Lessons learned from the movie Eddie the Eagle

We just went to see the inspiring, true story movie called Eddie the Eagle. It was a great, motivational and unstoppable story. It is the story of Eddie Edwards, the notorious British ski jumper who the world fell in love with during the 1988 Winter Olympics.     I instantly fell in love with the main character as a boy and then enjoyed watching his pure determination in all he did. We could all take a few lessons out of his life play book! So, here you go…my take on great lessons from the movie.

waq2l0eddie-the-eagleLife medals: There was a great part where Eddie’s mom gives him a tin box as a boy to keep all his “olympic” medals in. You see as the story goes, that he tries numerous sports which then causes him to have multiple pairs of broken eyeglasses that he puts in the tin box. I loved the image and metaphor of each pair of glasses being his medal of determination.        We could all use a special box or place that we collect mementos from our life that illustrates the many times we try different things within our life. Maybe it is a collection of photos of places we visit, a box of screenplays that we are constantly drafting, a portfolio of illustrations we collect to see improvement, pieces of jewelry that symbolize different memories…etc.

 

eddie-the-eagle-epk-ETE-153_rgb (650x433)It’s never too late: Eddie had numerous people tell him that “You do realize the time to start jumping is when you are five or six?” -Bronson Peary    BUT, this did not stop Eddie from pushing forward no matter what anyone said.

 

eddie-the-eagleNever give up: “You’re not going to give up are ya?” -Bronson Peary     Eddie was shear determination from the beginning. He was told at a young age that he should give up on any sports because he had troubled knees. He had surgeries and wore braces for much of his childhood. The doctors told him to “take up reading,” so the first book he picked up was about the Olympics. This one book, coupled with his will to never give up led him to one path—the Olympics!   “A true Olympian is not a God-given skill set. It is never giving up.” -Warren Sharp [played by Christopher Walken–Peary’s old coach]   This was the epitome of Eddie and his determination.

eddie-eagle-mag-01Great article about the true Eddie Edwards & his story—more details about how he truly did not give up—http://www.sportsfeelgoodstories.com/soaring-inspiration-eddie-the-eagle/

 

eddie-eagle-hugh-jackman-taron-egertonDon’t let anyone take away your dream: There were a few characters throughout the movie that challenged the character of who Eddie was determined to be. He had multiple times where he had to push back on people who were trying to stop his dream.

 

6Zy8HlUrFFmJIlsVfv9YOx4PxYOChallenge anyone who is there trying to stop you from becoming your best:  Eddie’s father challenged him on numerous occasions, but Eddie was confident in his determination and ability. At one point Eddie’s father said, “Name me one British ski jumper.” Eddie answered, “me.”

 

hugh_jackman_114607Your moment: In the movie Eddie said, “I needed my own moment. A moment to prove them all wrong.”     I think many of us get caught in searching and searching for something that will give us a ‘big moment’ or feel like we have something to prove to others.  I think if we can find the many moments that make us grow, shine, inspire–then we will look back on our lives & have many moments we are proud of.

 

eddie-the-eagleDon’t compare yourself to anyone else: With Facebook, Instagram…our world is turning more into a ‘compare and despair’ problem. Eddie was thrilled with each little success. He did not look at the other athletes and see his jump was half theirs, he celebrated in his personal wins no matter what anyone else thought.   Eddie’s coach shouted in defiance, “Personal best and we’re a disgrace!”

 

df-09922_rBe yourself: Eddie’s first jump in the Olympics was not anything compared to the other jumpers, but Eddie celebrated, danced, found joy in the moment & his enthusiasm was contagious & lit up the crowd and won everyone over. He became a crowd favorite. His bird dance won him the name, “Eddie the Eagle.”

 

video-eddie-the-eagle-uk-trailer-1-superJumboWalk the talk–ACT: Eddie was a person of action. He may not have been the best on the hill, but his heart was one of action and determination. The top jumper knew Eddie’s heart & knew that neither of them could leave the hill without doing their best.  Eddie had never tried the 90 meter jump, but he was determined to. “I did not come here as a novelty act and I will not be going home as one.”     He took action despite fear and possible death.

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GREAT movie!! Go out and enjoy it!

Because I Can!

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Yesterday I had a dear friend drop by who was having a bad day and needless to say I think anyone would understand, her mom had just died a couple weeks ago. I gave her a big hug and my heart sank at the thought of losing someone so dear.

We began to talk about feelings and emotions and she expressed how she wished she could of..should of..and I could only imagine how she felt. I had not lost a mother.

I did have an aha moment after our conversation. I put myself in her place and tried to feel how it would be if I was unable to call or text or chat with my mom and dad. It put into perspective how short life is & how we often get stuck thinking we can tell someone we love them tomorrow, or have breakfast next week or stop by there house and visit another time. Our conversation made me feel the urgency to reach out now, not tomorrow. You never know when you will never be able to have those heart felt moments, those conversations you wish you would have taken the time to have, to record their voice so you will never forget it, to hug them & know you did all you could to love them while they were here.

After she left I did a couple of things–I jumped on my email and I wrote my parent a note and told them I wanted to share a few thoughts and feelings of what I would miss & what I love about them ‘because I can.’  It was an emotional write. I got teary eyed thinking of the little things I would miss most.

Then, I sent a text to my husband’s 6 sisters who have a beloved mother that I know needs to hear and feel of their love. I then sent my mother-in-law a note of love…because I can!

I know one day those near and dear will have moved on to another life & I don’t want to have regrets or should have, could have feelings. I am sure when some one passes you have those feelings no matter what, but this conversation made me stop for a moment, drop the to do lists and send some love from my heart.

