Tag: mental-health

Shh. A vow of SILENCE

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“Listen to silence. It has so much to say.”  Rumi

I was almost living a type of monk life–in a way. [without the meditation 24/7, robes…smile.smile.] No one but me and the dog for months at a time. Besides occasionally hearing from my daughter or friends or family via phone—I have been secluded in my little, beach house all alone. A kind of personal retreat for awhile. I would have background music playing with gorgeous images of places around the world playing on my tv via YouTube. I would work on projects or go on a walk…I have felt so productive…mostly calm. Honestly, sometimes lonely, but I genuinely appreciate the quiet and the alone time.

I think that is why when my daughter came home (from college) to stay for this semester it has been a bit of a challenge juggling our personalities, personal needs, car, time, meals, wants…she wants tv in the background when she works on stuff. I need calm music. It is a time of finding balance. Seeking to find that place within myself where I can exist and be my best.

My daughter and I have been struggling daily with communication, so I teased, “Well, maybe I will take a vow of silence.” Her response, “that’s stupid.”

Honestly, our time together has had very high, memorable moments of walking on the beach together, driving the coast with the convertible top down on a sunny day listening to fun music, moments laughing at memories… but it has also been a lot of conversations with struggle, frustration, intensity… as she tries to find her wings and break free from me. Often I feel things might be better if I just took a vow of silence…honestly.

That may seem a little extreme, but it got me on the wonderment of the benefits and why, oh why, do monks and highly spiritual people usually find some sort of benefit from periods of SILENCE.

Think about it! What happened to the slower times where people would get lost in the silence of washing clothes & hanging them on the line outside, or doing dishes by hand, raking leaves, planting flowers, handwriting letters and cards, reading the paper, ironing a shirt for work…etc. Things use to be a slower time. Silence was found a little easier in the slow stitches made in creating a quilt or outfit by hand. Today there is more of a rush, not a stillness in the between actions of the day. We are on a constant hum of being busy, checking all media, reading texts, making social posts, cars that drive while we work or watch, as well as work, exercise, school, family, etc.

My daughter just spent a month in France with her boyfriend and his family. She came back talking about how fun it was to wash her clothes and then hang them on a line outside to dry. She had a glimpse of a simpler time–when silence was found more often in the daily chores or activities of our lives.

So, what happened to us? Our society use to have more time in silence, even within the doing. Now, we just rush and move within a greater chaos and feel more overwhelmed, anxious and stressed. We are overstiumlated by technology, scheduled busyness, status, expectation…the list goes on and we are left without those moments of silence that help calm, create, and move us to a greater depth within that opens us to something better and healthier.

So, with the change of our lives I decided to jump in, research SILENCE and share, so here we go… the benefits. the method. the maybe you should think about trying to take a vow of silence for yourself…

A VOW OF SILENCE…even for a day! Begin with an hour.

I am going to begin with an hour and go from there. I think we should all at least experience it for a time.

VOW OF SILENCE: On a basic level it is deciding to just take some time to be silent and not speak. To some people they may look at it as means of protest or of deepening their spirituality.

This study1 suggests that silence causes the most brain and neuron growth of all the sounds in mice.

Silence is indeed golden, and many people choose a vow of silence to go inward or reflect on their communication patterns.

A vow of silence is a commitment to abstain from speaking for a set period. People often undertake vows of silence for spiritual, personal growth, or mindfulness reasons. When you can’t speak for an extended period, it can lead to deeper reflection and awareness of your thoughts and emotions.
-scienceofpeople.com. [great article with some further details https://www.scienceofpeople.com/vow-of-silence/#:~:text=People%20often%20undertake%20vows%20of,%2C%20weeks%2C%20or%20months%20long.]

HOW and WHY

According to Healthline: They contend that even people who aren’t religious or spiritual can experience profound benefits from observing a period of silence, whether it’s for a couple of hours or several weeks.

It is a good way to disconnect [from devices, technology, work, life] to truly connect within and on a higher level

It quiets your mind from the external chatter and helps quiet the internal chatter as well.

It awakens a deeper, innate awareness.

Silence may also help people become more mindful and connected to themselves and others.

“You feel more in touch with the universe and yourself,”… “As a result, you’re more creative, you’re more articulate, you get less angry and your negative emotions take a back seat. You’re more aware of your emotions and what you’re thinking, feeling, and saying.” -Michelle Thielen, Yoga Faith from a Healthline article

The farther you pull back on an arrow, the farther the arrow will go when it’s released. We humans are no different. To go further on the spiritual journey, we need to withdraw from all the senses and sense objects and sit in the cave of our hearts…in silence. -artoflivingretreatcenter.org

HEALTH BENEFITS:

Silence may help your health in several ways, including:

one of the benefits is experiencing [silence is] a dopamine reset – being able to create more “pause” between your addictive and reactive tendencies. -myspiritualshenanigans.blog

Silence helps with mental acuity, stress, concentration

The hippocampus—the section of the brain that regulates memory, emotion and learning—is the beneficiary of silence, according to several research studies. In one 2013 study, mice who were given two hours of pure silence each day grew new cells—complete with functioning neurons—in their hippocampus regions. -guideposts.org

Silence can set the stage for the practice of mindfulness, which has a range of mental health benefits. “Being mindful and aware of what is happening in the present moment can reduce anxiety, quiet racing thoughts, and calm the nervous system, says Sarah Kaufman, a licensed master social worker based in New York City. -Psych Central

Promotes Self-awareness: Silence can help increase your self-awareness by giving you the chance to observe and accept your thoughts and feelings without judgment. -Psych Central

SOME GUIDELINES:

HOW LONG: Up to you on length—a day, a week, a month…an hour…you decide.

Just begin—you can begin small with five minutes and grow your practice from there.Take the time that FEELS good to you. Find a quiet space, set a timer for five minutes and get rid of any distractions or external noise. Your mind will race but will eventually find a rhythm and begin to calm and slow. Just breathe.

Try a Daily or Weekly Technology Fast
Instead of reading on your smart phone during lunch, try eating in silence, savoring every bite. Or program your phone to block calls and your computer to “sleep” for a certain period every day; use that time to slow down, breathe deeply and think freely. You might even fast from technology on your day off or all weekend -guidepost

Nature calls Walking in the woods, meandering down quiet streets, strolling down a beach, or sitting on a bench and just listening to the wind…nature has a special space that opens up and welcomes silence.

WHY are you wanting to take a vow of silence for a period of time? You want to practice more of a mindfulness practice? You want to develop better listening skills? You want to reach a higher, personal spiritual place?

Silence empties you and creates space for creativity, joy, purity, and innovation to dawn. -artoflivingretreatcenter.org

HOW long do you desire to be silent for? For an entire day? A few hours. A certain period of days with certain hours to practice silence. A morning? Maybe two days of the month you do a 24 hour silence vow. Do you want to be silent UNLESS someone asks you a question & then you respond. Will you communicate via text or online during this time? Will you be alone or around people during this time? Is it more an all or nothing period OR blocking out specific time during your day? Do you need to take it to a more serious level and sign-up for an actual retreat or scheduled session with a professional? You decide.

A Sample of a Silent Retreat: In a silent retreat, participants take a vow of silence for 3–4 days based on the length or duration of the program. A vow of silence entails. [taken from artoflivingretreatcenter.org]

No gestures or greetings to fellow participants or staff.

No speech or communication through any medium for a given period

No writing or reading

No looking in the mirror

SHARE your plan, so people are aware of what you are trying to do for yourself. Make notecards if necessary to ensure people understand and see your commitment (especially if you are in any social situations–like work)

TOOLS to make your time intentional. Turn your phone off and take the time wo distractions. Do you want to journal during your time? Do you want to take walks in the woods or at the beach? Do you need to plan it as a special hotel occasion? Make time to reflect and ponder feelings, thoughts that come up, self-awareness, inner work that needs to be noticed, etc.

TAKE NOTE observing what is playing on your mind during silence may unlock creative ideas, personal thoughts and prayers, messages to yourself, personal needs or wants…make a note or journal the various feelings that come up

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT…TOO MUCH NOISE. WE NEED SILENCE. Studies report that most adults spend between 3-6 hours a day recreationally on their phone and 3-6 hours at work using their phone. Look around your staff room at the next break and observe the use of phones. When I walk or am at the gym most people have devices in their ears. All this stimulation and information, whether it is auditory or not, is noise to our brains. It is a cultural norm now to be constantly preoccupied, and immersed in noise, information, and diversion. Is there a cost for this constant noise?

Overstimulation or hyperarousal of the brain due to constant information, noise and demands can leave people feeling burnt-out, and anxious and with increased feelings of anxiety, failure, and humiliation, in addition to difficulties with creating boundaries with others​3​. Continuous noise can affect our mental health, create panic, increase frustration and over time the mind can lose the capacity to concentrate on things ​4​ Our brains are simply not wired to listen continuously.  Cognitively we are listening at a rate disproportionate to our cognitive capacity to process and pay attention. https://www.stemlynsblog.org/the-science-of-silence/

shhh. Breathe. Be still.

Take the time to make space for silence. Our society has created environments that almost indulge in speed, technology and doing. We can only hope that people can begin to see the necessity of space, stillness, and quiet that opens pathways to enhance our brains and lead to more balanced lives. Silence allows us to channel higher awareness, creativity, imagination, dreams… that will open the doors to better health, heartfelt connections, personal clarity, less anxiety and awaken a higher part of ourselves.

shhh. Silence does have so much to say.

Have a beautiful life. Begin today. Be still and listen. Peace, Love and Light to you. xoxo. -H

FOG

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a thick cloud of tiny water droplets suspended in the atmosphere at or near the earth’s surface which obscures or restricts visibility

something that obscures and confuses a situation or someone’s thought processes.


