Month: July 2023

Attachment in gratitude

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You always hear the wisdom in not getting attached to THINGS, but we are human and we do. We have been asked many times, “If there was a fire or an evacuation, what would be the most important items you would grab?”

It is a very interesting thought process, but in reality, do you really know?

Exactly two years ago we downsized and sold everything besides what we could fit into a small, 8 x 10 moving trailer. After almost 30 years of marriage, we had a lot of stuff. You begin to go through your things and see the attachment you have to them—It was very hard to let go of some of my daughter’s childhood toys because of the memories they hold. Boxes of childhood art, photo albums, report cards, crafts that were made, etc had to be put on phone photos for the memories. We could not hold onto everything—it did not make sense.

When we first moved to Oregon there had been a major fire in a surrounding area, so many people had been effected and had lost their homes. One of the people who came to do some construction on our home was one of those people. It was the perfect opportunity to ask them, “So, in a fire evacuation situation—what did you grab?” The woman looked at me, “My expensive jeans! My body is hard to find jeans that fit.” I smiled and was taken back by her answer. Everyone has their necessities! haha.

Another situation—one of our new neighbors just moved back to Texas last week. They had been packing up their stuff into a large, cargo bin that was going to travel by train to their new destination. My husband is very good friends with the husband, Don. My husband had gone over and helped Don finish up their packing with the heavy lifting of some fine furniture. One of the pieces Don had spent $7,000 on an Amish table that he had custom made. My husband teased that they had to move and lift this table with such care, like it was a million dollar table. Their moving cargo bin was as full as it could possibly be with stuff they had been moving and buying for years. Everything they owned was carefully packed floor to ceiling into this large, metal crate. Don has been keeping my husband in the know of how their travel journey has been going.

This morning my husband came up and told me that he had just talked to Don & Don just learned that their cargo train had derailed in Montana and everything they owned was gone! My heart sank for Don and all the time, hours and special care he had put into packing all of their belongings. They now had literally nothing besides the clothing on their back and a small travel camper they were living in. Don, in his usual, great sense of humor–chimed in, “So Jon, I will need to have your daughter, Kate make us some more of those cookies you sent us with immediately!”

This is where the other side of the story comes in…we must always remember to have a grateful heart for all that we are given. Don’s wife is a woman that is never happy with life. She sadly is the type of person you instantly feel heavy energy from and know the direction the conversation will ultimately go…negative, ungrateful…Every conversation with her held no happiness, no gratitude, just complaints about where she lived, the house, the weather, what she didn’t find on the beach, what wasn’t here on the coast, the lack of everything….on and on. It was exhausting.

Sadly, (not my best reaction. smile) when I heard this news, I instantly thought of Don’s wife and how she has never been grateful. I thought, “Karma” She has not been happy or grateful with anything she has had, so now it has all been literally taken away.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” -Epicurus

This quote makes me think of how often our mind tricks us into complaining, whining, switching to see through tainted glasses those desires that ultimately harden our hearts. Our rose colored glasses become tainted and we lose focus of all we are gifted. This makes me think of my neighbor & how her perspective on life was wishing she was somewhere else, having shopping malls close by, mad about this or that—instead of seeing the beauty of where she was, the ocean within a 15 minute walk, the serenity, the quiet, the private beach, etc…to many this place is paradise, but how easily we can lose focus of the beauty, the gifts and wish it all away.

There is genuinely something to that! I think if we cannot be happy or grateful with what we have—-WHY would we receive more?

THINGS come and go. Money comes and goes…it is important for us to always remember what is the most important—the relationships, the love, the care we have for others. We become attached to the THINGS, but we need to become more attached to the gratitude for the people we care about most and the little things that make our days better.

I have always loved the thought—NoTHING can make you truly fulfilled or happy. So seeking gratitude can help us focus on those little things that will bring us Joy and a deeper life fulfillment.

How can we create an attachment to gratitude?

Turn it into a practice—weekly or daily “This is a wonderful day. I have never seen this one before.” -Maya Angelou. “The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.” -Douglas Wood. “The number one joy indicator, the one thing that will predict whether someone feels joy in their life or not, is the practice of gratitude.” -John O’Leary “Gratitude can transform any situation. It alters your vibration, moving you from negative energy to positive. It’s the quickest, easiest, most powerful way to effect change in your life—this I know for sure,” -Oprah Winfrey

IDEAS: I have written many times about gratitude practices and how they have scientifically been linked to greater amounts of happiness. Here are some ideas: Gratitude list it daily or once a week. You can either journal, keep a list, voice memo, etc. Our family group texts out lists to each other & I compile them in a note on my computer.We have also done journals together before bed. It just depends on what works best for you in your life. Gratitude visit: Find someone who has been a great influence to you in your life & connect with them & share your gratitude for them in your life. Stop & fully enJOY the moments: when you find yourself making moments count, whether you stop and smell the flowers, savor the food, hug a loved one, laugh at a joke, watch a sunset, etc…stop and take it in fully.

