Author: goforthegood1

Your Happy Family

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ImageFamily is a loving gift to me. It is the people who complete our lives. It is only me, my husband and our nine-year-old daughter, Kate that complete our circle, so we are “the three musketeers.” We have a lot of fun together, but with an only child you also get moments of question.  I have literally had people tell me how cruel it is to only have one child, that she will grow up spoiled and alone, so needless to say, there are times when I wonder if we are doing it right, if we are enough to guide her along to the life she needs.

In Utah, you rarely find anyone who has less than four children, it is truly amazing and I commend every mother and father out there who takes on the challenge and makes it a good ride. Cheers to you!! But there is something fun when you meet someone who has been an only child, you instantly want to get to know them, to hear that their life was good and that your child will turn out great despite the fact that she is the only one.

We met a nurse at our local hospital who had an instant connection with Kate because he was an only child. He talked about how fun it was growing up so close to his family, going on great trips (because they could afford to with less children), he enjoyed being an only child. There was a moment of relief for me as he told us about his childhood experiences. There are always the positives and the negatives in everything, so it made me realize, that it is the quality time together that in the end matters most. I knew that, but seeing a grown, only child who spoke of cherished moments with his parents really hit home. No matter what, it’s the time together with one child or ten. Those are the moments that will stay with them, that will teach them as they grow, that will nurture them into the beautiful people they will become.

So here is to our families…here is a compilation of tips, tricks and things to bring your family together to make special memories that will be remembered.

GOOD QUALITY FAMILY TIME

Make memories together out of any occasion: at our house we try to create an occasion out of many things…when we bought our daughter her first pair of roller-skates, we celebrated with a fun movie night of popcorn and ‘Xanadu’—classic rollerskating movie musical!! She loved it! Pulling a tooth may require a special drum roll on our keyboard. We create special made up songs for different holidays and sing them during the special month. We play pretty music and light a candle for a bath or shower to make it a special occasion. We bundle up and go on winter walks during the first snowfall. We pile up fall leaves and make a nest for a special family picture…the ideas are endless, you just need to make the occasions special with your family in mind.

Make sure you take the time to eat together: With crazy schedules and mad dashes to the local market or tennis practice, are you making time to eat together? Whether you plan a special Saturday breakfast or you eat dinner together (at least once a week), make it a priority. We have a special Saturday breakfast where we make muffins, scrambled eggs, hash browns. We sit around the table and ask each person what they are grateful for and it turns into a weekly Thanksgiving. Make your meals memorable. Have the kids help set the table & let them make handwritten place cards (my little girl loves this). Have fun themes for special occasions. Enjoy the time being together.

Plan a fun family weekend getaway: Whether it is to a town two hours away you have always wondered about, a local museum, amusement park, air show, train show, etc. Find out about fun activities going on around you. Try and stay within a few hours of your home and seek out great camp spots, art, music, watermarks, beaches, FUN!! Discuss with everyone where they would like to go and plan a weekend trip. Try to include at least one thing everyone would like to do—get a carmel apple, hike Mt. Timp, have breakfast at Kneaders, etc. Someone may want to sleep in or go on a hike, try to plan something that gets everyone excited for the weekend. Most importantly, have a great time together!!

Create family traditions: See my blog post on that.

Have a family night: Each week or at least once a month have a fun family night–play games, go to your favorite local pizzeria, get chinese take-out, visit the grocery store and buy all the ingredients for a new meal to try together. You can even shake it up and let someone in the family decide the activity and be in charge each week or each month.

Have Quiet time: No matter how old your children are, scheduled quiet time is a good idea.  Set a specific time for everyone to turn off the television, computer, video games and either talk, read, tell a story, share things that were highlights from the day, things you appreciate about one another. Schedule a time that will not interfere with homework, friends or activities–most likely before bed or if you find it too hard—try it once a week on Saturday or Sunday morning. Take the time to tune out noise, to get quiet.  We do a couple of different things…write in a family gratitude journal three things we were grateful for during the day. Then we either tell a story, read a book or a small devotional just before we go to sleep and then say a evening prayer of thanks for the day. We try to also schedule in reading and quiet time.  An interesting fact: The CEO of Disney read for an hour a day when he was a child.

GETTING CREATIVE WITH YOUR FAMILY

Creativity is a celebration of one’s grandeur, one’s sense of making anything possible. ~Joseph Zinker

 

Look for inspiration in all you see and do: To believe and then truly see inspiration in all things is a gift indeed. Whether you notice the pattern of a leaf, see the texture of bark, watch the wind blow across a corn field, see a work of art in a winding stairwell or hear a song within the subway—look, listen and live the inspiration that is all around you. The textures, the colors, the shimmering beads, the torn magazine pages, the sky, the sand at the beach…inspiration is everywhere!

Take time to explore nature: When you step into nature there is a world of inspiration ready to unfold. Take the time to pick up pinecones, acorns, leaves and see their pattern and textures. Feel the grass, pick up feathers, touch the branches of a tree, watch the water glisten, draw in the sand.