Living on the Oregon Coast you see a lot of FOG…marine layer…mist…there are a variety of words or descriptions of what people call it. Huge areas seem to disappear. The island mass that stretches out to the sea can be gone in a moment. Mountain sides, lighthouse structures, roads…can all be covered and it is almost like they magically disappear.

It can be quite magical or mystical or scary—if you are driving in it. It can be beautiful or haunting—it is all how you look at it. The other wonderful thing about the fog is that it can wisp across the sky like fast moving clouds that magically open windows of blue sky above. It is amazing and breathtaking. You can be standing high above on an ocean lookout and see nothing but white fog and then within minutes the fog may move and begin to give you a sneak peak of the gorgeous view below. You patiently wait for more and more of the fog to lift to share the secrets below. Magic.

THE FOG ALWAYS LIFTS

Life is like that…there will be grey days or moments, tough conversations, hurt feelings, broken hearts…but the fog always lifts. The light comes back out, the joy may be found again around the corner.

I believe a lot of our lives are spent asleep, and what I’ve been trying to do is hold on to those moments when a little spark cuts through the fog and nudges you. -Rufus Wainwright

what can we do to awaken out of a life fog?

Follow the spark or nudge—They always say–follow what lights you up. Do you seem to continually get excited about certain topics, books, ideas, places, people, etc. follow those sparks because they will help you find those things that light you up. OR do you seem to keep getting particular nudges with opportunities, conversations, books that stand out to you, a course you are interested in taking, a talk that keeps popping up on socials and catching your attention. There are things…almost hints or clues that come in to your life to help guide you. look for them…sparks, nudges….like life guideposts or personal clues to your best life.

Create a vision of clarity—what does your best life look like? What seems to lift your mood? What seems to drag or drain your energy? You can ask yourself a myriad of questions that get you seeking some clarity for various parts of your life and what you want or need. If you don’t seek and find the answers than you will continue to just be stuck without vision…lost in a type of life fog.

Less time on tech: Step away from the fog of compare and despair, constant scrolling, time stealing, fomo, etc. Even LESS time on your phone or technology will give you a better sense of control. Let go and take breaks away from it.

Get out of your head and into your body–movement is key. Your brain is like a super computer and it can easily go into sleep mode, so make sure you are getting up and moving every 30 minutes. This shakes things up, awakens you and pulls you out of brain fog. Plus, if you find yourself getting in your head about stress, work situations, relationship issues…etc. Movement is a great elixir for stress and getting out of your head. Breathe. Move. Let go.

Are you getting the necessities? Enough sleep, hydration, awareness of personal needs, good foods to nourish…

Connection: Even the simple act of smiling at someone can change your mood or energy. Often we need to do something simple for someone else—to get outside of ourselves, our surroundings, situations, etc. Get outside of yourself and do something nice for someone—even a stranger. Leave a note, send a card, give someone flowers, buy someone a coffee, make and take dinner to someone…a simple gesture helps you step out of your personal fog.

Do we even know we are wandering around in a fog?

Do you have those moments where you feel out of sorts, not yourself, a bit low, unmotivated, less energy…could be an emotional weight caused by stress, anxiety, fear…and we feel a bit confused of how to feel or what is going on. Maybe you feel like you are avoiding or procrastinating or just unmotivated…Some called it ‘brain fog’, others may say, ‘depression’ but in reality, we all have those moments where we may just feel heavy and unclear in life. That is okay.

Take the day to recharge, ask yourself clarifying questions, get moving, connect, do the little things and the fog will begin to clear.

Peace, Love and Light to you today. xoxo -H


HEALTHY BOOST

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I have been researching and reading and listening to some incredible HEALTHY HACKS…

Here are some of my favorites that I am excited to share

HAPPINESS HACKS

From the book, “Happiness Hacks. 100% Scientific! curiously Effective!” by Alex Palmer–fun book full of researched happiness hacks and facts.

Seven (Hours) to a Long Life: How long should you sleep to live a longer life? data from 1.1 million men and women aged thirty to 102 and found that the best rate of survival was among those who slept about seven hours a night.—they also said “skip the sleeping pills”

Take 8 day vacations–“Researchers found that feelings of health and well-being increased right away during vacation, then peaked on the eighth day, where they remained until the eleventh day, after which the enjoyment levels faded out. From this, the researchers suggest that eight days is about how long it takes to let go of concerns about work responsibilities and stress—but before feelings of homesickness or restlessness set in.”

Drop the “not enough time” excuse—it is an excuse. “Most people over the years give the major reason for not participating in leisure activities as ‘not enough time’ However, we should distrust this explanation and more often than not treat it as an ‘excuse.’ In our time-use studies, we have found that when people say they don’t have enough time..they are watching three to four hours of television a day. Time constraints do not really seem to be the issue, rather its a question of priorities.” -Roger Mannell, Distinguished Professor, University of Waterloo

Connect with Nature–“People who describe themselves as more connected to nature–who see themselves as part of nature, also report more happiness–more positive emotions and purpose in life…its not that people who live in rural areas, who are surrounded by nature, are off-the-charts happy compared to people in cities. In cities, the people who find themselves near parks where there are some trees, these are the people who are happier. The little things matter: parks, gardens, even bird feeders.” -John Zelenski, professor of psychology, Carleton University

–even just looking at nature can improve your mood. Get outside. Head to a park. Buy a plant. Set your office up by a window.

Feeling down? Turn on some lights–or at least turn them up. In three separate studies, researchers at the University of Toronto and China’s Sun Yay-sen University found a correlation between people’s feelings of hopelessness and their perception of room lighting.

Reduce, Reuse and Smile—Going green is not just good for the planet–it has also been found to put those who do it into a better mood. The Happiness Research Institute of the Danish Ministry of the Environment found a link between behaviors that benefit the environment and individual happiness. Those who instituted household practices such as using recycling bins, composting, or even installing water-saving faucets & energy saving appliances reported an uptick in their level of happiness.

Rent or Buy? A study done in the UK investigated whether people were happier renting or owning their homes. The survey results showed that homeowners were just as likely to list money as their biggest concern. It also found that people renting a room or a detached house were more likely than those who owned their home to believe they had a good work life balance. Not only that, renters reported enjoying relaxing at home more than homeowners, who tend to put traveling as one of their primary keys to happiness.

Ten minutes is enough–Researchers sought out to answer “How much exercise is enough to feel better?” Feelings of confusion, fatigue, and negative mood improved after just ten minutes of exercise. After twenty minutes, only feelings of confusion improved. After thirty minutes of sustained exercise, none of the negative moods saw further improvement. Of course, exercising for longer has plenty of physical benefits, but the researchers concluded that exercising in short, ten minute bursts a few times a day is enough to provide immediate improvements in mood.

Drink more coffee–Spanish researchers following almost 20k people over a decade found that those who drank at least four cups per day had a 64 percent lower risk of dying—than those who never or almost never consumed coffee.

Take a social sabbatical: Danish researchers did a study & asked over 1,ooo subjects to stop using Facebook for a week. The Facebook quitters described feeling a big increase in their concentration, decisiveness, enthusiasm and more.

Snap a Selfie: Researchers took a group of people and separated them into three groups. The first group was instructed to take a smiling selfie each day. The second group, was told to take a picture of something that made them happy and the third group was to take a picture of something they thought would bring happiness to another person & then send the image to others. Researchers studied various measurements of the subjects moods & found an uptick in all three categories in their happiness levels. Their reasons varied: Their smiles became more natural over time, while those taking photos of things that made them happy said they became more appreciative of the little things that brought them joy in life. Those taking pictures and sending them to others reported feeling more connected to the people to whom they sent the images & felt a reduction in stress. So, turn your cell phone into a happiness booster by snapping a smiling pic of yourself or something you like once a day.

Understand that your work should not be about the paycheck: Good rule of thumb–80K is enough. After $75k you hit a happiness plateau. Those making millions may be able to buy nice things, but they don’t enjoy a higher level of happiness.

Other little things: Get a savings jar, move closer to work (commute time can get you down), Turn off the TV, Get a pet, Get some flowers, Grab some nuts, work out with friends, Talk don’t text over long distances, Know that texting kills your GPA, Get plants….there are so many happiness hacks. Go grab this book and learn about ALL the studies that have been done to help bring happiness.

HAPPY HORMONES HACKS: https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/health-fitness/web-stories/easy-tips-to-hack-happy-hormones/photostory/108181003.cms

HELP for BUSY BRAIN

BUSY BRAIN CURE by Dr Romie: Heal the Root Cause: Gain insights into the interconnectedness of ADHD, anxiety, and insomnia, and how brainSHIFT reverses these symptoms. She even has brain tests to help you score and see what you need on a personal level. So GREAT!! https://drromie.com/busy-brain-test-resources/

So, What is Busy Brain: Busy Brain manifests in a number of different ways. Does any of this sound familiar to you?

  • Low energy when you wake up
  • Energy dips throughout the day
  • Can’t focus without caffeine or stimulants
  • Feeling anxious over simple tasks
  • Can’t shake worries out of your mind
  • Racing thoughts at night prevent you from falling asleep
  • Waking up in the middle of the night and struggling to get back to sleep

A Busy Brain is a pattern of neuroinflammation caused by chronic stress and burnout. Busy Brain manifests as a combination of anxiety, adult-onset attention deficit disorder (ADD /ADHD), and insomnia.

you’re chronically stressed and burned out and you think this is the norm. And what happens is you’re stuck on the cycle of needing stimulants all day; coffee, energy drinks. If that fails, doctors are overprescribing stimulants like Adderall and Ritalin. Some people need it, but not everybody. And then you’re anxious all day. So then you need wine or alcohol or a prescription sedative, like a sleeping pill or anxiety pill, to take you off.

