Month: October 2024

Shh. A vow of SILENCE

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“Listen to silence. It has so much to say.”  Rumi

I was almost living a type of monk life–in a way. [without the meditation 24/7, robes…smile.smile.] No one but me and the dog for months at a time. Besides occasionally hearing from my daughter or friends or family via phone—I have been secluded in my little, beach house all alone. A kind of personal retreat for awhile. I would have background music playing with gorgeous images of places around the world playing on my tv via YouTube. I would work on projects or go on a walk…I have felt so productive…mostly calm. Honestly, sometimes lonely, but I genuinely appreciate the quiet and the alone time.

I think that is why when my daughter came home (from college) to stay for this semester it has been a bit of a challenge juggling our personalities, personal needs, car, time, meals, wants…she wants tv in the background when she works on stuff. I need calm music. It is a time of finding balance. Seeking to find that place within myself where I can exist and be my best.

My daughter and I have been struggling daily with communication, so I teased, “Well, maybe I will take a vow of silence.” Her response, “that’s stupid.”

Honestly, our time together has had very high, memorable moments of walking on the beach together, driving the coast with the convertible top down on a sunny day listening to fun music, moments laughing at memories… but it has also been a lot of conversations with struggle, frustration, intensity… as she tries to find her wings and break free from me. Often I feel things might be better if I just took a vow of silence…honestly.

That may seem a little extreme, but it got me on the wonderment of the benefits and why, oh why, do monks and highly spiritual people usually find some sort of benefit from periods of SILENCE.

Think about it! What happened to the slower times where people would get lost in the silence of washing clothes & hanging them on the line outside, or doing dishes by hand, raking leaves, planting flowers, handwriting letters and cards, reading the paper, ironing a shirt for work…etc. Things use to be a slower time. Silence was found a little easier in the slow stitches made in creating a quilt or outfit by hand. Today there is more of a rush, not a stillness in the between actions of the day. We are on a constant hum of being busy, checking all media, reading texts, making social posts, cars that drive while we work or watch, as well as work, exercise, school, family, etc.

My daughter just spent a month in France with her boyfriend and his family. She came back talking about how fun it was to wash her clothes and then hang them on a line outside to dry. She had a glimpse of a simpler time–when silence was found more often in the daily chores or activities of our lives.

So, what happened to us? Our society use to have more time in silence, even within the doing. Now, we just rush and move within a greater chaos and feel more overwhelmed, anxious and stressed. We are overstiumlated by technology, scheduled busyness, status, expectation…the list goes on and we are left without those moments of silence that help calm, create, and move us to a greater depth within that opens us to something better and healthier.

So, with the change of our lives I decided to jump in, research SILENCE and share, so here we go… the benefits. the method. the maybe you should think about trying to take a vow of silence for yourself…

A VOW OF SILENCE…even for a day! Begin with an hour.

I am going to begin with an hour and go from there. I think we should all at least experience it for a time.

VOW OF SILENCE: On a basic level it is deciding to just take some time to be silent and not speak. To some people they may look at it as means of protest or of deepening their spirituality.

This study1 suggests that silence causes the most brain and neuron growth of all the sounds in mice.

Silence is indeed golden, and many people choose a vow of silence to go inward or reflect on their communication patterns.

A vow of silence is a commitment to abstain from speaking for a set period. People often undertake vows of silence for spiritual, personal growth, or mindfulness reasons. When you can’t speak for an extended period, it can lead to deeper reflection and awareness of your thoughts and emotions.
-scienceofpeople.com. [great article with some further details https://www.scienceofpeople.com/vow-of-silence/#:~:text=People%20often%20undertake%20vows%20of,%2C%20weeks%2C%20or%20months%20long.]

HOW and WHY

According to Healthline: They contend that even people who aren’t religious or spiritual can experience profound benefits from observing a period of silence, whether it’s for a couple of hours or several weeks.

It is a good way to disconnect [from devices, technology, work, life] to truly connect within and on a higher level

It quiets your mind from the external chatter and helps quiet the internal chatter as well.

It awakens a deeper, innate awareness.

Silence may also help people become more mindful and connected to themselves and others.