Be inspired by all that is around you and begin to understand your smallness in the infinite & know inspiration and creativity are a gift. Embrace the very thought that you are creative and that you are creating with forces that are bigger than you can imagine. You are creating for many, you are giving of your gifts. Teach your family to feel within and take inspiration from all that is around them.

One fun thing about nature is the magic of possibilities. One thing my daughter and I did was collect little acorns, twigs, small pebbles, leaves, etc and made a special fairy house that she loves and adores. We will always have the treasured memory of finding things in nature and then making something magical.

Family drawing and writing time: I love this idea. Make time each week, or every day to sit down with your family and let go creatively. If someone wants to write or color, or paint…have some time around the table to chat, enjoy colors, look at flowers and create. Give opportunities to explore different mediums of chalks, charcoal, watercolors, calligraphy, ink, colored pencils, crayon, etc.

Family music time: This is fun. Let go. Either turn on some fun tunes and just dance, sing or play funny grooves on the keyboard. Let go!! Shine.

Display your family art pieces: Have a special area to display your art. Whether you pick your best and frame them or you have a special magnetic gallery, a hallway or book. Have a special place to enjoy your art. One thing I love to do is to save up ten of my little ones favorites from the year and then I scan them into my computer and have a special yearly book made with her beautiful art pieces and favorite photos from the year. I write a note of Thanks for her being in my life and for all the beauty and creativity that she shares and I give it to her for Thanksgivig. It is a special tradition with great meaning & it makes giving thanks even more memorable.

Family arts & crafts show: Have a annual or bi-annual family arts and craft show. Have extended family join in the fun and have a show. Make it a occasion with a brunch or goodies. Have all the grandkids share their art and explain the meaning of their piece of art. You could also have a small, personal family show for family night or a special occasion within your home.

Take pictures: This advice is good any time. Taking pictures is good for inspiration, memories, images you want to be creative with, or just want to share with those you love. There is beauty all around and photographs are a good way to capture your inspiration. Just have fun!

FUN FAMILY MOVIES

Movie night is always a classic fun at our house, so I am including some of our favorites and then a list from a few other sources. Enjoy!!  Some of our favorites:

The Family Man (2000) is a great movie that is about a man who truly learns what is most important .

The Princess Protection Program (Disney 2009) is a great movie that teaches many good morales–kindness, believing in yourself, helping others, being princess like.

The Game Plan, Nancy Drew, Dreamer, Ever After, The Wizards of Waverly Place Movie (adventure), Nim’s Island, Nanny McPhee, The Parent Trap (old and new versions), Ella Enchanted, I could go on and on…The Kid, Freaky Friday, Tangled, and National Treasure Series (gets you thinking and kids interested in American history)…

According to Parents.com their Top 10 Family Movie Classics

1 Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) 2 Ella Enchanted (2004) 3 E.T. (1982) 4 Freaky Fiday (2003)

5 Harry Potter 6 The Sound of Music (1965) 7 Spy Kids (2001)

8 Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (1971) 9 Whale Rider (2003) 10 Wizard of Oz (1939)

An article from Belief.net lists Family Movies that Teach Values

This article lists: It’s A Wonderful Life (teaches responsibility), Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (teaches Integrity), A Man for All Seasons (teaches Courage), Babe (teaches Courtesy), Remember the Titans (teaches tolerance), Toy Story 2 (teaches loyalty), Akeelah and the Bee (teaches learning), War Games (teaches Peace), A Little Princess (teaches Helping Others), Holes (teaches Fairness)

According to IMDb they listed the top “Family Titles”. I will list their top 10 1. Up (2009) 2. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) 3. Wall-E (2008) 4. Anand (1971) 5. Some Like it Hot (1959) 6. Safety Last (1923) 7. Vuk (1981) 8. The Cameraman (1928) 9. The Wizard of Oz (1939) 10. The Kid (1921)

FUN FAMILY VACATIONS

Family vacations are a must to create happy family connections and memories. Here is a list according to TravelChannel.com — they listed their top ten family destinations as:

1. Atlantis Resort, Paradise Island, Bahamas    2. Snowbird Ski & Summer Resort, Snowbird, Utah (been here & love it!)    3. Tanque Verde Ranch, Tuscon, Arizona    4. Hilton Waikoloa Village in Hawaii    5. Kingsmill Resort, Williamsburg, Virginia    6. Circus, Circus, Las Vegas, Nevada    7. Out ‘n’ About Treesort, Takilma, Oregon    8. Club Med Ixtapa in Mexico    9. La Costa Resort in Carlsbad, CA    10. Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge, Orlando, Florida

Would love to hear about any of your family favorites. We just went to the Redwoods this past summer with our daughter and her cousin. They loved staying on the ocean (the cool Oregon coast, which can be sunny & then rainy–they loved it) and then visiting the giant Redwood trees. It was a great trip!!

A funny thing about kids is they just want to be together, having family quality time. We take our daughter to Disneyland each year, but when you ask her what her favorite trip is…she will say going to the Canadian Rockies (which it was fall & freezing) and staying in a tiny cabin on Moraine Lake where we had a fire and made a log cabin out of blocks. It is the quality time that really matters most.