Give thanks through prayer—“When I pray, I always thank Mother Nature for all the beauty in the world. It’s about having an attitude of gratitude.” -Miranda Kerr. “I lie in bed at night, after ending my prayers with the words ‘Ich danke dir für all das Gute und Liebe und Schöne.’ (Thank you, God, for all that is good and dear and beautiful.)” -Anne Frank

IDEAS: Have a special place you go to—a destination, if you will, of a sacred spot you can go to take some time to say thank you, feel and notice your blessings within your life and just be in the moment. A couple things I do–I have a special prayer rock by the ocean & I also have an outdoor rocking chair that I take a few minutes in the morning to look to the sky, rock and say thank you simply for the day. If you feel too rushed in your day to day, take a moment while you are driving to work or riding the train and get quiet within and begin a list of things to say thank you for.

Be someone’s need-–“Each day brings new opportunities, allowing you to constantly live with love—be there for others—bring a little light into someone’s day. Be grateful and live each day to the fullest,” -Kyo Maclear

IDEAS: Always be on the lookout for people who need a smile, give a stranger a compliment, start up a conversation at a coffee shop. Leave notes: Make a habit of once a month to leave little notes for people who waitress your table, a cashier at a drive-thru, someone you work with, a great neighbor & express your gratitude for them. Leave little post-it notes for those you live with and love. They always need a little encouragement and love. Always be available and offer support to those around you. Simply just listen in any conversation you are in—that is such a need. Stay off of your phone and be aware of anyone and everyone around you—at the mall, at work, school—smile, be the one who makes eye contact and makes another person FEEL seen.

Visualize—“When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.” -Kristin Armstrong “Focusing on one thing that you are grateful for increases the energy of gratitude and rises the joy inside yourself,” -Oprah. “When we dwell on the positive, and feed our minds with beauty and goodness, we exude positivity and create favorable situations. It’s as simple as that,” -Leona Sokolova

IDEAS: Create a visual journal of thanks. Make a collage of things you would like in your life. Simply breathe and allow a spirit of thanks.

Be aware of your gratitude—“When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.” -Tecumseh. “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love—then make that day count!” -Steve Maraboli

IDEAS: Wayne Dyer would share his morning ritual of once his feet hit the floor out of bed, he would give thanks for a new day. Take a walk and notice the details around you: smell the flowers, look at the lines and symmetry in nature, just breathe, appreciate your eyes that can see the beauty around you, hear the birds and be thankful you can hear them. —-My sweet husband has had chronic ear problems that have caused him to not be able to hear higher pitched sounds, so there are many birds he cannot even hear. It makes my heart ache for him.—Stop and notice. Listen. Breathe.

What are you thinking about? What are you saying to yourself? “I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” -GK Chesterton

I was just talking with my daughter about this. Our thoughts truly can create parts of our reality, so you need to be aware of what you are thinking and telling yourself. My daughter was sharing that she had felt like she had not done anything with her life at this point. I had to help her put her rose-colored glasses back on & SEE a little more clearly. I reminded her that she had just been offered and was working in the Marine field, was photographing seals for an incredible internship opportunity, has made lots of friends & is going to be the President of a huge ocean club on her college campus…I said, “If you cannot begin to see the charms of your life, the gifts you have been given, why would God be so excited to keep giving you more?” We literally went to a store & found a pair of rose-colored glasses & took some fun pics of her to remember the conversation. Sometimes we need to change our lenses & focus on the incredible things & practice being grateful.

Notice the little things—“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” -Robert Brault. “There are so many things in the world that could be invisible to the material eye, and when you take a moment to stop, to pause, to be present and notice them—that’s gratitude.” -Jay Shetty. “By writing what I was grateful for, I learned to look for things that made me smile,” -Dr. Ranjani Rao

IDEAS: I always stop and smell the wild roses. It is a tiny thing that reminds me of the small blessings we easily walk by and rarely take in. Plus, the fragrance is incredible. When we begin to notice the little things that is when the magic happens. When you get up early before the world wakes you find yourself in wondrous places. —-My husband and I got up early and went to a neighborhood garden before the world got busy & while we were walking a mama deer and two little fawns walked casually in front of us through the garden. It was like a dream.—–

Let go of ‘Lack’ and embrace the blessings you have—“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” -Epictetus. “It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.” -Germany Kent. “The moment I stopped spending so much time chasing the big pleasure of life, I began to enjoy the little ones, like watching the stars dancing in a moonlit sky or soaking in the sunbeams of a glorious summer morning,” -Robin Sharma

IDEAS: We are human–there will always be a sense of lack and of gratitude….which one do you want to focus on? Where is the energy going to take you? I think this can be such an easy trap to fall into. We can look at our neighbors, see people with better bodies, wish we could vacation more, etc. But when we focus on things that are trivial—we lose sight of the daily gifts that happen every day. We get stuck wishing things were different, instead of enjoying the life you have today. There are no guarantees for tomorrow.

