Tag: Love

HAHA

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I am living a bit of an unconventional life situation!! My husband of 31 years has been working a job that he took in Montana. He is back and forth…We have lived and moved all over the West for various job positions throughout our marriage. We have always made every situation work!! Having him away makes me even more aware of the things I truly love, miss and value in him. When he is home, we just laugh and have so much fun being together.

I am creating this post for myself, so I will always remember the funny memories, the pranks, the laughter…THANKS, LOVE. I miss you soo much when you are away.

He just left this morning and what did I find tucked away in my workout shoes—a candy wrapper that he had nicely folded and left in my shoe to remember him by! That guy! He is so fun! I miss you, Love.

A couple fun stories that I want to always remember: While he was just here visiting–the two of us were following one another to return his car rental but had to fill up our gas tanks along the way. I pulled in first and my husband was in the diagonal gas pump near me. I smiled at the gas attendant and pointed at my husband’s car, “Please harass that guy in that car, He is from Montana!” The gas attendant smiled and approached my husbands car. I couldn’t wait to see what crazy antic my husband would pull.

NOTHING!! What. so, not like him. hahaha

We dropped the car rental off and I asked my husband what the gas attendant had said to him. My husband smiled at me & told me that the guy told him “that lady wants me to harass you!” My husband then proceeded to tell me what went through his mind… and that he had to do all he could to not jump out of the car…”I was about to get out of the car and make a HUGE scene and say, “I spend one night with you and now you won’t stop following me!!’

I busted out laughing!! I thought it was soo hilarious!! We played back and forth of what we would have said and done IF he had actually done that!! He keeps kicking himself that he didn’t. We laughed and laughed at the funny antics…we would have been yelling from two different cars, everyone wondering what was going on…I responding, “Yeah. you wish. One night…more like 31 years!!” Then we would have got real serious and my husband would have said, “Get over here!” and we would have kissed and smiled, waved and said, “Nothing to see here!!….Only in Oregon!” hahaha.

We just have so much fun!! My husband is always pulling pranks, having fun and is always the one who brings the FUN to any gathering. He makes life a JOY!! He has all kinds of fun impressions like Mickey Mouse, Shaggy from Scooby Doo and He sings like Kermit the frog, but loves it too much to care & will literally leave our neighbors goodies & sing them a telegram type message…My daughter and I often look at one another and laugh at the silly, made-up songs he creates all the time! He is constantly singing…it is hilarious!! He is always up to something…he has done golden egg hunts with his co-workers throughout the office, poppers on toilet seats and door knobs, filled someone’s shower with floor to ceiling stuffed animals and stacked home decor that just fell out when the shower door was opened…he has done the traditional Pennies on faucets, Saran Wrap on toilet seats, Freeway food fights with family, driving around with Michael Myers masks…his Halloween costumes are always crazy [he is so notorious and memorable that one of his young nephews for Halloween dressed up as Jon & it was classic]…he has rolled dozens of golf balls onto our neighbors yard to make him think the golfers on the course were hitting them near his house (our neighbor was so upset, confused and it was hilarious)…took ten bags of raked leaves (from our yard) over to our brother-in-laws and dumped them in his yard……he is always up for a spontaneous illegal firework run because he is a bit of a pyro (ironically we did start our neighbors yard on fire with the whole fire dept showing up–that was crazy **special note to self: Kate & Jon minutes before fire started were in the drive-way with lighters, smiling and looking suspicious as people drove by**)…he hung a scary halloween floating doll “Annie Lilleth” that he rigged to the garage when we opened the door…AND then also had her fly in front of our neighbor’s window…hilarious….he did a RickShaw race with brother-in-laws up a hill and won…he is a huge Survivor show fan & has actually gone to the casting call & made it fun for those there…he is known as the “Bat man” in our neighborhood because we live in a woodland forest with lots of bats & on various occasions they slip in the garage door into the house. He gets his fishing net and wrangles them back outside. BUT, he also pranked me by hanging one in our loft bedroom with a string from the ceiling so it looked like it was flying….ahhhhh. Terrifying!! He is always hiding to scare our daughter or setting up elaborate door traps and getting her to jump–its a bonding thing they try to do to one another…haha…he LOVES to embarrass our daughter and any boy she is dating by announcing, “We have Kate and so and so here” in restaurants, in front of her college dorm, etc…..He embarrasses friends and family with loud restaurant announcements like… it was my sisters birthday and we show up at a local restaurant and what does my husband want to do…walk in with a megaphone with the siren on!! haha.The whole place stopped, shut up in SILENCE and I think everyone wondered if we were there to rob the place. The cooks in the kitchen…EVERYONE in the whole place…stopped. It got silent so quick…seriously!! Then my husband announced that it was my sister’s birthday & had everyone sing!! It was hilarious. BUT One of the BEST…he went on a guys camp trip (with brother-in-laws and their boys) and backpacked into the wilderness. Before he went he downloaded Grizzly bear sounds and when he was there he hid a speaker in the bushes. In the middle of the night he began a little tease that made one brother stop, listen and ask if anyone heard anything. Everyone in their own tents, all listening….my husband waited and then hit the sound again…my husband just laughing in his tent as they all started scurrying, grabbing shoes, bear spray and alerting one another that there was a bear nearby….my husband was rolling with laughter. He got them soo good!! It was epic!

We just have FUN!! Its all the little things that are not even on here—like laughing together, silly dances or food fights in the kitchen, playing off one another and creating fun for those around us—like a pizza party last night where my husband and I started a fun wave with all our neighborhood friends for our neighbor Wayne’s birthday…the “Wayne Wave”—we all laughed and smiled.

My Jon is just FUN!! He always makes me laugh and I miss that most. I miss just having him around whistling, joking, laughing and playing together. We just bring life to one another in the joy…the FUN of life!! When you enJOY someone—life is just better. I miss that most!! When he is here—life is the best!!

So, find those people who bring JOY…surround yourself with them and appreciate the time you have with them. We all know there are plenty of people who KILL JOY or who drain an occasion…be someone who brings the JOY, who lights up a room, who everyone is genuinely HAPPY to enJOY.

THANKS for doing YOU, UNAPOLOGETICALLY. LOVE YOU SO. xoxo

GIVE. SPREAD. DO RAK

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I decided that this year I was going to begin again to try to spread KINDNESS around like confetti. It is a great thing to do all year, but it is especially wonderful for LOVE month…and also RAK week.

Take this link and post it. share it. do it… SPREAD LOVE & KINDNESS.

Please do SOMETHING to teach LOVE and KINDNESS to those around you and spread it …KINDNESS IS contagious!!

We have enough garbage going around…spread something SO GOOD FOR EVERYONE.

I just wanted to put together something that could help in some way.

YAY FOR RAK KINDNESS DAY….and RAK WEEK (February 14-20 this year)

Get out and do RAK’s and then strive to do a little more and a little more and….BOOOM…you can’t stop.

JUST BEGIN!!

HAPPY DAY.