No matter what you are doing, planning, or creating with your family, just take the time to incorporate being present and the moments will last a lifetime.

Cheers to your Happy Family.

Your Happily Ever After

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Image”We need a witness to our lives.  There’s a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day.  You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.  Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness’.”                                          -movie, Shall We Dance

I have always loved this quote because it has such truth, such depth about why our relationships are so important in our lives.  I just had a moment of reflection and thought I would expand on it. A couple days ago I asked my husband of almost 19 years (in a month) what he would say were keys to a happy marriage. It was strange, my mind seemed to jump from the conversation to images that began to whirl in my mind of an article I wrote ten years ago. It was an article on “Keys to a Happy Marriage.” It was my first article to be published and I was truly excited about the happening. I couldn’t believe it, it was surreal and my heart was so high at the thought that my words may touch someone—anyone!!

The very next day after the exciting news, my husband had news of his own, he had been emotionally cheating on me. His words began to run through my mind and I couldn’t believe what was happening. Not my husband!! I would never have imagined in a million years that this was my husband, the father of our year old daughter, the man I had spent every day with for the last ten years. Then it dawned on me, “How could this be happening. I am having an article on marriage published. How could I not know. How could I be so deceived…” My heart broke!  It was broken, hurt, and didn’t trust…for a very long time.

My point in telling this story is how funny life can be, how a very phrase can whirl images of events that bring back a time of heartache, but also a time of growth. Relationships are never perfect, they take time to learn as individuals, to grow as a couple, to build again after something shakes it to the core. I would never have traded that time in my life for anything. I learned so much about my spiritual self, what I needed, and how to begin again.

My husband is an incredible man that I would do anything for, he is truly my best friend and the one I lean on for anything. It took time to re-build trust, to find loving communication, to let go of blame and heartache, but in everything you do there is a give and take, a flow of what life needs you to learn, whether it is about yourself or the one you love, as individuals and as a couple. True love will work to endure, it will find a hope for forgiveness, and a light of understanding. We both have learned a lot through our journey together and would never trade the ups and the downs to where our life is today. You have to take everything that comes with love.

So here are my thoughts on what helps a marriage become your happily ever after…

Don’t take the gift of LOVE for granted: be grateful for the relationship you are in, for the opportunity to grow together, to learn from your other half, to have a best friend, to have someone who builds and believes in you, someone who cares about your needs, someone who is a ‘witness to your life.”

Respect one another: Relationships include two INDIVIDUALS working together…I love this analogy…What is the definition of a True Relationship? If you break down the word Re-la-tion-ship: “Taking a journey on a ship with your partner and learning how to relate to one another.  It is a journey to relate or learn from each other and from everything around you. You are taking this life journey together, creating magic moments and working through the hard or tough times, and most importantly growing stronger together. It is like you are consciously merging to become one—not just getting along–which is what I see a lot of my private clients and couples doing today.    Unfortunately they learn about relationships from their parents. And with the divorce rate at close to 50% for first time marriages and 80% for 2nd marriages, it is not a good thing. They also learn from what they see on TV or in the movies, but unfortunately that is not real. This type of learning is make believe and they go  their whole life looking for something that does not exist. That is why there is so much infidelity. They are trying to find this everlasting so-called love or soul-mate, but have mistaken lust for love–which are two different things. So a relationship is the path where 2 consciousnesses merge. It is the journey on a ship to relate to each other. If you have not built a strong relation-ship, then all you have is a Relation-Canoe, and it will sink like the other 50% already do.  -Dr. Dan

Remember: you are two individuals coming together. You need to learn to love yourself before you can offer your love to another.

Invest in one another: Push one another to stretch, to grow, to try new things, to go beyond comfort. There is nothing like being surrounded by someone who is striving to become better at some area of their life. Whether you want to begin reading a book a month, you want to go on a family walk three times a week, or learn something new at a local community class. You will admire and learn from one another. People striving to become better individuals=better relationship.

Be gentle with one another: Keep in mind people come with baggage, a hard childhood, a broken past, etc. Be gentle and lovingly nurture.  “When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.”  -Barbara Bloom

Spirit: Pray, meditate, get grateful, go to church, etc. Find a place where you can both be spiritual. Every relationship is different. You may have different feelings about what religion to be part of or not feel comfortable attending a community church. I have found through our differences that as long as you are both seeking some kind of spirituality, love will shine in. Take the time to pray together and give thanks in all you do. Be an example to your children of hope, faith and gratitude.

Healthy Communication: Just talk. No one can read minds, so it is obvious that we need to share feelings–good and bad. It is all in the approach of the conversation, the ability to truly listen and to try to understand where the other person is coming from. Try to see their point of view and if you can’t grasp it or you get angry with the conversation—take a break, breathe and then come back to the conversation. Nothing good comes from anger or frustration. Do a personal ‘feelings’ check—There are only two TRUE emotions–FEAR (frustration, anger, greed, envy, all the negative emotions stem from fear) and the other emotion is LOVE (all the good emotions stem from a loving place). If you are feeling any emotion that is negative or bad–step back, take a break and come back when you can be clear and willing to lovingly listen.  My husband suggests: Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. People can find anything to fight about if they are looking for a fight or they need to be right. Sometimes it is better to let the other person have their way and be right. Is it worth coming to blows over something trivial?  One last thing…never ASSUME…you will make a ASS out of U and ME!

