It is interesting to have been writing this blog for over ten years…a type of musing, historical and personal narrative of stories woven into my life. The crazy thing…the almost maddening thing is that my posts I get the most traction, the most views, the posts that I hope will make a change in even one life…all leads to “Lessons learned from Movies.” My top ongoing posts are movie lessons. I think it is very interesting, but so is trying to find lessons…any lesson from a movie.
Perfect example. I don’t usually just sit around watching movies, but the other day I was drained and just needed something to entertain my weary brain, so I scrolled movies. I came across Chris Evans (think Capt America, Knives Out…) and his directorial debut movie, “Before we go”. It looked like a slow, easy watch with possible interesting characters. I hit play.
It was definitely one of those slow moving movies that I thought, “Will there honestly be ANYTHING to learn from this movie?” But despite little content, I was able to find a few nuggets and ideas to play with and work off of. So, here we go. I think, with some very creative ingenuity you MIGHT be able to find at least SOMETHING from a movie that could be construed as a life lesson held within the corners of the movie magic. Movies are stories and we humans LOVE storytelling. We love to see characters evolve, struggle, fall in love, fight, come out stronger and live better. It is magic. It is hope. It is emotion. Movies do have a magic that I hope we will always seek SOMETHING to walk away with that may guide us to a little better part of ourselves…and ultimately to a better life or at the very least a lesson learned.
The story premise: Two strangers stuck in Manhattan for the night grow into each other’s most trusted confidants when an evening of unexpected adventure forces them to confront their fears and take control of their lives. -taken from imdb
[Now, if you are planning on watching this movie—there MAY be a few movie lines, topics, images or possible spoilers fyi]
The Pay Phone turned time machine: There were a couple points in this movie where the characters talk about turning back time, what they would do differently, what different questions they would ask, what conversations they would have with their past or future self…etc. I thought it was a cute scene with a playful idea for anyone to try.
FUN Exercise: A few options—go find an old landline phone at a thrift store or antique shop OR better yet… take a friend and go find an old payphone and ask yourself some great questions: Have fun with it! Take fun selfies and make it a memorable life exercise. [Pretend you are on a phone call with your younger self] What would you tell your younger self? What advice would you give them? What choices would you change? What friends would you keep or let go of? What did relationships teach you? What is one of your greatest life lessons you have learned so far? What is something you would tell them to do? What is something you would tell them to never change? What could you do today or within the next six months that your future self would be grateful for?
“Sometimes you just have to make the choice and jump.” -Brooke This could be used with so many life occurrences. You jump to fall in love. You take a big leap in changing careers. You have to choose who you want to spend your life with & jump together. You make a choice and jump to change life direction and have a family. Every choice takes a leap of faith of some kind. Whether you leave the comfort of where you grew up, go off to college and make new friends, leave the country for a masters degree, fly to Asia to finalize a deal, change your routine by adding a dog to your life, eating differently because of your personal health risks…the list goes on. There are choices and big jumps you have to make all the time. Choose wisely to live your best life.
“Ive got to be grown up. I need to be okay with not being okay and that sucks.” -Nick I don’t care who you are, EVERYONE feels like this at various points of their life. In reality we all have these younger versions of ourselves within that carries around fears, anxiety, regret, childhood wounds, insecurities…as adults we are told to handle it all! Grow up! Be okay! There are experiences, days, situations that you may fall apart and not be okay or ready to handle. Be gentle with yourself. There is enough out in the world fighting against you—don’t you beat yourself up too. Be kind to that little part of you that is afraid, that doesn’t feel equipped to handle life on occasion, that wants to run and hide, that may be having an off day and needs your love and care. It may be a day that you don’t feel okay and that sucks…and that’s okay. Take the day. Recharge. Regroup and show up better for yourself and those around you. Find that part WITHIN you that will refill your cup of what YOU need. Don’t seek external things to help you feel better. YOU FEEL what you need and do that.