XOXOXO

PS almost all the images were from Pexels. Thank you beautiful photographers.

PEACE. LOVE. LIGHT. KINDNESS in all you do. xoxo. -H

MY GIFT TO YOU

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MY GIFT TO YOU.

LOVE should be for every season and every reason in what we say and do. Right?

At least that is something to strive for on a more regular basis.

So….I cannot emphasize this enough. I just started doing conversations and love letters to myself after hearing Tim Ferris and Elizabeth Gilbert talking about her morning ritual.

Take some time and simply write a love letter to yourself. In reality, you are starting a conversation with God…the Universe…the source of all things…whatever makes your heart sing. You are trying to understand and see what would be said to YOU. This has been a truly inspiring exercise for me and I would highly suggest it. Take the time, begin the practice. It doesn’t have to be every day. I usually write when I FEEL like I am in a better head space to listen and tune in.

I begin the love letter to myself with various things…Oh darling, My love, Love, Beautiful…[this in and of itself is interesting to see what you hear and feel on even a basic level…what do you hear yourself being called?] Then, I just sit with myself for a few minutes and type any thoughts that come to me…questions, advice, conversation…anything. I often feel like its a two-sided conversation and so I type out both sides. It is humbling and interesting to hear words come up that I never use or ideas and thoughts that don’t seem like me. It definitely helps me connect even deeper. I close my eyes, listen and type whatever comes up.

It has been a beautiful gift to myself. It makes me feel even more deeply connected to the greater life we all live. There is such a vast beyond, a timeless space that awaits a conversation with us. Don’t miss it. Don’t take it for granted or question every little thing to look beyond the possibilities of such treasured conversations and love. We all need it. WE NEED AND CRAVE THE GREATER LOVE.

So, with the holiday season upon us, I would gift you this…give this beautiful gift to YOURSELF. Gift it to your families, friends and loved ones. Open the door of deeper conversations and love to those YOU LOVE.

We ALL NEED MORE LOVE.

Simply try it. BUT, I would suggest in all fairness of any process….you TRY it more than one time. You need to allow and believe in something greater than yourself and the greater LOVE you deserve.

That is MY GIFT to YOU.

Happiest of Holidays and LOVE always. xoxo

HAPPY World KINDNESS Day!

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What WILL you do in the world today?!

Every day we have an opportunity to be kind, to show up, to notice and appreciate, to be a little better than we were yesterday, BUT TODAY….IS THE DAY!!! For all those other days you had best intentions, should have, would have, could have…YOU CAN INTENTIONALLY do RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS…even ONE.

Just ONE little thing you can do can make a shift in someone’s day—make that automatically someone AND YOU. We always benefit from doing something kind for someone. We all know this, but why do we always have too many things on our daily to do list that often leaves out making a small, tiny difference in someone’s day!! Don’t think–just DO.

Here is a list of ideas…go do something small. Go make a difference. BE KIND.

Begin with a SMILE AND BEING AWARE OF THE ENERGY YOU ARE SHARING. We all bring something to the world—make sure you are being and sharing kindness. PEACE. LOVE and LIGHT to you.

Here are some ideas I posted another year…SPREAD THE KINDNESS

SMILE . Write a thank you note to someone you are thankful for . Leave random love notes . Celebrate someone you admire by taking them out to breakfast or dinner & share with them things you appreciate about them . Take some of your left over change & make people smile as you drop it in tip jars . Write fun messages in chalk on local paths or park areas . Leave change at a laundromat . Leave a Happy Day note on random cars . Buy flowers for a friend or teacher . Organize a local activity to pick up trash & fishing line (doesn’t break down for hundreds of years) in your local park . Make cards for Meals on Wheels . Do a sock drive for your local United Way (most needed item at shelters) . Leave a kind note in library books you have checked out . Genuinely listen to people when they talk to you . Turn off lights you are not using . Say kind compliments to others . Share something positive . Hand out some $1 bills to kids at a dollar store . Buy a huge bag of bird food & feed the feathered, little ones . Offer to walk an elderly person’s dog . Deliver positive notes to an elderly home . Put your phone down and invest in the people around you . A little way to say Thank you–give little baked goods or candy bars to those who give you great service at a drive-thru, nail salon, grocery store, delivery driver, mailman, etc . Write encouraging notes for strangers to find . Share something yummy with your coworkers . Give an unexpected hug to someone . Say hello . Walk a path, smile & say hello to every person you see . Start a family gratitude text chain (daily text of five things you are each grateful for) or family gratitude journal . Take a vase of flowers in to an elderly person who doesn’t get visitors . Plant a tree . Make a meal for someone . Give movie passes or tix for an event to someone who would enjoy them . Share a favorite book with someone . Make pinecone bird feeders . Thank local heroes (police, fire) by dropping off a fun bbq kit or baked goods . Ignore your phone when you are with someone for an entire day–try it! . Reach out to someone you have not connected with in awhile . For one day make sure you say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ . Write a letter to a teacher or mentor (someone who has inspired you) & thank them for the influence they have had in your life . Clean up a hiking trail near your home . Connect with someone who seems alone . Send a great joke to someone . Ask someone a highlight from their day . Be happy . Use a reusable grocery bag . Take some time for yourself . High five a stranger . Be present with people . Give longer hugs . Always remember the ‘golden rule’ . Check your personal attitude–is it positive or negative . Get grateful . Do your best to spread some kindness & love . More ideas…

Here are some additional ideas from the RAK website and other sources:  Get someone’s door . Be polite & treat people with kindness . Clean up graffiti . Donate used books to a library . Give care packs to the homeless (or a blanket) . Share your talent of music with the elderly . Help someone with yard work or snow removal . Let someone go in line in front of you . Write a note of appreciation to a teacher . Mentor a child who needs a friend . Pay for a coffee for the person behind you at Starbucks . Return shopping carts . Thank your police or fire department with a fun note or treat . Write a letter or email to someone who made a difference in your life . Visit an animal shelter . Take a bag of dog or cat food to your local shelter . Pick up trash at the beach or nearby nature trail or neighborhood . Send a nice note thanking a soldier . Be a designated driver . Give someone flowers . Visit someone who is sick . Collect canned food and give it to your local food bank . Donate $1 to your child’s favorite charity . Start a charity day at your work & give the money to a good cause . Help someone with their groceries . Give hugs . Leave a nice note for your local mail carrier . Thank your child’s bus driver or crossing guard . Plant a tree . Give compliments . Send something inspiring to those you have on your email list . Be a nice driver on the road . Take shorter showers this week . SMILE . Start a piggy bank for a cause . Share something yummy with coworkers . Say thank you to your school principal and office help . Tell your parents (or send a letter or email) how much you appreciate them & everything they’ve done for you . Let your staff leave a little early from work & thank them for all they do . Give flowers to be delivered with meal delivery programs . Make valentine hearts for the elderly home . Give someone a “heart attack” on their door (bunch of paper hearts that say nice things) . Invite someone new in the neighborhood over for dinner . Have your child take a bunch of fun stickers or suckers and hand them out when the final bell rings . Genuinely thank your waitress or customer service agent or barista or car driver for doing such a good job . Make and share kindness bookmarks or give them to the school library to give away . Leave a $20 in an envelope and leave it for someone in need . leave random notes of kindness on a public mirror or bulletin board . give freely . spread LOVE AND KINDNESS everywhere you can…

JUST DO IT!! xoxo

PEACE. LOVE. LIGHT. JOY to you -H



Just LOVE

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Love and kindness are those qualities you hope you can authentically show up for in all you do. For the friends who need your support and care. For family. For the close, loving relationships that mean the most to your life. AND For yourself.