LAUGH often: When things get really tough, laughter seems to be a great medicine at our house. Have a good stash of comedies or funny movies that will bring you out of a negative state.

Connect: On a physical and emotional level. Emotionally be there for one another, truly listen, have meaningful conversations (and lots of plain fun ones), truly care and want the best for one another, encourage, praise, build, be present, be patient and always think of the other first. On a Physical level have fun together, flirt, text, leave love notes, send a fun pic, let go of all your personal insecurities and explore one another, plan a fun lunch date, do things “just because,” think of the other person in all you do, share spontaneous gifts, and make sure you take the time for special getaways together. This is a MUST!! Time alone is a necessity in any relationship and should be planned at every opportunity. Talk about one another’s needs. This is good communication!

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of the other is essential to your own.” -R. Heinlein

 You both need to work at building a happy relationship. It takes two to make things work. If one is working and the other doesn’t=one sided relationship. There will NOT be a healthy relationship balance.

Date Nights: try to incorporate at least one date night in a week. This is time to touch base, to eat something yummy, to connect as a couple.

Be Present: All you are guaranteed is this moment. Live it it!! Don’t get caught in the past or past experiences or mistakes. Think of it this way–you wouldn’t think of driving down the road only looking in you rear-view mirror. It is one thing to glance back and remember where you have been and what you have learned, but constantly looking back will cause an accident for many involved. The past is over. It is a day that is done. It is a chapter that you do not need to re-read over and over. It is done. Do your best to go forward daily.

FYI–My husbands keys: Great communication in all you do, Do fun things together, and make sure to fit in getaways.

“Mature love comes when each person has grown with the other’s help, and when both know how to give and receive–it’s the lifetime achievement award.”  -Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt, Receiving Love

Well, that is all that I have right now. This is an endless topic that needs lots of attention, so I will continually write about relationships and how we can continually strive for our Happily Ever Afters. I would love any of your thoughts on this topic. Thanks for reading.

Have a Happy Day! Heather

 

What does your ideal life look like?

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ImageThe new year tends to bring about resolutions, to-do lists, the changes that you aspire to achieve, but do you really know what your ideal life looks like?

I laugh thinking about my husbands weekly wish lists and meanderings, his seemingly constant comments whirl me into a confusion of his wants and needs. He wants to…move away from winter to sunny southern Utah, then its southern California, then Idaho in the summer. We’ll buy, we’ll sell, we’ll rent, we’ll buy dishes like that when we win the HGTV dream home. He makes me laugh and smile at every turn. I can’t keep up. But even after 19 years of marriage and 14+ moves to Idaho, Arizona, Oregon and back to Utah, I am still a little vague on what would be his ideal.

I understand life is an ever changing canvas and that is the beauty life has to offer…so many colors, choices, kitchens, places to live…

So this new January I ask, What is your ideal life?? Are you satisfied with all that you have? Is it enough? What do you love about your life? Does your life seem to energize or drain? Your life truly is your inspiration, so what is it saying to you right now?

Let’s look at some different areas of your life so you can get a feel for what you need, love and desire for your ideal life…

Take a minute to get some clarity. Say a prayer to help guide the feelings you have within. Your feelings will help guide you to your ideal life, the life you need, the life you are meant to live.

“everything in life responds to the song of the heart.”  -Ernest Holmes

Let’s look at the different areas. Look at the ideas and see if any of them resonate with you. Ask yourself if it is something you need, something you desire, etc.  Does it excite or ignite you? Do you want to skip it all together? Take notice of what your heart is saying. Don’t limit your ideas or needs, there may be something that is not listed that you feel you need–take a note. Listen within for personal clarity and direction.

MIND. BODY. SPIRIT

Personal Time: do you need to have more quiet time, a retreat, more self-care?

Personal Interests: Do you have a hobby you love, but not enough time to do it? Have you made time or desire creativity of some kind?  Do you need time to play? Do you want to serve someone else each week or volunteer for some organization? Is there something you have been desiring to do? What is it? How can you make the time to do it?

Learning and growth: Are you interested in taking a class? reading a book? getting a mentor to help you with some area of your life? Want to learn something online? Listen to a podcast?

Good things for your spirit: Do you want to begin taking a yoga class? Do you need to pray? Meditate? Go on a walk? Get out in nature? Listen to good music? More time to nap?

Health: Do you need to eat better? Begin an exercise routine? Drink more water? Do things that will reduce your stress? Find ways to get better sleep? Take nutritional supplements?

Personal Space: do you have time for just you? Do you have a place in your home where you can go and just be or do something you enjoy? Do you know when to say “when”?

