.
They talked about a study with school-age kids on a playground & they first had no fence (no boundaries) & they watched & observed them & how they played. Then they put a fence up around the playground & they found the kids played longer, were louder, felt safer & more secure. The boundaries were good.
Accountability—center console in your car metaphor
You clean your center as soon as you need to pick someone up at the airport.
You need people to help you be accountable.
Habit—your habits are either helping or hurting you.
The first part of a habit is the hardest part—
Did you know the Shuttle Uses More fuel in the first 7 seconds of liftoff than it does to orbit the entire earth?
As you get through the hard part & are committed to a good habit then it’s easier to go with the flow.
What discipline am I going to add into my life right now to make it better??
Good Communication is 7%words 35% tone and 58% Body language
Do it afraid!! Face the fear of rejection, what others think, regret, etc & do it anyway. Ask yourself. What if I didn’t try….how would you feel?
Choose COURAGE over FEAR
ITS OKAY TO FAIL, just don’t fail to try!!
Comparison & worrying about others will quickly handicap your dream
Take it one step at a time focusing on yourself & where you are going.
Switching your attitude will change everything in an instant. Nothing can be based on circumstances—it’s your attitude about it.
Never give up!
Emotional intelligence & dealing with people
Sympathy—I feel sorry for them…
Empathy—I understand how they are feeling
Empathy is one of the most important traits a good leader can have.
Kylie Jeans words of affirmations with her parents growing up: I like myself. I have a great destiny and people listen to me because I have valuable & important things to say.
Learn from anyone & everyone you can.
I believe you can learn SOMETHING from everyone you connect with. It is up to you whether you take it deeper and have it become more of a meaningful outcome for your own life. Lessons are everywhere—stories people tell us, feelings we get from someone, words of affirmation, life lessons shared via email or social media, a smile from a stranger, a compliment from someone you work with, a sincere thank you….there are so many ways to connect & when these interactions go deeper, they mean more.
Stretch. Learn. Grow. Don’t be afraid to invest in others by connecting on a deeper level. You both will benefit.
Here are some good links to help:
200 Deep Questions To Ask If You Really Want To Get To Know Someone https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2016/02/40-deep-questions-to-ask-if-you-really-want-to-get-to-know-someone/
Tips for deeply connecting with others https://www.huffpost.com/entry/connecting-to-others_n_1083976
How to listen and build deep connections with people https://theartofcharm.com/networking/how-to-listen-and-build-deeper-connections-with-people/
Hope you will take away some good. Make today amazing. Connect. xoxo -H