Recently I had heard a podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert and Tim Ferris and Liz was explaining a personal exercise that she has found so beneficial to her life….A Love Letter to Yourself. The idea being—having a two-way conversation with God and asking, “What would you have me know”…and listening to the loving response about what God would like you to hear about you.

Now, this is not a new idea and I consider myself someone who prays, has conversations with God and who seeks to be in tune to guidance and a belief in a greater divine. BUT, I have written myself five letters in the past couple of weeks and it has been a beautiful gift to myself. I cannot explain the difference of seeing words come to you and typing or writing them on a page and then going back later and reading them. It is a beautiful experience to say and hear things said back to you. It also seems to bring such clarity and guidance of things that seem genuinely important to myself and what I believe on a grander scale. It has been wonderful.

Highly suggest you try it. I decided to get up early, go on a walk and then sit down to write the letters to myself. Just allow. Open yourself to the dialogue and just begin. Don’t overthink. Just listen and feel your way across the page. It is very connecting.

xoxoxo

So, then I decided to challenge my husband to try the same exercise. He is generally pretty skeptical about any of my far out or not normal requests. It is all fine and good for me, but for him….here is the scenario…me asking him and suggesting what a nice opportunity it could be for him after he had been on a nice walk. I suggest, ‘Maybe try writing yourself a love letter tonight and see how it goes and then maybe you could do it a few more times to see how you really feel.’ He immediately responded, “I will do it for you tonight, but I am not going to do it three more times.” I shared, “Well, if you are not wanting to do it for yourself, then don’t bother. I don’t want you doing it for me, you need to do it for yourself.”

Needless to say, he did write the letter to himself and then he shared it with me. It was a beautiful note and it made me tear up in emotion at the sincerity and kindness that was shared. His skepticism of course chimed in, “Well, it was probably all in my head and I don’t know. I just started to look at it like I was in a conversation with God and that’s what came up.” I smiled and teased, “Of course. That is what you do. Of course you are going to hear your own voice. Its like a two-way conversation, but God is not all of the sudden going to have a different voice in the conversation.” smile. smile. “It is a gentle way of connecting and hoping you feel of your worth and love.”

I was grateful he took on the challenge and I was gifted the opportunity to hear the words he shared from the letter. It was a genuine, loving conversation that meant something deeper.

I highly recommend trying this simple exercise for yourself, with family, with your children…it is a connecting exercise that helps everyone feel a little more LOVE. Period.

Some other ideas to connect with God on a deeper level:

Tune in EARLY–I always heard Wayne Dyer share that he had a lot of inspiration come to him in the morning hours—around 3 am. That is when he would do most of his writing. He felt it was the best time of day to tune in.

PRAY–Prayer truly is a great way to simply begin. You can do a written prayer or just begin to ask, connect and talk. Nothing needs to be formal. Just pray from your heart.

CREATE–creativity through writing, art, music…is a very basic way to connect on some level. Many years ago I worked for a lawyer & I found him to be a very inspiring person. I asked him for a list of his top books he would suggest reading. The top of his list, “The Artists Way” by Julia Cameron. I was shocked that he had an artist book at the top. He just shared that it took him out of his normal routine and challenged him on another level. That is why he liked it so much. Another great book that I am reading currently, Rick Rubin’s book, “The Creative Act: A Way of Being” Also a great read. Creativity is within all things—the creation of all that is comes from an idea of the imagination…the seed of a dream…a divine spark…a whisper of a possibility. Creativity is a doorway to another depth, a challenge and connection beyond.

READ something inspiring–There are so many people in the world with their unique talents, stories, experiences, lives they’ve led and you can learn so much from them. Find those people or stories that inspire you, read from the masters, learn from the leaders of old, tune in to those people who inspire you and shed light on your world. Follow those souls who bring you to awe. When you read something and FEEL something–listen, take note, be aware, wake-up. When you read something and highlight the whole book…Follow that.

MUSIC–I genuinely feel more alive, inspired on another level when I hear a piece of music that seems to lift to the heavens. I just heard Coldplay’s new album & the song “One World” —it is a gorgeous song that has a lot of instrumental. [enJOY the instrumental parts in this song—gorgeous] It just took my soul to a heavenly place. Music can be like that. Whether its lyrics or the tune or the instruments…there can be pieces that set your soul free. Im sure every song is different for each individual. PLAY the music and see how it FEELS to your soul. Music has a power all its own. The heavenly muses play through us to bring it to the world to share. What a beautiful idea. Truly listen to the beauties.

CALM–through stillness, your breath, meditation, yoga, movement [like walking]…there are so many variables of things that can bring you to a quiet place and allow you to fall into a flow or a deeper rhythm of calm or a focus that transports you higher.

Tapping into your own STRENGTHS or PURPOSE–you have your own unique gifts that lead you to a higher calling to share with the world. Maybe you are really good at lifting people through leadership or have a natural eye for photography or easily string together a beautiful combination of words in writing. Everyone has things that light them up and get them excited. Follow that excitement and enthusiasm to those things that stir your soul and energize you. Chase after them, learn and grow through them and get yourself to a place to share with the world. YOU do you. The rest will come.

Pick a SPIRITUAL TOPIC and study it for a year & share what you learn–I remember when Wayne Dyer decided to do this with the Tao and got rid of everything material in his office space. He then carried a copy of the Tao with him everywhere and began to focus on one part for a specific set time. He then created his own ideas to share.

Keep a list of DAILY BLESSINGS–aka gratitude lists. You can do this on an individual basis or you can ask every family member to also share in this. Have everyone share blessings around the dinner table OR you can also share before bed OR you can also have everyone text things to one another throughout the day to keep the conversation and connections going.

Some other sweet ideas I found online to tap into a DEEPER CONNECTION–Go on a prayer walk around your neighborhood & pray for each individual as you pass their home . Blow a kiss to the sunrise or sunset and give thanks as you enjoy the beauty . Look at tiny details in nature and give thanks for the awe and amazement of such creations . Sing hymns that resonate with you . Go on a hike and give thanks for the grandeur and details all around . Light a candle every morning and read a devotional of some kind . Find a local cathedral and just admire the beauty and detail within the walls . Create your own prayer bead ritual and give thanks in your own way with each bead . Practice being of service by cleaning out your old & donating to those in need . Practice solitude with a specific time or day to have a technology break . Ask God to bring someone to you that needs you to help them . Write down personal miracles or moments of grace that you or your family were given . Once a week [over dinner or breakfast] have everyone share something that they felt helped them feel connected to God in some way . Have everyone in your family write down their own stories or experiences of when they felt God touch their lives .