“You feel more in touch with the universe and yourself,”… “As a result, you’re more creative, you’re more articulate, you get less angry and your negative emotions take a back seat. You’re more aware of your emotions and what you’re thinking, feeling, and saying.” -Michelle Thielen, Yoga Faith from a Healthline article

The farther you pull back on an arrow, the farther the arrow will go when it’s released. We humans are no different. To go further on the spiritual journey, we need to withdraw from all the senses and sense objects and sit in the cave of our hearts…in silence. -artoflivingretreatcenter.org

HEALTH BENEFITS:

Silence may help your health in several ways, including:

one of the benefits is experiencing [silence is] a dopamine reset – being able to create more “pause” between your addictive and reactive tendencies. -myspiritualshenanigans.blog

Silence helps with mental acuity, stress, concentration

The hippocampus—the section of the brain that regulates memory, emotion and learning—is the beneficiary of silence, according to several research studies. In one 2013 study, mice who were given two hours of pure silence each day grew new cells—complete with functioning neurons—in their hippocampus regions. -guideposts.org

Silence can set the stage for the practice of mindfulness, which has a range of mental health benefits. “Being mindful and aware of what is happening in the present moment can reduce anxiety, quiet racing thoughts, and calm the nervous system, says Sarah Kaufman, a licensed master social worker based in New York City. -Psych Central

Promotes Self-awareness: Silence can help increase your self-awareness by giving you the chance to observe and accept your thoughts and feelings without judgment. -Psych Central

SOME GUIDELINES:

HOW LONG: Up to you on length—a day, a week, a month…an hour…you decide.

Just begin—you can begin small with five minutes and grow your practice from there.Take the time that FEELS good to you. Find a quiet space, set a timer for five minutes and get rid of any distractions or external noise. Your mind will race but will eventually find a rhythm and begin to calm and slow. Just breathe.

Try a Daily or Weekly Technology Fast
Instead of reading on your smart phone during lunch, try eating in silence, savoring every bite. Or program your phone to block calls and your computer to “sleep” for a certain period every day; use that time to slow down, breathe deeply and think freely. You might even fast from technology on your day off or all weekend -guidepost

Nature calls Walking in the woods, meandering down quiet streets, strolling down a beach, or sitting on a bench and just listening to the wind…nature has a special space that opens up and welcomes silence.

WHY are you wanting to take a vow of silence for a period of time? You want to practice more of a mindfulness practice? You want to develop better listening skills? You want to reach a higher, personal spiritual place?

Silence empties you and creates space for creativity, joy, purity, and innovation to dawn. -artoflivingretreatcenter.org

HOW long do you desire to be silent for? For an entire day? A few hours. A certain period of days with certain hours to practice silence. A morning? Maybe two days of the month you do a 24 hour silence vow. Do you want to be silent UNLESS someone asks you a question & then you respond. Will you communicate via text or online during this time? Will you be alone or around people during this time? Is it more an all or nothing period OR blocking out specific time during your day? Do you need to take it to a more serious level and sign-up for an actual retreat or scheduled session with a professional? You decide.

A Sample of a Silent Retreat: In a silent retreat, participants take a vow of silence for 3–4 days based on the length or duration of the program. A vow of silence entails. [taken from artoflivingretreatcenter.org]

No gestures or greetings to fellow participants or staff.

No speech or communication through any medium for a given period

No writing or reading

No looking in the mirror

SHARE your plan, so people are aware of what you are trying to do for yourself. Make notecards if necessary to ensure people understand and see your commitment (especially if you are in any social situations–like work)

TOOLS to make your time intentional. Turn your phone off and take the time wo distractions. Do you want to journal during your time? Do you want to take walks in the woods or at the beach? Do you need to plan it as a special hotel occasion? Make time to reflect and ponder feelings, thoughts that come up, self-awareness, inner work that needs to be noticed, etc.

TAKE NOTE observing what is playing on your mind during silence may unlock creative ideas, personal thoughts and prayers, messages to yourself, personal needs or wants…make a note or journal the various feelings that come up

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT…TOO MUCH NOISE. WE NEED SILENCE. Studies report that most adults spend between 3-6 hours a day recreationally on their phone and 3-6 hours at work using their phone. Look around your staff room at the next break and observe the use of phones. When I walk or am at the gym most people have devices in their ears. All this stimulation and information, whether it is auditory or not, is noise to our brains. It is a cultural norm now to be constantly preoccupied, and immersed in noise, information, and diversion. Is there a cost for this constant noise?