And it’s making it worse. So “busy brain”—and clinical terms for the clinical folks listening—is a specific pattern of neuro inflammation, inflammation in the brain. And what I call the “busy brain center,” the limbic system and the hypothalamus that’s disturbing the circadian rhythm, the biological clock of the brain, and you’re stuck in the cycle of difficulty focusing and anxious thing all day, and you’re wired and you’re tired and you want to fall asleep and you can’t shut down racing thoughts when you go to bed at night, or you wake up in the middle of the night thinking, “Ooh, I’m wide awake. Let me just get a load of laundry done

Here are some of her TIPS: brainSHIFT #1: Digital Detox

What if I told you that one simple change in your evening routine could dramatically improve your sleep? If you struggle to fall and stay asleep, it’s a sign that your brain is overstimulated.

One of the leading causes of this is exposure to digital devices before bed. The combination of blue light and the dopamine hit you get each time you hear your phone ding is a recipe for sleep disaster.

The Solution is Digital Detox
Follow these steps for 1 week and pay attention to how your sleep changes during this time. For better results, extend the practice for 2 weeks (and keep it going for life!).

  • 30 minutes before bedtime, put away all your devices (phone, tablet, computer, and TV).

Replace device time with a calming activity.

  • Replace device time with a calming activity.
  • Light a candle and spend a few minutes longer on your nighttime hygiene rituals.
  • Sip a cup of herbal tea.
  • Write down 3 things you’re grateful for today. 
  • Read a book (but not on your Kindle!). 
  • Take a few quiet moments to connect with your partner, child, or fur baby.
  • If you find this easy, extend your digital detox time. If you can start 2 hours before bedtime, you’ll be amazed at how much your sleep will improve.

Some of her other essentials in her 8 week program

Step One TAKE her BRAIN TEST https://drromie.com/busy-brain-test-resources/ & get your score.

Step two is SLEEP CHALLENGE in chapter 11 (in her book), we have you download the seven-day sleep challenge: This is based on cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia and integrative medicine. And we give supplement recommendations. The whole idea is no matter what’s going on in your world, I want you to reset your sleep-wake cycle, your circadian rhythm, to the best of your ability.  That you’re sleeping well, getting restorative sleep and just even psychologically prioritizing sleep. 

What you are watching: even if you’re watching something that makes you laugh, it’s still waking you up. So if you’re watching something that garners a positive experience, which is typically pure comedy, which is very rare to find—most of them are still laced with darker themes and this that can raise stress hormone levels. Even if you’re watching a comedy, you’re laughing and it’s boosting dopamine and adrenaline. Wonderful during the day, but at night, all of a sudden you got energy now. But so like, that’s the issue. But you know, most people are watching like CSI crime shows. And here’s something amazing that mindfulness literature teaches us is whatever you’re watching.

So even if it’s a horse race, let’s say, your subconscious mind is immersed in that thinking you’re in the middle of the crime scene, that you’re in the middle of the horse race. So your brain is reacting. So while you think I’m distracting myself, not relaxing, watching this, you’re actually creating a busier brain for yourself. So in the seven-day sleep challenge, we walk you through picking activities and we have a list on the website of our “evolutionaries,” we call them, some of their favorite activities, things. What feeds into the airport traffic control tower of our brains that all of us can control is what we see, what we smell, what we taste, what we hear, and what we touch. So we actually ask you to make a ritual to calm the senses down.  (-brainymoms.com interview)

DO the Digital Detox [above]

She has more steps in her book—go check it out.

4 Lessons from Yale’s Happiness Course:

Savor: Savoring is the deliberate, post-activity act of looking back on what you did, and taking time to appreciate it.

Invest in temporal things: invest in experiences. A referenced study by Dr. Leaf Van Bovenfound a negative correlation between spending on material objects and mental wellbeing. Yet spending on experiences was shown to have a significant and positive correlation to mental wellbeing — do to their openness for “positive reinterpretation” over time.

Recognize the GI Joe Fallacy: happiness takes work, not just reading about how to attain it.

Make healthy comparisons. Remember how the things and people you love could have easily not been here. -taken from https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/story/4-lessons-from-yales-happiness-course-193609143.html

What Would Oprah Say: Happiness in five words: ‘Do something for someone else’ [inc mag]

8 DIMENSIONS OF WELLNESS:

Occupational therapist and researcher Peggy Swarbrick defines wellness as “a conscious, deliberate process that requires being aware of and making choices for a more satisfying lifestyle.” It is marked not by the absence of illness or stress, but by the presence of elements like purpose in life, joyful relationships, and satisfying work and play. 

Back in the 1990s, Swarbrick began developing a version of the “wellness wheel” model that many educational and health institutions rely on today. That model identifies eight interconnected dimensions of wellness: emotional, physical, intellectual, environmental, social, spiritual, financial, and occupational. 

The EMOTIONAL dimension “involves the ability to express feelings, enjoy life, adjust to emotional challenges, and cope with stress and traumatic life experiences,” per Swarbrick. 

Emotional Self-Care Practices

-Mindfulness meditation: There are tons of free videos and apps that make mindfulness accessible. 

-Jot down how you’re feeling first thing in the morning or right before you go to bed to get better at connecting with and expressing yourself. Not a fan of writing? Try voice journaling. 

-Listen to an audiobook of your favorite story or novel from when you were a kid. This one is just a great way to feel warm and cozy and reconnect with your inner child (and it’s perfect to pair with a bubble bath). LibriVox is a free website with thousands of public domain audiobooks to stream or download. 

The PHYSICAL dimension–It’s important to move your body, eat nutritious foods, minimize harmful habits like smoking, and keep up with preventative health care measures. 

Physical Self-Care Practices

-Develop a nighttime routine. Good habits are key when it comes to overall wellness — and creating a nightly ritual before bed can help you lock in those seven to nine hours of slumber every evening. Here are 23 tips to get started. 

-Sitting a lot? Start adding short bursts of activity to your day.

The INTELLECTUAL dimension— It should come as no surprise that keeping our brains sharp is part of cultivating overall wellness. Lifelong learning is tied to decreased cognitive decline and increased memory, according to the University of Cincinnati. 

Intellectual Self-Care Practices

–Discover an educational podcast. 

-Check out these brain exercises to help improve memory, cognition, and creativity.

-Pick up a new hobby: Try one of these 31 suggestions.

The ENVIRONMENTAL dimension— Swarbrick defines environmental wellness as feeling physically safe, living in safe and clean surroundings, and having access to clean air, food, and water. It applies to both our “micro-environments,” like our homes and offices, as well as “macro-environments” — our cities, states, countries, and the planet we all live on. 

Environmental Self-Care Practices

-Tidy up: Scrubbing your tub may not feel like self-care, but a clean house is associated with improved mental health. Here’s a 20-minute cleaning checklist. 

–Have houseplants? Touch base with them. Do they need misting? New soil? Not only does tending to your plants help keep your home beautiful, but spending time with greenery is good for you. 

-Pick up litter around your neighborhood (and get some fresh air while you’re at it).  

The SOCIAL WELLNESS dimension–Social wellness, as defined by the eight dimensions model, “involves having relationships with friends, family, and the community, and having an interest in and concern for the needs of others and humankind.”

Social Self-Care Practices

-Write a longhand letter to a family member in another state or country, or find a new pen pal to start exchanging snail mail with. 

-Video call a friend: Texting and liking each other’s posts on social media are great for keeping in touch, but sometimes you just need to see someone’s face.  

The SPIRITUAL realm of the eight dimensions model is all about finding balance, purpose, and peace. That may be through belonging to a religious community, participating in cultural traditions, or simply engaging with the natural world.

Spiritual Self-Care Practices

–Create a mantra for yourself to repeat when times are tough. This writer is partial to author Glennon Doyle’s famous motto (and the name of her podcast), “We can do hard things.” 

-Connect with nature in whatever way you can — maybe it’s going skiing or maybe it’s just sitting by a window and reading a book. Tip: Get a fresh sense of perspective by checking out the views on a high elevation hike or rooftop restaurant. 

–Take a virtual museum tour. 

The FINANCIAL dimension–a sense of financial agency and security is important to wellness. There are many free budgeting tools available that can help with the elements of our finances we canexert more control over, like spending and saving.

Financial Self-Care Practices

–Do the 100 envelope challenge.

-Set your financial intentions by identifying and prioritizing your goals. 

-Donate: Feeling like you have that agency over your finances can also be achieved by giving back and sharing with those who are less fortunate.  

The OCCUPATIONAL dimension—the occupational dimension is not solely concerned with career. Rather, it refers to occupying your time with meaningful activities, whether that’s employment, volunteer work, or playing a role in helping care for loved ones. 

Occupational Self-Care Practices

–Find a volunteer opportunity that you can take part in weekly.

-Declutter your desk (or, if you’re feeling more ambitious, your laptop).

-Cook a meal for people in need in your community.

–8 Dimensions of Wellness taken from Nice News https://nicenews.com/health-and-wellness/8-dimensions-wellness-self-care-practices/

I hope you will find those little things that will help with your overall Well of Happiness. We must constantly be filling up the reservoir of what our soul needs. May you find all the resources you need to flourish. xoxo. -Peace, Love and Light to you. -H

FABULOUS 4 for HAPPINESS

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According to CBS news In the newly released 2024 World Happiness Report, the U.S. dropped out of the top 20 on the list for the first time in the report’s 12-year history. The U.S. now ranks at No. 23, compared to No. 15 last year. The researchers say this is driven in part by a decline in how Americans under 30 feel about their lives. “In the US, happiness or subjective wellbeing has decreased in all age groups, but especially for young adults,”  Gallup managing director Ilana Ron Levey

When my husband and I visit our daughter on her college campus we can’t help but wonder why everyone seems so sad and isolated. No one talks to one another, we pass bus stops where the kids are in a single line, all looking at (more like hiding out) their phones. More people than not are just walking alone. It is worrisome and sad.