So, ‘because you can’ send some love notes to those you love because you never know. Things can change in a moment.

Peace to you today.  -H

GREAT STORIES: Forgiveness

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Picture of Kim Phuc taken by Nick Ut

Story taken from The Heart of Goodness by Jo Ann Larsen

“Nor does caring ignore circumstances, perpetuated by itself, that have unintentionally hurt someone. An extreme example of this is the story of Reverend John Plummer, as told by Anne Gearan, a newspaper writer.

Plummer, in June 1972, ordered bombers to rain fire on the village of Trang Bang during the Vietnam War. The mission was a success and “South Vietnamese bombers smoothly dropped heavy explosives and napalm canisters on the village twenty-five miles west of Saigon.”

After, by radio, the American adviser thanked Plummer and, pleased the mission had been a success, Plummer turned his mind to other matters. Plummer was pleased, that is, until he saw the newspaper picture of an anguished nine-year-old Vietnamese girl screaming and running naked toward the lens of a camera as she fled an American-led assault on her village that killed her two brothers. The picture of Kim, taken by Nick Ut, was to become a Pulitzer Prize winner and one the world would come to know. The picture itself, one of the most indelible images of the Vietnam War, ultimately helped turn American public opinion against the war. Says Gearan of the picture, “a brutal image from a brutal war, it is imprinted on the American psyche.”

The young girl’s name was Phan Thi Kim Phuc. And Plummer will never forget the moment he saw the picture, “the anguished face of a little boy about his son’s age, and, behind him, Kim.” The napalm had incinerated Kim’s clothes. Her eyes were “screwed shut, her mouth spread wide in terror and uncomprehending pain.” And “her arms flapped awkwardly, as though she did not recognize them as her own.”

For Plummer, the shock was profound. He had been told there were no civilians in the village. He could hardly comprehend the picture, which “knocked him to his knees.” After that, Plummer struggled for the next twenty-five years with his conscience, never able to disengage from unanticipated flashes of the famous picture. Now it was Plummer who was in agony. He drank. He divorced several times. He searched for, and finally found, God. But he rarely talked about his experience. And he never preached about it—until he experienced the following event.

It was June 1997, while Plummer was absently watching television, that a photo of Kim flashed across the screen and an announcement “promised a story about the girl in the photo, grown now and with a child of her own.” Again, Plummer was in shock. He had never known whether or not the young girl had lived. Watching the special, he “saw for the first time the thick white scars the splashing napalm left on Kim’s neck, arm and back. He learned how she had seventeen operations but still lives with pain.”

Later, learning a week before Veterans Day that Kim was making a rare appearance in Washington, D.C., ninety minutes from his home, Plummer knew he had to see her.  “It took a long time, but I came to realize I would never have any peace unless I could talk to Kim, ” he said. “I had to look her in the eyes and say how sorry I am.”

So that autumn, “Plummer went to Washington, to hear Kim address the Veterans Day observance at the black granite monument that bears the name of each American who never came home from war a generation ago. And, sitting in the audience, he heard something he never expected to hear: ‘If I could talk face-to-face with the pilot who dropped the bombs,’ Kim said, “I would tell him we cannot change history but we should try to do good things for the present and for the future to promote peace.’

“Plummer gasped. It was as though she was talking directly to him.”

He scribbled a note–“Kim, I am that man” and asked a police officer to carry the note to her; thereafter he began pushing his way through the crowd toward Kim. Informed that Plummer was behind her, Kim took a few steps away, and then she stopped. “I couldn’t move anymore. I stop and I turn, and he looked at me,” she said.

“No news photographer took this picture,” notes Gearan. “But in the lee of the Vietnam War Memorial, the soldier, now forty-nine, and the child, now thirty-three, embraced.”

Says Plummer of the experience, “She just opened her arms to me. I fell into her arms sobbing. All I could says is, “I’m so sorry. I’m just so sorry.”

Kim “patted Plummer’s back. ‘It’s all right,’ she told him. ‘I forgive, I forgive.”

 

Wow, I do not know about you, but every time I read this story I am in tears. I hope it touches your heart and makes you feel a place we all can strive to be—at peace, willing to forgive those people and circumstances in our lives that make us better people in the end.

Have a beautiful day.  -H

365 New things to Learn

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“The Constant Happiness is Curiosity.”  -Alice Munro

 

MORE GOOD STUFF TO BE CURIOUS ABOUT…ENJOY

 

GOOD SNACKS     For energy: 2013 study, subjects reported a 38% decline in fatigue and a 31% increase in energy after eating 2 gold kiwis.  For Stress: the journal of the American College of Nutrition says nibbling on a handful of walnuts may help you keep your cool during anxiety inducing situations.   For Focus: drink a blueberry smoothie because it increases oxygen flow to the brain.   For Happiness: edamame might help beat the blues, thanks to the B vitamin folate.

 

SOME GREAT QUESTIONS: Do I examine my life enough?  Do I care too much about what people think?  What do I really want to do all day?  How do I want to be remembered?  Do I say YES enough?  Do I know how to say no?  What am I afraid of?  Am I strong enough?   Is there anyone I need to forgive?  Why are we here?  What do I know for sure?  Have I found purpose?  Who do you want to be?  What is working?