Overstimulation or hyperarousal of the brain due to constant information, noise and demands can leave people feeling burnt-out, and anxious and with increased feelings of anxiety, failure, and humiliation, in addition to difficulties with creating boundaries with others​3​. Continuous noise can affect our mental health, create panic, increase frustration and over time the mind can lose the capacity to concentrate on things ​4​ Our brains are simply not wired to listen continuously.  Cognitively we are listening at a rate disproportionate to our cognitive capacity to process and pay attention. https://www.stemlynsblog.org/the-science-of-silence/

shhh. Breathe. Be still.

Take the time to make space for silence. Our society has created environments that almost indulge in speed, technology and doing. We can only hope that people can begin to see the necessity of space, stillness, and quiet that opens pathways to enhance our brains and lead to more balanced lives. Silence allows us to channel higher awareness, creativity, imagination, dreams… that will open the doors to better health, heartfelt connections, personal clarity, less anxiety and awaken a higher part of ourselves.

shhh. Silence does have so much to say.

Have a beautiful life. Begin today. Be still and listen. Peace, Love and Light to you. xoxo. -H

Just LOVE

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Love and kindness are those qualities you hope you can authentically show up for in all you do. For the friends who need your support and care. For family. For the close, loving relationships that mean the most to your life. AND For yourself.

Recently I had heard a podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert and Tim Ferris and Liz was explaining a personal exercise that she has found so beneficial to her life….A Love Letter to Yourself. The idea being—having a two-way conversation with God and asking, “What would you have me know”…and listening to the loving response about what God would like you to hear about you.

Now, this is not a new idea and I consider myself someone who prays, has conversations with God and who seeks to be in tune to guidance and a belief in a greater divine. BUT, I have written myself five letters in the past couple of weeks and it has been a beautiful gift to myself. I cannot explain the difference of seeing words come to you and typing or writing them on a page and then going back later and reading them. It is a beautiful experience to say and hear things said back to you. It also seems to bring such clarity and guidance of things that seem genuinely important to myself and what I believe on a grander scale. It has been wonderful.

Highly suggest you try it. I decided to get up early, go on a walk and then sit down to write the letters to myself. Just allow. Open yourself to the dialogue and just begin. Don’t overthink. Just listen and feel your way across the page. It is very connecting.

xoxoxo

So, then I decided to challenge my husband to try the same exercise. He is generally pretty skeptical about any of my far out or not normal requests. It is all fine and good for me, but for him….here is the scenario…me asking him and suggesting what a nice opportunity it could be for him after he had been on a nice walk. I suggest, ‘Maybe try writing yourself a love letter tonight and see how it goes and then maybe you could do it a few more times to see how you really feel.’ He immediately responded, “I will do it for you tonight, but I am not going to do it three more times.” I shared, “Well, if you are not wanting to do it for yourself, then don’t bother. I don’t want you doing it for me, you need to do it for yourself.”

Needless to say, he did write the letter to himself and then he shared it with me. It was a beautiful note and it made me tear up in emotion at the sincerity and kindness that was shared. His skepticism of course chimed in, “Well, it was probably all in my head and I don’t know. I just started to look at it like I was in a conversation with God and that’s what came up.” I smiled and teased, “Of course. That is what you do. Of course you are going to hear your own voice. Its like a two-way conversation, but God is not all of the sudden going to have a different voice in the conversation.” smile. smile. “It is a gentle way of connecting and hoping you feel of your worth and love.”

I was grateful he took on the challenge and I was gifted the opportunity to hear the words he shared from the letter. It was a genuine, loving conversation that meant something deeper.

I highly recommend trying this simple exercise for yourself, with family, with your children…it is a connecting exercise that helps everyone feel a little more LOVE. Period.

Some other ideas to connect with God on a deeper level:

Tune in EARLY–I always heard Wayne Dyer share that he had a lot of inspiration come to him in the morning hours—around 3 am. That is when he would do most of his writing. He felt it was the best time of day to tune in.

PRAY–Prayer truly is a great way to simply begin. You can do a written prayer or just begin to ask, connect and talk. Nothing needs to be formal. Just pray from your heart.