Strive to JUST LOVE–Love is the opposite of all that is harsh or detrimental or destructive. It is a place of peace, light, calm, a higher place to seek to exist. Do all you can to simplify, grow in kindness, become a little better each day, let go of fear or judgements, calm the waters of chaos or anxiety…do all you can to strive to come from a higher place of love. Practice that. Every thing takes time, so you may as well practice to come from LOVE than anything else, right?

There are many little things we can seek and strive to do to bring a deeper connection with God. Coming from a place of LOVE is the greatest goal. Take it day by day…write a love letter to yourself. Write a love letter to your children. Help a neighbor feel loved. Be love. Spread Love.

As Coldplay says in the song…IN THE END, IT’S JUST LOVE.

DO THAT. xoxo

Peace, Love and Light to you. -H

Movie Magic

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It is interesting to have been writing this blog for over ten years…a type of musing, historical and personal narrative of stories woven into my life. The crazy thing…the almost maddening thing is that my posts I get the most traction, the most views, the posts that I hope will make a change in even one life…all leads to “Lessons learned from Movies.” My top ongoing posts are movie lessons. I think it is very interesting, but so is trying to find lessons…any lesson from a movie.

Perfect example. I don’t usually just sit around watching movies, but the other day I was drained and just needed something to entertain my weary brain, so I scrolled movies. I came across Chris Evans (think Capt America, Knives Out…) and his directorial debut movie, “Before we go”. It looked like a slow, easy watch with possible interesting characters. I hit play.

It was definitely one of those slow moving movies that I thought, “Will there honestly be ANYTHING to learn from this movie?” But despite little content, I was able to find a few nuggets and ideas to play with and work off of. So, here we go. I think, with some very creative ingenuity you MIGHT be able to find at least SOMETHING from a movie that could be construed as a life lesson held within the corners of the movie magic. Movies are stories and we humans LOVE storytelling. We love to see characters evolve, struggle, fall in love, fight, come out stronger and live better. It is magic. It is hope. It is emotion. Movies do have a magic that I hope we will always seek SOMETHING to walk away with that may guide us to a little better part of ourselves…and ultimately to a better life or at the very least a lesson learned.

The story premise: Two strangers stuck in Manhattan for the night grow into each other’s most trusted confidants when an evening of unexpected adventure forces them to confront their fears and take control of their lives. -taken from imdb

[Now, if you are planning on watching this movie—there MAY be a few movie lines, topics, images or possible spoilers fyi]

The Pay Phone turned time machine: There were a couple points in this movie where the characters talk about turning back time, what they would do differently, what different questions they would ask, what conversations they would have with their past or future self…etc. I thought it was a cute scene with a playful idea for anyone to try.

FUN Exercise: A few options—go find an old landline phone at a thrift store or antique shop OR better yet… take a friend and go find an old payphone and ask yourself some great questions: Have fun with it! Take fun selfies and make it a memorable life exercise. [Pretend you are on a phone call with your younger self] What would you tell your younger self? What advice would you give them? What choices would you change? What friends would you keep or let go of? What did relationships teach you? What is one of your greatest life lessons you have learned so far? What is something you would tell them to do? What is something you would tell them to never change? What could you do today or within the next six months that your future self would be grateful for?

“Sometimes you just have to make the choice and jump.” -Brooke This could be used with so many life occurrences. You jump to fall in love. You take a big leap in changing careers. You have to choose who you want to spend your life with & jump together. You make a choice and jump to change life direction and have a family. Every choice takes a leap of faith of some kind. Whether you leave the comfort of where you grew up, go off to college and make new friends, leave the country for a masters degree, fly to Asia to finalize a deal, change your routine by adding a dog to your life, eating differently because of your personal health risks…the list goes on. There are choices and big jumps you have to make all the time. Choose wisely to live your best life.

“Ive got to be grown up. I need to be okay with not being okay and that sucks.” -Nick I don’t care who you are, EVERYONE feels like this at various points of their life. In reality we all have these younger versions of ourselves within that carries around fears, anxiety, regret, childhood wounds, insecurities…as adults we are told to handle it all! Grow up! Be okay! There are experiences, days, situations that you may fall apart and not be okay or ready to handle. Be gentle with yourself. There is enough out in the world fighting against you—don’t you beat yourself up too. Be kind to that little part of you that is afraid, that doesn’t feel equipped to handle life on occasion, that wants to run and hide, that may be having an off day and needs your love and care. It may be a day that you don’t feel okay and that sucks…and that’s okay. Take the day. Recharge. Regroup and show up better for yourself and those around you. Find that part WITHIN you that will refill your cup of what YOU need. Don’t seek external things to help you feel better. YOU FEEL what you need and do that.

“I heard you play. You loved it.”- Brooke. “I kinda feel like it doesn’t love me back.”[his trumpet playing] -Nick. I think we can all relate to this on some level. We may have things we enjoy doing or creating and may be talented in some areas, but maybe not enough to feel warranted as a professional or able to do it as a profession. Maybe I can just relate because I LOVE creating—children’s books, plays, art, writing, photography, etc. I have tried and tried to get articles published, taken writing classes, talked to professional book agents, sent proposals for photography projects, connected with other play writes about ideas…on and on my list goes and it doesn’t ever seem to go anywhere. One project after another. I get lit up by ideas, projects…but sometimes I definitely don’t feel like it loves me back…because it seems to go nowhere. BUT, I continue on. WHY? Because what is life without our creative dreams? Where is purpose if we don’t seek it and exhaust our efforts in our endeavors. BECAUSE when we finally make it…a sweet gift of determination and action will be beautifully unveiled and presented within the loving patience of an undaunted life. May we hold firmly to that resolve and continue forward in creation and hope.

“The point is..so what. I don’t need to know my future—Im going to live it any way. You have to believe it (a psychic reading) to make an impact.” -Brooke. I have always been intrigued by psychic powers and their gifts and abilities. I am somewhat of a skeptic, but I also believe that there are people who definitely have gifts to share with the world. Why not someone who has very strong, intuitive gifts. It is an interesting idea for sure. It takes me to the movie, “Big Fish” where the main character in the movie had a psychic show him how he dies, so his entire life was lived full out without a worry or care or fear because he knew how he died. He became the very best version of himself because nothing stopped him.

This is an interesting idea—how would you truly live if you had no fear, you knew your future, you had an idea of what would happen in the future, etc. Just this morning I was talking to my husband about our life and where we go from here. Where do we think our daughter will be in six months, what we should plan for in the next year, the possibilities, the options, the outcomes, etc. I literally said, “I wish I had a crystal ball” haha. Would that REALLY make a difference? Does anyone actually know what is going to happen—-no. They are going to live their life any way. You could have a crystal ball or a psychic reading and you may get a glimpse of something…but not everything. You may see yourself happy in a new house in connecticut but a month later you get a health scare. You may be (like my neighbor) who is happy and has three houses but just got the news of breast cancer. Things happen no matter what & you still live it anyway!