 

SOMETHING COOL: a BOOK, List of Note (Scribblings from famous people)  or a LINK, dailyoverview.nyc (satellite photos from the world)

 

SHH. SELF-ESTEEM BOOSTER: This one will surprise you. Do something—anything—and keep it a secret. Today, do something alone—just for you, by yourself—in the middle of nowhere, in a hidden place or out in the world, with no one else around. You can make art, do a performance or an action, dance, or make a site specific installation. Or you can scribble an unspeakable dream on a piece of paper and tuck it somewhere no one will ever find it. Or you can jot down a note and burn it or you can walk a labyrinth. Honor your secret moment, whatever it looks like. Let it percolate. Don’t tell your spouse or best friend about it. Don’t tell your parents or children. Don’t tweet. instagram. Facebook it or blog about it—ever. Just be alone with it. Feel it. It is yours. -From The Little Spark: 30 ways to ignite your creativity by Carrie Bloomston (O Aug 2015)

 

WHAT GIVES YOU JOY? “Joy is about relaxing into a realm where you aren’t controlling anything”  -Sarah Gundle, clinical psychologist          To find out what brings you Joy, ask yourself: Is this activity just for me? Does it yield external results or internal harmony? Whether its taking nature walks or listening to music Gundle says, make time to accomplish absolutely nothing.   (O Aug 2015)

 

SIGHT-SAVERS: Kids should go outside to play. 2 studies show spending time outside can help protect your kids vision. The journal of Opthalmology, kids who spent their recess outdoors were significantly less likely to need glasses the next year than those who were indoors. A Danish study found that exposure to daylight slowed changes in the eye that can lead to nearsightedness.  -(BH&G)

 

TUNE UP YOUR BRAIN: Feeling sluggish this morning? Cue up an upbeat song. In a study from Britains Northumbria University, people were more alert and finished tasks more quickly when they listened to a fast-paced concerto than a slower melody or silence.  (BH&G)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who can judge?

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Here are a few great stories that will make you look at the world a little differently. I think many of us are conditioned to judge people’s rank in life, to see a homeless guy or a garbage man, a prostitute and assume we know something about their life [ie: assume they are lazy, on drugs, assume they are drunks, assume they don’t try, etc]. I think we often belittle all we can learn from those have gone through struggles. Life is full of lessons if we take the time to understand how they are meant for each one of us. I hope these videos will make you look at yourself–how you judge & what you can learn from strangers around you.

 

This is a great story about how one simple, kind gesture can change a heart. It made me think of my brother who struggles with addictions and violent outbursts. If we could all learn from this story & be so brave. http://www.faithit.com/drug-addict-was-terrifying-everyone-on-the-train-70yrold-woman-grips-hand-world-changers/

 

Who would have thought this garbage man could make such a difference. I love a good story that proves ANYONE can do ANYTHING…Check it out!

 

 

What my date with a prostitute taught me about sex, judgement and Jesus: Here is a story about a writer who learned a lot from a prostitute in Malaysia     http://www.faithit.com/what-my-date-with-a-prostitute-taught-me-about-sex-judgment-jesus-inspirational/

LOVE Stories you don’t want to miss

My heart melted when I came across this story. What a beautiful, lasting gesture. I thought about his sweet wife looking down from heaven with such LOVE. Please read the full story.

Heart made with LOVEarticle-2173055-140C3C9F000005DC-35_634x416

When Janet Howes died suddenly 17 years ago, her devoted husband Winston decided he wanted to create a lasting tribute to her.

The farmer planted thousands of oak saplings in a six-acre  field – but left a heart-shaped  area in the middle, with the  point facing towards his wife’s childhood home.

And as the remarkable picture here shows, his romantic labour of love has now grown into a mature meadow, a peaceful oasis where Mr Howes can sit and remember his wife of 33 years.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2173055/A-real-labour-love-Devoted-farmer-creates-heart-shaped-meadow-planting-thousands-oak-trees-tribute-late-wife.html

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i-love-u-so-much-images-and-wallpaper-4THE LAST VALENTINE

Several days ago I rummaged through my jewelry box. The action evoked a ton of memories. The bejeweled necklaces, lovely rings, bracelets, earrings – all Valentine’s Day gifts from my husband Ernest throughout our 48 years together. All accompanied with cards that were the best Hallmark produced – and thank God for that. Ernest was born and raised in Argentina, and just like Desi Arnaz, he fractured the English language.

I enjoyed the beauty of the jewelry and the many perfume vials – but they are only material possessions. I then raised my eyes to view the most cherished of all Ernest’s valentine gifts. Hanging on our bedroom wall. His last valentine gift to me.

It was Valentine’s Day 2003. I drove into our garage after attending my exercise class. I viewed hanging on the garage wall, in front of my car, what appeared to be the Styrofoam cover of a cooler. As I gazed closer, I noted that a heart was drawn on the Styrofoam in a red pen with the words “Happy Valentine – I love you forever – Me.”

I removed the cover from the wall and quickly entered the dining room where Ernest was seated next to his walker. I smilingly questioned him, “This is what I get for Valentine’s Day?” With his usual impish grin, he lifted both his hands toward me, palms up, and said, “It’s the best I can do, for I am your prisoner.”

Indeed he was! For the last five years Ernest had battled cancer and the “monster” had left him seriously debilitated – totally dependent on me. Seven months later, Ernest passed away.

A few months after Ernest left this life, my youngest son, then age 36, was organizing the content of the garage and barreled into my kitchen waving the Styrofoam cover demanding, “Hey Mom, what do you want to do with this? It was in the garage!” I turned and gasped for I had forgotten about “my last Valentine.”

I held it close and it suddenly became the most valuable Valentine I have ever had.