Gratitude: Do you need to keep a gratitude journal? Are you noticing gifts given to you each day? Are you saying thank you? Are you appreciating the little things that are good?

Attitude check: How is your attitude? Do you need to create some personal affirmations that you share each day? How are you talking to yourself? Are you being loving to you?

Self-care: Do you need to take the time to get your hair done or get a mani-pedi? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Do you have stress and need a massage? Are you happy with your style? What do you feel you are lacking in taking care of you?

Environment: Do a feel good check. Does your environment(s) stress or sing to your soul? Do you need to paint the walls a soothing color? Do you need things to be clutter free? Do you feel like you have too much stuff and need to dejunk? Do you need to simplify?

Hopes and Dreams: Are there places you want to go? Things you want to do? Something you want to try? What do you look forward to? What do you hope will happen in your life? Make a list and try to find a way to baby step your way dream by dream.

 FAMILY 

Together time: Do you need and want to make the time to have meals together? Do you want to set aside time each month to take each of your children out on a special date? Do you want to have special days where you plan family activities? Do you need a family vacation?  Do you want to get your family involved in local events and activities?

Traditions and Rituals: Do you need to create family rituals? What do you have in mind? Do you need to have time for family prayer? Do you need more play & less routine?

Slowing down: Do you need family quiet time? Do you need to play pretty music to calm everyone down? Do you need to have time for family walks? Do you need to disconnect with technology—limit television, video games, computer, etc? Do you need to do less running around? Do you need to have your kids focus on one extra activity instead of 3?

Communication: Do you need to connect more with your family? Do you and your spouse take the time to talk about everything? Do you need to take more one-on-one time with each person in your family? Do you need more time to talk about the highlights from the day?

Loving boundaries: Do you need to create boundaries for the kids (curfews, phones, gaming, friends, etc), Do you need to create boundaries with your friends? Do you need to create loving boundaries for in-laws or other nearby relatives? Do you need to talk to your spouse about what you both need from one another? What you need from your kids?

HOME

Organization: Do you feel unorganized? Are things too cluttered for you? What do you need to feel more organized? Do you need a trip to IKEA? Do you need to dejunk?

Re-vamp: Do you need to re-vamp and fix up your home a little? Do you need new paint, fixtures, lightbulbs, door knobs, window coverings, a better mattress, etc.

Spring Clean: Do you need to freshen things up throughout your home? Maybe begin to save and have a carpet cleaning budget, paint touch-ups, re-caulk, fix minor damages and give your home a thorough clean, so everything is smelling fresh.

Is everything in working order: Maybe you need to checklist this out to make sure everything is in working order. Do you haven any broken windows, faucets, cabinets, drawers, disposals, etc. Make a plan and create a budget to fix what needs to be done.

Garage & Tools: Do you leave the house and feel overwhelmed when you look at the disarray of your garage? Does everything seem to have a place? Does it need a fresh coat of paint or a deep power wash? Do you have enough garbage/recycling cans? Do you have enough outdoor storage? Is everything labeled, so you feel more organized?

Learn something to inspire you: Do you desire to learn the art of Feng Shui? Do you want to learn about the power of color and how it plays throughout your home?

Find your style: Do you notice a color palette running through your home? Is it calming or do you feel you don’t have any style or pattern? To help find styles you like or are drawn to get a bunch of magazines (store or thrift store) that are home themed. Take some time and flip through the pages and select any image that you are drawn to. You will notice a theme of colors, styles and designs that you may enjoy in your home. Then try changing out pillows, adding a new paint color to a wall, buy a picture that you are drawn to, move around furniture and have fun with the new ideas. Enjoy the process.

MARRIAGE

What do you need: Is there something specific you are needing from your relationship? Do you need a weekly date (at least)? Do you need to hold hands? Love notes, affection? Do celebrations mean a lot to you? Do you know your love languages?  How is your intimacy?

What needs some attention: Do you need more one-on-one time? Better communication? Do your financial pressures affect your relationship? What do you each need on a personal level? Are you a priority to one another?

What can you work on together: Are you communicating your needs? Are you working through challenges with kids together? Are you lifting and building one another through praise and appreciation? Do you need help dealing with anger or addictions? Are you doing anything to nurture your spirituality together? Do you remember the golden rule and think about the other’s needs? Are you leaving a positive or negative legacy for your family?

WORK

Are your enjoying what you do:  Do you get excited or dread going to work? Do you feel drained or creative when you are working? Are you in it for the money?   Do you need to shake things up and do something different? (change dept, go after a promotion, have you tapped out at the top, do you need something different)

Your Power Tools: You shine when you are doing something that you are good at, something you enjoy, something that taps into your natural gifts and talents.

Your Passion: Where does your passion lie? Is there something you desire to do or try? What do you enjoy doing in your free time? (this is often a area that you crave & have passion for)

Invest in your best asset: YOU! You are your best asset, so you need to be constantly investing in your skills, learning new things and challenging yourself. Do you want to take a class? What would it be in? Is there a specific book you want to read? Is there a topic you want to learn about?

