Category: Health & Happiness

The Quest for CONFIDENCE!

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To me CONFIDENCE is like a tiny kitten, when it is feeling good it can be fierce with personal belief, and unstoppable in determination. But if it gets scared, it may want to run away or hide, so it needs to be lovingly nurtured and comforted, and told that things will be okay. We all have moments of vulnerability, moments where our confidence is shaken and we stand alone and want to run away from different situations.

In moments of reflection it is the little things like confidence that catch your attention and you wonder how to tame it and hold on to it a little longer, so it doesn’t disappear for awhile.

Confidence has been a topic at our house lately. Between my husband questioning why people have not called him regarding job positions, or wondering why my daughter is afraid to talk to her teacher (she has been in her class for over a month & still doesn’t know her name), or why I can’t focus on anything, we are a household in a quest for confidence, so when the Oprah magazine arrived at our house with the word CONFIDENCE in big, bold letters, I grabbed it & began to read. There were some great tips and tricks, so I am going to share some ideas and expand on some others.

Here are a few of my favorite ideas from Oprah’s “The Confidence Kit”…

Sit up straight: Research suggests that people with good posture have more confidence in their thoughts than people who slouch.

Knock wood: Psychologists have shown that embracing superstitions and carrying good luck charms can help you perform tasks better.

Break a sweat: Science long ago proved that exercise enhances your mood, but did you know that a 20-minute workout can sharpen your state of mind for a whopping 12 hours.

Focus on your breathing: Those who regularly practice Buddhist mindfulness meditation report increased self-acceptance.

Strike a pose: Standing for two minutes in a “power pose”–think wonder woman, with her feet flat on the ground, shoulders square, and hands on hips–can help you feel 40 percent more powerful than sitting with your arms crossed.

Grab a cup of joe: One more reason to love your latte: 100 milligrams of caffeine has been shown to increase alertness, energy and confidence.

Here are some additional tips and tricks to help you on your QUEST for CONFIDENCE…

Look at your LIFE SUCCESSES: What have you been able to achieve, the big things, the little things, the things you may not consider a success (your happy attitude, your willingness to help others, the good sister you are, etc)–count them. What do you celebrate about what you have done with your life (motherhood, fatherhood, volunteering, teaching, medical school, started a campaign for a good cause, made others feel appreciated, beat a personal fear, built a car engine, wrote a blog post, published an article, learned how to cook, home schooled your kids, are an artist, a gifted musician, can tell amazing stories, love animals, etc)

Evaluate your strengths & weaknesses: What do you view as a personal strength and weakness. This is a good starting point in addressing your personal needs and what you can begin to work on. Ask your friends and family what they see as your strengths and weaknesses. Write them down.

Ask yourself, What do I want? right now, in life, my career, my family. Creating goals helps you on a personal level see and achieve what you want to create for your life. When you are able to see small goals and achieve them…personal success, which increases your confidence.

What is stopping you? Your thoughts, money, social confidence, the right exercise routine, time, etc. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that can happen?” Begin to use affirmations to eliminate the self defeating mind chatter and rid you of old beliefs and patterns that may be in your way.

Stop the negative self-talk: Confidence is a funny thing, it seemingly comes and goes depending on the day & the self-talk. Yesterday my husband was waiting for a phone call for a potential interview, he was told they would call him the next morning (yesterday), but by noon they had not called. His mind was a furry of concern, worry and wonder if they would call. He went on about how he should have been more assertive and scheduled a time then and there. I stopped him mid-sentence, “Do I hear a ‘shoulda’ ‘coulda’ woulda’? Are you living in the land of should, woulda, coulda? Well, I am not going there with you.” I smiled and kissed him gently. He laughed at me. It broke the pattern of worry, concern & negative chatter. I went on to explain to him that if they did not take the time to find a valuable asset like him, then they don’t deserve him. I told him if they are smart, they will call. We left it at that.

What little step can I take? Create a baby step outline of where you are and where you want to be relating to your goal. Example: If you desire a new job–what skills do you need to begin working on, maybe you need to buy the right suit for an interview, practice talking about the new position, begin to see yourself working for a specific company, doing the job you desire.

What is the worst thing that can happen? ask yourself what you are afraid is going to happen.

Now list if they are REAL fears—can or will they likely happen? 90% of our fears are not true fears. Don’t buy in to the negative thoughts.

Ask yourself again—What is stopping me? (write these reasons down and address them) If you have doubts that continue to rise to the surface, write them down and calmly challenge them.

ACT. Take action. Commit to your personal success. Make a promise to yourself that you are committed to this personal journey…wherever it may take you.

When it comes down to it–you need to begin to give yourself a little credit, be kind to yourself and begin to love who you are!! Your self-confidence and self-esteem stems from how you feel about yourself, how you challenge yourself and how you handle the situations that life hands you.

One last thing…Dawn Breslin is one of my favorite authors and is a coach on confidence, so I wanted to share a little something from her book, Zest for Life…enjoy!