CREATE–creativity through writing, art, music…is a very basic way to connect on some level. Many years ago I worked for a lawyer & I found him to be a very inspiring person. I asked him for a list of his top books he would suggest reading. The top of his list, “The Artists Way” by Julia Cameron. I was shocked that he had an artist book at the top. He just shared that it took him out of his normal routine and challenged him on another level. That is why he liked it so much. Another great book that I am reading currently, Rick Rubin’s book, “The Creative Act: A Way of Being” Also a great read. Creativity is within all things—the creation of all that is comes from an idea of the imagination…the seed of a dream…a divine spark…a whisper of a possibility. Creativity is a doorway to another depth, a challenge and connection beyond.

READ something inspiring–There are so many people in the world with their unique talents, stories, experiences, lives they’ve led and you can learn so much from them. Find those people or stories that inspire you, read from the masters, learn from the leaders of old, tune in to those people who inspire you and shed light on your world. Follow those souls who bring you to awe. When you read something and FEEL something–listen, take note, be aware, wake-up. When you read something and highlight the whole book…Follow that.

MUSIC–I genuinely feel more alive, inspired on another level when I hear a piece of music that seems to lift to the heavens. I just heard Coldplay’s new album & the song “One World” —it is a gorgeous song that has a lot of instrumental. [enJOY the instrumental parts in this song—gorgeous] It just took my soul to a heavenly place. Music can be like that. Whether its lyrics or the tune or the instruments…there can be pieces that set your soul free. Im sure every song is different for each individual. PLAY the music and see how it FEELS to your soul. Music has a power all its own. The heavenly muses play through us to bring it to the world to share. What a beautiful idea. Truly listen to the beauties.

CALM–through stillness, your breath, meditation, yoga, movement [like walking]…there are so many variables of things that can bring you to a quiet place and allow you to fall into a flow or a deeper rhythm of calm or a focus that transports you higher.

Tapping into your own STRENGTHS or PURPOSE–you have your own unique gifts that lead you to a higher calling to share with the world. Maybe you are really good at lifting people through leadership or have a natural eye for photography or easily string together a beautiful combination of words in writing. Everyone has things that light them up and get them excited. Follow that excitement and enthusiasm to those things that stir your soul and energize you. Chase after them, learn and grow through them and get yourself to a place to share with the world. YOU do you. The rest will come.

Pick a SPIRITUAL TOPIC and study it for a year & share what you learn–I remember when Wayne Dyer decided to do this with the Tao and got rid of everything material in his office space. He then carried a copy of the Tao with him everywhere and began to focus on one part for a specific set time. He then created his own ideas to share.

Keep a list of DAILY BLESSINGS–aka gratitude lists. You can do this on an individual basis or you can ask every family member to also share in this. Have everyone share blessings around the dinner table OR you can also share before bed OR you can also have everyone text things to one another throughout the day to keep the conversation and connections going.

Some other sweet ideas I found online to tap into a DEEPER CONNECTION–Go on a prayer walk around your neighborhood & pray for each individual as you pass their home . Blow a kiss to the sunrise or sunset and give thanks as you enjoy the beauty . Look at tiny details in nature and give thanks for the awe and amazement of such creations . Sing hymns that resonate with you . Go on a hike and give thanks for the grandeur and details all around . Light a candle every morning and read a devotional of some kind . Find a local cathedral and just admire the beauty and detail within the walls . Create your own prayer bead ritual and give thanks in your own way with each bead . Practice being of service by cleaning out your old & donating to those in need . Practice solitude with a specific time or day to have a technology break . Ask God to bring someone to you that needs you to help them . Write down personal miracles or moments of grace that you or your family were given . Once a week [over dinner or breakfast] have everyone share something that they felt helped them feel connected to God in some way . Have everyone in your family write down their own stories or experiences of when they felt God touch their lives .

Strive to JUST LOVE–Love is the opposite of all that is harsh or detrimental or destructive. It is a place of peace, light, calm, a higher place to seek to exist. Do all you can to simplify, grow in kindness, become a little better each day, let go of fear or judgements, calm the waters of chaos or anxiety…do all you can to strive to come from a higher place of love. Practice that. Every thing takes time, so you may as well practice to come from LOVE than anything else, right?

There are many little things we can seek and strive to do to bring a deeper connection with God. Coming from a place of LOVE is the greatest goal. Take it day by day…write a love letter to yourself. Write a love letter to your children. Help a neighbor feel loved. Be love. Spread Love.

As Coldplay says in the song…IN THE END, IT’S JUST LOVE.

DO THAT. xoxo

Peace, Love and Light to you. -H