My daughter has been talking (via a dating app) to a young man on a student-exchange from Sweden and his happy outlook was something to adore. I told her, “you obviously need to go stay for a longer period of time in the nordic countries because they are doing something right there!” haha AND when you look at a list of the happiest countries…fyi: top 10: Finland, Denmark, Iceland, Sweden, Israel, Netherlands, Norway, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Australia…the list is covered in that area of the world. Good for them!! Genuinely. They are obviously doing some good things.

So, how, why and what can we do to HELP our beautiful country get better??

ONE way…the way we cope. Our coping mechanisms need some updating. I know from listening to my daughter talk about college kids on campus, seeing her friends resorting to social drinking, drugs to cure loneliness and even seeing my daughter struggle with expectation, personal stress, loneliness…that our young people are struggling with happiness.

THE FABULOUS 4 for HAPPINESS:

How could we help ourselves? What could we naturally do to feel happier? What’s that you say!!?!

Natural hormones within your body that help you feel happier…naturally high on life. These hormones can be supercharged and influenced by the activities we participate in, the foods we eat, the thoughts we think. It is an incredible outlet and source for better, happier health and wellness.

Getting to know your body and finding ways to see how these natural hormones effect You is a clear indicator of what you can do to increase your own personal levels to be even more effective.

DOPAMINE….

Dopamine: Known as the “feel-good” hormone, dopamine is a neurotransmitter that’s an important part of your brain’s reward system. It’s associated with pleasurable sensations, along with learning, memory, and more. -healthline

This ‘DOPE’ haha hormone is often called, “the happy hormone” because it is a pleasure seeking hormone that derives happiness from things that are enJOYable or highlight the brain’s reward system, like compliments, falling in love, praise, shopping, sex, food, goals,

According to Psychology today: Dopamine is known as the feel-good neurotransmitter—a chemical that ferries information between neurons. The brain releases it when we eat food that we crave or while we have sex, contributing to feelings of pleasure and satisfaction as part of the reward system. This important neurochemical boosts mood, motivation, and attention, and helps regulate movement, learning, and emotional responses.

Here are some ways to naturally increase dopamine: set a goal & take small steps to achieving it. Each day you work toward your goal you will be rewarded with a natural hit of dopamine because of your accomplishment. Engage in activities that are pleasurable and help you feel good–playing with a pet, exercise, avoid processed foods [Eat foods rich in tyrosine including cheese, meats, fish, dairy, soy, seeds, nuts, beans, lentils, among others. While tyrosine supplements are available, consuming foods is preferred.-psychologytoday], avoid stress with mindfulness, mediation, yoga, getting out in nature, reading a book, get good sleep, etc.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOPAMINE & SEROTONIN: (according to Healthline) Serotonin is developed in your gut, helps stabilize mood and anxiety, helps regulate sleep and wakefulness AND Dopamine is developed mainly in your brain, helps affect motivation and helps you feel more alert.

SEROTONIN

Serotonin: This hormone and neurotransmitter helps regulate your mood as well as your sleep, appetite, digestion, learning ability, and memory. -healthline

This hormone is known as the “happy” chemical/hormone because it is the hormone that keeps away anxiety and depression. This chemical plays a pivotal role in your mood and overall well-being. Most prescription drugs used to treat these factors increase the brains serotonin levels. produced in exercise, good sleep, getting outdoors in nature

Serotonin is a chemical that nerve cells produce, and it sends signals between your nerve cells. Serotonin is found in many parts of your body: in your digestive system, blood platelets, and throughout the central nervous system.

Serotonin is made from the essential amino acid tryptophan. This amino acid must enter your body through your diet and is commonly found in foods such as meat, dairy products, eggs, and nuts.——–Healthline

Here are some ways to naturally increase serotonin: exposure to sunlight, practice gratitude, get a massage, manage your stress, exercise, eat healthy nuts, pineapple, eggs, get out in nature, vitamin D,

OXYTOCIN

Oxytocin: Often called the “love hormone,” oxytocin is essential for childbirth, breastfeeding, and strong parent-child bonding. It can also help promote trust, empathy, and bonding in relationships. Levels generally increase with physical affection. -healthline

This ‘love’ly hormone is very connection and physical based. This is the hormone that is necessary for a new mother to bond with her baby. It is also key in hormonal spikes in intimacy, physical touch, cuddling, massage, holding hands, sex & can be naturally increased through telling someone you love them, a hug, laughter, pets, socializing, having sex, time, physical touch, service, giving back, foods like avocados, spinach and vitamin c…

ENDORPHINS

Endorphins: These hormones are your body’s natural pain reliever, which your body produces in response to stress or discomfort. Levels may also increase when you engage in reward-producing activities such as eating, working out, or having sex. -healthline

These hormones are highly associated with “runners high” and are natural pain killers. The natural ways to increase and boost endorphins: chocolate, sex, exercise, music, meditation, laughter, food (spicy food), UV light…

Top Tips to help with a Healthy Wellness and Happiness Practice

According to CALM https://www.calm.com/blog/healthiest-lifestyle Drink plenty of water, eat nourishing foods, regularly exercise, get good sleep, spend time outdoors, make time to pay and explore, practice mindfulness and meditation

According to the Mayo Clinic: Eat nourishing foods, Sleep 7-8 hours a night, Keep company with people you enjoy being around, Avoid news overdose, Regular exercise (150 minutes of moderate intensity physical activity each week), Do something meaningful each day (Putting effort into the things that matter most to you will help you use and reserve your energy in ways that will bring out the best in you.), Think good thoughts for others (compassion for others)

According to Psychology today, The formula for health and happiness is a life oriented towards effortful rewards. Pursue goals that demand your best self (e.g., intimate relationships); seek out achievements won only through dedication and sacrifice (e.g., fitness); and create a lifestyle encouraging ongoing learning and personal growth (e.g., self-actualization). This is one lesson from history that will never become obsolete.

According to Oprah: Discover your purpose, Speak kind words to others and yourself, Have self-compassion, Adjust your mindset (be positive, stop overthinking), Get grateful & Be present, Lean into the Joy of Aging, Strengthen your relationships, Self-love, Learn how to cope with stress, Get some therapy, Build healthy habits, Prioritize sleep, Write it down (journal),

According to Real Simple Magazine: Don’t Start with Profundity (Start with the basics), Don’t let the sun go down on anger (Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate.), Fake it til you feel it, Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly. (Challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness. People who do new things―learn a game, travel to unfamiliar places―are happier than people who stick to familiar activities that they already do well.), Don’t treat the blues with a “treat.” (ask yourself, “will this truly make things better?”), Buy some happiness. (Our basic psychological needs include feeling loved, secure, and good at what we do. You also want to have a sense of control. Money doesn’t automatically fill these requirements, but it sure can help.), Don’t insist on the best (sometimes good enough is enough), Exercise to boost energy, Stop nagging, Eat less ultra-processed foods (they lower your mood), Start Volunteering (according to one study people who engaged in volunteering were 7% happier than those who did not), Connect with the outdoors (According to one study, being in nature for at least 30 minutes a week is proven to lower blood pressure and decrease your risk of depression.), Hang out with friends (seeing friends is a great way to reduce stress and feel a sense of support), Consider seeing a therapist (When life gets difficult, it can be beneficial to have someone to turn to for advice.) -Gretchin Rubin article

Hope these ideas get you moving in a happier, healthier direction for your best life!!

Peace. Love and Light to you today. xoxo. -H

The power to MOVE!

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I was recently listening to Jonathan Fields podcast, “Goodlife Project” and was taken back by some information he and his guest were sharing. I would consider myself a pretty active person, I walk miles a day outside, sometimes add in some additional trampoline, walk/step, or dance exercises. BUT, when I heard them talking about how sitting for hours at a time can be worse than smoking packs of cigarettes, an alarm went off in my head!! What!! AND that even though I am active, THAT activity cannot replace the stagnant time of sitting. OMG!! WHAT!!

That was pretty shocking news to me. I do have daily hours of down time where I sit and work on writing, projects, searches, etc. I never would have thought that sitting could have such a negative impact on the mind and body. Who would have thought that even getting up when your Apple Watch says “stand” really does mean something important. It should be like a bell that goes off to a higher awareness and personal challenge to MOVE…even just a little.

I decided I needed to do some research into MOVEMENT and what is essential and imperative to best health.

JONATHAN FIELDS guest, Dr. Jennifer Heisz, author of Move your Body, Heal your Mind

They were talking about movement every 30 minutes to wake up the brain. It makes sense. Think about your brain like our computers. After a certain period of time they go into sleep mode. Our brains after sitting for awhile go into energy conserve mode, so waking everything up every 30 minutes for a movement break makes so much sense for overall wellness.

WOW!! In dealing with depression and anxiety: stress induced depression seems unresponsive to antidepressants, often because the root cause of it is not serotonin, or a lack of serotonin, which the drugs treat, but rather inflammation. And inflammation, when it gets into the brain, it alters these pathways that make it difficult to feel good. And so Exercise because it’s anti-inflammatory, the MYO kinds released from the muscle. Those actually create this anti-inflammatory effect. It is a pharmacy for people who have this drug resistant depression. It is the medicine they need and it, it has clinically significant benefits for depression reduction on par with antidepressant drugs. Just fascinating. 

How do we manage our health? How do we manage our mental health? Prescription drugs may be one part of it, but lifestyle and Exercise. Given that it has the same benefits at reducing our depression as a pharmaceutical, it just blows my mind that this is not part of the regular conversation.