Find a reverence—“Gratitude bestows reverence…changing forever how we experience life and the world.” -John Milton. “Living in a state of gratitude is the gateway to grace,” Arianna Huffington 

IDEAS: Savor the solitude, stop and watch the pelicans, feed the seagulls, take the time to see the sunset, walk through nature, stare lovingly at your favorite people you love, make food with love, …life is a gift to enJOY. Take it all in and be grateful in the moments.

Live it—“So it is not happiness that makes us grateful. It’s gratefulness that makes us happy,” -monk David Steindl-Rast 

IDEAS: You must live it now! I have the sweetest neighbor who takes care of her 93 year old mom, but my neighbor has stopped living because she gets stuck in the ideas of…when my mom is gone, when I don’t have to take care of her…I will see more of my daughter when…she rarely leaves the house because she has convinced herself that when…things change… then I will live. You only have right now to truly live. Life is in session.

I hope this post helps you find the gratitude you need right now for your life. Begin. Begin again if you need to. It is a practice worth creating.

Peace, Love and Light. xoxo H

Overcoming Obstacle Stories

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I LOVE stories of people overcoming obstacles, but I think there is a greater impact when it is a name everyone recognizes. Hollywood has a lot of great stories about people who overcame obstacles and the challenges that help them rise and keep going. enJOY.

Gustave Eiffel, the designer of the famed Eiffel Tower, was terrified of heights.

Roger Moore (James Bond) cannot pick up a gun without uncontrollably blinking.

Walt Disney, who gave the world Mickey Mouse, was indeed, afraid of mice. He was also fired at one point for “lackof imagination.”

The world famous minister, Joel Osteen, sells out places like Yankee Stadium and speaks live to 40,000 a week who visit Lakewood church every Sunday (the mega-church meets in Houston at the former Compaq Center). Osteen says the week before his first sermon in 1999 marked the worst days of his life. “I was scared to death,” he says. At the time he knew very little about speaking or preparing a message. In fact he was perfectly content to sit behind the video camera during his father’s sermons. When his father passed away, Osteen’s wife and family encouraged him to take the stage. Osteen did not overcome his fear for a long time. The conversations he heard didn’t help. “I overheard two ladies say, ‘he’s not as good as his father.’ I was already insecure and—boom—another negative label.” Words, he says, are like seeds. If you dwell on them long enough they take root and you will become what those words say you’ll become—if you let them. Osteen says negative labels—the ones people place on us and the labels we place on ourselves— prevent us from reaching our potential. (taken from forbes)

Albert Einstein– didn’t speak until he was four years old. He failed his college entrance exam.

Steven Spielberg had dyslexia that created struggles in school with learning, so because of his grades he was rejected multiple times by USC’s film program– You read that right. One of the most prolific filmmakers of all time, the man who brought us “Shindler’s List,” “Jaws,”“E.T.” and “Jurassic Park” couldn’t get into the film school of his choice.

Jim Carrey had to drop out of school at 15 to help support his family. His father was unemployed and the family had to start living in a van.

In 1985, Carrey made an audacious decision: He wrote himself a $10-million check for “acting services rendered,” dated it 10 years in the future, and kept it in his wallet. Call it a coincidence, but in November 1995, Carrey found out he was cast in the movie “Dumb and Dumber” for — you guessed it — $10 million.

Charlize Theron witnessed her mother kill her father when she was 15. “I don’t believe in charmed lives. I think that tragedy is part of the lesson you learn to lift yourself up, to pick yourself up and to move on.”

Tom Cruise Nominated for three Academy Awards and has won three Golden Globe Awards; As of 2012, Cruise is Hollywood’s highest-paid actor. Fourteen of his films grossed over $100 million domestically; twenty have grossed in excess of $200 million worldwide. He grew up in near poverty. The family was dominated by his abusive father, whom Cruise has described as “a merchant of chaos.”; He was beaten by his father, who Cruise has said was a bully and coward: “He was the kind of person where, if something goes wrong, they kick you. It was a great lesson in my life–how he’d lull you in, make you feel safe and then, bang! For me, it was like, ‘There’s something wrong with this guy. Don’t trust him. Be careful around him.”