“I heard you play. You loved it.”- Brooke. “I kinda feel like it doesn’t love me back.”[his trumpet playing] -Nick. I think we can all relate to this on some level. We may have things we enjoy doing or creating and may be talented in some areas, but maybe not enough to feel warranted as a professional or able to do it as a profession. Maybe I can just relate because I LOVE creating—children’s books, plays, art, writing, photography, etc. I have tried and tried to get articles published, taken writing classes, talked to professional book agents, sent proposals for photography projects, connected with other play writes about ideas…on and on my list goes and it doesn’t ever seem to go anywhere. One project after another. I get lit up by ideas, projects…but sometimes I definitely don’t feel like it loves me back…because it seems to go nowhere. BUT, I continue on. WHY? Because what is life without our creative dreams? Where is purpose if we don’t seek it and exhaust our efforts in our endeavors. BECAUSE when we finally make it…a sweet gift of determination and action will be beautifully unveiled and presented within the loving patience of an undaunted life. May we hold firmly to that resolve and continue forward in creation and hope.
“The point is..so what. I don’t need to know my future—Im going to live it any way. You have to believe it (a psychic reading) to make an impact.” -Brooke. I have always been intrigued by psychic powers and their gifts and abilities. I am somewhat of a skeptic, but I also believe that there are people who definitely have gifts to share with the world. Why not someone who has very strong, intuitive gifts. It is an interesting idea for sure. It takes me to the movie, “Big Fish” where the main character in the movie had a psychic show him how he dies, so his entire life was lived full out without a worry or care or fear because he knew how he died. He became the very best version of himself because nothing stopped him.
This is an interesting idea—how would you truly live if you had no fear, you knew your future, you had an idea of what would happen in the future, etc. Just this morning I was talking to my husband about our life and where we go from here. Where do we think our daughter will be in six months, what we should plan for in the next year, the possibilities, the options, the outcomes, etc. I literally said, “I wish I had a crystal ball” haha. Would that REALLY make a difference? Does anyone actually know what is going to happen—-no. They are going to live their life any way. You could have a crystal ball or a psychic reading and you may get a glimpse of something…but not everything. You may see yourself happy in a new house in connecticut but a month later you get a health scare. You may be (like my neighbor) who is happy and has three houses but just got the news of breast cancer. Things happen no matter what & you still live it anyway!
This just made me think of another psychic reading situation that my daughter’s old boyfriend had. His family had been in a terrible car accident & he lost his father and sister when he was 3. His mother survived a 10% survival—she was lucky & he was blessed to have her in his life. He told me that his mom believed in readings & had one done on him when he was younger BUT never told him what the reading said. I cannot imagine what that created in his mind. Why wouldn’t she tell him? Was she afraid? Did she know something that he shouldn’t know? We will never know, but I know it could make you question, wonder, worry…BUT, HE still has to continue living. He hasn’t stopped because of the unknown or the tragedy that befell his family.
You think you are trapped but you actually have choices. You are just afraid to look at them. -psychic. How often in life do we create our own stories out of fear and make up some crazy scenario that we are trapped and have no choice in life. Our mind can create and imagine and catastrophize and snowball. Life truly is what we create, choose, and ultimately make. It is what we choose to focus on. We can see the good or bad—it is what you focus on….you will find it. so, doesn’t it seem reasonable that IF you FEEL trapped on any occasion that you would seek to find some way out of any type of trap. Right? You have options. Maybe you are afraid to look or find them.
But what if those things that really matter—those choices aren’t up to me? -Brooke YOU always have a choice. YOU live your life. Even if there are other people involved in your life—YOU ultimately have a choice. That is freewill.
You can’t allow the people you love determine how you love. -psychic guy LOVE is an individual thing. In any relationship—it is two people who come together to create a life and loving relationship together. TWO people coming together. That still holds each individual in the relationship a responsibility to love and be loved. To bring the love you are capable to the relationship. To become better in loving yourself and then another. BUT, YOU cannot allow the people you love and care about to determine or expect you to love a certain way. YOU bring, carry, share, determine, and allow your LOVE to be given freely from YOUR heart. Not someone else’s.