The cover now hangs on my bedroom wall, reminding me each morning, upon my awakening, of Kahlil Gibran’s words from “The Prophet” – “You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”

Mary A. Ale, Santa Ana (found on the ocregister.com)

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PhotoCredTiffanyFarley-16-crop-646x470.jpgPhoto credit: Tiffany Farley

LOVE letters to NY

I looked down at my shoes as people filled the train, and then I saw her. I saw her beat-up unlaced construction boots first. I followed the shoes, laceless hole by laceless hole, all the way up to the face of an old woman. She was tiny. She had a slight slump in her shoulders. She wore a bright red cap. Wisps of gray poked out from beneath it.

As I watched the woman, I thought about the letters my mother wrote and how she must have known an ordinary piece of loose-leaf paper morphs into a love letter when a person puts her self into it. Then I remembered the notebook in the belly of my bag. I would write the woman a note and give it to her as I exited the train, I decided. I could drop it at her feet.

I pulled the notebook out of my bag, turned to a new page, and began writing a letter. The words spilled out of me.

When I looked up, the woman was gone. I left the letter in my notebook, unsure of what to do with it now that she would never know that it was meant for her.

After I wrote that letter, more letters to other people I observed came marching out of me, one by one, until soon I had filled up the notebook.

Back on the train, just a few days later, the plan became clear. I was going to leave the letter I wrote to the woman on the subway for someone else to find. Then I would scatter other love letters all over New York City. And once I had set each one in its place, I would write even more. And you want to know why? Because it made me feel something.

I tried to imagine what would make me pick up a letter if I found it on a random subway train or in a coffee shop thinking it might have been for me all along. I settled on something simple: If you find this letter … then it’s for you. I wrote those words on my first letter. I folded the letter and placed it behind me. When I got to my stop, I planned to let the letter slip down onto the seat as I walked away.

I left the letters everywhere I could. I was playing Juliet to the city.

At Grand Central Terminal, I waited for the subway doors to open and then busted out of my seat quickly. Darting through the doors, I kept walking faster and faster once my feet hit the platform. My nerves surged. There was a whiff of adrenaline as I got farther away from the train, disappearing into the city.

During the fall of 2010, I kept tucking and leaving, tucking and leaving. I left the letters everywhere I could. I propped them on bathroom sinks. I slid them into coat pockets in department stores. I left them in fitting rooms. I would stick them into the seats at work when I would attend large meetings. I was playing Juliet to the city.

When 24-year-old Hannah Brencher moved to New York after college, she was hit by depression and overwhelming loneliness. One day she felt so alone, she wanted to reach out to someone. And so she put pen to paper and started writing letters. Letters to complete strangers.

But these weren’t sad letters about how she was feeling. They were happy letters, all about the other person, not her. She would write messages for people to have a “bright day” and tell strangers how brilliant they were, even if they thought no one else had noticed. Brencher began dropping the notes all over New York, in cafes, in library books, in parks and on the subway. It made her feel better, knowing that she might be making somebody’s day through just a few short, sweet words. It gave her something to focus on. And so, The World Needs More Love Letters was born.

The World Needs More Love Letters is all about writing letters – not emails, but proper, handwritten letters. Not conventional love letters, written to a real beloved, but surprise letters for strangers. They don’t necessarily say “I love you”, but they are full of kindness (that’s the love Brencher’s talking about) – telling people they are remarkable and special and all-round amazing. It’s the sort of stuff that most people don’t really say out loud even to the people they care about, let alone a total stranger.

Brencher’s initiative has now exploded. She has personally written hundreds, if not thousands of letters. Last year, she did a Ted talk. In it, she talks about a woman whose husband, a soldier, comes back from Afghanistan and they struggle to reconnect – “So she tucks love letters throughout the house as a way to say: ‘Come back to me. Find me when you can'” – and a university student who slips letters around her campus, only to suddenly find everyone is writing them and there are love letters hanging from the trees.

Now there are more than 10,000 people who join in all over the world. Sometimes, they write letters to order, to people who are lonely and down and just want someone to tell them that everything will be OK. Mostly, though, they scribble notes and leave them somewhere unlikely, for somebody to find.

In the months that followed, Brencher started her own site,MoreLoveLetters.com, about her project, inspiring others to write and leave letters in their own communities. Now the website connects her both to strangers in need of love letters and to those who want to write them.

About a year later, a woman wrote to me about her friend Briana, a single mother struggling to pay the rent. I typed out Briana’s story and published it on the website, encouraging anyone who read it to mail me letters of encouragement for Briana. I decided that at the end of the month, I’d send Briana a bundle of love letters.

A week later, my heart sank as I walked into the town post office and unlocked PO Box 2061. It was nearly empty. There was just a single yellow slip.

“This was left in my box,” I told the man at the front of the post office.

“Oh, box 2061,” he said. “You got too much mail, dear. We moved you to a bigger box.”

I walked away from the post office with a lot of mail—and a big idea about human beings: mainly that if you give them something to do, a mission, they will show up. At the end of that month, I marched the love letter bundle for Briana to the post office and mailed it off to her.

“They show you’re not alone and that you’re not struggling for nothing.”

A week later, I got a thank-you e-mail from Briana’s friend. “It’s not that the letters heal you,” she wrote. “They show you’re not alone and that you’re not struggling for nothing.”

After such an amazing response to Briana’s story, I was encouraged to continue. I’d post a new story on the site and then check for letters at the post office every couple of days. The postal worker would emerge from the back room with a heaping stack of letters or a mail crate, sometimes two.

I read every letter, then bundled it up with a note explaining how hundreds of people around the world had come together to write the letters now sitting in the hands of someone who didn’t expect to get mail beyond bills and coupons that day.

Most of us are good. I know that’s always up for debate, but it feels as if, at the core, we are good. And sometimes we lose. We fight for things. We lose the fight for things. We fail. We get lost. Sometimes we don’t show up at all.