Richard Branson (Virgin) has a lifelong dread of public speaking. When he launched Virgin in the early 80s, his mentor, entrepreneur Freddie Laker, told him he had to make himself the public face of the company. “I remember thinking, ‘That’s easy for you to say,’ because I was utterly terrified,” says Branson. The Resolution: Branson relies on a slew of mind games to get him through his numerous speaking gigs. He forces himself to imagine he’s in his living room, chatting with pals. He spends weeks writing and rehearsing seemingly off-the-cuff speeches. And he relies heavily on videos and Q&A’s to shift attention elsewhere. Branson’s methods have been so successful that now he delivers speeches on—you guessed it—“The Art of Public Speaking.” (taken from lifereimagined) 

A little something more about Richard Branson– is the fourth richest person in the United Kingdom. He owns the Virgin group of brands, including a record label, an airline, and the mobile phone company. He also owns an island in the Caribbean.

As a child, though, he performed poorly on tests in school and struggled with dyslexia. Teachers and authority fi gures assumed he wouldn’t go very far, but Branson defi ed the odds, and attributes his success to his people skills – proving that street smarts can take you far. (masterschannel)

Today we know Emily Blunt as a Golden Globe and Screen Actor’s Guild winning actress. With several hit films under her belt, including the acclaimed A Quiet Place, Sicario, and the Girl on the Train, Emily Blunt is one of England’s most successful actresses with an estimated net worth of $110 million dollars.

But her glittering career almost didn’t happen. As a teenager, Emily developed a stutter so debilitating she could barely hold a conversation. So severe was her stutter, that she never even considered a career in acting. Her parents took her to speech coaches and relaxation coaches, but nothing worked.

“I was a smart kid, and had a lot to say, but I just couldn’t say it,” said Emily in a 2009 interview. “It would just haunt me.”

But that all changed when a kind teacher encouraged her to try out for the school play.

“One of my teachers at school had a brilliant idea and said, ‘Why don’t you speak in an accent in our school play?’ I distanced myself from me through this character, and it was so freeing that my stuttering stopped when I was onstage. It was really a miracle.”

Audrey Hepburn faced many obstacles in her life that she overcame to attain greatness. As a child, Hepburn never had it easy. At the young age of eight, her father abandoned her family. The outbreak of World War II. Audrey and her mom moved to Holland where they thought they would be safe. Unfortunately, it was far from that. The Nazi invasion began and they lived in very harsh conditions. Audrey was deprived of food and warm shelter. She suffered malnutrition and other serious health issues. Looking back as an adult, Hepburn described the experience as a fearful, depriving event, yet she viewed it as a great learning opportunity. “Being without food, fearful for one’s life, the bombings–all made me appreciative of safety, of liberty. In that sense, I learned the bad experiences have become positive in my life”

Taylor Swift Once Upon A Time, there was a girl named Taylor. When she sat down to eat lunch in her school cafeteria, the girls she’d once called friends stood up and moved to another table. They had cast Taylor out of their clique because instead of going to parties with them on weekends, she’d stay home and write songs on her guitar. The outsider landed a development deal with a record company and moved with her parents to Nashville. She would go on to become the first artist since the Beatles—and the only woman—to record three consecutive albums that spent six or more weeks at number one. Taylor Swift is still writing songs and once told a Nebraska audience, “What does it matter if you didn’t have any friends in high school when you’ve got 15,000 of your closest friends coming to see you in Omaha?”  -taken from Oprah, The Power of Quirk

Sylvester Stallone Iconic actor, one of most successful actors; wrote and starred in three-Oscar-winning (ten nominations) Rocky, which became a franchise; starred as iconic John Rambo; got steps of Philadelphia Art Museum named after him

Complications his mother suffered during labor forced her obstetricians to use two pairs of forceps during his birth; misuse of these accidentally severed a nerve and caused paralysis in parts of Stallone’s face. As a result, the lower left side of his face is paralyzed including parts of his lip, tongue, and chin an accident which has given Stallone his snarling look and slightly slurred speech.

Sweet story about him & his best friend: Sylvester Stallone, the actor best known for his role in Rocky, just shared the most beautiful tribute to his dog Butkus. The 70-year-old writes: “When I was 26, totally broke, going nowhere VERY fast, owned two pair of pants that barely fit, shoes that had holes in them and dreams of being successful were as far away as the sun… But I had my dog, BUTKUS, my best friend, my confidant, who always laughed at my jokes, and put up with my moods, and was the one living thing that loved me for who I was!” Already grabbing a tissue? Wait, cause it gets even sweeter. 1971 was a tough year for Stallone and his doggie. “We were both, thin, hungry, and living in a flophouse above a subway stop, I used to say this apartment had… Hot and cold running roaches.”

“When things got even worse I had to sell him for $40 in front of a 7-Eleven store, because I couldn’t afford food, then like a modern day miracle, the screenplay for Rocky sold, and I could buy him back, but the new owner knew I was desperate, and charged me $15,000 … He was worth every penny!”