There is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just have to pick who you want to struggle with. -psychic guy. LOVE THIS!! This is one of the truest statements. No one is perfect. NO relationship is perfect. People struggle period. It is a gift to have someone in your life that you get to lovingly and willingly struggle with. That is a great relationship. One that lasts. When you are able to care for someone enough to sit through the struggle and be there for them no matter what—that’s love.
Is it possible that you could meet someone that’s perfect for you but you are committed to somebody else. -Brooke
If you’re committed to someone you don’t allow yourself to find perfection in someone else. -Nick. I thought this was a beautiful statement in the fact that IF you truly are committed to someone—no one else matters. There will be beautiful people who catch your attention or you may wonder what if’s about this or that of someone, but in the end, your heart knows. Your heart has another level of commitment that doesn’t change, wonder or engage in any other possibility. Your heart holds true for that one person that means so much.
We love who we love. It can suck. -Nick
This can and does happen. We fall hard and it falls flat on another. That can suck.
How could a night be the worst and best day of your life. -Brooke
That is life! The journey is full of ups and downs, experiences that change us, people we encounter and wonder at length about their stories, people who come into our life with a lesson that changes us, strangers that smile with connection, fears that catch us off guard & seem to slow us down in the chase of life, WE get to have the best and worst days on so many levels….it is a ride. It is a life well lived on any occasion.
I think we both had some things we’d been putting off for way too long. -Nick
We all have things that may haunt or hinder our progress. We may procrastinate and put things off. Just be honest with yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. What do YOU need? What do you feel you are putting off? What are you not being honest about? Is there someone in your life you need to let go of? Is there a hard conversation you need to have? Ask yourself some hard questions and begin. Stop putting things off. Life is too short.
God. Why is it that any one decision always seems too small to be the biggest decision of your life.-Nick. Small decisions all add together to make the whole sum of your life. So, it makes sense that every choice, every conversation, every judgement, every line crossed, deed done….creates your life. There are not small decisions. They all have tiny paths that lead to bigger destinations. Choose wisely the seemingly small decisions that will have a bigger impact than you can imagine. Life is in session. Live it. No regrets.
Have you ever had a feeling… and just knowing somewhere in your bones that somebody was going to play a major part in your life? -Brooke. Ask yourself this question. Look at your life and begin to notice the various people who stand out and why. Take some time to genuinely thank them for being such a major part in your life. They are the main characters who support and love you. They make your life what it is. That is worth a sincere moment, letter, card, convo of thanks, right?!
And at the end of the night, you’re gonna want to say some things, but don’t. Don’t ruin it. It’s nothing she doesn’t already know. Just give her a kiss. Wish her good luck. And, uh… thank her. Thank her for showing you that you can love more than one person in this life. -Nick I do believe that people can and do come into your life for a reason—maybe its a story they need to share with you to help you through a turning point in your life, maybe its a text that someone randomly sends that brings you peace for your day, maybe a relationship comes and goes to help you know you are capable of caring for someone…we are all connected and share in emotions, a look, a sincere hug, a needed smile, a word of encouragement, a promise of a better life, an inspiration…we can all love and be there for one another in a time of need. Whatever that looks like.
In finalizing this post—I would definitely say, that even though a movie may not seem to have a whole lot of wisdom from a distance. smile. smile. I FEEL I was able to find some good lessons. There are gifts in everything—if we simply look…we will find the magic.
Peace. Love and Light to you. -H
I just watched this lovely movie over the weekend with my daughter. It was a delightful surprise. I LOVE stories that show someone growing in the garden of life–literally. If a film can make you feel good, inspire and delight—it is my kind of movie. I left feeling better than when we started watching it, so in my book that is a win!!
There was a part in the movie where Mr. Wilkinson (her grumpy neighbor) calls Bella and gives her a sob story trying to get his way, trying to manipulate her.