Even a little bit of movement: Do a little bit of movement. In fact, what I recommend people do is just break up your sedentary time as a starting point. So we’re all sitting all day. Every thirty minutes just stand up. Do a two minute movement break. This is enough to restore blood flow to the brain.  Infusing the prefrontal cortex with oxygenated blood flow helps you focus, be more creative when we’re able to think outside the box are less likely to ruminate on negative thinking, which is a symptom of depression. And so it can start etching away at those symptoms that are preventing us from being active.

Our reaction to stress is also a big influencer: So I think sometimes it can be one thing, but sometimes it can also be the way we react to stress. So there’s some really interesting research that shows that it’s not necessarily the level of stress that you have in your Life, but how you react to it. There’s this research that shows when people are more Moody. So like if they get really high on those good days and really, really low, angry, intense on those bad days. And it’s this undulation this, you know, this pendulum that swings between good and bad days. That can really start to damage the body. That increases inflammation.  And then can cause Anxiety and depression.

Be gentle and compassionate with yourself and how you are actually FEELING: Check in with yourself and see how you are feeling. Do you need to adjust your workout to not be so intense on a day when you are feeling off or worn down from various stressors. Look at the emotional highs, lows, stresses, challenges, workloads you are dealing with and be gentle.

Try a mental health mode of exercise. So if I, if I have scheduled a thirty minute jog and I’m not feeling well, I’ll go for the thirty minute walk. I’ll put the time in, but I’ll take off the intensity. And I think that that’s just such a such a, a good approach to movement for mental health. 

Benefit of movement and sleep: Talk about NATURAL SLEEP AID…MOVEMENT. So ATP is the cell’s energy currency that we break down to get energy. And when we break down ATP, it produces this byproduct called adenosine and adenosine throughout the day as we do work, mental work, physical work, it starts to build up. And then once it reaches a certain threshold, it triggers sleep. So it’s a natural sleeping aid. The brain has receptors for adenosine that triggers sleep. And when we move more during the day, we break down more ATP. We build up more adenosine and so we sleep more soundly, we fall asleep faster and we trigger sleep because we’ve created more of this natural sleep aid. 

___________________________________________

A podcast that was interviewing Dr. Jennifer Heisz was mentioning some key ideas to get your body MOVING…you may have to trick your body and your brain into exercising. According to Dr. Heisz she suggests: take a sip of a sugary drink or throw in a piece of sugar gum, then turn on some of your favorite pump up music to release the dopamine.

She also talked about why exercise is able to help with anxiety. When we exercise, there’s a resiliency factor that’s released in the brain called neuro Y and this resiliency factor helps to calm.

Fear center called the amygdala. It’s the brain region. That’s like hypervigilant, constantly scanning the environment for threats, but also can be triggered by our thinking, and worries. And so this neuropeptide, Y can be released. By light to moderate activities. So which means you could be going for a brisk walk and that would be enough to increase neuropeptide. Y one thing that’s really interesting is that neuropeptide Y seems to protect the brain from trauma. So when we look at people who have gone to war, for example, some of them will return. With post traumatic stress disorder, but some won’t and the ones who are protected are the ones who have higher levels of neuropeptide. Y. and so we can build more of that resiliency factor with exercise, which I think is amazing. And then we don’t need to exercise vigorously for that. We can just exercise that light to moderate.

The problem is how we view stress. A lot of the time when we see it as negative or having an overly negative impact on our health, research shows that’s when it’s most damaging to our health is when we have that negative connotation or negative perception on it. So it’s not stress that’s good or bad. It’s our, our thinking that makes it that way.

Exercise helps train the stressors: So when stress is high and it’s negative, that amygdala, the fear center is on and it’s active. And so we’re not. We’re no longer responding to the situation at hand, we’re responding to our own vulnerability. Then we’re not our best self, we’re angry, we’re defensive, we’re negative. We are viewing everything through this lens of vulnerability and that’s when it that’s when it really becomes destructive. And so we can get ahead of that. We can start. To heal that and to manage our reaction, to stress using exercise because exercise is, it is technically a stressor. It does activate the stress system. But like I said, in this safe space that we control how long we go. We control how high it goes. It’s really is a way to Essentially like tone the stress system, like you’re flexing your stress muscle, and then that stress muscle grows stronger so that you can tolerate heavier stress loads without being so reactive. And then you are quicker to recover less feelings of vulnerability and the ugliness of stress that. It all it brings out in us, we can stay calm.

Every 30 minutes, stand up for two minute movement break. This is enough to increase, focus, creativity, to help restore blood flow to that prefrontal cortex that we need to be productive at work. 

So five minutes of this can be like jumping jacks, high knees, but it doesn’t have to be vigorous. It could also be just stretching. And this helps to helps us to stay focused.

10 minute self-paced walk has been shown to boost creativity. Three 30 minute brisk walks like in a week. That’s not that much time we’ve shown in my lab reduces anxiety. That’s also the typical prescription tested for reducing depression and in some people that works better than antidepressant drugs.

—https://mindfulmamamentor.com/move-your-body-heal-your-mind-jennifer-heisz-360/

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I bought her book and began reading it. I am almost half through it, but I thought I would add my little note highlights…

—Group-based exercises increase your pain tolerance.

–WOW!!!! All forms of exercise have the potential to make us feel good. A solo hike in nature. A fun-filled bike ride with friends. A deep dive into a refreshing pool. Or lifting heavy weights up overhead after a smooth snatch. That’s because exercising causes the release of a feel-good neurochemical called dopamine. Exercise increases dopamine 130 percent above baseline, which is comparable to the dopamine released by other naturally rewarding things like food (130 percent) and sex (160 percent). Importantly though—and the real reason that its highly unlikely for me or any other athlete to be truly addicted to exercise—the dopamine released by exercise is significantly less than the dopamine released by alcohol, nicotine, and other drugs of abuse. Alcohol increases dopamine by 200 percent, Nicotine by 225 percent, Cocaine by 350 percent and Amphetamine by 1100 percent. Although that may sound like a lot of pleasure, too much dopamine is bad for the brain and can result in serious and potentially fatal brain damage.

–Her section on “The Brain on Drugs” I immediately took a screen shot and sent to my daughter’s previous college boyfriend. We care about him and he is at that prime age of lets just party and live it up while we are young & I told him that he needed to read this part of the book to help protect his brilliant, engineering mind.

“Technically, drugs and alcohol “cook” the brain’s reward system by inundating it with too much dopamine. The brain reacts by imposing tight restrictions: Less dopamine is produced, and fewer dopamine receptors are made. This is done to alleviate some of the pressure, but it has some unintended side effects.

For one, the small amount of dopamine left in the addict’s brain when sober now has even less of a chance of binding to its receptor. If dopamine can’t bind to its receptor, it can’t induce pleasure. This is the ultimate killjoy.

At first, naturally rewarding things like food and sex seem very dull. Soon, the drug itself loses potency, and the addict must consume more and more of the drug to get the same high {aka drug tolerance] That is why seemingly harmless experimentation can quickly spiral out of control….Things get more difficult the longer the addict abuses, as the brain continues to strip away more and more of its dopamine receptors. Now only supernatural pleasures can give the brain the pleasure it needs to feel good. This is when the three of the four C’s of addiction arise: cravings, compulsion to use, and loss of control in the amount and frequency of use.

The brain then changes the way it makes decisions, giving rise to the fourth and final C of addiction: Use despite negative Consequences. The dopamine-starved brain demands instant gratification, almost to the point that it would rather die than wait. It convinces the addict that the immediate benefits of a quick fix outweigh any long-term costs of drug use. This is not true. In reality, the addict risks losing it all. Health…relationships…finances…freedom. Even life itself.

—–BUT, there is hope. in her book (pg 71–talks about getting the addicts brain to bounce back. It just takes some time and effort to rebuild the system)——-

—Regular exercise tones the stress response, making us less reactive to psychological stressors, and this promotes optimism, even amidst the most seemingly uncontrollable situations.

—30 minutes of light-to-moderate-intensity exercise three times a week is enough to soothe your anxious mind.

—Get out of your head and into your body: When your head is a mess with anxiety, you have but one choice: You need to get out of your head and into your body. You can do that by paying attention to your breath. I see your skepticism, but I have a little neuroscience to back this up. In one study, researchers recruited twenty-six people who had no experience with meditation or yoga. Over 2 weeks, the participants learned how to pay attention to their breath by becoming aware of the body’s position and focusing on the sensation of breathing such as the rise and fall of the belly or the rush of air under the nose.

Why attention to breath is so effective at resetting an anxious mind? Because paying attention to the breath capitalizes on the fact that the mind can only focus on one thing at a time. Therefore, the more time the mind spends attending to the body (and its breath), the less it has time to worry.

—She talks about a huge study done on exercise and depression on page 61 & found big findings on how EVEN JUST ONE HOUR A WEEK OF EXERCISE MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE!!

—Why the drugs don’t work: Antidepressant drugs only treat a specific biological dysfunction, namely low serotonin. Outdated medical practices assume that low serotonin causes all mood disturbances. This is not true, but as of right now, no further testing is done to prove otherwise.

—Unexpected cause of mental illness: surprisingly, its likely inflammation

—Just breathe to CALM.

—Exercise rescues happiness in depressed patients. She talks about Exercise vs Antidepressants & how in some cases exercise is the winner and can work better in some situations.

SO many great things to learn about!! I LOVE learning, so this book has been full of good info to help create a healthier life—mind and body. When I finish the book, I will post more highlights. GOOD INFO IS ALWAYS GOOD.