Simon Cowell had a failed record company. By his late twenties, Cowell had made a million dollars and lost a million dollars. Cowell told The Daily Mail in 2012, “‘I’ve had many failures. The biggest were at times when I believed my own hype. I’d had smaller failures, signing bands that didn’t work, but my record company going bust, that was the first big one.” Even after such a momentous loss, Cowell picked himself up and became one of the biggest forces in reality television, serving as a judge for “Pop Idol,” “The X Factor,” “Britain’s Got Talent” and “American Idol.” Forbes has estimated his net worth at $95 million.

Michael Jordan—Considered by many as the greatest player of all time. Cut from varsity basketball team in his sophomore year.

Lady Gaga was dropped from her first record label.

Harrison Ford was told by an unknown Hollywood executive that he didn’t possess the star quality needed to become successful in the industry.

Shakira was told she sounded like a goat because of her vibrato range. When she tried out for choir, the choir teacher even went as far as telling Shakira she had a bad voice and refused to let her join the choir during school.

You may have already heard some of these stories, but they are always a good reminder that everyone goes through hard things. No one is exempt from challenges. We all have a journey. Make it a great one! -H

FLY…First Love YourSELF

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Self-worth vs Self-esteem

I have been struggling to understand the emotional swings and ups and downs of my sweet, college daughter. She has been struggling to move on from her happy childhood into adulting. She has been trying to find her wings, while dealing with feelings of needing to let go of her necessity to depend on her mom & dad. She has been seemingly caught in-between two places of childhood and adulting and it has been a big adjustment—it has been HARD. It has helped me to see and understand a different level of personal worth, finding the confidence you need and building the essentials that comes with experience and growth.

I was reading an article trying to find ways to understand my daughter when I read an article about self-worth and self-esteem—according to thrive global, Self-worth is the deep-rooted internal belief of being good enough and worthy of love, of feeling secure to belong just as you are. Conversely, self-esteem is the feeling of confidence and competence in one or more specific areas of your life. The differences suggesting that self-esteem is gained from all the external factors in life (outside influences, external factors like your clothing style, your friends, your body image, your relationships, your job…it is fleeting, and can change ) VS your self-worth and how that is all an inside job in beginning to know and understand the higher level, best self within.

Another way of looking at this is your FEELINGS. HIGH-AROUSAL positive feelings cause emotions such as exuberance, ecstasy, euphoria come when you find yourself in favorable CIRCUMSTANCES. For instance, when you are thrilled when a crush agrees to go on a date or you get a promotion at work, BUT circumstances can change & the relationship or job is not what you expected and the situations turn into disappointments. The, you also have LOW-AROUSAL positive feelings such as calm, serenity, tranquility, and contentment that come FROM WITHIN. They are the more authentic, durable, stable feelings that come from a place where you are content with the world regardless of your relationship, job status, changes in your romantic or professional life—will not alter these feelings of contentment. -ideas taken from berkleywellbeing

So, how do you know if you have low self-worth?

Become AWARE. Awareness is key. Seek out the inner critic in your thoughts. Is there a bit of a bully playing in the background of your life?? Pay attention to the narrative in your head. The inner critic threatens, “You are going to fail,” monitors weaknesses or mistakes, “You messed this up again,” commands “You should stop acting like a fool,” and judges, “You don’t look good.” Self-criticism harnesses negative emotions like fear, shame, and guilt. It is not a helpful motivator. You can learn to replace these destructive thoughts with positive growth-orientated ones through awareness and practice, which are scientifically proven to be more motivating than continually berating yourself. -thrive global My daughter has a bit of a bully that shows up & is mean! We call her Shhmate!! (instead of Kate 🙂 She is one who reacts and in some instances she gets emotional and physical—a real, bully!! Your inner critic is the harsh voice that causes an inner struggle between your brain and your body, which then causes a physical flight or flight response. This internal action then causes your body to create higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which takes a greater toll on your whole physical system. One of the best ways to combat your inner critic is with self-compassion, which brings about greater amounts of oxytocin into the body to help you feel calmer and more physically balanced.

Practice Self-Compassion: Self-compassion is about helping you be gentle with yourself & coming to a place of love & self-acceptance over judgement and criticism. Here is a list of micro-practices to add to your routine: Just breathe . Exercise . Take a walk . Service . Get out in nature . Eat healthy . Ask yourself throughout the day, “What do I need right now?” . Journal feelings & begin to notice any harmful patterns or things you need to be aware of . Don’t take things too seriously by watching a funny video to help you laugh . Pray or meditate . Practice self-kindness, which helps regulate fear with personal connection . Begin a gratitude practice . Take mental breaks . Create boundaries for yourself . Practice being your own best friend .