There was a part when Bella has a guest in her home who is helping clean, make meals, etc.
She’s always had a preoccupation with order that would have tried the patience of a saint, never mind the nuns at Saint Fedelma’s. [Her outfit that she would wear daily was probably inspired by the nuns she grew up with–she had multiple versions of this outfit hung properly in her closet.]
LEARN FROM CHALLENGE: Sometimes you learn how strong you are through the struggles you go through. Deb wanted to find a way to connect on a deeper level with her husband, so she took him to a soup kitchen. Oh, the lessons they learned together.
HAVE A HEART OF GOODNESS: Deborah had a way of looking beyond the exterior and finding the heart of goodness in anyone. She brought out the good in people. She gave them a chance. She had a dream about a man…I had another dream. It was about a poor wise man who changes the city. …Can’t you just see it?! Flower boxes… A place where people know they matter just as much as people on the other side of that tunnel?!
BE TRUE TO THOSE AROUND YOU: I fell in love with the love and respect these two men shared. They were strangers, grew closer together through challenge & found a lasting friendship. Before I answer your question about being friends, something I wanna ask you. Something about white people always bother me. When white people go fishing, they do catch and release… See where I growed up… when we finally caught something on the line, we’s real proud of what we got. [We sure didn’t release it.] … If you is a white man that is fishing for a friend and you just wanna catch and release, then I got no desire to be your friend. -Denver
WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING GOOD INSIDE US. No matter what, Bless him. Your daddy got a good man inside of him. Sometimes you just gotta bless the hell out of people. Your daddy had a lot of hell in him. -Denver
WE ARE ALL THE SAME KIND OF DIFFERENT: She was different. She saw me behind them bars and reached down and pulled me out with the key God gave her.
EVERYTHING HOLDS A TREASURE, A GIFT TO SOMEONE: God’s in the recycling business, of turning trash into treasure. -Ron
I believe this movie was a genuine gift to my little family. It touched every single one of us on various levels. My daughter never cries during movies and rarely cries about anything, but was genuinely touched and became so emotional. It was a beautiful gift to see her emotion. My husband seemed to have a new outlook on possibly trying to find some avenue to help people in some way. I felt so much gratitude to be a family. It was a lovely gift to all of us.
Some would say this is a slow moving movie, but I can appreciate a movie where you fall in love with the characters and wait to find out what happens to them and their stories. I loved seeing a sober side to Eddie Murphy (Mr. Church) and I also love Britt Robertson.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE TIME TO IMPROVE YOURSELF–Mr. Church was always doing something that improved his world–reading, writing, playing the piano, painting, cooking…he was a good example of this to “Charlotte”.
YOUR PAST DOES NOT HAVE TO DEFINE YOU–There may be dark secrets, hidden things about someone’s past, but it does not have to define them. Mr. Church gave and gave, but struggled with demons from his past.
ALWAYS BE KIND–Always be kind to others, you never know the impact you may have on someone else’s life. There was a sweet relationship between Charlotte (Charlie) and a guy named Larson. I don’t want to spoil it for you, so you will just have to watch.
LOVE IS A GIFT— The relationship between Charlie and her mother was sweet and very loving. In the end her mother worries that Charlie would only have memories of the pain of her dying and not all the love that was shared. That was a tear-filled scene. It was very heart wrenching.
“Go and do something good with your life” were Charlie’s last words to her childhood friend Owen.
I am a seeker of good things. Religion has always been a tough one to grasp for me on a personal level. I have always seen the lines of division and have a deep longing to understand things on a higher level. This movie talks to a variety of different religious leaders and seekers. It had some good lessons to share.
EVERYONE IS A SEEKER
IT IS INNER PEACE THAT LEADS TO OUTER PEACE
LOVE
THE MANY PATHS TO TRUTH
SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
Words are just like leaves that blow off a tree. How do you SHOW your love? This lesson speaks volumes. People can talk and talk, spewing words that have no meaning or no true nature. People can easily trick or manipulate others, but when one has to go deeper than just words there is real feeling & truth.