This just made me think of another psychic reading situation that my daughter’s old boyfriend had. His family had been in a terrible car accident & he lost his father and sister when he was 3. His mother survived a 10% survival—she was lucky & he was blessed to have her in his life. He told me that his mom believed in readings & had one done on him when he was younger BUT never told him what the reading said. I cannot imagine what that created in his mind. Why wouldn’t she tell him? Was she afraid? Did she know something that he shouldn’t know? We will never know, but I know it could make you question, wonder, worry…BUT, HE still has to continue living. He hasn’t stopped because of the unknown or the tragedy that befell his family.

You think you are trapped but you actually have choices. You are just afraid to look at them. -psychic. How often in life do we create our own stories out of fear and make up some crazy scenario that we are trapped and have no choice in life. Our mind can create and imagine and catastrophize and snowball. Life truly is what we create, choose, and ultimately make. It is what we choose to focus on. We can see the good or bad—it is what you focus on….you will find it. so, doesn’t it seem reasonable that IF you FEEL trapped on any occasion that you would seek to find some way out of any type of trap. Right? You have options. Maybe you are afraid to look or find them.

But what if those things that really matter—those choices aren’t up to me? -Brooke YOU always have a choice. YOU live your life. Even if there are other people involved in your life—YOU ultimately have a choice. That is freewill.

You can’t allow the people you love determine how you love. -psychic guy LOVE is an individual thing. In any relationship—it is two people who come together to create a life and loving relationship together. TWO people coming together. That still holds each individual in the relationship a responsibility to love and be loved. To bring the love you are capable to the relationship. To become better in loving yourself and then another. BUT, YOU cannot allow the people you love and care about to determine or expect you to love a certain way. YOU bring, carry, share, determine, and allow your LOVE to be given freely from YOUR heart. Not someone else’s.

There is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just have to pick who you want to struggle with. -psychic guy. LOVE THIS!! This is one of the truest statements. No one is perfect. NO relationship is perfect. People struggle period. It is a gift to have someone in your life that you get to lovingly and willingly struggle with. That is a great relationship. One that lasts. When you are able to care for someone enough to sit through the struggle and be there for them no matter what—that’s love.

Is it possible that you could meet someone that’s perfect for you but you are committed to somebody else. -Brooke

If you’re committed to someone you don’t allow yourself to find perfection in someone else. -Nick. I thought this was a beautiful statement in the fact that IF you truly are committed to someone—no one else matters. There will be beautiful people who catch your attention or you may wonder what if’s about this or that of someone, but in the end, your heart knows. Your heart has another level of commitment that doesn’t change, wonder or engage in any other possibility. Your heart holds true for that one person that means so much.

We love who we love. It can suck. -Nick
This can and does happen. We fall hard and it falls flat on another. That can suck.

How could a night be the worst and best day of your life.  -Brooke
That is life! The journey is full of ups and downs, experiences that change us, people we encounter and wonder at length about their stories, people who come into our life with a lesson that changes us, strangers that smile with connection, fears that catch us off guard & seem to slow us down in the chase of life, WE get to have the best and worst days on so many levels….it is a ride. It is a life well lived on any occasion.

I think we both had some things we’d been putting off for way too long. -Nick
We all have things that may haunt or hinder our progress. We may procrastinate and put things off. Just be honest with yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. What do YOU need? What do you feel you are putting off? What are you not being honest about? Is there someone in your life you need to let go of? Is there a hard conversation you need to have? Ask yourself some hard questions and begin. Stop putting things off. Life is too short.

God. Why is it that any one decision always seems too small to be the biggest decision of your life.-Nick. Small decisions all add together to make the whole sum of your life. So, it makes sense that every choice, every conversation, every judgement, every line crossed, deed done….creates your life. There are not small decisions. They all have tiny paths that lead to bigger destinations. Choose wisely the seemingly small decisions that will have a bigger impact than you can imagine. Life is in session. Live it. No regrets.

Have you ever had a feeling… and just knowing somewhere in your bones that somebody was going to play a major part in your life? -Brooke. Ask yourself this question. Look at your life and begin to notice the various people who stand out and why. Take some time to genuinely thank them for being such a major part in your life. They are the main characters who support and love you. They make your life what it is. That is worth a sincere moment, letter, card, convo of thanks, right?!

And at the end of the night, you’re gonna want to say some things, but don’t. Don’t ruin it. It’s nothing she doesn’t already know. Just give her a kiss. Wish her good luck. And, uh… thank her. Thank her for showing you that you can love more than one person in this life. -Nick I do believe that people can and do come into your life for a reason—maybe its a story they need to share with you to help you through a turning point in your life, maybe its a text that someone randomly sends that brings you peace for your day, maybe a relationship comes and goes to help you know you are capable of caring for someone…we are all connected and share in emotions, a look, a sincere hug, a needed smile, a word of encouragement, a promise of a better life, an inspiration…we can all love and be there for one another in a time of need. Whatever that looks like.

In finalizing this post—I would definitely say, that even though a movie may not seem to have a whole lot of wisdom from a distance. smile. smile. I FEEL I was able to find some good lessons. There are gifts in everything—if we simply look…we will find the magic.

Peace. Love and Light to you. -H

DON’T WASTE LOVE

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DON’T WASTE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT ANY LOVE.

“I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

I have been all alone from my little tribe and my heart FEELS it. The above line sings deeply to where I am in my current life situation.

“I had something to fight for, and I was fighting for the love of my life. I couldn’t give up or give in—not now. Not after all I’d been through—all we’d been through.” ― Shanora Williams, “100 Proof”

My sweet husband has up and moved to Montana to financially support our family and our hearts have desperately missed one another. It is funny how the heart grows fonder and you wish and you long for the love you miss. He is my best friend and we often find ourselves talking about wishing we were doing this or that together. We don’t have that co-dependent kind of love, we just sincerely enjoy our time and friendship together, so our hearts definitely long to be connected.

“When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, no one can ever tear them apart.”

“Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is very special.”

My daughter fell quickly in love with a French exchange student who invited her to France for four weeks this summer and that is where she is. She has been with him 24/7 and having the time of her life. They seem to be falling in love more and more every day. That says something for my daughter—she usually is tired of anyone after 3-5 days. I genuinely wondered how it would be and if she would be headed home early. This morning she called me in tears, “I just saw his beautiful, new apartment he is going to be living in. It is going to be his new life and I will not be in it. It makes me so sad.” I felt the deep love and connection she was feeling and I broke down in tears too. Love does that. You want those you love to be happy. That is what she followed up her tears with, “I want him to be happy and I am so happy he has a wonderful place to live, its just hard knowing I won’t be here to drop by or live this life with him.” “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” —Robert A. Heinlein

“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.” —Roy Croft

“A successful relationship requires falling in love multiple times, but always with the same person.”