Make today a little healthier for you. YOU are your greatest investment in your life. Take the time to learn, to grow, to make better choices, to MOVE.

Peace, Love and Light to you today. xoxo. -H

Building Emotional Growth

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Wow! I just got slapped in the face with an article that screamed at me about my recent conversations with my beloved daughter. We have had soo many conversations that end up going so south because she gets irritated with me, doesn’t want to talk about certain topics, flat out tells me to shut up or stop!…it goes on. It has been so hard and with that, an emotional roller coaster.

The article Women who haven’t grown up emotionally usually display these 8 behaviors (without realizing it) -geediting.com on google listed these 8 behaviors that were pretty telling with what behaviors my daughter has been sharing—1. Overly Reactive. 2. Difficulty in accepting responsibility. 3. Avoiding difficult conversations. 4. Dependence on external validation. 5. Struggle with empathy. 6. Difficulty in setting boundaries. 7. Impulsive decision making. 8. Perfectionism

Wow. This was VERY eye opening for me. I have this BEAUTIFUL, college-age daughter that leads, guides, works a great job, has soo many great skills, gifts and talents, but I believe her emotional resilience is in need of a some growth before it takes a further toll on her health. I worry for her and her emotional wellness and well-being.

My key takeaways from the article: (my summaries mixed)

—Practice mindfulness to help pause, reflect, and respond rather than react. [SEE practices below]

—Take responsibility

—Tackle discomfort head on is how we grow and get better. Embrace the tricky or uncomfortable conversations will help all of your relationships become stronger.

—Don’t let the craving for external validation rule you. Your feeling good should not hinge on the thoughts or opinions of others.This is another place where mindfulness can help switch from seeking approval on the outside to finding it within. YOUR worth is up to YOU. [ideas below]

—Practice empathy to create deeper connections.

—Honor your own needs and necessities by having your own personal boundaries.

—Perfectionism often stems from fear of rejection or judgment. Its a defense mechanism that can hinder personal growth. Strive for progress not perfection. [See tips on doing this below]

MY ADDITIONAL RESEARCH:

My additional research into this topic to help anyone out there in need of some emotional growth—be gentle. Begin. Here are some additional directions to help…

Emotional maturity means having the self-control to manage your emotions and work to understand them. -betterup

“It is a choice. No matter how frustrating or boring or constraining or painful or
oppressive our experience, we can always choose how we respond.”
-EDITH EGER

HOW TO IMPROVE EMOTIONAL MATURITY

  1. Develop a GROWTH MINDSET: Focus on continuous self-improvement and growth rather than nitpicking failures and shortcomings.
  2. Set HEALTHY BOUNDARIES: A great sign of standing up for yourself
  3. UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTIONS: When you understand what makes you angry, sad, or excited, you can use that to your advantage instead of retaliating at the first hint of negativity. Ask yourself what makes you mad or uncomfortable and why.
  4. OWN your mistakes: own up and take responsibility for mistakes or errors–dont blame. Next time you make a mistake, apologize for your error without making excuses for yourself. View each mistake as a learning opportunity to expand your skills and learn more about yourself.
  5. Find a ROLE MODEL: Watch as they handle challenging situations and how they respect their emotions. It could give you insight into better habits to form and inspire you to keep working to develop your maturity.
  6. now that you understand what emotional maturity means, you can learn to stop bottling up your feelings and fearing vulnerability. Emotional maturity helps you communicate better with others, have healthier relation. -Betterup article

Mindfulness is about observing how you’re feeling in the moment without judging yourself. -childmind

Identifying the PATTERN is AWARENESS; CHOOSING no to repeat the cycle is GROWTH. -Billy Chapata

HEALTHY HABITS & SELF-CARE can help.

MINDFULNESS tips and suggestions: Go on a walking meditation, begin a gratitude journal, practice mindful eating, do a body scan before bed, listen to a guided meditation, do a loving-kindness meditation, set daily intentions for yourself, get out in nature, identify feelings,

Exercises From Self.com

3 minute Breathing Space Here’s how to practice the “three-minute breathing space” technique, as described by Dr. Vieten:

  1. Set a timer for three minutes.
  2. Sit in a comfortable position if you can (though standing works too), ideally in a relatively calm environment (the bathroom counts), and close your eyes if you want. Notice what’s happening in your mind and body right now. Are you worrying about a problem or mistake? Do you feel warm or cold? Is there a distracting sound in your environment? Simply notice whatever you’re experiencing at the moment.
  3. Bring your full attention to your breath, focusing on the sensation of the air flowing in and out of your body.
  4. Expand your zone of awareness further out from your breathing so that it includes your whole body. You might notice your posture, your facial expression, or areas of muscle tension. Again, simply pay attention to whatever’s going on with your body.

Four-seven-eight mindful breathing The four-seven-eight mindfulness technique is a type of deep breathing exercise. It’s particularly handy for anxiety, as feeling anxious can deregulate our breathing patterns, says Dr. Urgola.8 “This technique can also be helpful if you’re having trouble sleeping,” she adds, since stress can prevent you from nodding off. To practice four-seven-eight mindfulness breathing:

  1. Close your eyes if it feels comfortable. If not, gaze softly gaze at a spot in your environment.
  2. Inhale for a count of four.
  3. Hold for a count of seven.
  4. Exhale for a count of eight.
  5. Make sure you’re breathing deeply, from the pit of your belly (compared to shallow breathing from your chest) so your lungs fill up fully.
  6. Stay with this pattern as best you can.
  7. End the exercise whenever you feel ready to stop.

People watching exercise You can turn your commute or leisurely walk into a mini mindfulness session by noticing strangers around you. When you notice people, it creates an opportunity to detach from your own mental chatter, allowing you to practice awareness without actually meditating.

  1. Take a moment to notice the people around you.
  2. As you observe them, try not to form judgments or stories about them. If your mind starts to judge or assume, try to let those thoughts go and bring your focus back to a neutral awareness.
  3. If you feel comfortable, you can also try engaging one or more strangers. Maybe say hello, make eye contact, or offer a smile.
  4. If not, that’s fine too. Simply observe whoever is currently around you.

From positive psychology.com they recommend an actual list of week by week mindfulness exercises https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-exercises-techniques-activities/

Mindful Eating habits: Mindful eating involves paying closer attention to your food and how it makes you feel. In addition to helping you learn to distinguish between physical and emotional hunger, it may also help reduce disordered eating behaviors and support weight loss. Mindful eating is about using mindfulness to reach a state of full attention to your experiences, cravings, and physical cues when eating.

Fundamentally, mindful eating involves:

  • eating slowly and without distraction
  • listening to physical hunger cues and eating only until you’re full
  • distinguishing between true hunger and non-hunger triggers for eating
  • engaging your senses by noticing colors, smells, sounds, textures, and flavors
  • learning to cope with guilt and anxiety about food
  • eating to maintain overall health and well-being
  • noticing the effects food has on your feelings and body
  • appreciating your food. –taken from health line.com

Mindful Walking exercise: https://www.apa.org/ed/precollege/topss/lessons/activities/activity-mindful-walking.pdf

EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATIONS: Emotions can hit quickly. Become aware of what you are feeling. Name your feelings. [sadness, anger, resentment,—negatives may be hiding underlying fears. Be gentle with yourself and find self-compassion within your emotional reactions. It is okay to not feel okay. Just helping identify what you are feeling is key to understand what emotions and where they are coming from.

7 strategies that can help to manage emotions in a healthy and helpful way. [from better up.com]

—Identify triggers: You shouldn’t try to avoid negative emotions — or be afraid of them. But you also don’t have to keep putting yourself in a situation that brings on unpleasant emotions. Start to look for patterns or factors that are present when you start to feel strong emotions. This requires some curiosity and honesty. Did something make you feel small? Strong emotions often spring up out of our deep-seated insecurities, especially the ones we hide. What is happening around you and what past experiences does it bring up for you? 

–Tune into physical symptoms Pay attention to how you are feeling, including whether you are feeling hungry or tired. These factors can exacerbate your emotions and cause you to interpret your emotions more strongly. If you can address the underlying issue (e.g. hunger, exhaustion), you can change your emotional response.

—Consider the story you are telling yourself 

—Engage in positive self-talk: When our emotions feel overwhelming, our self-talk can become negative: “I messed up again” or “everyone else is so awful.” If you treat yourself with empathy, you can replace some of this negative talk with positive comments. Try encouraging yourself by saying “I always try so hard” or “People are doing the best they can.” This shift can help mitigate the emotions we’re feeling. You can still be frustrated with a situation that isn’t working but no longer have to assign blame or generalize it beyond the situation.

—Make a choice about how to respond: In most situations, we have a choice about how to respond. If you tend to respond to feelings of anger by lashing out at people, you likely notice the negative impact it is having on your relationships. You might also notice that it doesn’t feel good. Or, it feels good at the moment, but the consequences are painful. 

Next time you feel anger or fear, recognize that you get to choose how you want to respond. That recognition is powerful. Rather than lashing out, can you try a different response? Is it possible for you to tell someone that you’re feeling angry rather than speaking harshly to them? Get curious about what will happen if you switch up your responses. How did you feel? How did the other person respond?

–Look for positive emotions: Human beings naturally attribute more weight to negative emotions than positive ones. This is known as negativity bias. Negative emotions, like disgust, anger, and sadness tend to carry a lot of weight. Positive feelings, like contentment, interest, and gratitude are quieter. Making a habit of noticing these positive experiences can boost resilience and well-being.

IT IS OKAY TO NOT FEEL OKAY.

PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION. A few exercises to help with perfectionism: Become aware of your thoughts…journal your thoughts to be able to see and identify what is triggering and creating the behavior. Once you identify, then you can begin to change. Look at your thoughts and question the evidence of if the thoughts are real or have any validity. Let go and allow for mistakes, mis-steps, and help your brain understand that everything will be okay & that it is an opportunity for greater growth mindsets. Help yourself with better self-talk. No one can do it for you, but you. Alter and improve the daily talk that you live with. Your self-talk effects your self-esteem and will lead to a healthier relationship with yourself, others and your overall wellness in life. Become aware and be gentle with your perfectionistic tendencies. When you can acknowledge that you have these deep seeded feelings within & can become aware that this is a deeper problem, you can begin to take action to help yourself. Begin to be gentle in your attitude and actions with what you create, how you work, share ideas, set goals…with an attitude of “this is good enough” and does not have to be perfect. Let go of impossible goals & set reasonable ones for yourself.

Becoming aware of patterns & create a knowing that progress is fluid and ever-changing . Be flexible with yourself and your directions . Begin to LET GO of the pressure and the fear that creates the false need of striving for perfection .

HELPING GET OVER THE NEED FOR EXTERNAL VALIDATION: mindfulness meditation [see above] . Affirmations or personal mantras [also helps reduce negative self-talk] . Surround yourself with people who lift and support rather than deplete you emotionally . Take the time to slow down and give yourself the validation you are seeking . Create YOUR own support system…how

A few ideas from Tiny Buddha suggests: making a special “YOU” section in your daily gratitude journal. Write down the things you’ve done well, the choices you’ve made that you’re proud of, the progress you’ve made, and even the things that required no action at all—for example, the time you gave yourself to simply be. When you regularly praise yourself, self-validation becomes a habit you can depend on when you need it the most.

Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Oftentimes, when we’re feeling down on ourselves, we feel a (sometimes subconscious) desire to punish ourselves. When we reject or deprive ourselves in this way, we exacerbate our feelings, because we then feel bad about two things: the original incident and the pain we’re causing ourselves.

If you’re feeling down, or down on yourself, ask yourself: “What does my body need? What does my mind need? What does my spirit need?” Or otherwise expressed: What will make you feel better, more stable, healthier, and more balanced? You may find that you need to take a walk to feel more energized, take a nap to feel better rested, practice deep breathing to clear your head, or drink some water to hydrate yourself. This is validating yourself in action. Whenever you address your needs, you reinforce to yourself that they are important, regardless of whatever you did or didn’t do previously.

HAVE A TOOL KIT OF GOOD THINGS TO GO TO WHEN OVERWHELM OR EMOTIONS HIT: have a certain number of songs in a ‘stress less’ or ‘calm’ playlist, go for a walk to get out in nature, practice using your senses to calm (To Touch: silly putty, stuffed animal, stress ball, smooth stone, See: coloring book, Happy photos of friends or family or inspiring happy places, Smell: Scented candle, favorite lip gloss or perfume, Hear: Guided meditation, short podcast, favorite song playlist Taste: favorite snack, something sweet and salty, mints or gum, favorite drink) Do certain activities to ground you. Write a loving note to yourself or put in a compliment journal of nice things people have said to you, so when you are feeling down or anxious—you have some kind words to lift you.

Another idea that I shared with my daughter—I gave her a picture of her when she was six years old. I told her to look at the little girl & I asked her, “Would you tell that sweet, beautiful girl all the horrible things you tell yourself? You wouldn’t tell her that ‘she is going nowhere,’ ‘ that she is not happy,’ ‘that she is not where she needs to be in life and should be doing better.'” It was heartbreaking to hear my daughter talk so critiquely of herself. I told her to take the picture of her as a young girl and when she starts to say mean thing to herself or listening to the harsh critic in her head..to look at that picture and tell her, “everything is going to be alright. I love you.”

“When we’re anxious, we get into the cycle of repeating the same thoughts, the same behaviors, over and over again,” says Jennifer Teplin, LCSW, a licensed therapist and the founder of Manhattan Wellness in New York City. “Distraction is grounding and can break us out of those repetitive thoughts.” 

Having stuff you can smell, taste, see, touch, or hear is more likely to calm you down and help you focus your thoughts on something tangible at the same time. -jedfoundation.org

I hope these ideas help you or someone you love reach a little higher, be a bit gentler and find the deeper love that we all seek in one way or another. We are all just trying to do our best. We all have different journeys, experiences, struggles…it will get better. Just keep LOVE in your heart.

EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

Give yourself the LOVE and GENTLE CARE YOU NEED. xoxox. -H

Women who haven’t grown up emotionally usually display these 8 behaviors (without realizing it)
Women who haven’t grown up emotionally usually display these 8 behaviors (without realizing it)

YOU matter.

Published on by goforthegood12 Comments

My younger brother unexpectedly died earlier this year and it was a tremendous shock to my entire family. When I think about him, I have a mix of emotions because so much of his life he felt lost and didn’t feel like he mattered. He often felt like no one would care if he was gone. He attempted suicide multiple times throughout his life and I was there for it all. I was a witness to his life—the pain, the heartache, the hope, the loss, the highs and lows. He was my little brother.

My last couple conversations with him were heartbreaking and we were both in tears talking about how his life did matter and that he would be missed. I felt like I was constantly trying to convince him of his importance and that he did matter.

It is funny how losing someone alters your life. I have had a terrible cold this past week and have found myself watching a home improvement show that has one of the show hosts who looks and has similarities to my brother. It makes me miss him even more. I watch this host and see my brother on certain angles, certain shots of his red beard, far off in the distance. I know it is not my brother but its funny to see someone with similarities and you just want a few minutes more with the one you cared about so deeply.

I LOVE you, Scotty. I miss you. xoxo

I wanted to do this post about the importance of MATTERING. It is a vital need. I think we have generations who are lacking in this necessity and I wanted to write something that may bring about some sort of awareness.

According to an article by the NYTimes, Dr. Flett, now a professor at York University and the author of “The Psychology of Mattering,” is one of the world’s foremost authorities on the subject. He and other experts agree that a sense of mattering is necessary for human flourishing, and while some factors are out of our control, there are steps, both big and small, that everyone can take to enhance it.

To matter, people must feel valued — heard, appreciated and cared for — and they must feel like they add value in ways that make them feel capable, important and trusted, said Isaac Prilleltensky, a professor at the University of Miami and a co-author of “How People Matter.” It’s a two-part definition: feeling valued and adding value.https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/27/well/mind/mental-health-mattering-self-esteem.html#:~:text=Research%20suggests%20that%20people%20who,and%20increased%20risk%20of%20suicide.

According to a Psychology Today article, However, while belonging does give a person a feeling that they are a “qualified member” of a group, it may not have the same positive effect of feeling that they matter to the group to which they belong. “Belonging” doesn’t necessarily mean as much as “mattering” to others (Hallam, 2023).

Think about how we use the word, belonging. My possessions are my belongings, but not all of my possessions matter to me. The scissors belong in the kitchen drawer, and my plates belong in the cabinet. I belong to the team, but do my contributions matter? You belong to your family, but do they show you that your presence matters?

Mattering is the product of two distinct processes at play: feeling valued by others and feeling that you add value to the group (Prilleltensky, 2014).

We feel that we matter when others express appreciation for what we bring and what we do. Belonging may mean that there’s a place for us or that we are “entitled” to a place, but when we matter, it means that others are grateful to have us show up in that place. Belonging is knowing that there is a place at the table for me, but mattering is knowing that the others at the table need me there to feel complete.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202309/do-you-feel-you-matter-to-the-important-people-in-your-life

My thoughts on the topic:

Others around you know they matter because of YOU and how you treat them.

I SEE YOU. Help people feel noticed. I think this is a powerful statement when talking about helping someone feel like they matter. I think many people do not feel seen or heard. They are just, almost, existing. Here are a few basics: Smiling is a simple way to help someone—anyone feel noticed. Saying hello and acknowledging another. Giving a warm hug. Give a genuine thank you in all you do [whether it is thanking a waiter for their cheerful attitude or being prompt or positive to thanking someone you see every day with a sincere note, take the time to say thank you]. Actively listen and make time to truly see and acknowledge them. Pay attention. Listen and hear what they are saying (be aware to not be listening & thinking about your own response) Another part of listening is paying attention to what they are saying, so you can recall details about their life, their favorites, their interests, etc. & be able to talk to them about those things at later dates. Put away your phone! Send a text with a kind note just to check on them and connect. Look someone in the eyes when you are in their presence and let them know how glad you are they are there with you. Be fully present.

YOU MATTER. Help others see they are important. How can we help others know they matter? Well, be responsive. Who definitely feels a lack of mattering when you send a text, it says its been read but you get no response, Right? OR, when you are with someone & they get a message from someone else & they have to look at their phone or respond at that same moment. It doesn’t make you feel very important, or that they are being present with you, right? Another thing you can do to show others they matter, be interested in them, genuinely care, and ask questions. My daughter gets so frustrated with the dating game because so many of the guys she talks to or dates are so one sided. They don’t seem to ever ask or be interested in her. They respond with answers about their day, their interests…rarely ask about her. That does not make her feel like she matters to them.

What else can we do to help others know they matter? Keep good eye contact, do personal, interested check-ins on their lives and what is important to them. [ex: my daughter loves to keep people’s bdays in her calendar so she can send a fun shoutout to friends and family on their day. When possible she sends it in a group text so others can chime in with additional messages] Give an authentic compliment. Genuinely listening to someone will really let them know that they matter. When you ask a question, wait for an answer. Give a gift to show someone they matter, whether it is a gift of your time or a small token of your appreciation, like a meal, a drawing or poem you create, a song you share, a memory you make together, etc.