The secret recipe to enjoying life is to have simple little pleasures sprinkled throughout your day. To boost our self-esteem and in turn our self-confidence first of all we need to become aware of the internal dialogue that plays in our minds. It’s a bit like a tape recorder that plays over and over, and if what the tape is playing is negative and critical of you and your life, you aren’t going to feel good each day.

The expectations of society, our parents, our partners, and our peer groups–not to mention ourselves–dictate that we should have more money, more possessions, a bigger house, a bigger car, a better education, a better job, a better partner…Constantly living by these core values, focusing on getting more, and thinking about all the things we don’t have in our lives blocks us from seeing the natural beauty and joy that surrounds us every single day. If this is the belief we are living by, then there are going to be some serious side effects on the journey to succeed. In Eastern wisdom, the foundations for achievement are almost the opposite: Success is about being happy, connected to spirit, fulfilled, calm, energized and content.

Here are a few habits Dawn suggests to improve your confidence: Read personal development books, Pray, Write down ten reasons to be grateful each day, Read inspirational biographies, take up a creative hobby, begin to play a musical instrument, watch the Discovery Channel, watch inspirational movies, read health and fitness magazines, share good news stories, limit your intake of bad news each day and only speak positively about people.

Hope these ideas send you in a good direction for your personal quest for confidence. Good luck and best wishes in all you do.  -Heather

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”  -Marie Curie

LOL. 12 ways to get you LAUGHING!

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Something to think about…A child laughs 600 times a day at the age of 6. An adult 47 times a day. A depressed person 6 times a day.

One thing I have noticed in any stressful situation is how laughter can take a moment of tension and make it melt away. It has this amazing power to change things, to ignite the body with something positive, to shift a connection with others and lighten a mood. You can’t feel stressed, anxious, angry or sad when you are laughing.

When there is ever a tense time in my marriage we notice it, we swing from one end of the spectrum to the other—in extremes. I either cry and want to run or get giddy and laugh at EVERYTHING! I have been trying to handle this in-between jobs situation with more light heartedness, to affectionately tease my husband when he needs me to “retool” his resume and not take it personally.  I begin to talk in another accent, like I am his personal assistant from another country, emphasizing key phrases and “major accomplishments.” It makes things lighter, because the very thought of starting over and beginning again with another career can be a bit unsettling.

I was feeling a bit worried and anxious how my husband would be feeling yesterday morning because a potential position fell apart after a poor recruitment situation. I started the morning off blaring over the loud speakers Kelly Clarkson’s song “Stronger” (What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger) Everyone at my house laughed!! It lightened the mood of the whole morning.

Laughter makes you feel better, it makes everything better!!

So here are some great ideas I dug up to make laughter part of your day!! This is for you and me. Just LAUGH!!

Watch a funny movie or TV show: Here are some links to different top movie lists.  Complex Pop Culture lists the top 50 movies http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2011/03/the-top-50-funny-movies/     Here is Ranker.com’s list of their top 50 http://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/the-funniest-movies-of-all-time

Watch some funny youtube videos: lately I have LOVED anything SOULPANCAKE. They have some fun, inspirational and funny videos. Another good laugh is Laugh Out Loud–they do prank type videos and those are always fun to watch. There are even compilations of funny videos and pranks, so just do a search on Youtube for funny videos & you’ll find a lot.

Go to a comedy club and LOL

Have a fun game night with friends & have them bring a few of their favorite jokes or stories. Shared laughter brings more connection and is great for relationships.

Check out the humor section at your local book store. Find something that is funny to you.

Go to a “Laughter yoga” class: Here is a good link to get you started with Laughter Yoga International  http://laughteryoga.org/ & then find an organization near you.

Play with children: Children are the greatest example of play and laughter, so emulate them, have fun and enjoy your moments with them. Yesterday I was taking care of my sister’s two kids. We sang songs & made up songs & just started giggling and giggling at our crazy songs. It was good to laugh.

Do something silly: Photograph crazy, distorted pictures of you and your family together, When you go on a walk put some thought into it—walk like an egyptian, a chicken, disco, etc. Make a silly breakfast like green eggs and ham, Dance all the time & everywhere, Make silly faces & name them, Talk in a silly voice (from another land, like a alien, like the cookie monster, like a robot, like Mickey Mouse)—these may seem too silly, but some of these are actual psychological, neurolinguistic programming techniques–Have fun with it!!

Make time for some FUN! Go bowling & turn it into a bowling for pennies (or dollars) game, do miniature golf with your left hand, maybe have a karaoke night where everyone has to sing like they are from another country…make opportunities for fun, for laughter.

Bring humor into your conversations: Ask people, “What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?”

Have good ways to deal with stress: because stress stops laughter, it is the enemy to happiness, it slows it down & can be a big barrier for a good laugh or a good feeling.