We make mistakes. We hurt the people who mean more than the world to us. And we get hurt. We get rejected. We fail tests. We oversleep. We break promises. We break hearts. We doubt ourselves. We drink too much. We laugh too little. And we are hopeful.

We found out about Luke (not his real name) from his daughter. She got a rush of surprise one day when she came home and saw a package waiting for her. She knew it was the love letters she had requested for her father. Luke was in his last round of chemotherapy and having a rough morning when the bundle arrived.

Luke and his daughter sat together for hours and read every last one. She wrote, He was filled with so much energy after reading those letters—he’s even begun to make a collage out of them. He plans to frame the collage and hang it proudly on the wall of his office.

Then there was the soldier and his sister. He had the dirt of both Afghanistan and Iraq deep in the grooves of his boots. PTSD hung on his shoulders like a cloak when he finally came home. We mailed him a bundle. One day he called his sister, crying—sitting on the floor and unable to speak—over the letters strangers had sent cheering for him. She told me that one small act had renewed her faith in humanity.

Above all stories, I will always go back to Matt’s from Ohio. He e-mailed me one night about two years ago. Matt told me he was getting older. His family and he were disconnected. He didn’t have many friends. He was starting to believe he’d leave nothing behind and he’d be forgotten.

The message was sent with no return address attached. There was no way to write back to him, but I hope he reads these words:

Matt, I want you to know: You were wrong to think you’d be forgotten. And I was wrong to think people couldn’t walk into our lives and shift our histories in an instant. Because you did that for me.

From the book If You Find This Letter by Hannah Brencher. Copyright © 2015 by Hannah Brencher. reprinted by permission of Howard Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc., simonandschuster.com.

 

I think this is a great idea—I told my daughter about this story & she lit up. She grabbed her lap top & talked about how kids in middle school could use some good letters. She typed up her own letter & we made some copies. Her and her friend secretly have been slipping them in lockers to brighten kids days. Middle school is tough.

Where can you send some love? Drop a LOVE note somewhere. anywhere.

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LOVE & making it better

Love-Heart-Hands-851x315With Valentines around the corner I thought I would pass along some useful information that may help the relationship in your life. This past week my husband and I took a couple days to reconnect and spend some time together. My husband has been at a high-level stress with his work & our connection was a bit distant. We decided to take a couple days to get away. So, I invested in a relationship game, The Gottman Couples Retreat Board game, that I thought may be good to help us talk, connect, get out of the stresses of our daily life. It was a fun evening of writing little love notes to each other, playing the game, asking questions and stepping away from the day to day routine.

In the game there are a variety of cards, so I am going to  create this post to accompany some of the ideas [ie: Got Facts—I am going to create some facts I collect.  Ask open ended questions–I am going to create a questions list, etc] I am not going to take them from the game because that would take away from the game & you may want to buy it and invest in your own relationship. So, these ideas below are NOT from the game. Just the topics are. So here you go…

 

love-mapBUILD LOVE MAPS: LOVE Map: The principle of The Gottman Institute’s building Love Maps is simply this: knowing the little things about your partner’s life creates a strong foundation for your friendship and intimacy.  How to do this–Ask Open Ended QUESTIONS:  Here are some to get you started…What is your favorite memory of me?  What is your favorite thing that I do for you?  What movie reminds you of us?   What do you think we need to work on the most in our relationship?   Do you believe I love you?   What is your favorite thing I ever did for a special occasion for you?   When we are with family, do I make you feel important?   What’s another career that you think you would love?   What is a favorite memory with your Mom and Dad?  Biggest dream location you would like to visit?   What’s the happiest you have ever felt?   Did you ever talk to your parents?   What’s the accomplishment you are most proud of?   Where do you want to be living in 10 years?   Which of your friends would you choose if you had to be on a desert island with just one?   Which would you like most: a summer home, a year-long vacation or a boat?   What would you do with an extra $1000 to spend only on yourself?   If you could see into the future, what would you want to know?   What’s your greatest talent?   What is your most unique trait?   What is the best thing about our relationship?   Are you an optimist, a pessimist or a realist?   If you had to change one thing about yourself, what would you pick?   How did your siblings shape who you are?   What was your favorite date night we ever had?                [taken from Lifehack]

 

ASLQuote2OPPORTUNITY:   Take opportunities to CONNECT–Go on a walk together & see if you can hold hands the entire time.   TOUCH: kiss, high-five, hug, hold hands, tickle…touch & try to for a least 30 seconds.   TALK: avoid the usual, “how was your day” and ask thought provoking questions. Sharing this little chat every night really can improve your relationship, says psychologist Angela Hicks, PhD, of Westminster University. She’s found that couples who discuss recent positive events with each other feel happier the next day, with increased feelings of intimacy and connection to their partners. [prevention]  GET GRATEFUL: Let them know how much you appreciate them. Share the little and big things you appreciate and love about them.   CREATE new memories together: no one wants the same old day in and out routine. Avoid boredom and try new things together.  Stony Brook University social psychologist Arthur Aron, PhD. According to his research, novelty is the spice of life—and a key ingredient of a good marriage. You don’t have to give up your favorite couple-time activities, but do make an effort to inject some new plans into the mix: a hike, a cooking class, or even amusement park rides qualify. Just pick something you’ve never done before (or recently) together. Rewarding experiences flood your brain with dopamine, a mood-boosting chemical. “If your partner is present, that feeling becomes linked to him,” says Aron.[prevention] LAUGH: find things that make you laugh together, whether it is a favorite comedy show, a good joke, fun memories, share in the laughter. Appalachian State University study, experts asked 52 couples to reminisce about fun times they had experienced both alone and together; those who liked to recall shared laughs were most satisfied with their relationships. “When people laugh at the same thing, they validate each other’s opinions,” says lead author Doris Bazzini, PhD. [prevention]  EXPRESS: do little things to show and express you care. Leave a little note on the mirror that says, I love you. Leave a warm robe or towel for them when they get out of the shower. Buy their favorite drink & write a note on the lid & leave it in the fridge.   CELEBRATEDo you smile when your partner comes home with a pat on the back from his boss or nudges his golf handicap down a point or two? Good, say UCLA psychologists, because the way you receive your significant other’s exciting news may be even more important than how you react during a crisis. In a study of 79 couples, partners who shared excitement for each other’s achievements (“Your hard work is paying off” versus “Can you handle that responsibility?” in response to a promotion, for example) had the most satisfying relationships. Interestingly, how a partner reacted to tough times wasn’t as closely tied to satisfaction. A celebration provides the opportunity to boost his ego and reinforce your status as a team, say the authors, so break out those champagne flutes and start saluting yourselves more often. [prevention]