Let go of NEGATIVE thinking and self-talk. YOU CHOOSE your thoughts. Choose wisely. It is one of the hardest practices to notice your thinking and self-talk patterns. They are there, so the sooner you begin to watch, listen and learn what triggers what or how you really talk to yourself–the sooner you will be able to understand your thinking patterns. Just watch and learn for awhile. What seems to be constant mantras in your mind? How do you handle stress? What patterns do you see in your language on a daily basis? Begin to observe. IF you find there are some negative traps and patterns going on then you need to find a way to notice them and change the pattern. It is a practice. I have heard a few exercises you can try—I Like the metaphor of looking at your thoughts as a dance with a partner. Your thoughts (dance partner) approaches & you either like what they say or you spin them away for a more positive dance partner. Who do you want to be constantly dancing with? Someone who is negative? Swap your words and phrases for more positive ones.

Another exercise is the ticker tape—its like your thoughts are streaming across a ticker tape board (think stock market, long-running line of words, names, numbers–google if you need a visual) of your ongoing thoughts. What are you saying to yourself? What are the constant themes? Are they positive or negative? If you need to, write them down so you can truly see what you are saying to yourself. If you are seeing a lot of negative self-talk then you need to practice replacing your negative conversations with positive phrases, words, convos.

Another exercise or more of a metaphor is the story, Which dog do you feed. It is a good visual.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

 He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.” [taken from urban balance.com)

Positive self-talk is a practice. You need to be aware of your thoughts and then begin. Remember and always ask yourself, “Would I say or desire to say this to a good friend?” and then keep in mind that you should be your greatest friend in life. Speak to yourself with kindness and love.

Let go of the PERFECTION and allow learning through mistakes. Learn to be kind to yourself no matter the outcome. My daughter has always been one to expect her best and has always been a student of highest standards (to a fault). We have had to work with her on letting go of having to have 100% and that her best is enough.

Do NOT COMPARE. The saying compare and despair is a real thing. There is a real trick to not getting caught in the social media traps of comparing your life to others. It is easier said than done. Tip: Try a social media detox

Remember and reflect on your WINS. Look back at your past achievements, successes, compliments, wins and remember the challenges and how you overcame them. Everything that causes you to grow begins as a challenge. Remember how far you have come and where you have been able to grow to be your best. Tip: my daughter started a compliment and accomplishments journal to write down and remember nice things that were said to her, good things she did for others, etc.

Believe in your WORTH. Always remember that your worth is NOT dependent on the house you have, the job you get, the clothes you wear, the money you have in the bank, the…YOUR WORTH is always within you. YOU are worth more than any success you believe will bring happiness. Your happiness is within you already. The outer STUFF is not going to fulfill you. YOU are enough and the belief in that knowing is going to fill your life with the happiness you desire.

Beautiful Kate, Always remember to be gentle with yourself, find and practice kindness with yourself and begin to know and believe that you are enough. You are more than enough! You are exquisitely created to live a life that reflects beauty, love, light and peace. You are meant to remember your deep, beloved worth and the gorgeous gem that you are. You are meant to shine brilliantly in all you do. You are a treasure. Always do those things that will help you remember your worth.

Love you xoxo

Lessons learned from the movie, The Switch

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Our college daughter is home for summer break, so we have been trying to find movies in the evening that we can all enJOY together. This was a fun, unexpected, feel-good movie with two of my favorite actors, Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman. FAVORITEs—-because I have heard good things about them in the real-life world. You LOVE to hear good things about people who have not completely lost their good-human footing in the game of life. Yay.

There will be some spoilers—obviously, if I am taking quotes from the movie and taking away life lessons from them. smile. smile.

It was a cute rom-com with a twist on friendship…and the connections we need.

STORY LINE: Kassie (Jennifer Aniston) and Wally (Jason Bateman) are best friends. Being unlucky in love, Kassie has decided to have a child using artificial insemination. Wally doesn’t like this idea, but he isn’t capable of admitting to himself, let alone to Kassie, that he’s in love with her. At Kassie’s artificial insemination party, Wally gets very drunk and spies the sperm donor’s sample in the bathroom. Wally was way too drunk to know what he did that night, and Kassie has moved away because she doesn’t feel that New York City is a place to raise a child. Now 7 years later, Kassie has moved back with her son Sebastian. While she is looking to get Roland (the sperm donor) more involved in their lives, Wally can’t help but notice the many striking similarities that he and Sebastian share. -from IMDB

Wally Mars:
Look at us. Running around, always rushed, always late. I guess that’s why they call it the human race. What we crave most in this world is connection. For some people it happens at first site. It’s when you know, you know. It’s fate working its magic. And that’s great for them. They get to live in a pop song; ride the express train. But that’s not the way it really works. For the rest of us it’s a bit less romantic. It’s complicated and it’s messy. It’s about horrible timing and fumbled opportunities. And not being able to say what you need to say when you need to say it. At least, that’s the way it was for me.