LOVE does that to people—-it connects you so deeply that when your hearts are apart—in some sense they do break. They break open to a different type of love—a love that realizes how deeply you are connected to one another. Its as if you are able to see the current love you have from a new angle and see that it is immeasurable. Love keeps growing and changing and longing to be felt more and more. “My love for you has no depth, its boundaries are ever-expanding.” —Christina White

I am trying to look at this time as a gift for my life, to ensure that I never take the love we have for granted. It has made me step back and notice the complacency we were tripping into on occasion. We took it for granted that we could walk the beach every day together and now its only a week out of the month. It is true—you don’t truly appreciate what you have until its gone. Don’t waste LOVE.

“She knew she loved him when ‘home’ went from being a place to being a person.” —E. Leventhal

I was talking to my brother on the phone and expressing to him how quickly time goes by and how his kids will be grown before he knows it. I shared how you can understand it on an even deeper level by thinking about how many days he sees his kids per week and calculating that until they are on their own. It gives hard numbers that are hard to minimize. My brother then joked, “So you get to see Jonny 12 more times this year.” My heart sank at the thought. It did make me ponder the reality and how sad that truly is. What if I only get to spend lets say 11 days a month for six months–that is only 66 days. That is incredibly sad. We only have this one lifetime together. How do we NEED to spend it!? We NEED to be together! You don’t genuinely appreciate the time you have together until something like having to move to Montana makes you truly ponder. It has made me genuinely see that HE is my home. I think many people just get use to their regular routines and the love falls flat or becomes part of the scenery and is not center stage in their life. It gets lost in the weeds of carpool, work, routine, kids clubs, obligations, etc. Love needs to be noticed, to feel seen and appreciated to continue to grow. It is like anything–it needs to be watered and sprinkled with the necessities and nourishment to thrive….

I just laughed in my head at the thought that just popped in—The funny movie with Kate Hudson in “How to Lose a guy in 10 days” where she gives him a “Love fern.” It is just like that!! It needs to be loved, watered, taken care of, put in some sunlight and talked to with great care. That is how love is. I think we just get by with love and don’t take the necessary steps to help it flourish.

DONT WASTE YOUR LIFE WITH NOT LOVING THE WAY LOVE NEEDS…DEEPLY

“The regret of my life is that I have not said ‘I love you’ often enough.” —Yoko Ono

Remind yourself of the gift love is. Not everyone gets a glimpse or a chance to share in love, so if you are so lucky—take a chance, play full out, fight hard for love and never give up. Keep working at it and give so much that you become exhausted in LOVE. No regrets.

“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” —Bertrand Russell DONT be cautious in LOVE. Time zips by and will leave you standing there wondering where life went and where the beautiful love that your heart longed for exists. Take every risk in love, dance at every occasion, pray to the heavens for doors to open and seize the opportunities before they are stolen from you and you miss it! DONT WASTE LOVE. Your happiness depends on the love you can learn from and the wisdoms that it will freely give your life. It is a precious treasure to not take for granted. Seek to find it and never use caution—only deliberate passion and discovery when it comes to finding LOVE. It may be hiding, but you do all you can to find it.

My very FAVORITE thought on LOVE…When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too. -Paulo Coelho LOVE changes EVERYTHING for the better. BELIEVE that. LIVE that. JUST LOVE.

My husband and I will find a way. Our LOVE is deep but it is still hard to be apart. We have to have the faith that LOVE WILL FIND A WAY and EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT…FOR LOVE. it will. LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING FOR THE BETTER…

But, for all of you who have LOVE lying next to you or can share a kiss anytime or give a simple hug or can go on a walk together today…GO DO IT. DONT WASTE LOVE. I cannot tell you how many times I just want to hug my husband or hold his hand…DONT WASTE the LOVE you have in front of you.

“You can’t just give up on someone because the situation’s not ideal. Great relationships aren’t great because they have no problems. They’re great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work.”

“If you want a relationship that looks and feels like the most amazing thing on earth, you need to treat it like it is the most amazing thing on earth.” -your tango

“A ‘perfect marriage’ is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.”

“True love is rare, and it’s the only thing that gives life real meaning.” —Nicholas Sparks

“True love stories never have endings.” —Richard Bach

So, there you go. DONT WASTE ANOTHER MINUTE ON THE LOVE YOU HAVE. CHERISH IT. DISCOVER IT. NOURISH IT. FIGHT FOR IT. and above all else…JUST LOVE DEEPLY with your WHOLE HEART. You have this ONE LIFETIME. BE WITH THOSE YOU LOVE. CHOOSE LOVE. NO REGRETS.

xoxo. -Peace, Love and Light to you. -H

A 1 year goodbye

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“The loss of a brother or sister is not small, unimportant, or invisible. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I call sibling loss ‘the loss of a lifetime,’ because who else do we expect to have relationships with that stretch our entire lives?” -Lynn Shattuck

It has been a year today since I got a call from my parents & they told me my brother had died. I was with my sweet husband driving down Hwy 101 in Oregon & I could sincerely not believe the conversation or loss that would forever change my life. I cried and cried. I was not sure where to go or what to do. I was alone with my husband in another state away from any family. I wanted to get as close to heaven as I could to make sure my brother knew I was thinking about him. We drove to the Yaquina Head Lighthouse and climbed a small mountain that looked out over the ocean. I had never experienced such wind, but we pushed ourselves to the top & as I looked out over the vast ocean view all I could do is cry, throw my hands up like a bird & face the wind. I stood there talking to my brother like a prayer. “Scotty, you had always wanted to visit Oregon. You have always loved the rain. I know you are looking down on me right now. This is for you…enjoy this view.” It was such a beautiful way to think of him. To feel so close to the sky & have a huge, vast ocean view below. It was humbling and memorable and forever.

It is definitely a ‘loss of a lifetime’ because you think of all the things you miss together, the conversations you could have had, to see his face or hear him talk about his first grandchild that was born this year and to know how excited he was to know and love him. It is a bunch of emotions and feelings of want, need, wonder, wishes…but in the end I have no control or idea where or how my brother is. All I can do is blow kisses to the wind, talk to him when I am alone or wonder what he is doing. I can look at old pictures or ponder memories, but its like a faded story that seems to lose a little more of the details, the almost hazy blur that sneaks in when you try to think of a specific smell or detail. Its like you slowly forget about someone you loved so much. It is heartbreaking. No matter how hard you try to hold on. Life continues without someone who was always supposed to be a witness to my life, a sibling, a friend, family that knows and loves you no matter what…why? because you have a history together and your bond is unbreakable. It is hard to lose someone like that!

I love you, brother. Wherever you are I hope you FEEL nothing but LOVE. You deserve that peace. xoxo

Yay the Day!