 

bda9e7e4cca24999a43f876e319ca111GOT FACTS: Look at your relationship in a more objective manner. Stop playing the “blame game.” That is not helping anyone.

Learn how to COMMUNICATE. Learn how to listen. Men get the bad rap for never listening, but admit it: You can probably use a bit of a refresher course too. In fact, Harvard researchers say that couples who express the most empathy and affection are most likely to stay together for the long haul. To become a better listener, try these tips from marriage counselor Harville Hendrix, PhD:

  • Be a mirror. When your partner expresses his or her feelings, show that you’re listening by paraphrasing. Start with “Let me see if I’ve got that: You feel…”
  • Resist the urge to interrupt. “Instead of ‘Are you through now?’ try ‘Is there more to that?’ ” says Hendrix. “This shows your partner that he or she can feel open and safe with you.” Of course, saying it calmly helps too.
  • Validate his POV. Finish with “I can imagine that because of [fill in the situation], you feel [angry, sad, guilty, etc.].”     [prevention]

RESOLVE a disput: Resolving a marital dispute without damaging your relationship may boil down to a single choice of words. When researchers recently studied disagreements among 154 couples (all married 15 or more years), they found that pairs who used plural pronouns—such as we, us, and our—during an argument were more likely to express positive feelings and report less mental stress afterward. Conversely, those who preferred using “I” during a spat were more likely to have negative emotions and report marital dissatisfaction. “Using ‘we language’ during a disagreement may help couples align themselves on the same team, as opposed to being adversaries,” says lead investigator Benjamin Seider. [prevention]

WORK IT OUT: Working out with your husband kills two big birds with one healthy stone: You’ll likely get fitter, which benefits your sex life too. One study found that 94% of couples stuck to a fitness program when they did it together, which makes perfect sense. You can keep each other motivated, and it’s exciting to explore new fitness activities, like biking or hiking, together. (Here are 7 ways your partner can help you lose weight.) Other research shows that women enjoy sex more when they’re physically active—workouts relieve stress, boost energy, and give body confidence a lift, all great for your libido. [prevention]

REKINDLE the ROMANCE: Last—but most certainly not least—staying intimate and romantically connected is one of the surest things you can do for a happy lasting marriage. But about one-third of couples in American suffer from low sex drive or desire, and getting things back on track isn’t always as simple as splurging on a new negligee or booking a bed-and-breakfast getaway. Here is a link to 13 ways for seriously  better sex http://www.prevention.com/sex/better-sex/tips-better-sex          Here is a link 14 days to rekindle your relationship by Laura Berman http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health-pictures/days-to-rekindle-your-relationship.aspx#02

 

 

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50 “Quick Connects” from the Alabama Community Healthy Marriage Initiative—

  1. Make sure your kisses last at least six seconds. Every now and then go for a full minute.
  2. Feed each other grapes.
  3. Stick a love note in a lunch box, purse or pocket.
  4. Send funny and/or romantic cards by snail mail or e-mail.
  5. Learn how to give a great foot massage.
  6. Wash each other’s hair.
  7. Set your alarm for five minutes earlier than usual to cuddle.
  8. Smile at each other.
  9. Get silly with each other and laugh out loud together.
  10. Grab your partner for a spontaneous dance when a favorite song comes on the radio or stereo.
  11. Make eye contact when you talk.
  12. Hold hands.
  13. Leave a wonderful voice mail message on their phone.
  14. Text a love note.
  15. Send a love e-mail every day.
  16. Leave little love notes in unexpected places.
  17. Send a funny photo on your phone.
  18. Ask about each others’ days.
  19. Listen with 100% attention.
  20. Give a one-minute shoulder massage.
  21. Do something unexpected for your spouse.
  22. Snuggle on the couch.
  23. Touch each other with affection.
  24. Notice and comment about something your spouse does that you like.
  25. Say thank you.
  26. Say you’re welcome.
  27. Be interested in what your spouse is doing.
  28. Tell a joke.
  29. Leave a flower.
  30. Offer to help.
  31. Write a poem.
  32. Read a poem to your spouse.
  33. Cook a romantic dinner.
  34. Offer to cook dinner if you aren’t the one who usually cooks.
  35. Burn a CD with favorite songs, or love songs.
  36. Post photos on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror that remind you of wonderful times you’ve shared.
  37. Bring home great take out for just the two of you.
  38. Say “I love you” in a different way every day.
  39. Slow dance to a love song.
  40. Write a love note on the bathroom mirror. PG rated if you have kids!
  41. Offer to take the kids out of the house for awhile and give the other parent some alone time.
  42. Dip a strawberry into whipped cream and feed to your partner.
  43. At night, step outside together for five minutes and look at the stars.
  44. Sing to each other.
  45. Make a care package with his/her favorite snacks and leave it in the car.
  46. Establish a weekly ritual that you faithfully observe. For example, watching a favorite television program, taking a walk after dinner, putting candles on the table.
  47. Give your spouse a little token to wear as a reminder of your love. (Try for creative rather than expensive.)
  48. Kiss your spouse on the back of the neck.
  49. Flirt with each other.
  50. Watch a sunrise or sunset together.