FINANCES

Where are you financially: Do you need to save, get out of debt or downsize?

What will help you create a financial plan: Do you need to make a budget?  Do you need to visit with an advisor? Do you need to contact credit card companies to lower your rates? Do you need to refinance your home? Do you need to get a book or program about planning?

Your financial future: Do you need to learn about investing? What about your 401K? Do you need to learn what is the best way to save for the future or for college funds, etc?

SOCIAL

How are your friendships: Do you have any friends that drain your energy? Re-think your friendships with people who are energy drains.  Are your spending quality time with good friends? Do you need to plan a weekend or annual getaway with your friends?  Do you need a weekly or monthly girls night out? Are your friends lifting and building one another or does it seem to be toxic in any way? Are you always gossiping?  Do you leave energized?

Do you feel you need friends or support: Do you need to attend a local church group to connect with others? Do you need to reach out and find a service organization that you can help out? Do you need to volunteer at your child’s school? Are there any community activities that sound fun and get you excited to join?

Feel within and follow your heart to seek what it is that you truly need to create your ideal life. I would love to hear any thoughts or comments about what you feel would add to anyone’s life. Thanks for your support. Cheers to your good life!!

Have a beautiful day! Heather

Seize the day…every blessed moment

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We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.  ~Thornton Wilder

The fragility of life seems to be ringing all around me. The many things we seemingly take for granted…so many sobering stories hit me with such a need to be grateful for every little detailed gift we receive each day. We don’t think about hugging our kids, or kissing them in their bed & not a hospital bed. We don’t think about the gift of strong knees that can run or a happy outlook that keeps our day filled with joy.

These are the stories that have been ringing in my ear the last couple of days. Maybe they will help you stop for a moment and ponder the many blessings we take for granted…

Friends and neighbors were all praying, cheering, texting and conveying their need and support for Justin Bieber to visit a local seven-year-old girl who is struggling with her third round of Leukemia. Everyone waited in anticipation to receive a picture of Justin with this little girl in the hospital the night of his concert. Thank you Justin!                       It was a very sobering thought looking at this little girl with sunken eyes, dark circles, life slowly drifting away and thinking about what her mother must be going through in trying to give comfort, hope and faith for her daughter’s young life. I wondered how I would handle my nine-year-old grappling with such an illness. I thank God for my healthy daughter and send prayers of hope to this young family.

The very next day I heard another story about a woman with two young children who had got a babysitter to go on a bike ride one afternoon with her husband. She had a small bike wreck, her helmet had a dent the size of an orange, that left her paralyzed from the neck down. I instantly thought of the heartache you would feel not being able to hug your children, to wrap your arms around your husband, to skip down a path with your little ones, to make them breakfast, to hold a book and read them stories. My heart broke for this women, for the very thought of what she could and could not do, the depression she would deal with, the moments where you would miss your life while striving to embrace your new existence. How hard it must be to embrace an existence that leaves you immobile, fragile, feeling worthless and unable to do so many things. I can’t imagine. I pray for her family.

Then, if that was not enough heartache, my little neighbor came over and shared a story about a funeral she had just been to. It was for a mother of six children who had gone in for knee surgery. She returned home. One day she began to feel ill, yelled to her son to get his father. She looked at her husband and told him she felt like she was dying and passed out. She had a blood clot get into her lungs and she was gone. The family was left to miss her.

You just never know when or how or what will be your time. These stories shook me to my core and in sharing them I hope they give you a moment of sobering existence into the charmed life you have at this moment. Embrace your children, kiss your loved ones, dance in the kitchen, go outside, sing, smell the fresh air, breathe, yell, play, live your life to its best. Take each moment and cherish it, find every happiness possible in the little things that make life big!

Live your best day!! your best moment!

God bless these families in all they do. -Heather

Grace isn’t a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal.  It’s a way to live.                         ~Attributed to Jacqueline Winspear

Exercise & its spin on depression

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ImageIt’s the new year and every gym is busier than ever, so I thought this would be a good topic to talk about because it hits home with me. You always hear the benefits of exercise, but I am here to attest to the benefits it has on depression.

My husband has had swinging bouts with depression to a point where it almost ended his life & would have altered mine and my little girls forever. We struggled to find a solution that did not involve pills or long visits at a psych office, so he began working out. He began to feel better and even signed up and competed in numerous triathlons. It seems to be his magic, natural cure for the darkness. It brings out the hope of feeling good, the light that helps him deal with the stresses of life. I can literally see and feel a difference in him when he has not worked out for a week, his attitude, his irritability begin to creep in & I remind him gently that he needs to work out to feel better.

If you or someone you love struggles with depression or even a bad day, get them moving, get them doing something that will trigger the good chemicals in their body. I promise it will help.

Here are some good tips that I pulled from the Mayo clinic to help…

Try a happy hour to your health!

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms

If you have depression or anxiety, you might find your doctor prescribing a regular dose of exercise in addition to medication or psychotherapy. Exercise isn’t a cure for depression or anxiety. But its psychological and physical benefits can improve your symptoms.