Try to not take yourself so seriously: don’t be afraid to share embarrassing moments, find something funny about a bad situation, surround yourself with things that make you smile (funny screen saver, fun picture of your family, playful toy on your desk, etc),

Hope these ideas help you in your pursuit of LAUGHTER!! Do something fun this weekend and truly enjoy yourself and those around you.

Cheers to you. Heather

Ways you can learn to be optimistic

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“When life is sweet, say THANK YOU and CELEBRATE. And when life is bitter, say THANK YOU and GROW.”

My husband’s last day from his job was Friday and it has been a wave of emotion through many lenses. I have heard story after story and phone call after phone call of the emotional ride many of my husbands associates are going through. He just got of the phone with some one who is getting hit with the anger ball!! He is mad at everyone, the situation, the company that did not hire him, that he may have to move to feed his family, that he won’t make as much money…I loved hearing my husband chime in “I think this could work out to be an even better situation for all of us.”

Yes, OPTIMISM!!

If we can focus on not becoming the victim in any life challenge or change, we will come out better for it. If we can keep our heads from falling down in defeating thoughts and rise above the negative, we will be able to truly see what is ahead.  If we can continue to move forward daily and not get stuck in the mire of self doubt, then the road will be clear, clarity will be seen, the direction will be one of focus.

Life truly does throw us a challenge to help us grow, to help us move, to help us reach higher. It is like the metaphor of a spring flower reaching up through the layers of hard soil, reaching to break through the tough dirt to feel the warmth of the sun, to grow stronger, to feel the light of day and begin to feel of its purpose, to then bloom and grow again.

If we can change our perspective and look at change and challenge as a tool for growth, to learn to see the optimistic side, then each day will have purpose, each moment will challenge our thoughts, our direction will unchanged.

Can we learn to be optimistic in times of challenge?? Here is a great article that shows some great examples..

I can ‘learn’ Optimism     From Dr. Martin Seligman

Yep, according to psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman, you sure can…and if you believe the

research, you probably should!

We all know that optimists see the glass as half-full while pessimists see it as half-empty. But, that doesn’t come close to doing justice to the importance of optimism and how it affects our lives.

Martin Seligman, one of the leading psychologists in the world, has spent the last three and a half decades researching the influence of optimism on our lives. Much of his work is presented in his book Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life.

Met Life

What does Met Life have to do with optimism? Quite a bit. Met Life was one of the first organizations to work with Seligman to apply his theories to the working world. And the company did so with great success.

Met Life (and all insurance companies, and many businesses for that matter) pay a lot of money to screen their candidates. Seligman believes that optimism is an important variable to look out for, and that this characteristic ties directly to the bottom line.

We’ll begin with traditional hiring wisdom which “holds that there are two ingredients of success…the first is ability or aptitude, and IQ tests and SAT are supposed to measure it. The second is desire or motivation. No matter how much aptitude you have, says traditional wisdom, if you

lack desire you will fail. Enough desire can make up for meager talent.”

Seligman continues, “I believe that traditional wisdom is incomplete. A composer can have all the talent of Mozart and a passionate desire to succeed, but if he believes he cannot compose music, he will come to nothing. He will not try hard enough. He will give up too soon when the elusive right melody takes too long to materialize.

Success requires persistence, the ability to not give up in the face of failure. I believe that optimistic explanatory style is the key to persistence.”

“The explanatory-style theory of success says that in order to choose people for success in a challenging job, you need to select for three characteristics:

1. aptitude   2. motivation   3. optimism”

Seligman took this theory to Met Life and tested it out. What did he find?

In short, he found that insurance agents who scored in the less optimistic half of his test were twice as likely to quit as agents who scored in the more optimistic half. Further, The agents from the top quarter sold 50% more than the agents from the bottom quarter.

Matt Biondi

Do you remember Matt Biondi? He was the greatest swimmer of his era and one of the most victorious Olympians of all time. He also happened to be a subject in one of Seligman’s research studies–an incredibly optimistic subject, in fact.

During the 1998 Seoul Olympics, Biondi was expected to bring home gold in all seven of his events. His first two events were a disappointment–he received bronze and silver.

Seligman tells a story about how he was watching the events at home, listening to the announcers ponder whether Biondi would rebound well following his two disappointments. Seligman says, “I sat in my living room confident he would.”

Why? “Because his explanatory style was highly optimistic and he had shown us that he got faster–not slower–after defeat.”

How’d he do? In the last five events in Seoul, Biondi won five gold medals.

The NBA

Seligman took his theories to the sports arena and found some fascinating results.

His question: Could a sports team be optimistic or pessimistic? How would this affect its performance?

His study: He focused on the Atlantic Division of the NBA. Holding other variables constant, his research team scientifically analyzed quotes from players and coaches to measure their level of optimism or pessimism following either a win or a loss.