There are three things that cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth. (Buddha) There are always the things that cannot be changed in life. Truly the truth will always be a standard for letting go & finally being free.
“Make peace, show them that you love them, and be truthful.” -Dr Sinja Just LOVE
Sometimes you just need to SHUT UP!! Jack had a friend that had to finally knock him out, tape his mouth shut to truly help save himself. I think we can all relate to this one. Sometimes it is better to shut up, hold your tongue and just listen. In order to truly understand someone else’s needs, we may need to shut up and hear them.
What you send out into the world often comes back to you. There is a point in the movie where Jack decides he is going to remove them problem (the tree) & just chop it down. But, what happens is he ends up physically hurting himself in the process. Life is like that. We often lash out at others or handle things poorly & it comes back to make things worse within our lives.
“You. Me. We. Eternity.” -Jack Life is not worth living without family. Family is the greatest gift we are given. It is what we do with that gift that will matter most.
“I guess you never know if the last time you see someone is going to be the last time you ever see someone.” -Jack Hold the present moment with those you are with. Life has a way of making you take for granted the time you seem to have. Each moment is a gift you are given, so be present with those you surround yourself. You never know when it will be your last.
“Sorry. It’s quite amazing, how many thoughtless words one can speak? Don’t you think?” -Dr Sinja We are told we speak between 60-80,ooo words a day. It is amazing the conversations we have with others and ourselves. What are we truly saying? What are we saying to ourselves? Good. Bad. Happy. Sad. We are saying something in everything we do. What do you put out into the world?
“You need to find the truth about yourself. It’s quite simple Jack. You need to get quiet, not just with your mouth, with your mind. And in that quiet you will hear the truth. Do you have any other unresolved relationships in your life?” -Dr. Sinja Do you spend any time getting quiet? That is a great life lesson you can begin at any time. Just make the time to go within, stop your words and listen. Find peace within yourself.
Dr. Sinja: “You only have a thousand words left…and then…”
Life medals: There was a great part where Eddie’s mom gives him a tin box as a boy to keep all his “olympic” medals in. You see as the story goes, that he tries numerous sports which then causes him to have multiple pairs of broken eyeglasses that he puts in the tin box. I loved the image and metaphor of each pair of glasses being his medal of determination. We could all use a special box or place that we collect mementos from our life that illustrates the many times we try different things within our life. Maybe it is a collection of photos of places we visit, a box of screenplays that we are constantly drafting, a portfolio of illustrations we collect to see improvement, pieces of jewelry that symbolize different memories…etc.
It’s never too late: Eddie had numerous people tell him that “You do realize the time to start jumping is when you are five or six?” -Bronson Peary BUT, this did not stop Eddie from pushing forward no matter what anyone said.
Never give up: “You’re not going to give up are ya?” -Bronson Peary Eddie was shear determination from the beginning. He was told at a young age that he should give up on any sports because he had troubled knees. He had surgeries and wore braces for much of his childhood. The doctors told him to “take up reading,” so the first book he picked up was about the Olympics. This one book, coupled with his will to never give up led him to one path—the Olympics! “A true Olympian is not a God-given skill set. It is never giving up.” -Warren Sharp [played by Christopher Walken–Peary’s old coach] This was the epitome of Eddie and his determination.
Great article about the true Eddie Edwards & his story—more details about how he truly did not give up—
Don’t let anyone take away your dream: There were a few characters throughout the movie that challenged the character of who Eddie was determined to be. He had multiple times where he had to push back on people who were trying to stop his dream.
Challenge anyone who is there trying to stop you from becoming your best: Eddie’s father challenged him on numerous occasions, but Eddie was confident in his determination and ability. At one point Eddie’s father said, “Name me one British ski jumper.” Eddie answered, “me.”