“It’s not a magic bullet, but increasing physical activity is a positive and active strategy to help manage depression and anxiety,” says Kristin Vickers-Douglas, Ph.D., a psychologist at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn.

When you have depression or anxiety, exercising may be the last thing you think you can do. But you can overcome the inertia. Here’s a look at how exercise can ease symptoms of depression and anxiety. Plus, get realistic tips to get started and stick with exercising.

How exercise helps depression and anxiety

Exercise has long been touted as a way to maintain physical fitness and help prevent high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and other diseases. A growing volume of research shows that exercise also can help improve symptoms of certain mental conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Exercise also may help prevent a relapse after treatment for depression or anxiety.

Research suggests that it may take at least 30 minutes of exercise a day for at least three to five days a week to significantly improve symptoms of depression. However, smaller amounts of activity — as little as 10 to 15 minutes at a time — have been shown to improve mood in the short term. “So, small bouts of exercise may be a great way to get started if it’s initially too difficult to do more,” Dr. Vickers-Douglas says.

Just how exercise reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety isn’t fully understood. Researchers believe that exercise prompts changes in both mind and body.

Some evidence suggests that exercise postively affects the levels of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain. Exercise may also boost feel-good endorphins, release tension in muscles, help you sleep better and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It also increases body temperature, which may have calming effects. All of these changes in your mind and body can improve such symptoms as sadness, anxiety, irritability, stress, fatigue, anger, self-doubt and hopelessness.

If you exercise regularly but depression or anxiety still impairs your daily functioning, seek professional help. Exercise isn’t meant to replace medical treatment of depression or anxiety.

The benefits of exercise for depression and anxiety

Exercise has numerous psychological and emotional benefits when you have depression or anxiety. These include:

Confidence. Engaging in physical activity offers a sense of accomplishment. Meeting goals or challenges, no matter how small, can boost self-confidence at times when you need it most. Exercise also can make you feel better about your appearance and your self-worth.

Distraction. When you have depression or anxiety, it’s easy to dwell on how badly you feel. But dwelling interferes with your ability to problem solve and cope in a healthy way. Dwelling also can make depression more severe and longer lasting. Exercise can provide a good distraction. It shifts the focus away from unpleasant thoughts to something more pleasant, such as your surroundings or the music you enjoy listening to while you exercise.

Interactions. Depression and anxiety can lead to isolation. That, in turn, can worsen your condition. Exercising can create opportunities to interact with others, even if it’s just exchanging a friendly smile or greeting as you walk around your neighborhood.

Healthy coping. Doing something beneficial to manage depression or anxiety is a positive coping strategy. Trying to feel better by drinking alcohol excessively, dwelling on how badly you feel, or hoping depression and anxiety will go away on their own aren’t helpful coping strategies.

Tips to start exercising when you have depression or anxiety

Of course, knowing that something’s good for you doesn’t make it easier to actually do it. With depression or anxiety, you may have a hard enough time just doing the dishes, showering or going to work. How can you possibly consider getting in some exercise?

Here are some steps that can help you exercise when you have depression or anxiety:

Get your doctor’s support. Some, but not all, mental health professionals have adopted exercise as a part of their treatment suggestions. Talk to your doctor or therapist for guidance and support. Discuss concerns about an exercise program and how it fits into your overall treatment plan.

Identify what you enjoy doing. Figure out what type of exercise or activities you’re most likely to do. And think about when and how you’d be most likely to follow through. For instance, would you be more likely to do some gardening in the evening or go for a jog in the pre-dawn hours? Go for a walk in the woods or play basketball with your children after school?

Set reasonable goals. Your mission doesn’t have to be walking for an hour five days a week. Think about what you may be able to do in reality. Twenty minutes? Ten minutes? Start there and build up. Custom-tailor your plan to your own needs and abilities rather than trying to meet idealistic guidelines that could just add to your pressure.

Don’t think of exercise as a burden. If exercise is just another “should” in your life that you don’t think you’re living up to, you’ll associate it with failure. Rather, look at your exercise schedule the same way you look at your therapy sessions or antidepressant medication — as one of the tools to help you get better.

Address your barriers. Identify your individual barriers to exercising. If you feel intimidated by others or are self-conscious, for instance, you may want to exercise in the privacy of your own home. If you stick to goals better with a partner, find a friend to work out with. If you don’t have extra money to spend on exercise gear, do something that is virtually cost-free — walk. If you think about what’s stopping you from exercising, you can probably find an alternative solution.

Prepare for setbacks and obstacles. Exercise isn’t always easy or fun. And it’s tempting to blame yourself for that. People with depression are especially likely to feel shame over perceived failures. Don’t fall into that trap. Give yourself credit for every step in the right direction, no matter how small. If you skip exercise one day, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure and may as well quit entirely. Just try again the next day.

Sticking with exercise when you have depression or anxiety

Launching an exercise program is hard. Sticking with it can be even harder. One key is problem solving your way through when it seems like you can’t or don’t want to exercise.