I completely agree with this. I think the world is actually getting harder to connect on many levels with people. It is one thing to be able to actually say what you need to say, what you feel, and genuinely understand someone and their personal needs. The game of life has changed and become even more complicated. I look at my college daughter and a couple of her college age cousins and they all seem to cling to connection. One of her cousins was with a guy she fell very deeply in love with and dated for six months until he moved out-of-state on a law scholarship opportunity. She then quickly began serial dating until she found another guy that has lasted four dates so far. My daughter has had little dating experience and has jumped from one six month relationship, a break from guys for about four months and into another relationship that has been going on for about four months. He is already talking long term and that terrifies me. And, don’t get me started on trying to even begin to understand how kids these days communicate authentically, while trying to understand the pronouns, intentions of people coming in and out of their lives or how all the influences, social media distractions, text talk…how that all plays into everything. FEELING CONNECTION is getting harder and harder.

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Kassie Larson:
I’m ready to do it now. Life is in session.

LIFE IS IN SESSION. That is it! We have this one life and we constantly need to be asking ourselves are we living it? I always remind myself, ‘You are either living or dying.” You are either growing or you are not. Life is now…Life is in session. Amen.

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Sweet conversations between Wally and Sebastian were very connecting. Loved their relationship.

Sebastian:
I’m having a birthday party.

Wally Mars:
Oh yeah? You enjoy that, there’s gonna come a time in your life when you’re not gonna want people to know it’s your birthday.

Sebastian:
Why wouldn’t anyone want people to know about their birthday?

Wally Mars:
Because getting old sucks. Most people don’t accomplish what they’d hope to and they realize that they are most likely not going to. They end up living these quite lives of denial, and uh… brushing birthdays under the rug just becomes a part of that.

I do think for many this is a genuine description of birthdays as you get older. I am turning 50 this year and my sweet husband brought up my birthday the other day & talked about inviting a bunch of neighbors to get together to celebrate. I stopped him in his tracks and asked him if he really thought that would be fun for me. I told him that he would love that, but no so much, me. I am generally not a big social butterfly. I enjoy people in doses and on my own timing, so gathering a bunch of people to celebrate me—not my thing! I don’t need that much attention. smile. smile. My husband, on the other hand, loves attention and would love a party with lots of neighbors. To each their own.

I do however, agree with the other sentiment in the movie line—that as you get older you begin to analyze your life, have regrets, and run out of precious time to do everything our younger selves hoped and wished for. Your bucket list for life becomes a bit heavier and harder to carry. BUT, I think as we age we just need to change our perspective and make our birthdays memorable. Instead of things…experiences. I have tried to do that more and more over the years. It is the memories that we make in life that we get to keep and are the true treasures of life. My sweet husband and daughter always try to gift me experiences, so for my 50th—horseback riding on the beach!! Don’t brush life under a rug…..get out and experience it! Live it! Life is in session! LOVE that!

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Wally also had a great relationship with a colleague (played by Jeff Goldblum) which was full of fun interactions.

Wally Mars:
So that we’re clear, she did not put me in the friend zone. We put each other in the friend zone. It was a mutual placement. You know that.

Leonard:
Let’s be honest with ourselves, you had your window with Kassie and you went all Wally on her and you doomed it.

Wally Mars:
What is that even supposed to mean?

Leonard:
You shared too much too soon. Quickest way to kill a romance. You gotta hide the crazy, at least through the appetizers.

Wally Mars:
I see. So just so that I’m clear, which one of your three failed marriages taught you that lesson?

Leonard:
All three, and they’re special in various ways.

I thought this convo was very funny. The thought that we all can come off or across to others in various ways—too crazy, you can share too much…etc. This takes me to the reality of first impressions with people and then the eventual ‘REAL’ sides of who you really are. Especially in dating. My daughter is a great example of this. She is this very fun, bubbly, outgoing, witty, confident girl who is soo much fun. She has many people adore her, want to be around her, lots of friends…but she gets to a point with people and may get too comfortable. haha. Its usually around the three month mark. She may not feel challenged enough, or she gets bored, or…..but then something happens, she gets too comfortable and some of her insecurities show up. She has a side that begins to not care and her grumpy, hangry, emotional and the ‘whatever’ side shows up more regularly. It gets ‘REAL.’ Both of her boyfriends have handled this with….”well, at least I know she feels comfortable enough with me.” The other…looked at me and said, “I don’t know what to do or how to help.”

Every person is like a puzzle box—we are all complicated and have our own, individual, unique patterns, buttons that can be pushed, intricate pieces, ways we open and close, etc. So, when we are in a relationship with another complicated puzzle—-we have to take the time to assess the timing, the patterns, the moves and take it one step at a time to make sure it all works and fits correctly. Every person that comes into our lives will hopefully teach us something about understanding individuals, life lessons we can utilize, qualities & experiences we can learn from.

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Leonard:
You should go home, Wally.

Wally Mars:
They *are* my home, Leonard.