365 NEW things to learn

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Martha Beck’s Plan for Finding JOY

I don’t know about you, but JOY is always a good thing. Here is Martha’s plan for finding  a little more JOY:

  1. Have a vision. Begin basing choices on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than how you think an ideal life should look. [Create a vision board]
  2. Let go of what doesn’t work. Consider those things you’d like to release from your life–bad habits, toxic friends..think and repeat. Let go.
  3. Don’t be afraid to fail. People who worry about mistakes become paralyzed by that worry, but those who are relaxed about doing badly soon learn to do well. Success is built on failure.
  4. Pay attention to what really matters to you. Life makes things taxing when they are not important and delicious and relatively effortless when they are. Life feels good when it thrills you and bad when it doesn’t.         -taken from O Jan 2014

 

pixietea-playing-piano

PLAY something!!

A study of St. Andrews suggests that the more often subjects practiced playing a musical instrument, the more efficiently their brains processed info on nonmusical tasks.    -taken from O Jan 2014

 

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“Love After Love” by Derek Walcott

The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each smile at the other’s welcome, and say, sit here, eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by your heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.

 

searching-for-lightLove this thought from Oprah

I stayed open to believing that no matter how hard the climb, there is always a way to let in a sliver of light to illuminate the path forward.

 

shutterstock_137461541-620x420

Andy Andrews thoughts on raising kids

Most people say, “Just trying to raise good kids.” BUT you need to think, “We are trying to raise good kids to be great adults.”

 

sunglasses-for-women1Something good for your EYES

BLINK: Researchers have discovered as screen time has increased, the level of a lubricating substance found in tears has decreased. Studies have shown that we normally blink 15-20 times per minute, but when using digital devices, that rate can be cut in half. Take a break and just blink.

EXERCISE: Research suggests that exercise may help prevent glaucoma. A study of more than 5,600 adults found those who exercised regularly (more than an hour a day) were 25 percent less likely to have low blood flow to their eyes. Circulation issues are thought to be the cause of glaucoma.

GRAB YOUR SHADES: to protect your eyes from possible UV damage. -O Oct 2015

 

Free-HugsLASTLY–Something to make you think

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  -Maya Angelou

 

Peace and Happiness to you.  -H        Look for my next 365 post.

Lessons learned from the movie JOY

JOY is a movie about hope, dreams, creating, and finding oneself. Joy is a great movie that is based on the true story of Joy Mangano, a self-made millionaire who created her own business empire.

I would highly recommend you see it if you haven’t yet. Enjoy these life lessons that I took from the movie.

tumblr_inline_nzyfonSbdB1qb6g44_540Always DREAM: Joy: What happened to us? What happened to all the things that we used to dream about for our lives? I just feel like it’s getting further and further away.     You can see and feel Joy wondering what happened to the little girl who always would create and tell beautiful stories. She was worried that she was loosing that part of herself.      I think we all have moments like this, where we wonder what happened to our dreams, how we lost track of time and how we were going to get back on the path to following our dreams. They are just baby steps away. You can take one little step each day to learn something new, to talk to someone who is living your dream, to begin preparing to leave your job, to take small steps in the directions of your dreams. [Old or New dreams]. Just begin.

 

01-jennifer-lawrence-as-joyJust Do It! Create: Joy: In America everyday people make of what they will of themselves. I’m going to do something.     This makes me want to share tiny stories about big companies that started small. Melissa & Doug toys began with one toy 25 years ago & they sold it out of their station wagon. Nike also began out of the trunk of Phil Knight’s Plymouth Valiant. Amazon, Apple, Google, Microsoft, Disney, Mattel–all began in garages.     We are all creators. It is just a matter of finding what inspires, motivates and lights you up.

 

joy-movie-reviewDon’t let the Naysayers in:  Mimi: [to Joy] You don’t exactly have your whole life ahead of you, but you still have a good portion of it. Peggy: Joy has never run a business. Rudy: It’s a big mistake. It’s my fault. I gave her the confidence to think she was more than an unemployed housewife. Peggy: It’s a fantasy!          Joy had to push beyond her limiting family and the beliefs they had. Joy was determined to rise above.       We each have people like that in our own lives. People who may belittle our dreams, who may naysay our ideas. Rise above it and begin to believe in the possibilities.  Remember: there is a positive and negative energy in everything. Do not surround yourself with those that are heavy, who can’t see the vision, who do not lift you and your ideas up. They will weigh you down in the end.

 

2A8E895500000578-3162558-image-m-40_1436976178504Believe in Yourself! If you don’t, who will?  Joy: I have real ambitions and real ideas.    Tony: What if they don’t see you?  Joy: They’re gonna see me no matter what.      Joy had quite a few obstacles that she had to handle and in the end it was her pure determination that got her through.         Each one of us will have walls that we hit within our lives and we have to figure out how to hurdle over them. Whether they are personal insecurities, having to learn something new for a job, changing jobs, creating a space to pursue a dream or just pushing forward when life gets tough. If you don’t believe you can–find a way. If you can find pure will, there will be a way. Believe.