His findings: Teams, and not just individuals, have a meaningful and measurable explanatory style. Following a loss, an optimistic team was much more likely to beat the spread. A team’s explanatory style for bad events strongly predicts how they do against a point spread after a loss in the next season.

In his study, the Celtics were the quintessential optimists–always explaining away a bad loss as temporary, specific, and not their fault. They were an uncanny comeback team. Language they used: “They were making good, quick cuts to the basket.” And,

“That’s the best I’ve ever seen a team run.”

The Nets, on the other hand, were mentally shipwrecked. They explained losses as permanent, pervasive, and their own fault: “We botched up things ourselves and blew all our opportunities.” And, “This is one of the physically weakest teams I’ve ever coached.”

-Seligman article taken from thinkarete

Optimists, in other words, know how to bounce back. Martin Seligman, professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and author of Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, explains it this way: “If a setback is thought about as temporary, changeable, and local, that’s optimism. If it’s thought about as permanent, unchangeable, and pervasive, that’s pessimism.” Victories are just the reverse: Optimists think of them as permanent and far-reaching; pessimists think of them as fleeting and situation-specific. For instance, if an optimist encounters a recipe she can’t make work, she’s likely to perceive the failure as external and temporary (“I’m just having an off day”), while the pessimist makes it internal and indelible (“I’ll never learn to cook”). As Seligman explains, optimism serves as a crucial framework for relating to experiences. “It’s the skeleton of hope,” he says.

-this quote from Oprah article http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Optimism#ixzz2NFi0OwlJ

Become More Optimistic

How do I become more optimistic?

Seligman’s advice: monitor your internal dialogue! As you know, we’re constantly talking to ourselves. The next time you find yourself anxious or worried, pause for a moment and pay attention to what you’re saying to yourself.

Internal dialogue is a big one—what dog are you feeding?  We have a great indian metaphor that we share in our family…imagine two dogs in your head. Imagine one with loving eyes and the other with a mean stare. Which dog will you want to feed? the one that may bite your hand off? We look at positive and negative self talk the same way. Do you want to listen to the good or bad?? Which beast do you want to feed?

We tend to have automatic responses to different situations. We need to develop awareness of those automatic responses, and then develop new, more effective ways to interpret life’s events.

Look at the positives in your life—there are many. Get grateful. From gratitude many gifts will unfold.

Look at the strengths you possess: Are you giving yourself any credit for the contributions you make to the world, to your family, your friends, your work?? My husband through this whole work change has received many letters of thanks and appreciation. I told him to make sure he keeps those words of praise and he tried to shrug it off.

Look at things on a brighter side…have an optimistic outlook no matter what. You can literally change your brain to trick it into thinking things are better. Facial expressions and the way you explain something will make a difference.

The grass doesn’t have to be greener…no matter what your situation, there is always someone else who is worse off than you. When you begin to compare yourself to your neighbor who has a bigger house, who has a great paying job, a cuter dog….just remember to stop, don’t go there. Nothing good will come out of comparisons. Begin to get grateful.. for your health and think about how great it is to not be in a hospital bed, for your children that don’t have an illness…you understand.

SMILE…its contagious and connects you to others.

Well, I hope this article has given you some ideas and direction about learning to find the GOOD in any situation. Your life is the only one you’ve got, so make it AMAZING!!

Cheers to a GREAT day! Heather

Be Still…take time to Meditate

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meditation-video-still-newYesterday I watched part of a show on the mysteries of the subconscious mind—fascinating. There was a part where they were talking about the power of meditation and its healing ability for stress. The doctor on the show illustrated scientific evidence that supported that sitting and meditating for 15 minutes a day can and will alter the stress in your body.

Stress inflames the cellular structure in our bodies, which then causes illness like heart disease, crones disease…but meditation will literally reverse the effects of stress on our bodies. Our bodies are amazing!!

So, I am challenging any one who would like to become healthier, happier and physically better to take 15 minutes a day and meditate.

Here are some good suggestions to help…

Monkey Mind: I have heard and experienced ‘Monkey Mind’—the whirl of chatter, to do lists, problem solving, the ability to not focus and on and on. Continue to work through this and just breathe. Your mind will begin to find a quiet space.

Focus on a word or your breath: In the show the doctor had people focus on the word PEACE. Many meditations have you focus on your breath and the in and out movement.

Breath deeply: breathing deeply helps you relax, your heart rate slows

Find what feels right for you

What does your ideal life look like?

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ImageThe new year tends to bring about resolutions, to-do lists, the changes that you aspire to achieve, but do you really know what your ideal life looks like?

I laugh thinking about my husbands weekly wish lists and meanderings, his seemingly constant comments whirl me into a confusion of his wants and needs. He wants to…move away from winter to sunny southern Utah, then its southern California, then Idaho in the summer. We’ll buy, we’ll sell, we’ll rent, we’ll buy dishes like that when we win the HGTV dream home. He makes me laugh and smile at every turn. I can’t keep up. But even after 19 years of marriage and 14+ moves to Idaho, Arizona, Oregon and back to Utah, I am still a little vague on what would be his ideal.