Your moment: In the movie Eddie said, “I needed my own moment. A moment to prove them all wrong.” I think many of us get caught in searching and searching for something that will give us a ‘big moment’ or feel like we have something to prove to others. I think if we can find the many moments that make us grow, shine, inspire–then we will look back on our lives & have many moments we are proud of.
Don’t compare yourself to anyone else: With Facebook, Instagram…our world is turning more into a ‘compare and despair’ problem. Eddie was thrilled with each little success. He did not look at the other athletes and see his jump was half theirs, he celebrated in his personal wins no matter what anyone else thought. Eddie’s coach shouted in defiance, “Personal best and we’re a disgrace!”
Be yourself: Eddie’s first jump in the Olympics was not anything compared to the other jumpers, but Eddie celebrated, danced, found joy in the moment & his enthusiasm was contagious & lit up the crowd and won everyone over. He became a crowd favorite. His bird dance won him the name, “Eddie the Eagle.”
Walk the talk–ACT: Eddie was a person of action. He may not have been the best on the hill, but his heart was one of action and determination. The top jumper knew Eddie’s heart & knew that neither of them could leave the hill without doing their best. Eddie had never tried the 90 meter jump, but he was determined to. “I did not come here as a novelty act and I will not be going home as one.” He took action despite fear and possible death.
Always DREAM: Joy: What happened to us? What happened to all the things that we used to dream about for our lives? I just feel like it’s getting further and further away. You can see and feel Joy wondering what happened to the little girl who always would create and tell beautiful stories. She was worried that she was loosing that part of herself. I think we all have moments like this, where we wonder what happened to our dreams, how we lost track of time and how we were going to get back on the path to following our dreams. They are just baby steps away. You can take one little step each day to learn something new, to talk to someone who is living your dream, to begin preparing to leave your job, to take small steps in the directions of your dreams. [Old or New dreams]. Just begin.
Just Do It! Create: Joy: In America everyday people make of what they will of themselves. I’m going to do something. This makes me want to share tiny stories about big companies that started small. Melissa & Doug toys began with one toy 25 years ago & they sold it out of their station wagon. Nike also began out of the trunk of Phil Knight’s Plymouth Valiant. Amazon, Apple, Google, Microsoft, Disney, Mattel–all began in garages. We are all creators. It is just a matter of finding what inspires, motivates and lights you up.
Don’t let the Naysayers in: Mimi: [to Joy] You don’t exactly have your whole life ahead of you, but you still have a good portion of it. Peggy: Joy has never run a business. Rudy: It’s a big mistake. It’s my fault. I gave her the confidence to think she was more than an unemployed housewife. Peggy: It’s a fantasy! Joy had to push beyond her limiting family and the beliefs they had. Joy was determined to rise above. We each have people like that in our own lives. People who may belittle our dreams, who may naysay our ideas. Rise above it and begin to believe in the possibilities. Remember: there is a positive and negative energy in everything. Do not surround yourself with those that are heavy, who can’t see the vision, who do not lift you and your ideas up. They will weigh you down in the end.
Believe in Yourself! If you don’t, who will? Joy: I have real ambitions and real ideas. Tony: What if they don’t see you? Joy: They’re gonna see me no matter what. Joy had quite a few obstacles that she had to handle and in the end it was her pure determination that got her through. Each one of us will have walls that we hit within our lives and we have to figure out how to hurdle over them. Whether they are personal insecurities, having to learn something new for a job, changing jobs, creating a space to pursue a dream or just pushing forward when life gets tough. If you don’t believe you can–find a way. If you can find pure will, there will be a way. Believe.
Trust those people who have your back: In the end, Joy was betrayed by many she loved, but she also learned who would always have her back. We have people who come and go within our lives, but hold tight to those who will be loyal no matter what. They are the true gems that will be worth the most in your life.
Be yourself! Even if it scares you. [backstage at QVC Joy is dolled up and given a poofy black early ‘90s style dress]
The Real JOY
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