 

Joy

Use any motivation possible to propel yourself forward: Even if it is your negative family. Joy:  I don’t want to end up like my family. I have to do things myself, once and for all.          It is safe to say that Joy was stuck in many ways. She was feeling like her back was up against a wall and all she could do was go for it. She found determination in that.

 

joy-101Bradley-JL-RudysCC_rgb.0Trust those people who have your back: In the end, Joy was betrayed by many she loved, but she also learned who would always have her back.          We have people who come and go within our lives, but hold tight to those who will be loyal no matter what. They are the true gems that will be worth the most in your life.

 

landscape-1436967071-screen-shot-2015-07-15-at-92838-amBe yourself! Even if it scares you. [backstage at QVC Joy is dolled up and given a poofy black early ‘90s style dress]
Neil Walker: Wow. Beautiful. What do you think? How do you feel?
Joy: I’d like to change just one thing, do you mind?
Neil Walker: Okay, surprise me.
Joy: Small thing. I’ll surprise you.
Neil Walker: Okay, surprise me.
[she goes back into the dressing room and closes the door, Neil paces impatiently]
Neil Walker: I wonder what the small thing is that she changes.
[Joy comes out of the dressing room wearing her hair down and she’s wearing a shirt and trousers]
Neil Walker: What? You undid the whole thing.
Joy: This is me.
Neil Walker: This is you? You’ve got the exact same outfit you had when you came in here.
Joy: I wear a blouse and I wear pants. That’s who I am. I want to go on as me.

Joy believed in herself and her product. She was determined to do it her way and did just that. She broke through the fear and found her wings.

 

landscape-1451924720-joy-movieThe Real JOY

 

DREAM

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January is definitely the month for inspiration, goal setting, reinvention, direction, and no doubt about it…DREAMING.

I think with the New Year comes hidden desires, secrets yearning to break free, new possibilities and a part of you that wants you to wake up and break the bonds of the ordinary.

Here is to DREAMS! I have searched for some good tips and tricks to help you make your wishes come true. Take this to heart & go!

tumblr_m6nallo9Mp1r04xyvo1_500_largeAccording to INC.com [article by Peter Economy]

1. Give yourself permission to dream: The only one stopping you from achieving your biggest dreams is you. The secret to accomplishing your biggest dreams is to give yourself permission to dream, to imagine and fantasize about your personal and professional goals–and the lifestyle you would like to have in the future. Think about the places that you would like to travel to and the kind of job that you would like to have. The most successful people start with a dream in mind–a dream of something fascinating and wonderful. You can rest assured that if you can dream it, you can do it.

2. Visualize yourself accomplishing your biggest dreams: It is essential to visualize your biggest dreams because this practice will lead you to create a clear mental picture of what you want to accomplish in life, which helps you set your personal and professional goals.

3. Put your ideas to work:  Use your ideas to define your goals, then prioritize each goal accordingly to accomplish your dreams. Realize that dreams don’t come true overnight while you’re sleeping. It takes time, effort, and patience–and being completely awake and fully engaged. Assign realistic deadlines to your goals and be flexible with yourself.

 

follow-your-dreamsADDITIONAL TIPS

Ask Yourself some good questions: Ask yourself focused and directed questions, such as “What do I need to do to achieve my dreams?” and “What has held me back from having achieved it already?” By asking yourself the right questions, you will be able to come up with the most important answers that you need to make it come true. Be honest with yourself, and ask yourself, “What inside of me is resisting it?” You might find fear, doubt, limiting beliefs, or other mental phenomena that are keeping you stuck. Spend the time discovering what your resistance is, and write it down in your journal. Some say, “Nothing worth having comes easily,” so you’ll have to do the work to find out what’s blocking you. And I’d be more than happy to help you get there, so get in touch with me now.
Read more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/5-tips-to-make-your-dreams-come-true/#TW68q8klEeIsXsSS.99 

Choose a dream. It sounds obvious but many people struggle with this. It is tempting to pick the perfect dream and this need for perfection can paralyze you.What you want to remember is that this is not a one time deal. You’ll have many dreams and there is no reason why you can’t fulfill most if not all of them. My advice to you is to just choose one and make that decision now.

Commit to your dream. The only way to commit is by taking action towards your dream every day. So what action do you take? I don’t know but there is someone out there who does. Whatever dream you may have, chances are there is someone out there who has already done it. Your next step after choosing a dream is to find those people who have already done what you want to do and ask them how they do it. Once you’ve learned how to make dreams come true, use that information to create your step-by-step plan. Start with your monthly milestones then your weekly deliverables and then finally breaking those down into your daily tasks. Go. Do. Take the necessary actions.    [taken from life hack.org]

“AND, WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING, ALL THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES IN HELPING YOU ACHIEVE IT.”  -Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Develop a ‘God Consciousness’ TRUST, really trust God, the Spirit of the Universe for the successful outcome to your endeavours. It WILL happen, though not in your time-frame and according exactly to your expectations. But always remember, God’s dreams are far bigger than we could ever imagine ourselves. [internetworldstats.com] 

I really like this tip because it rings very true for me & reminded me of a great video I received from my sister yesterday. It is a great story that exemplifies this beautifully. Enjoy. You may recognize her—Jo from the show Fixer Upper. Great story.  Check it out  https://vimeo.com/125510141?ref=fb-share

Believe it is already true. Believe the best is yet to come. 

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Best to you today! May you follow your DREAMS always.  -H