I understand life is an ever changing canvas and that is the beauty life has to offer…so many colors, choices, kitchens, places to live…

So this new January I ask, What is your ideal life?? Are you satisfied with all that you have? Is it enough? What do you love about your life? Does your life seem to energize or drain? Your life truly is your inspiration, so what is it saying to you right now?

Let’s look at some different areas of your life so you can get a feel for what you need, love and desire for your ideal life…

Take a minute to get some clarity. Say a prayer to help guide the feelings you have within. Your feelings will help guide you to your ideal life, the life you need, the life you are meant to live.

“everything in life responds to the song of the heart.”  -Ernest Holmes

Let’s look at the different areas. Look at the ideas and see if any of them resonate with you. Ask yourself if it is something you need, something you desire, etc.  Does it excite or ignite you? Do you want to skip it all together? Take notice of what your heart is saying. Don’t limit your ideas or needs, there may be something that is not listed that you feel you need–take a note. Listen within for personal clarity and direction.

MIND. BODY. SPIRIT

Personal Time: do you need to have more quiet time, a retreat, more self-care?

Personal Interests: Do you have a hobby you love, but not enough time to do it? Have you made time or desire creativity of some kind?  Do you need time to play? Do you want to serve someone else each week or volunteer for some organization? Is there something you have been desiring to do? What is it? How can you make the time to do it?

Learning and growth: Are you interested in taking a class? reading a book? getting a mentor to help you with some area of your life? Want to learn something online? Listen to a podcast?

Good things for your spirit: Do you want to begin taking a yoga class? Do you need to pray? Meditate? Go on a walk? Get out in nature? Listen to good music? More time to nap?

Health: Do you need to eat better? Begin an exercise routine? Drink more water? Do things that will reduce your stress? Find ways to get better sleep? Take nutritional supplements?

Personal Space: do you have time for just you? Do you have a place in your home where you can go and just be or do something you enjoy? Do you know when to say “when”?

Gratitude: Do you need to keep a gratitude journal? Are you noticing gifts given to you each day? Are you saying thank you? Are you appreciating the little things that are good?

Attitude check: How is your attitude? Do you need to create some personal affirmations that you share each day? How are you talking to yourself? Are you being loving to you?

Self-care: Do you need to take the time to get your hair done or get a mani-pedi? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Do you have stress and need a massage? Are you happy with your style? What do you feel you are lacking in taking care of you?

Environment: Do a feel good check. Does your environment(s) stress or sing to your soul? Do you need to paint the walls a soothing color? Do you need things to be clutter free? Do you feel like you have too much stuff and need to dejunk? Do you need to simplify?

Hopes and Dreams: Are there places you want to go? Things you want to do? Something you want to try? What do you look forward to? What do you hope will happen in your life? Make a list and try to find a way to baby step your way dream by dream.

 FAMILY 

Together time: Do you need and want to make the time to have meals together? Do you want to set aside time each month to take each of your children out on a special date? Do you want to have special days where you plan family activities? Do you need a family vacation?  Do you want to get your family involved in local events and activities?

Traditions and Rituals: Do you need to create family rituals? What do you have in mind? Do you need to have time for family prayer? Do you need more play & less routine?

Slowing down: Do you need family quiet time? Do you need to play pretty music to calm everyone down? Do you need to have time for family walks? Do you need to disconnect with technology—limit television, video games, computer, etc? Do you need to do less running around? Do you need to have your kids focus on one extra activity instead of 3?

Communication: Do you need to connect more with your family? Do you and your spouse take the time to talk about everything? Do you need to take more one-on-one time with each person in your family? Do you need more time to talk about the highlights from the day?

Loving boundaries: Do you need to create boundaries for the kids (curfews, phones, gaming, friends, etc), Do you need to create boundaries with your friends? Do you need to create loving boundaries for in-laws or other nearby relatives? Do you need to talk to your spouse about what you both need from one another? What you need from your kids?

HOME

Organization: Do you feel unorganized? Are things too cluttered for you? What do you need to feel more organized? Do you need a trip to IKEA? Do you need to dejunk?

Re-vamp: Do you need to re-vamp and fix up your home a little? Do you need new paint, fixtures, lightbulbs, door knobs, window coverings, a better mattress, etc.

Spring Clean: Do you need to freshen things up throughout your home? Maybe begin to save and have a carpet cleaning budget, paint touch-ups, re-caulk, fix minor damages and give your home a thorough clean, so everything is smelling fresh.

Is everything in working order: Maybe you need to checklist this out to make sure everything is in working order. Do you haven any broken windows, faucets, cabinets, drawers, disposals, etc. Make a plan and create a budget to fix what needs to be done.