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Every DAY is a gift. Within each day is the sum of your LIFE, so it is imperative to take the time to enJOY what is in the daily treasures. Say YAY with each new day! Wake to the brilliance of a new day. Embrace the existence that is you. Follow your heart to the dreams that need you to bring them to life. Find glory and goodness among the paths you take. Seek to unravel the depths of your stories, your tangled lies that you tell yourself, and begin to see the beauty that only you are. In the day, take the walks that break you out of the mundane, listen to the whispers of insight, seek the well of hope within that helps you rise to be better, listen to the songs you sing to find the light, and take the time to find a quiet place. That is where the hidden gems are found.

Your duty to find something BEAUTIFUL within your days…your life. ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and this is very true. Some people can find beauty in their reflection, or a kitchen design, another can see a texture in a fabric and be taken by its beauty, someone else will find beauty in a natural light that dances off a lake or a lovely melody that plays on a movie soundtrack. Maybe your beauty is the smile of your child, the time spent on a walk with a friend or the giddy laughter of the one you love. There is so much beauty to behold and be charmed by. Life is full of the BEAUTIFUL if you but seek to find it. It is your duty to help you appreciate the beautiful life you are blessed to live.

Your day is in the daily LEARNING & GROWTH This can be a scary place to be. Most people just want the normal routine, the less complications the better outlook. BUT, your greatest moments will come from stepping out of the norm and jumping into life! I always tell my daughter, “If you are not growing, you are dying—in one way or another.” It only makes sense. If flowers are not growing, blooming, sharing the blossoms–they are wilting and dying. It is the way of life. We must move forward, challenge ourselves to learn new ways of doing things, grow higher as individuals to be able to become the best versions of ourselves. There is a great saying, “Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” – H. Jackson Brown I love that! AND truthfully hate it 😉 because it makes you genuinely stop and acknowledge what difference did you really make today? We are NOT these people, but we have the opportunity to learn and grow and become a little closer to making our own, unique difference in the world—like those people. We all have our own learning and growing to do—live it!!

Your day should be the start of PUSHing YOURSELF beyond the muted norm. My daughter just started an art therapy journaling group at school. I have been worried about her being so hard on herself & wanted her to tap into a good outlet that can help teach and lead her to a higher place of expressing emotions and understanding herself better. After the group I asked her how it went. She was very anxious about attending. She is a person of serious routine, so she was not excited (to say the least). I was happy she went, honestly. Her reply, “It was actually nice. It was learning how to breathe & sigh & just collaging. There were a few others who were there and everyone was really nice. It was nice.” I was so relieved. Push yourself to try to go beyond your usual routines. Shake up the norm and challenge yourself in some way. Yay!

Your day is in the DETAILS of the happenings of your life. Take the time to Write highlights, life lessons, details from each day. Finish your a day w a few lines before bed…to read, see and understand the journey of your life. Get grateful by writing down at least five things from the day that you were grateful for. Begin a compliment notebook & get into the habit of writing down some of the nice compliments, actions or reactions you received from people in your life, strangers, smiles, etc. I was stopped at a street light in my car & my window was rolled down. The woman parked next to me at the light yelled, “hey, I like your hat.” I looked over & noticed she was talking to me. I smiled & told her, “Thank you, you just made my day”. She then proceeded to show me a hat she had in her van, “This is my favorite hat. It got me through a hard time of hair loss & it is a great hat.” I smiled, “that is wonderful. That is a cute hat.” She instantly put it on & I yelled back, “That hat looks so cute on you.” Just then the light changed. We smiled at each other and proceeded through the light. It was a sweet interaction with a complete stranger. I really smiled when I noticed a sticker on her car, “I hope something good happens to you today.” It was such a great sticker & I honestly felt soo lifted after the sweet connection. It was a definite highlight from my day. When you begin to notice the little details—they stick with you, especially if you take notice and write them down.

CREATIVITY is the heart to a higher place. I do believe that. There is a creator in every one of us and the way to bring out your divine riches is to seek ways to create. Whether you pen a poem, write lyrics, play music, paint, photograph, write your history, share an idea, create a play, design a tattoo, make a video…there are things within you that are waiting to be fulfilled. Even just doodling seems to bring ideas to life. There is a pathway from creativity that opens doors to other parts of yourself. Seek to bring those ideas to the surface and enJOY the process. Go out and make a mural or take a selfie with a street mural and share it, make a yummy dish to share with friends, write your favorite quote in your personal style and text something inspired to those you care about. Whatever makes your heart smile in creativity—share it! Seek to do SOMETHING—big or small–CREATE daily.

I LOVE Murals & the creativity, the color, the way inspiration is shared. Here was an article on Nice News about mural art

Mural Magic: 9 Artists Making Communities Stronger and Brighter, One Wall at a Time

Fulfilling the potential we have within

Do ONE thing daily that makes you FEEL YAY!! I did that. Yay! I accomplished that one big thing. YAY! I am one step closer to my dream. YAY! I can. YAY! I inspired someone with my words. YAY! Today was a good day.

Take time to do things you LOVE to do. Every person is different, so loving laundry may not be your thing. Loving gardening may be someone else’s sweet spot. Maybe you love to exercise and the feel goods you get. Maybe sports is your love & you make plans to watch your favorite teams. Maybe you just love spending time with your family. Maybe you love connecting with those you care about by phone each day. The things you LOVE are different for everyone. There is a whole big world full of so many colorful details, things to try, foods to experience, games to play, people to enjoy…LOVE is ongoing. Maybe you Love singing, learning, reading a good book, researching your next purchase for your beloved antique jewelry or nike shoe collection…everyone is different, but taking a little time each day to do something you LOVE…makes it a YAY DAY!

Take time to share the LOVE. Being of service, sharing your talents, doing kind deeds, sending love via snail mail, sharing a smile with a stranger…it all adds to a YAY DAY! I just went through my phone and copied a sticker that said, “I hope something good happens to you today” and texted it to a bunch of people in my contacts. People I have not seen or talked to in awhile—maybe even a year. People need to feel cared about and connected. Even just connecting through simple, small ways like a text lets them know you care and are thinking about them. Share some love in some small way. Help someone else have a YAY DAY!

Those are just a few ideas to help create a positive space for you to YAY your DAY! We all need to seek out the good, to get excited about the little things, to connect, to find the wins and the wonderfuls in our every day….they will all lead the way to YAYS every day.

Peace. Love and Light to you. xoxo. -H

YOU matter.

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My younger brother unexpectedly died earlier this year and it was a tremendous shock to my entire family. When I think about him, I have a mix of emotions because so much of his life he felt lost and didn’t feel like he mattered. He often felt like no one would care if he was gone. He attempted suicide multiple times throughout his life and I was there for it all. I was a witness to his life—the pain, the heartache, the hope, the loss, the highs and lows. He was my little brother.

My last couple conversations with him were heartbreaking and we were both in tears talking about how his life did matter and that he would be missed. I felt like I was constantly trying to convince him of his importance and that he did matter.