“What would happen if you went out to your car and it wouldn’t start?” Dr. Vickers-Douglas asks. “You’d probably be able to very quickly list several strategies for dealing with that barrier, such as calling an auto service, taking the bus, or calling your spouse or friend for help. You instantly start problem solving.”

But most people don’t approach exercise that way. What happens if you want to go for a walk but it’s raining? Most people decide against the walk and don’t even try to explore alternatives. “With exercise, we often hit a barrier and say, ‘That’s it. I can’t do it, forget it,’” Dr. Vickers-Douglas says.

Instead, problem solve your way through the exercise barrier, just as you would other obstacles in your life. Figure out your options — walking in the rain, going to a gym, exercising indoors, for instance.

“Some people have the idea that being physically active is supposed to be easy and natural,” Dr. Vickers-Douglas says. “Some think of it as just having enough willpower. But that really oversimplifies it and can make us feel like failures. You can’t just rely on willpower. Identify your strengths and skills and apply those to exercise.”

“Act as if you are and you will become such.”  -Leo Tolstoy
If you begin to believe in yourself, your possibilities and the direction you are taking your life, all will be well in health and happiness. Best wishes for new beginnings, new hopes.
-Love, Heather

Play.

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62220_tumblr_lgtr7xlcjg1qgv5d0o1_500_large_thumb“Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.”  

-Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” -Plato

As an adult you don’t play, besides the momentarily lapse between your child and her imaginary friends. To play as an adult to many is to lose credibility, to be…an “immature adult”, “someone who can’t be serious”, “someone who doesn’t take LIFE seriously.”

BUT, I recently read an article on the need to play…not just as children, but as adults. You need the spontaneity of choice, the thrill of being childlike, the freedom to let go of the stresses in your life. I am not by any means suggesting that you throw caution to the wind and rid yourself of all adult responsibility, but I am suggesting to let go of your adult ego (even for brief periods of time) and free your child within.

Did you know there is even a National Institute For Play (www.nifplay.org) and they stated the following on their site.

Play is the gateway to vitality.

By its nature it is uniquely and intrinsically rewarding. It generates optimism, seeks out novelty, makes perseverance fun, leads to mastery, gives the immune system a bounce, fosters empathy and promotes a sense of belonging and community. Each of these play by-products are indices of personal health, and their shortage predicts impending health problems and personal fragility.

Play is not just for children, it is necessary to have playful communication and interaction to

satisfy relationships, proactive work environments, stress relief and better personal health.

Play is powerful in connecting people with one another.

Science has shown how corporations who incorporate play into their environment become more successful.

Tips For Playing in Life:

-Do something that scares you

-Run through rain puddles, dance in the rain, walk in a down pour, enjoy the weather

-Dance under the stars

-Turn on some fun music and dance with your kids in the kitchen

-Pick up an old sport you loved when you were little…rollerblade, tennis, hike…

-Go skinnydipping in your pool or hot tub

-Look for free fun like local concerts, films, fairs, a swap meet

-Have a game night each week where you invite friends or family over

-Visit every baseball park you wanted to see when you were a kid

-Take on a new challenge…learn to finally play the piano, dabble in something new

-Sit in a cafe and watch people

-Embrace the simple things

-Dont worry about what someone else will think

-Release your childhood spirit…play

-Go play games at a local arcade, Climb a tree, Go indoor rock climbing, visit a zoo or aquarium, make a sandcastle, go sledding,Tap into your child within.

-Learn something new to you…the game of table tennis, chess, checkers, try parasailing, windsurfing, bodysurfing.

-Skip, like a little kid…one day I was listening to my iPod on my daily walking route. I was on a main street that all my neighbors drove home on. I was listening to a great song that made me want to move my body, I yearned to jump, to skip, to let the music play through me. For a moment I worried about who would see me, but I decided I didn’t care. I began to skip, I felt a surge of exhilaration, a feeling of letting go, a feeling of freedom from care of anyone watching me. I began to smile and skip even bigger, higher. I was free. The child within me soared, smiled and laughed all the way home. It was wonderful!!

Get creative…paint, sculpt, scrapbook, take pictures. Go to a movie alone. Go get a pedicure and have them paint your toes wild. Go to a nearby town that you have never explored. Find a local museum and enjoy the art. Go on a bike ride. Find a thrift store and buy something unexpected. Go to a garage sale or an antique shop. Go to a local garden and smell every variety of flower.

Some good hobbies that help you enjoy play while also combating stress: gardening, photography, scrapbooking, having a aquarium, puzzles, drawing, painting, knitting, playing the piano, writing, etc.

Another great way to play is to vacation. This is a very underused time to play!! People feel guilty for leaving work & taking time for themselves, but you need to look at it as an investment in yourself, your health and happiness.

Another reason many people don’t vacation is because they feel they don’t have the time or money. A good remedy for this…staycation! Take a few days & stay home, laze around, have a pajama day, make fun food, read a good book, get creative and take the time to enjoy some PLAY time. Some Stay home time.

Have some fun…get outside of yourself and PLAY. It’s a new year to make some new changes that will improve your life.

Best wishes and lots of PLAY, Heather