Garage & Tools: Do you leave the house and feel overwhelmed when you look at the disarray of your garage? Does everything seem to have a place? Does it need a fresh coat of paint or a deep power wash? Do you have enough garbage/recycling cans? Do you have enough outdoor storage? Is everything labeled, so you feel more organized?

Learn something to inspire you: Do you desire to learn the art of Feng Shui? Do you want to learn about the power of color and how it plays throughout your home?

Find your style: Do you notice a color palette running through your home? Is it calming or do you feel you don’t have any style or pattern? To help find styles you like or are drawn to get a bunch of magazines (store or thrift store) that are home themed. Take some time and flip through the pages and select any image that you are drawn to. You will notice a theme of colors, styles and designs that you may enjoy in your home. Then try changing out pillows, adding a new paint color to a wall, buy a picture that you are drawn to, move around furniture and have fun with the new ideas. Enjoy the process.

MARRIAGE

What do you need: Is there something specific you are needing from your relationship? Do you need a weekly date (at least)? Do you need to hold hands? Love notes, affection? Do celebrations mean a lot to you? Do you know your love languages?  How is your intimacy?

What needs some attention: Do you need more one-on-one time? Better communication? Do your financial pressures affect your relationship? What do you each need on a personal level? Are you a priority to one another?

What can you work on together: Are you communicating your needs? Are you working through challenges with kids together? Are you lifting and building one another through praise and appreciation? Do you need help dealing with anger or addictions? Are you doing anything to nurture your spirituality together? Do you remember the golden rule and think about the other’s needs? Are you leaving a positive or negative legacy for your family?

WORK

Are your enjoying what you do:  Do you get excited or dread going to work? Do you feel drained or creative when you are working? Are you in it for the money?   Do you need to shake things up and do something different? (change dept, go after a promotion, have you tapped out at the top, do you need something different)

Your Power Tools: You shine when you are doing something that you are good at, something you enjoy, something that taps into your natural gifts and talents.

Your Passion: Where does your passion lie? Is there something you desire to do or try? What do you enjoy doing in your free time? (this is often a area that you crave & have passion for)

Invest in your best asset: YOU! You are your best asset, so you need to be constantly investing in your skills, learning new things and challenging yourself. Do you want to take a class? What would it be in? Is there a specific book you want to read? Is there a topic you want to learn about?

FINANCES

Where are you financially: Do you need to save, get out of debt or downsize?

What will help you create a financial plan: Do you need to make a budget?  Do you need to visit with an advisor? Do you need to contact credit card companies to lower your rates? Do you need to refinance your home? Do you need to get a book or program about planning?

Your financial future: Do you need to learn about investing? What about your 401K? Do you need to learn what is the best way to save for the future or for college funds, etc?

SOCIAL

How are your friendships: Do you have any friends that drain your energy? Re-think your friendships with people who are energy drains.  Are your spending quality time with good friends? Do you need to plan a weekend or annual getaway with your friends?  Do you need a weekly or monthly girls night out? Are your friends lifting and building one another or does it seem to be toxic in any way? Are you always gossiping?  Do you leave energized?

Do you feel you need friends or support: Do you need to attend a local church group to connect with others? Do you need to reach out and find a service organization that you can help out? Do you need to volunteer at your child’s school? Are there any community activities that sound fun and get you excited to join?

Feel within and follow your heart to seek what it is that you truly need to create your ideal life. I would love to hear any thoughts or comments about what you feel would add to anyone’s life. Thanks for your support. Cheers to your good life!!

Have a beautiful day! Heather

Exercise & its spin on depression

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ImageIt’s the new year and every gym is busier than ever, so I thought this would be a good topic to talk about because it hits home with me. You always hear the benefits of exercise, but I am here to attest to the benefits it has on depression.

My husband has had swinging bouts with depression to a point where it almost ended his life & would have altered mine and my little girls forever. We struggled to find a solution that did not involve pills or long visits at a psych office, so he began working out. He began to feel better and even signed up and competed in numerous triathlons. It seems to be his magic, natural cure for the darkness. It brings out the hope of feeling good, the light that helps him deal with the stresses of life. I can literally see and feel a difference in him when he has not worked out for a week, his attitude, his irritability begin to creep in & I remind him gently that he needs to work out to feel better.

If you or someone you love struggles with depression or even a bad day, get them moving, get them doing something that will trigger the good chemicals in their body. I promise it will help.

Here are some good tips that I pulled from the Mayo clinic to help…

Try a happy hour to your health!

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms

If you have depression or anxiety, you might find your doctor prescribing a regular dose of exercise in addition to medication or psychotherapy. Exercise isn’t a cure for depression or anxiety. But its psychological and physical benefits can improve your symptoms.

“It’s not a magic bullet, but increasing physical activity is a positive and active strategy to help manage depression and anxiety,” says Kristin Vickers-Douglas, Ph.D., a psychologist at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn.

When you have depression or anxiety, exercising may be the last thing you think you can do. But you can overcome the inertia. Here’s a look at how exercise can ease symptoms of depression and anxiety. Plus, get realistic tips to get started and stick with exercising.