YOU ARE NEEDED. Help others see they are needed. Praise and appreciate others and let them know they are necessary in your life, your community, organization, work, school, etc. People need to hear specific positive strengths, the difference they are making, why they are needed. How to do that? Ask someone their thoughts or opinions on a specific topic or perspective. Share with others what makes them special or needed to you on a personal level. Be specific when sharing your feelings [ie: “I love and appreciate you” vs “I love that you are in my life, you bring such a playful, light-hearted attitude to our relationship.”] When you depend and build trust with someone it tells them they are needed.

MATTERING CREATES PURPOSE. I know when it came to my brother and his mental wellness I always tried to be there to talk him off a ledge or guide him towards getting help for his addictions. I would send him positive books or podcasts to hopefully help him feel better, etc. I felt I had some purpose in helping his life matter. That then also gave me the satisfaction of feeling like I mattered to someone. When my brother died, my mom in tears said, ” he doesn’t need me anymore.” My heart ached for her because she felt like a piece of her purpose was gone. It is like a circle of purpose in meeting one another’s needs in a way. Whether we smile at a stranger, pick up a sea star and send it back into the ocean, volunteer to tutor kids after school, pick up trash at a nearby park, coach little league, or answer calls on a help line, etc. We can find a sense of purpose…a place or action that helps us feel value, which helps us matter overall.

Experiencing mattering also reaffirms that we contribute to others and that we have a purpose. A sense of purpose is associated with increased dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, also known as the “happiness trifecta,” the neurotransmitters that control for mood, movement, and motivation.-zachmercurio.com

DONT FORGET YOU. Incredible YOU! You matter. It is easier sometimes to focus on all the ways we don’t get noticed or appreciated. You may need to really focus and evaluate the real impact you have on the lives around you. You may have to compliment yourself and notice your gifts, talents and strengths. You may have to seek and find the ways you try to utilize your skillset for the greater good. You may have moments where YOU need to remind yourself of why and how you matter. That is okay.

DONT COMPARE and DESPAIR. That is one of the quickest ways to kill your personal story on why you matter. Many people can easily jump on social media and see friends, family, colleagues and quickly feel a lack of connection or value on some level. When you start comparing, it is that much easier to feel inadequate in the areas where you really matter. Your self-esteem gets a check and you can quickly spiral into despair. You cannot compare your value to those around you. You are your own version—you live your own value in all you do.

I hope this article helps you find ways to help those around you FEEL like they matter.

We are all in this together, so be mindful of how you make others feel. Others around you know they matter because of YOU and how you treat them.

Peace. Love and Light to you. xoxo. -H

Exercise & its spin on depression

Published on by goforthegood1Leave a comment

ImageIt’s the new year and every gym is busier than ever, so I thought this would be a good topic to talk about because it hits home with me. You always hear the benefits of exercise, but I am here to attest to the benefits it has on depression.

My husband has had swinging bouts with depression to a point where it almost ended his life & would have altered mine and my little girls forever. We struggled to find a solution that did not involve pills or long visits at a psych office, so he began working out. He began to feel better and even signed up and competed in numerous triathlons. It seems to be his magic, natural cure for the darkness. It brings out the hope of feeling good, the light that helps him deal with the stresses of life. I can literally see and feel a difference in him when he has not worked out for a week, his attitude, his irritability begin to creep in & I remind him gently that he needs to work out to feel better.

If you or someone you love struggles with depression or even a bad day, get them moving, get them doing something that will trigger the good chemicals in their body. I promise it will help.

Here are some good tips that I pulled from the Mayo clinic to help…

Try a happy hour to your health!

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms

If you have depression or anxiety, you might find your doctor prescribing a regular dose of exercise in addition to medication or psychotherapy. Exercise isn’t a cure for depression or anxiety. But its psychological and physical benefits can improve your symptoms.

“It’s not a magic bullet, but increasing physical activity is a positive and active strategy to help manage depression and anxiety,” says Kristin Vickers-Douglas, Ph.D., a psychologist at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn.

When you have depression or anxiety, exercising may be the last thing you think you can do. But you can overcome the inertia. Here’s a look at how exercise can ease symptoms of depression and anxiety. Plus, get realistic tips to get started and stick with exercising.

How exercise helps depression and anxiety

Exercise has long been touted as a way to maintain physical fitness and help prevent high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and other diseases. A growing volume of research shows that exercise also can help improve symptoms of certain mental conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Exercise also may help prevent a relapse after treatment for depression or anxiety.

Research suggests that it may take at least 30 minutes of exercise a day for at least three to five days a week to significantly improve symptoms of depression. However, smaller amounts of activity — as little as 10 to 15 minutes at a time — have been shown to improve mood in the short term. “So, small bouts of exercise may be a great way to get started if it’s initially too difficult to do more,” Dr. Vickers-Douglas says.

Just how exercise reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety isn’t fully understood. Researchers believe that exercise prompts changes in both mind and body.

Some evidence suggests that exercise postively affects the levels of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain. Exercise may also boost feel-good endorphins, release tension in muscles, help you sleep better and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It also increases body temperature, which may have calming effects. All of these changes in your mind and body can improve such symptoms as sadness, anxiety, irritability, stress, fatigue, anger, self-doubt and hopelessness.

If you exercise regularly but depression or anxiety still impairs your daily functioning, seek professional help. Exercise isn’t meant to replace medical treatment of depression or anxiety.

The benefits of exercise for depression and anxiety

Exercise has numerous psychological and emotional benefits when you have depression or anxiety. These include:

Confidence. Engaging in physical activity offers a sense of accomplishment. Meeting goals or challenges, no matter how small, can boost self-confidence at times when you need it most. Exercise also can make you feel better about your appearance and your self-worth.

Distraction. When you have depression or anxiety, it’s easy to dwell on how badly you feel. But dwelling interferes with your ability to problem solve and cope in a healthy way. Dwelling also can make depression more severe and longer lasting. Exercise can provide a good distraction. It shifts the focus away from unpleasant thoughts to something more pleasant, such as your surroundings or the music you enjoy listening to while you exercise.

Interactions. Depression and anxiety can lead to isolation. That, in turn, can worsen your condition. Exercising can create opportunities to interact with others, even if it’s just exchanging a friendly smile or greeting as you walk around your neighborhood.

Healthy coping. Doing something beneficial to manage depression or anxiety is a positive coping strategy. Trying to feel better by drinking alcohol excessively, dwelling on how badly you feel, or hoping depression and anxiety will go away on their own aren’t helpful coping strategies.

Tips to start exercising when you have depression or anxiety

Of course, knowing that something’s good for you doesn’t make it easier to actually do it. With depression or anxiety, you may have a hard enough time just doing the dishes, showering or going to work. How can you possibly consider getting in some exercise?

Here are some steps that can help you exercise when you have depression or anxiety:

Get your doctor’s support. Some, but not all, mental health professionals have adopted exercise as a part of their treatment suggestions. Talk to your doctor or therapist for guidance and support. Discuss concerns about an exercise program and how it fits into your overall treatment plan.

Identify what you enjoy doing. Figure out what type of exercise or activities you’re most likely to do. And think about when and how you’d be most likely to follow through. For instance, would you be more likely to do some gardening in the evening or go for a jog in the pre-dawn hours? Go for a walk in the woods or play basketball with your children after school?

Set reasonable goals. Your mission doesn’t have to be walking for an hour five days a week. Think about what you may be able to do in reality. Twenty minutes? Ten minutes? Start there and build up. Custom-tailor your plan to your own needs and abilities rather than trying to meet idealistic guidelines that could just add to your pressure.

Don’t think of exercise as a burden. If exercise is just another “should” in your life that you don’t think you’re living up to, you’ll associate it with failure. Rather, look at your exercise schedule the same way you look at your therapy sessions or antidepressant medication — as one of the tools to help you get better.

Address your barriers. Identify your individual barriers to exercising. If you feel intimidated by others or are self-conscious, for instance, you may want to exercise in the privacy of your own home. If you stick to goals better with a partner, find a friend to work out with. If you don’t have extra money to spend on exercise gear, do something that is virtually cost-free — walk. If you think about what’s stopping you from exercising, you can probably find an alternative solution.

Prepare for setbacks and obstacles. Exercise isn’t always easy or fun. And it’s tempting to blame yourself for that. People with depression are especially likely to feel shame over perceived failures. Don’t fall into that trap. Give yourself credit for every step in the right direction, no matter how small. If you skip exercise one day, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure and may as well quit entirely. Just try again the next day.

Sticking with exercise when you have depression or anxiety

Launching an exercise program is hard. Sticking with it can be even harder. One key is problem solving your way through when it seems like you can’t or don’t want to exercise.

“What would happen if you went out to your car and it wouldn’t start?” Dr. Vickers-Douglas asks. “You’d probably be able to very quickly list several strategies for dealing with that barrier, such as calling an auto service, taking the bus, or calling your spouse or friend for help. You instantly start problem solving.”

But most people don’t approach exercise that way. What happens if you want to go for a walk but it’s raining? Most people decide against the walk and don’t even try to explore alternatives. “With exercise, we often hit a barrier and say, ‘That’s it. I can’t do it, forget it,’” Dr. Vickers-Douglas says.

Instead, problem solve your way through the exercise barrier, just as you would other obstacles in your life. Figure out your options — walking in the rain, going to a gym, exercising indoors, for instance.

“Some people have the idea that being physically active is supposed to be easy and natural,” Dr. Vickers-Douglas says. “Some think of it as just having enough willpower. But that really oversimplifies it and can make us feel like failures. You can’t just rely on willpower. Identify your strengths and skills and apply those to exercise.”

“Act as if you are and you will become such.”  -Leo Tolstoy
If you begin to believe in yourself, your possibilities and the direction you are taking your life, all will be well in health and happiness. Best wishes for new beginnings, new hopes.
-Love, Heather