It is funny how losing someone alters your life. I have had a terrible cold this past week and have found myself watching a home improvement show that has one of the show hosts who looks and has similarities to my brother. It makes me miss him even more. I watch this host and see my brother on certain angles, certain shots of his red beard, far off in the distance. I know it is not my brother but its funny to see someone with similarities and you just want a few minutes more with the one you cared about so deeply.

I LOVE you, Scotty. I miss you. xoxo

I wanted to do this post about the importance of MATTERING. It is a vital need. I think we have generations who are lacking in this necessity and I wanted to write something that may bring about some sort of awareness.

According to an article by the NYTimes, Dr. Flett, now a professor at York University and the author of “The Psychology of Mattering,” is one of the world’s foremost authorities on the subject. He and other experts agree that a sense of mattering is necessary for human flourishing, and while some factors are out of our control, there are steps, both big and small, that everyone can take to enhance it.

To matter, people must feel valued — heard, appreciated and cared for — and they must feel like they add value in ways that make them feel capable, important and trusted, said Isaac Prilleltensky, a professor at the University of Miami and a co-author of “How People Matter.” It’s a two-part definition: feeling valued and adding value.https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/27/well/mind/mental-health-mattering-self-esteem.html#:~:text=Research%20suggests%20that%20people%20who,and%20increased%20risk%20of%20suicide.

According to a Psychology Today article, However, while belonging does give a person a feeling that they are a “qualified member” of a group, it may not have the same positive effect of feeling that they matter to the group to which they belong. “Belonging” doesn’t necessarily mean as much as “mattering” to others (Hallam, 2023).

Think about how we use the word, belonging. My possessions are my belongings, but not all of my possessions matter to me. The scissors belong in the kitchen drawer, and my plates belong in the cabinet. I belong to the team, but do my contributions matter? You belong to your family, but do they show you that your presence matters?

Mattering is the product of two distinct processes at play: feeling valued by others and feeling that you add value to the group (Prilleltensky, 2014).

We feel that we matter when others express appreciation for what we bring and what we do. Belonging may mean that there’s a place for us or that we are “entitled” to a place, but when we matter, it means that others are grateful to have us show up in that place. Belonging is knowing that there is a place at the table for me, but mattering is knowing that the others at the table need me there to feel complete.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202309/do-you-feel-you-matter-to-the-important-people-in-your-life

My thoughts on the topic:

Others around you know they matter because of YOU and how you treat them.

I SEE YOU. Help people feel noticed. I think this is a powerful statement when talking about helping someone feel like they matter. I think many people do not feel seen or heard. They are just, almost, existing. Here are a few basics: Smiling is a simple way to help someone—anyone feel noticed. Saying hello and acknowledging another. Giving a warm hug. Give a genuine thank you in all you do [whether it is thanking a waiter for their cheerful attitude or being prompt or positive to thanking someone you see every day with a sincere note, take the time to say thank you]. Actively listen and make time to truly see and acknowledge them. Pay attention. Listen and hear what they are saying (be aware to not be listening & thinking about your own response) Another part of listening is paying attention to what they are saying, so you can recall details about their life, their favorites, their interests, etc. & be able to talk to them about those things at later dates. Put away your phone! Send a text with a kind note just to check on them and connect. Look someone in the eyes when you are in their presence and let them know how glad you are they are there with you. Be fully present.

YOU MATTER. Help others see they are important. How can we help others know they matter? Well, be responsive. Who definitely feels a lack of mattering when you send a text, it says its been read but you get no response, Right? OR, when you are with someone & they get a message from someone else & they have to look at their phone or respond at that same moment. It doesn’t make you feel very important, or that they are being present with you, right? Another thing you can do to show others they matter, be interested in them, genuinely care, and ask questions. My daughter gets so frustrated with the dating game because so many of the guys she talks to or dates are so one sided. They don’t seem to ever ask or be interested in her. They respond with answers about their day, their interests…rarely ask about her. That does not make her feel like she matters to them.

What else can we do to help others know they matter? Keep good eye contact, do personal, interested check-ins on their lives and what is important to them. [ex: my daughter loves to keep people’s bdays in her calendar so she can send a fun shoutout to friends and family on their day. When possible she sends it in a group text so others can chime in with additional messages] Give an authentic compliment. Genuinely listening to someone will really let them know that they matter. When you ask a question, wait for an answer. Give a gift to show someone they matter, whether it is a gift of your time or a small token of your appreciation, like a meal, a drawing or poem you create, a song you share, a memory you make together, etc.

YOU ARE NEEDED. Help others see they are needed. Praise and appreciate others and let them know they are necessary in your life, your community, organization, work, school, etc. People need to hear specific positive strengths, the difference they are making, why they are needed. How to do that? Ask someone their thoughts or opinions on a specific topic or perspective. Share with others what makes them special or needed to you on a personal level. Be specific when sharing your feelings [ie: “I love and appreciate you” vs “I love that you are in my life, you bring such a playful, light-hearted attitude to our relationship.”] When you depend and build trust with someone it tells them they are needed.

MATTERING CREATES PURPOSE. I know when it came to my brother and his mental wellness I always tried to be there to talk him off a ledge or guide him towards getting help for his addictions. I would send him positive books or podcasts to hopefully help him feel better, etc. I felt I had some purpose in helping his life matter. That then also gave me the satisfaction of feeling like I mattered to someone. When my brother died, my mom in tears said, ” he doesn’t need me anymore.” My heart ached for her because she felt like a piece of her purpose was gone. It is like a circle of purpose in meeting one another’s needs in a way. Whether we smile at a stranger, pick up a sea star and send it back into the ocean, volunteer to tutor kids after school, pick up trash at a nearby park, coach little league, or answer calls on a help line, etc. We can find a sense of purpose…a place or action that helps us feel value, which helps us matter overall.

Experiencing mattering also reaffirms that we contribute to others and that we have a purpose. A sense of purpose is associated with increased dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, also known as the “happiness trifecta,” the neurotransmitters that control for mood, movement, and motivation.-zachmercurio.com

DONT FORGET YOU. Incredible YOU! You matter. It is easier sometimes to focus on all the ways we don’t get noticed or appreciated. You may need to really focus and evaluate the real impact you have on the lives around you. You may have to compliment yourself and notice your gifts, talents and strengths. You may have to seek and find the ways you try to utilize your skillset for the greater good. You may have moments where YOU need to remind yourself of why and how you matter. That is okay.

DONT COMPARE and DESPAIR. That is one of the quickest ways to kill your personal story on why you matter. Many people can easily jump on social media and see friends, family, colleagues and quickly feel a lack of connection or value on some level. When you start comparing, it is that much easier to feel inadequate in the areas where you really matter. Your self-esteem gets a check and you can quickly spiral into despair. You cannot compare your value to those around you. You are your own version—you live your own value in all you do.

I hope this article helps you find ways to help those around you FEEL like they matter.

We are all in this together, so be mindful of how you make others feel. Others around you know they matter because of YOU and how you treat them.

Peace. Love and Light to you. xoxo. -H