How exercise helps depression and anxiety

Exercise has long been touted as a way to maintain physical fitness and help prevent high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and other diseases. A growing volume of research shows that exercise also can help improve symptoms of certain mental conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Exercise also may help prevent a relapse after treatment for depression or anxiety.

Research suggests that it may take at least 30 minutes of exercise a day for at least three to five days a week to significantly improve symptoms of depression. However, smaller amounts of activity — as little as 10 to 15 minutes at a time — have been shown to improve mood in the short term. “So, small bouts of exercise may be a great way to get started if it’s initially too difficult to do more,” Dr. Vickers-Douglas says.

Just how exercise reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety isn’t fully understood. Researchers believe that exercise prompts changes in both mind and body.

Some evidence suggests that exercise postively affects the levels of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain. Exercise may also boost feel-good endorphins, release tension in muscles, help you sleep better and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It also increases body temperature, which may have calming effects. All of these changes in your mind and body can improve such symptoms as sadness, anxiety, irritability, stress, fatigue, anger, self-doubt and hopelessness.

If you exercise regularly but depression or anxiety still impairs your daily functioning, seek professional help. Exercise isn’t meant to replace medical treatment of depression or anxiety.

The benefits of exercise for depression and anxiety

Exercise has numerous psychological and emotional benefits when you have depression or anxiety. These include:

Confidence. Engaging in physical activity offers a sense of accomplishment. Meeting goals or challenges, no matter how small, can boost self-confidence at times when you need it most. Exercise also can make you feel better about your appearance and your self-worth.

Distraction. When you have depression or anxiety, it’s easy to dwell on how badly you feel. But dwelling interferes with your ability to problem solve and cope in a healthy way. Dwelling also can make depression more severe and longer lasting. Exercise can provide a good distraction. It shifts the focus away from unpleasant thoughts to something more pleasant, such as your surroundings or the music you enjoy listening to while you exercise.

Interactions. Depression and anxiety can lead to isolation. That, in turn, can worsen your condition. Exercising can create opportunities to interact with others, even if it’s just exchanging a friendly smile or greeting as you walk around your neighborhood.

Healthy coping. Doing something beneficial to manage depression or anxiety is a positive coping strategy. Trying to feel better by drinking alcohol excessively, dwelling on how badly you feel, or hoping depression and anxiety will go away on their own aren’t helpful coping strategies.

Tips to start exercising when you have depression or anxiety

Of course, knowing that something’s good for you doesn’t make it easier to actually do it. With depression or anxiety, you may have a hard enough time just doing the dishes, showering or going to work. How can you possibly consider getting in some exercise?

Here are some steps that can help you exercise when you have depression or anxiety:

Get your doctor’s support. Some, but not all, mental health professionals have adopted exercise as a part of their treatment suggestions. Talk to your doctor or therapist for guidance and support. Discuss concerns about an exercise program and how it fits into your overall treatment plan.

Identify what you enjoy doing. Figure out what type of exercise or activities you’re most likely to do. And think about when and how you’d be most likely to follow through. For instance, would you be more likely to do some gardening in the evening or go for a jog in the pre-dawn hours? Go for a walk in the woods or play basketball with your children after school?

Set reasonable goals. Your mission doesn’t have to be walking for an hour five days a week. Think about what you may be able to do in reality. Twenty minutes? Ten minutes? Start there and build up. Custom-tailor your plan to your own needs and abilities rather than trying to meet idealistic guidelines that could just add to your pressure.

Don’t think of exercise as a burden. If exercise is just another “should” in your life that you don’t think you’re living up to, you’ll associate it with failure. Rather, look at your exercise schedule the same way you look at your therapy sessions or antidepressant medication — as one of the tools to help you get better.

Address your barriers. Identify your individual barriers to exercising. If you feel intimidated by others or are self-conscious, for instance, you may want to exercise in the privacy of your own home. If you stick to goals better with a partner, find a friend to work out with. If you don’t have extra money to spend on exercise gear, do something that is virtually cost-free — walk. If you think about what’s stopping you from exercising, you can probably find an alternative solution.

Prepare for setbacks and obstacles. Exercise isn’t always easy or fun. And it’s tempting to blame yourself for that. People with depression are especially likely to feel shame over perceived failures. Don’t fall into that trap. Give yourself credit for every step in the right direction, no matter how small. If you skip exercise one day, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure and may as well quit entirely. Just try again the next day.

Sticking with exercise when you have depression or anxiety

Launching an exercise program is hard. Sticking with it can be even harder. One key is problem solving your way through when it seems like you can’t or don’t want to exercise.

“What would happen if you went out to your car and it wouldn’t start?” Dr. Vickers-Douglas asks. “You’d probably be able to very quickly list several strategies for dealing with that barrier, such as calling an auto service, taking the bus, or calling your spouse or friend for help. You instantly start problem solving.”