I LOVE this sentiment. There are people, friends, neighbors, family that we can genuinely feel this way with. It is a gift to have those relationships. Always keep that thought at the forefront of your feelings for those closest to you. They are a sincere gift to your life….they are home.

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Wally Mars:
Every once in a while, out of all the randomness, something unexpected happens that pushes us all forward. And the truth is, what I’m struggling to think, and what I’m struggling to feel, is that maybe the human race isn’t a race at all.

It is the connecting moments that mean the most to the overall meaning of our lives. It is the hurts, the struggles, the deeper conversations, the trust, the love that makes life an authentic occasion. The connections are the heart of who we are and what we truly value and care about.

Loved the heart of this movie. Go watch it if you haven’t seen it. The premise may sound a little crazy, but the feel of the movie is very worthwhile. You will fall in love with everyone and the sweet connections that are essential. Well done. Thank you. Thank you for the sweet lessons found within the frames. xoxo

Peace. Love and Light to you today. -H

A sweet message from Heaven

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I NEED to share this sweet story. On July 3rd it was one month since my younger brother passed suddenly. On July 2nd I got a package in the mail and I assumed it was the little sign(s) that I had purchased for my lovies–I bought 2–one for my husband and one for my daughter. The sign says…

So, you can imagine how shocked I was when my husband handed me the package and it said…

My jaw dropped when I read the quote & realized it was NOT what I ordered. Even more shocked that it could be a loving message from heaven. I got it the day before my brothers 1 month mark of his death. What?!? The day before this happened I had been talking to my sister-in-law about angel signs, ways those on the other side try to communicate to us through music, numbers, butterflies, rainbows, nature, etc.

Then this! What!?! It was an incredible gift. The human part of me—still to this day thinks, WHAT!?! I literally called my parents this morning to ensure that they did not receive or send this little gift. I emailed everyone in my family to ask if they had sent it—nope. They were all just as shocked and surprised at the message.

I am embracing the sweet message and sincerely feeling the gift from the other side.

Thank you, Scotty. LOVE and MISS you so. Just want you to know—-Thanks for the LOVE. I cannot thank you enough for your constant connections and little signals you send. They mean so much.

xoxo. Peace. Love and Light to you xoxo

222 Angel Sign

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As you MAY have read, I just lost my younger brother suddenly and my heart has been trying to process. It has been waves of emotion, constant wonder, seeking signs…a need to know and understand that he is okay and in a better place.

I have always been closest to him—his big sister, the one he confided in, called when he needed a lift or just to know someone was there who cared. So, I have been seeking signs and needing to know he is there and knows I care.

Scotty had a beautiful friend who had been in his life for a few years. He loved this woman and they were dear friends. She had her own journey and various personal problems, so their relationship would always be very close FRIENDS. That broke my brother’s heart a bit, but they remained very close best friends. Her name was Michele. Michele was not able to make it to my family’s funeral for my brother, so she has been spending time with the family this past week in Utah.

Me & Michele have been texting different experiences, moments, reminders, signs, etc. She went to get a tattoo that says Let Go and Let God with a purple butterfly. It was sweet. After she got her tattoo she sent me a pic of her new tattoo & then a screen shot of her clock that said 2:22. She sent a text and said, “Your brother always had a thing with numbers.” The numbers jumped out at me!! I instantly texted her that the number 222 that was the number that Pam Grout and her daughter would always see and became their heavenly sign. Pam always talks about the number with Taz.

Then, I received another text from Michele when she was with Scott’s daughter & his daughter looked at her phone at 2:22. What!?! Then, as my little family was a a kite fest yesterday and my daughter looked at her phone and it was 2:22. We looked at each other, “Woah.”

So, needless to say, I was curious about the numbers 222. I googled its meaning and it mentioned angel numbers. AGAIN….what!?! It was a beautiful gift to think that there are certain numbers that could be little messages from the other side—to give hope, to help comfort, to ease the pain of loss. It was so beautiful to read some of the articles and the meanings. I screen shot some of the pages and sent them to Michele. She was so grateful. It was a gift to both of us. We knew Scotty was trying to connect with us.

Then, after the kite fest, my little family sat down and watched AGT. We have not watched that show in almost 2 years (since moving to Oregon), so we thought it would be a fun change. We watched the first episode and the final act was a gorgeous choir from Africa. They began their song and instantly we knew it was Nightbirde’s song. She had been on the last season (2021) that we had seen and we embraced her and her fight. I had told my brother about her and he sent me a text when he heard that she had died. The world was saddened at her loss, so it was such a beautiful tribute that this group gave her.

See it here

It was wonderful to finish the night with such a beautiful song. It was wonderful to associate my brother with Nightbirde and know she was being remembered in such a sweet way. I knew my brother was smiling at another connection that reminded me of him.

Love you, Scotty. Thank you for the signs and sings 😉 We will keep looking for you in all we do. xoxo