But most people don’t approach exercise that way. What happens if you want to go for a walk but it’s raining? Most people decide against the walk and don’t even try to explore alternatives. “With exercise, we often hit a barrier and say, ‘That’s it. I can’t do it, forget it,’” Dr. Vickers-Douglas says.

Instead, problem solve your way through the exercise barrier, just as you would other obstacles in your life. Figure out your options — walking in the rain, going to a gym, exercising indoors, for instance.

“Some people have the idea that being physically active is supposed to be easy and natural,” Dr. Vickers-Douglas says. “Some think of it as just having enough willpower. But that really oversimplifies it and can make us feel like failures. You can’t just rely on willpower. Identify your strengths and skills and apply those to exercise.”

“Act as if you are and you will become such.”  -Leo Tolstoy
If you begin to believe in yourself, your possibilities and the direction you are taking your life, all will be well in health and happiness. Best wishes for new beginnings, new hopes.
-Love, Heather

Play.

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62220_tumblr_lgtr7xlcjg1qgv5d0o1_500_large_thumb“Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.”  

-Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” -Plato

As an adult you don’t play, besides the momentarily lapse between your child and her imaginary friends. To play as an adult to many is to lose credibility, to be…an “immature adult”, “someone who can’t be serious”, “someone who doesn’t take LIFE seriously.”

BUT, I recently read an article on the need to play…not just as children, but as adults. You need the spontaneity of choice, the thrill of being childlike, the freedom to let go of the stresses in your life. I am not by any means suggesting that you throw caution to the wind and rid yourself of all adult responsibility, but I am suggesting to let go of your adult ego (even for brief periods of time) and free your child within.

Did you know there is even a National Institute For Play (www.nifplay.org) and they stated the following on their site.

Play is the gateway to vitality.

By its nature it is uniquely and intrinsically rewarding. It generates optimism, seeks out novelty, makes perseverance fun, leads to mastery, gives the immune system a bounce, fosters empathy and promotes a sense of belonging and community. Each of these play by-products are indices of personal health, and their shortage predicts impending health problems and personal fragility.

Play is not just for children, it is necessary to have playful communication and interaction to

satisfy relationships, proactive work environments, stress relief and better personal health.

Play is powerful in connecting people with one another.

Science has shown how corporations who incorporate play into their environment become more successful.

Tips For Playing in Life:

-Do something that scares you

-Run through rain puddles, dance in the rain, walk in a down pour, enjoy the weather

-Dance under the stars

-Turn on some fun music and dance with your kids in the kitchen

-Pick up an old sport you loved when you were little…rollerblade, tennis, hike…

-Go skinnydipping in your pool or hot tub

-Look for free fun like local concerts, films, fairs, a swap meet

-Have a game night each week where you invite friends or family over

-Visit every baseball park you wanted to see when you were a kid

-Take on a new challenge…learn to finally play the piano, dabble in something new

-Sit in a cafe and watch people

-Embrace the simple things

-Dont worry about what someone else will think

-Release your childhood spirit…play

-Go play games at a local arcade, Climb a tree, Go indoor rock climbing, visit a zoo or aquarium, make a sandcastle, go sledding,Tap into your child within.

-Learn something new to you…the game of table tennis, chess, checkers, try parasailing, windsurfing, bodysurfing.

-Skip, like a little kid…one day I was listening to my iPod on my daily walking route. I was on a main street that all my neighbors drove home on. I was listening to a great song that made me want to move my body, I yearned to jump, to skip, to let the music play through me. For a moment I worried about who would see me, but I decided I didn’t care. I began to skip, I felt a surge of exhilaration, a feeling of letting go, a feeling of freedom from care of anyone watching me. I began to smile and skip even bigger, higher. I was free. The child within me soared, smiled and laughed all the way home. It was wonderful!!

Get creative…paint, sculpt, scrapbook, take pictures. Go to a movie alone. Go get a pedicure and have them paint your toes wild. Go to a nearby town that you have never explored. Find a local museum and enjoy the art. Go on a bike ride. Find a thrift store and buy something unexpected. Go to a garage sale or an antique shop. Go to a local garden and smell every variety of flower.

Some good hobbies that help you enjoy play while also combating stress: gardening, photography, scrapbooking, having a aquarium, puzzles, drawing, painting, knitting, playing the piano, writing, etc.

Another great way to play is to vacation. This is a very underused time to play!! People feel guilty for leaving work & taking time for themselves, but you need to look at it as an investment in yourself, your health and happiness.

Another reason many people don’t vacation is because they feel they don’t have the time or money. A good remedy for this…staycation! Take a few days & stay home, laze around, have a pajama day, make fun food, read a good book, get creative and take the time to enjoy some PLAY time. Some Stay home time.

Have some fun…get outside of yourself and PLAY. It’s a new year to make some new changes that will improve your life.

Best wishes and lots of PLAY, Heather